All about SILENT TREATMENT

[ebiko]

4 days of silent treatment would be fine for us. atleast nakakapag-isip-isip kami pareho kung ano nangyari.

[abbmg]

up ko lang yung thread kasi narealize ko ganito pala ang asawa ko.

pag naiinis siya mahilig siya mambato ng kahit anong hinahawakan niya or sinusuntok niya yung pader tapos hindi na magsasalita. umuwi siya ng province kasi may gagawin daw siyang "project". promised na uuwi ng ganitong date. di siya umuwi hanggang kinulit ko kung bakit hindi pa tapos yung ginagawa niya, sabi niya by next month daw siya uuwi. nainis nako kasi hindi niya tinupad yung sabi niyang date na uuwi siya, na sinabi ko wala namang patutunguhan yung tinatapos niyang "project" na tigilan na niya iyon para makauwi na siya dito. nainis din siya ayun di nako kinibo mag 1 month na. madaming beses ako tumawag nagtext pero walang reply. i had a medical emergency tapos di ko siya macontact, pinasuyo ko sa kapatid na sabihin nangyari saken ayun galit ayaw daw sila kausapin, hindi man lang ako kinamusta kung ok lang ako. hanggang ngayon hindi pa rin sumasagot sa tawag ko.

grabe di ko alam kung anong gagawin kasi kahit hindi man niya ako physically sinasaktan, sobrang emotional abuse naman ang ginagawa niya saken. i haven't told my parents yet. gusto ko sana sabihan magulang ko kasi nahihirapan na ako sa situation ko maganda pang diretsuhin na niya na ayaw na niya saken kesa ganito na mukha lang akong baliw at pilit na naghahabol.

[hedonista]

^Hi sis abbmg

Thank you for sharing your story. I feel for you. Silent treatment is the highest form of abuse. Mas malala pa sya sa physical abuse. It equates to abandonment and blatant disregard of one's existence. We want them to care. And no matter what we do, if they do not feel like speaking or reaching out to us, we cannot do anything. It is like we do not exist to them. Find someone , a friend or relative, to help you in emergencies like yours. If your health is at risk, we cannot expect them to just be there.
Btw, may kids kayo sis?

I understand din na un paghahabol and the feeling na parang baliw na, I [textspeak!] through all that, even taking my own life. Anyway, I have another thread on "narcissistic sociopath relationship abuse" you can also check that out.

No matter what, find your peace, your source of strength. And pray.

[abbmg]

^sis hedonista.. thanks for your empathy. kala ko kasi ako lang nababaliw ng ganito. i have been in contact sa women's help desk. after researching kasi kasama sa violence against women ito sort of emotional abuse. sabi saken to set an appointment kasi marami daw ang nagkacounseling sa kanila. actually mabait naman talaga ang asawa ko kasi he doesn't have vices and hindi naman niya ako minumura. yun nga lang what he decides is final at hindi na pedeng kontrahin.

preggy pa lang ako with our first. yun nga yung medical emergency ko. hindi ko pa sinasabi sa parents ko na hindi naman ako kinamusta ng asawa ko kasi nga more than 1 month na akong naka "silent treatment". they are all asking me kelan ako susunduin dito and i just kept on saying na malapit na mga in 2 weeks time kahit na i really have no idea kung kelan siya babalik. we will just be celebrating our first year wedding anniv next month. hindi ko akalain na mangyayari samen ito to think na 5 yrs kami bf/gf wala namang ganung symptoms, yun nga lang talagang pagnagagalit siya nambabato siya at sinusuntok yung pader (not towards me though).

[simang]

Sis abbmg, hope you're pregnancy is safe, more than anything.

----

Minsan silent treatment ang def mech ko. Bihira kami mag away ng partner ko pero pag nagkakasagutan kami i just want to "pause". Ayokong magsalita, ayoko din kausapin nya ko, and gusto ko mag isa lang ako. When i'm mad (which js very rare), ayaw na ayaw kong magsalita. I know that my emotions are strong and i dont want it to get the best of me. Ayoko lang magsabi ng mga bagay bagay dahil sa sobrang emotions. Mas gusto ko to keep quiet and calm myself. Pag kalmado na ko, that's when i tell my side of the story. Ayaw ko din na susuyuin nya ko pag tahimik ako. Gusto ko lang mag isa muna.

Yung bf ko, he's quite a sensitive man. Pag kita nya na nanahimik na lang ako at di nakikiride sa mga kakulitan nya, he asks me what's wrong. Pero as much as possible pag ganun pa emotional state ko, ayokong nagkukwento sa kanya. Gusto ko kalmado ako at hindi emotional pag sinabi ko talaga whats wrong para rational na ko magisip. Minsan, tahimk din sya pag nag aaway kami. Pero sobrang masayahin at positive nya kasing tao. Kaya pag okay na ko at kinausap ko na sya, okay ma din sya. Ang pinaka naappreciate ko tlaaga sa kanya is even though bihira kami magsagutan talaga, he tells me how he feels about me, about our situation. And ginagawa nya yun pag di kami emotional parehas.

