All about SILENT TREATMENT

[ella]

haiz, i am guilty of this. giver ng silent treatment. eh kasi naman kesa maiyak ako sa galit at makapagsalita ng masakit habang nag aaway kami eh di wag na lang siya kibuin at di pa maapektuhan ang mga kids namin. pero di naman punishment yun kasi kahit galit ako sabay pa rin kami kumain, saka inaasikaso ko pa naman siya. usually, it last for a day lang naman, he will say sorry na and then dun ko na sasabihin sa kanya yung reason bat ako nagalit.

pero I will try not to do that again, kasi napagisip isip ko rin na sayang ang oras sa pagwawalang kibo. at nakakastress siya . now as much as possible, iniiwasan ko ng magalit sa kanya kung petty things lang naman.

[rae]

Feeling ko, magkaiba yung cooling down sa silent treatment.

We can tell the person we got pissed or we are angry at something and we need time to cool down.  At least the person knows you're just trying to cool down.

It's different when we keep the other person in the dark and be silent out of the blue. That's why   they call it "giving the silent treatment" parang giving a punishment--a passive aggressive behavior.  Hindi din ibig sabihin na when you keep silent while cooling down, e pinaparusahan mo yung partner mo. But madaming instances na ganun.

[pinklilac]

^i agree sis.. sa akin "cooling down" lang..

[hot_chili]

guilty... I often do this lalo na pag may kasalanan sya and he knows it kaya he cant say na he doesnt have a clue kung bakit hndi ko sya kinakausap. so far hindi pa naman ako lumalagpas ng 24hrs of being silent. para sakin kasi effctive to to show him na galit ako, pag naging vocal ako im so emotional kasi and mas matalak sya and hurtful magsalita kaya im never into oral arguments

[hedonista]

buhay pa pala ang thread ko. lol

it is mother's day and i am being silently treated - silent treatment na naman nya ko because I had to go to work on saturday night. and wala na daw kaming quality time. my rest days are sunday and monday. so ang sa akin we still have sunday and on weekdays nagkikita kami since our shift is 3 hours apart lang. i still do what a wife is supposed to do.

it is so depressing. today is my first mother's day. i have an 8 month old baby. i am still in the office. i tried to send a bb message, a text and  fb message to him and he never replied kahit isa. hindi rin naman ako nakawork masyado kasi iniisip ko yung sitwasyon. haaaaaaay silent treatment.

[jenybasti]

pagkatapos ng katakot na takot na pagsasalita ko sa kanya.samahan ko pa ng mura,masasakit na salita at pagmamakaawa,ngayon silent treatment naman.

[ldrwifey]

ay naku silent treatment kami ngayon, ilang days na? almost 1week lang naman, simple lang ang ganito pag LDR, akala niya ako unang magttxt or tatawag sa kanya, manigas siya!!! sa kanya lang naman ako natuto ng silent treatment n to, ginagawa ko lang yung ginagawa niya sakin.

[maxiree]

mga sis, what if you have every reason to give your hubby a silent treatment? Last saturday nabasa ko sa old phone niya (na matagal ko ng hindi nakikita) mga messages from a girl at "mahal" ang tawagan nila, and siyempre sinabi ng hubby ko na hindi para sa kanya 'yung mga messages (pero sa isang message, sinabi nung girl 'yung name niya with "iloveyou" pa). Siyempre inaway ko kaso hindi man lang siya nag sorry at umamin. Hindi ko na siya kinausap and if we're on the same room, umaalis ako agad. Wala man lang effort din si hubby na kausapin ako or suyuin, pati siya binibigyan ako ng silent treatment. Malapit pa naman yung 12 years anniversay namin kaso ayoko mauna kasi this is not the first time na me babae, 6 years ago meron din. I tried to talk to him before the silent treatment kaso siya pa galit sa kin. So ngayon, hindi kame nagkikibuan sa bahay. What should I do?

[rae]

^ Habang nasa silent treatment mode ka sis, try to think things through na din.
Di lang basta babae yun e. Mahal nya.

Anyway, baka di din talaga yan 'silent treatment' in the real sense of the phrase. Baka kelangan mo lang din talaga tumahimik, para magpalamig at mag-internalize.

[fegloria1954]

SILENT TREATMENT
-  it alienates one from one's spouse
-  it teaches the children that silent treatment is a good way to punish another; they too will do that when they become adults and have relationships
-  if opted for because there arose a conflict or issue before that and you think silent treatment is the solution to get it across that you have an issue, then congratulations, you have just made the issue more complex - you added another conflict to the original one!

How do you address silent treatment?
-  keep on pursuing the other one who refuses to talk to you; keep on initiating conversation until at some point the conversation and then later the interaction is restored; then request the person for a discussion about what you each feel and think about silent treatment, hat you each think and assume the other one is thinking and assuming while the silent treatment is occurring, what you each are missing and what need (emotional, spiritual, intellectual, physical) of yours is not met while the silent treatment is occurring, and, what you each can offer as POSITIVE options so that silent treatment is not used anymore.  Then discuss and agree or negotiate or compromise on which positive options is workable for each one you; write the ones that are workable and then commit to do the ones you are willing to do.  Then thank each other for the opportunity to discuss.
Some DON'Ts:  Do not interrupt while the other one is talking.  Do not raise your voice, shout nor cry.  Do not leave the discussion.  Do not think up what you will say next, while the other one is talking.
Some DOs:  Do listen with respect, caring and love to the one who is talking.  Do recognize that you may have differing opinions.  Do accept that sometimes you may not arrive at an agreement.  Do accept that you can agree to disagree on that one issue - with you both being aware that you two can look forward to discussing the same issue again in the future.

You can also follow the same procedure to discuss other issues that may be causing trouble in your relationship - disciplining the children, the way money is spent, time spent outside the home, the food you cook, etc.

Am I an expert on this?
No I am not.  I learned of it - and how to do it - when my husband and I did a program for hurting marriages.  Then we tried it.  First on my issue of silent treatment that he kept on giving me each time we had a conflict over another issue.  Then those other issues. 

I tell you, it works!  Try it.

Mommy Fe

[caprice]

pag sumusungit si hubby, sina-silent treatment ko sya. ang lagay e sya lang ang pwede magsungit? e di sya tuloy ang parang naghahabol sa akin. kung ano-ano sinasabi mapagsalita lang ako. 

[kidsrepublik]

^mommy fe
Tell more about it. I want to attend seminar for hurting marriage, ang problem ko hindi ko kinakausap si hubby since Monday, how can I even convince him to join me?!. Sunod Sunod ang disappointments ko sa kanya, kaya lalo ako nawawalan ng gana kausapin siya. Lie after lie, disappointment then another na naman, I don't know what to say den baka lalo lang lumalabas Dahil sumabog nako

[hedonista]

^Mommy Fe

I agree with kidsrepublik. Tell us more details.

Help us. Btw, your post helped a lot i am not thinking of a better approach kaso hinay hinay lang kasi ayaw nya pa talaga magsalita - patience on my part. hay hay hay

[ladyAsh]

husband ko din matindi sa ganito, madalas pa sa sala cia natutulog, para akong t**** nasanay din kasi cia na ako ang laging umaamo, hinde ko kasi matiis, paano ba ko mag start na tiisin cia? lagi na lang ako talo.

[Margaritabythebeach]

 Nyaaaah! ako ang nag sa silent treatment. Kasi ang hubby ko me temper kaya di ko sinasabayan. It works for us na tumatahimk ako. Di kasi ako nagger. di rin ako pasalita pag nagagalit sa kanya.
after awhile siya ang lumalapit to apologize.

[imagodei082990]

hubby ko my pagkahighblood pag nagtatalo kami after nun silent treatment agad di kami ngpapansinan ng ilang araw tapos aamuhin nya na ako..

[khayzee]

me, ako ang silent samin pag may topak ako.. nasanay na sya 

[ayami]

hindi ko alam na emotional abuse pala ang silent treatment. palagi akong biktima nito. kahit may kailangan na si baby or something for the house, silent treatment mode pa rin yung husband ko. I really hate it.

[crazycoolchic19]

Nung medyo 20s pa lang kame ni hubs hinde uso samin silent treatment ata, world war kame as in!buong araw ang awayan namin, ang gulo gulo ng bahay alam ko  gusto nya mag silent mode hinde nya  lang magawa kase i always attacking him, lagi ko sya pinoprovoke but at the end of the day bati na agad kame, pagod  na pagod kame sa away namin , at pag hinde natapos buong araw umuuwi ako samin sa parents ko, much better kesa mag silent treament ako hinde ko kase magawa


Ngayon nasa 30s na kame.we always argue.., tapos world war  na...then dun papasok silent mode.tapos marerealized namin pagkakamali namin, kahit hinde ko kasalanan nagsosorry ako kase alam kong nakapagsalita ako na di maganda sa kanya, yakap bati na.

Nag sa silent mode din naman ako , paminsan minsan...me time kase na mainit ulo ni hubby nakapagsalita sya masakit sakin, nagwo-walk out na lang ako hinde ko kinakusap or tinitignan.mag salita man ako ewan oo or hinde, bigla na lang matatauhan  si hubby ko  hinde ko pinatatagal silent mode masakit na dalahin yan, oras lang sakin tapos na yan, gusto ko lang marealized na masakit yung binitiwan nyang word.

Nag sa silent mode na lang din ako dahil gusto ko magpahinga , hirap nako kakaexplain, kakasaway sa mga kidos.kumbaga nag re-recharge lang ako.hirap kaya magsalita ng magsalita nakakalowbatt talaga.tapos yung anak ko bigla iiyak at magsosorry ..kase alam nila napaka transparent ko pag galit ako as in galit.

So siguro yang silent treatment depende na lang din yan sa  age,degree and reasons ng pagaaway nyo,  kase one time bigtime na hindeng hinde ko malilimutan ginawang silent treatment nya sakin, yung away na yun ay malala talaga at nasaktan ko sya ng sobra..ang sakit sa dibdib kaya...ang bigat dalhin.kesa para akong t**** sa bahay na parang hangin lang ako sa kanya umuwi muna ko sa parents ko kase kahit nagsorry nako dedma talaga.

Pagsilent mode husband ko alam ko pagod sya at stress sa work hinahayaan ko na lang sya.nagre-recharge lang sya.

[aipaguio]

Believe it or not, dahil sa silent treatment na yan naranasan namin ni hubby na di nagkibuan ng 1 week. Take note, wala kaming kasamang iba sa bahay kundi yung baby ko ha! Patigasan. Sobrang tahimik talaga. Wala talagang sumuko bigla na lang din kami nagkibuan, di na napagusapan. Parang nakalimutan na lang yung pinagawayan. Pero matagal na yun, bago pa lang kami magasawa nun.

My point here is kung mahal nyo siguro talaga yung isat isa, kahit gaano pa katinding silent treatment yan mareresolba pa din ang problema. Kaya wag na magsilent treatment, pagusapan na lang agad.