[iwannabeasupermodel]

Aaaah silent treatment. This is the most effective kay boyfie.

[thirtylicious]

Cold war kami ngayon. Kakabaliw nga. Pfft!
Mas malala pa yung sa inyo mga sisses. Pero masakit din yung sakin. Anniversary pa naman namin. Gusto ko na lang mawala or matulog forever. Di sya marunong magsorry. Sinasabayan yung tampo ko. Kapag sya nagtampo super lambing ko sya. Kapag ako naman nagttampo Balewala sa kanya. Masakeeeeet waaaahhhhh haha nakakabaliw!
Lalo na meron ibang nagpaparamdam sakin pero di ko na lang pinapansin kasi para sa kanya. Tapos ganun naman ginagawa nya sa akin. Baket sya ganun? Di ba nya naapreciate loyalty ko sa kanya. Minsan gusto ko na lang magcheat. Maybe i'll be happier...

[erza0916]

Nako nakakabaliw yang silent treatment na yan. Favorite weapon si hubby yan. Ako gusto ko pinaguusapan yung mga bagay bagay. Sya kahit sino man ang may kasalanan silent treatment parin ang abot ko. Mas lalo tuloy ako naiinis. Pag sya ang may mali sasabihin nya ayaw na nya magsalita nananahimik na daw sya ano pa ba daw gusto ko. Pag ako ang may mali mananahimik dahil baka kung ano pa daw masabi nya sakin. Ayaw na ayaw ko na ganyan sya pero in fairness naman after nun magsosorry na sya and magbabati na kami. Yun lang hindi ko alam kung gano katagal hihintayin ko. Minsang hours minsan days. Depende sa mood nya hindi sa pinagawayan namin. Ako kasi yung taong gusto ko maresolve na agad. Para sakin kasi it's either maghiwalay kami or magbati kami. Everything in between is just a waste of time. Mabilis ako magpatawad. Ayokong nagffeel bad ang asawa ko dahil most of the time sobrang bait nya wala talaga ako masabi. Mali ko rin siguro kasi sinanay ko syang ganun. Sana lang hindi na sya masyadong magsilent treatment or if ever sandali lang. Hehe

[abbmg]

^sis ezra parehong pareho ng ugali yung asawa ko sa hubby mo. dagdag ko lang kasi yung kaya niya talagang tiisin na walang pansinan pero ako hindi ko talaga matiis gusto ko maayos kagad huhu hayy kahit sino pa may kasalanan ako lagi nag aapproach pero ok lang kasi after nun nanlalambing naman siya kahit tipong makikipagbati ako pero deep inside alam niyang naasar pa ako ng kaunti hehe

[erza0916]

^di ba masfrustrating pag ganyan sila? Pag nagsisilent treatment sya feel ko tinitiis nya ako or kaya nya akong tiisin. Worst feeling ever. Pero best feeling pag nagbati na kami. Hehe

[twix01]

Pag nagsisilent treatment sya feel ko tinitiis nya ako or kaya nya akong tiisin. Worst feeling ever.

hate this feeling too! nanggigil ako lalo sa galit haha!

[imprincessfiona]

Eto ang situation ko kagabi pa. As in worst feeling ever. Better daw na magsilent treatment kesa makapagsalita ng masama sa partner as per h2b. Pero na-realize ko na mas matindi pa ito sa totoong away na harapan because totally parang inilalayo mo ang sarili mo sa taong nagmamahal sayo.At feeling ko talaga sobrang binabale wala ako pag war kami. Di din ako aware na isa itong emotional abuse. Kaya ngayon medyo I feel low and so alone hay kakasad naman

[simang]

^Sorry to hear about your situation sis. But i have to agree that it's way better and more respectful to be in silence than to let our emotions get the best of us. I'd rather be treated silenlty kesa mura murahin ako or worse, saktan ako physically.

guys who talk back to their partners, yung nakikipag away talaga, and worse yung nananakit physically, they're considered disrespectful. And then pag di sila nagsalita, disrespectful pa din... ano ba talaga. San ba sila dapat lumugar.

I'm not saying that silent treatment is the best way to resolve issues because it's not. But we women have fo understand that men do not and can not and will not express their emotions the way we do. So let them channel their emotions the way that's convenient for them, the way that they know how. Believe me, it has nothing to do about you. Pag nananahimik sya during fights, it's not because he wants to piss you off, or to make you more mad. It's about how they try to be more rational and less emotional about things. And for them to control their anger and not direct them to you. Kung iisipin natin, it's their respect and love for their woman pa nga ang nangingibabaw when they choose to channel their anger elsewhere. Ayaw nila tayo nasasaktan.

[imprincessfiona]

^Sorry to hear about your situation sis. But i have to agree that it's way better and more respectful to be in silence than to let our emotions get the best of us. I'd rather be treated silenlty kesa mura murahin ako or worse, saktan ako physically.

guys who talk back to their partners, yung nakikipag away talaga, and worse yung nananakit physically, they're considered disrespectful. And then pag di sila nagsalita, disrespectful pa din... ano ba talaga. San ba sila dapat lumugar.

I'm not saying that silent treatment is the best way to resolve issues because it's not. But we women have fo understand that men do not and can not and will not express their emotions the way we do. So let them channel their emotions the way that's convenient for them, the way that they know how. Believe me, it has nothing to do about you. Pag nananahimik sya during fights, it's not because he wants to piss you off, or to make you more mad. It's about how they try to be more rational and less emotional about things. And for them to control their anger and not direct them to you. Kung iisipin natin, it's their respect and love for their woman pa nga ang nangingibabaw when they choose to channel their anger elsewhere. Ayaw nila tayo nasasaktan.

sis simang thanks for enlighten me. Siguro nasa period of adjustment lang kami since galing kami sa LDR. mas marami kaming away ngayon kesa nung nasa abroad sya. Siguro nga di ko pa lubos naiintindihan ang body language ng mga lalaki. Hay not feeling well pa naman ako ngayon. what should i do? keep distance na lang ba muna since he's not talking to me kahit anong gawin ko?

[loveleah]

I tried giving hubby the cold shoulder, pag galit kasi ako sa kanya lagi akong nagsasalita and umabot sa point na nakakasakit na daw .. Or sasabihin niya sobra ako maka pag nag eh gusto ko lang sabihin feelings ko, I also don't shout, feel nya lang nag na yung pinagsasalitaan pag mali siya, so one day di ko na siya kinibo, akala niya the following day na okay na, he tried to ask me things and made lambing, etc. but I walk out and never talked to him, nainis siya but in the end, it was worth it na realize niya din mali niya and we're okay na naman

[miminibebe]

Si hubby ang madalas gumawa nito ke sino pa ang may kasalanan why kami nagaway.  Nagsasawa na ko kaya hindi ko na lang din siya kinakausap.  Kakausapin ko lang siya pag kailangang kailangan.  Pinakamatagal naming di naguusap eh 1 week.

[lailadoodles]

Ganito din ang ginagawa saken ng boyfriend ko pag nagagalit o naasar siya saken, hindi niya ako pinapansin for 2 to 3 days. But last month nung huling away namin,hindi na niya ako pinansin for almost 2 weeks,right before christmas nagkaayos kami but nagkaayos nga kami pero parang may nagbago sa treatment niya,ang cold niya saken,[textspeak!] dating laging magktext halos ndi na niya ginagawa.One time kinonfront ko siya sabi ko bakit parang may nagbago,sagot niya saken ganun daw talaga pag paulit ulit [textspeak!] kasalanan,may magbabago.He was referring to my pangungulit and attitude pag naasar ako sa kanya.Para sa kanya malaking kasalanan na un.Hanggang sa after new year he messaged me na parang ndi na daw sya sure at bigyan ko na daw muna sya ng time na mapagisa. Binigay ko nalang kasi kung ano [textspeak!] feeling ko nung galit sya saken,ganun pa din ang pakiramdam kahit na nagkaayos kami,parang ayaw niya akong nakakasama o nakakausap.Parang may part pa din sa puso niya na naasar saken.

[georgia07]

hi! just new here! matagal ko na kc gusto mkpasok di [textspeak!] makapag register.. kya basa basa [textspeak!] muna ng mga topic before. hehe! now, makakapag share na din! 

[friendlyneighbor]

subscribing. Nagsisilent treatment na naman si hubby pero di ko masyadong sineseryoso ang problema at situation. Mababa kasi EQ ni hubby at may pagka-pessimistic. Ako naman si optimistic. Ginagawa ko pinapalamig ko muna mga ulo namin, so silent treatment muna pero ang duty as a wife andun pa rin like preparing his food (dapat masarap) at as much as possible, i make him comfortable sa place na di sya aalis at andyan pa rin yung care ko as a wife.

Then if kalmado na ako, I asked him if he wants to discuss it pero I already prayed na we both have an open mind at heart na i discuss and problema. So far naman, nagwowork sa amin yung ganitong approach

[aquacharly]

Just my opinions on the Silent Treatment:

When one is angry/impatient/pissed:   Do be silent.   Do not let your negative emotions choose your words. 
Keeping your lips closed during such times -- gives you time to think of  the other person's side.  Gives you time to be fair/rational.   
Best to zip your mouth first, so you do not over-react and regret what you say when your mind is clouded by negative emotions.

After you have sufficiently thought things through, saka mo kausapin in a non-confrontational way.  Pero, hwag ka din basta kumausap na parang you are surrendering. Be logical and calm, explain your side and encourage the other person to speak up.

Prolonged Silent Treatment, with no follow-up discussion, leads to dis-connect.