problems of our kids sa school (bullying etc..)

[DV]

^I beg to disagree, it's not solely the fault of the school and teachers that bullying is so rampant. I think it's the parents who are raising spoiled, self-entitled kids, or those who do not have time for their children (based on my observation, bullies have parents who are always MIA, so they do this to seek attention from them).

Maybe schools and teachers cannot manage the incidents or are not properly trained, but I don't think they create the bullies. Discipline should start from home.

[SOFIEMAE]

for me, all of us are responsible and no one's fault... like for example yung recent news "Isang 9 yrs old na bata namatay dahil sa pambubugbog ng 2 classmates niya. Dahil lang sa pagaaway nila sa upuan sa klase" yung mother sinisisi ang teacher kasi wala ng mangyari yung insidente bakit bawal ba mag CR o lumabas ang guro paano kung need talaga mag CR? Hindi ba ang mga bata pag wala ang mga guro lalo nagkukulit, kasi hindi sila mapapagalitan at dun sila mismo gumagawa ng kalokohan.  Si mother matamlay na yung anak hindi pa alam na nasaktan na pala ng mga classmates, kasi hindi niya natatanong ang anak sa mga happenings sa school.  Still its so sad na namatay yung bata over a very small cause . Kaya ako kahit ako working mom open ang coms ko sa mga anak ko lagi ko tinatanong at pinapangaralan sila, na dapat lahat ikwento nila sa amin ng dad nila mga nangyayari sa school at wag matakot kung may nang bubully sa kanila at higit sa lahat wag gumanti mahirap na baka lalong maging worse kalabasan sa pag ganti. Lagi kong turo sa kids ko pag may ng bully tell agad kay teacher pag walang ginawang aksyon si teacher thats the time na pupunta ako sa school at susugurin ko mga ng api sa anak ko heheh 

kidding aside, last 2 weeks ago pumunta ako ng school dahil pinalo sa ulo si youngest son ng notebook ng classmate niya for not letting him to borrow his yellow color because my son still using it.  Si bully kid napagalitan naman daw ni teacher. Pero sumadya pa rin ako sa school dahil para sa akin hindi normal ang manakit at a very young age, 6 yrs old sila (K2). Yun pala marami na ang sinasaktan ni bully kid may tinusok na ng lapis sa kamay at mahilig manukso ng kung ano-ano, daig pa daw si teacher kaka ikot sa classroom. I asked the teacher what action does she did?  Ilang letters at pasabi na ginawa ni teacher na mag come over yung parents sa school pero hindi daw pumupunta mga parents nung bata. E ano kaya dapat gawin dun hindi ba pag ganun dapat from school sila nalang pumunta sa house nila bully kid para naman ma alarma sila parents sa kakulitan ng anak nila... Til now hindi pa rin nasipot sila parents e luklukan ng kulit daw ng bata na yun sabi ng ibang mommies.  So far hindi naman daw na kinukulit ang anak ko dahil katabi na ni teacher si bully kid pero magulo pa rin sabi ng anak ko lalo na pag recess time... bakit ba rampant na ang bully kids masyadong IN

[mommyfirst]

i just want to share my child's experience in school. she's in grade 1 in an exclusive school for girls. it took me months to decide to enrol her in her present school but i am now having serious doubts whether it was the right decision i made. when she was enrolled in preschool, she was always excited to go to school and would always be upset whenever classes would get suspended. but now, she is extremely happy whenever the weekend comes or when there are no classes. her school is really good in academics pero she is having a hard time coping. she needs to have a tutor so she can keep up. pero super stress. pero ok lang sana yung set-up kasi slowly she is adjusting naman sa academics but the most heartbreaking for me is when she tells me she is lonely in school because she has no friends. naluha ako when she said whenever she would try to join her classmates in their game, they would not let her. i don't know kung may discrimination doon but i had been assured by other parents and the others na wala naman daw. it breaks my heart kasi whenever i pick my daughter up, she would almost always be alone while her classmates are either talking or playing. i don't know but to see your daughter so sad in her new school is really heartbreaking for me. i tell her that she will have a friend eventually and that she should just play on her own but i guess that is hard to digest for a 6-year old. i know na baka she is still adjusting but it has been three months already since school started and she still says she has no friend. i told her class adviser about this and she told me that my daughter daw is very shy. i told her na she is very friendly. in fact in her old school, her teachers said she is very friendly and the darling and the leader of their class. now she is the exact opposite. i am seriously considering transferring her next year to a progressive school since she blossomed in that kind of set-up in her preschool. i just want her enthusiasm for school back because i believe that she wont blossom and achieve her full potential if she is not interesting in going to school anymore.  this is probably the reason why she is not performing well academically kasi wala na syang ganang mag-aral since she is not happy anymore. still hoping things will improve in time though.

[baby michael]

^ napagdaanan din ng daughter ko yan 2 years ago when she was in 2nd grade. and problem din kase sa anak ko masyadong mapilit. sabi ko once ini ignore ka nung mga classmates mo na gustong mong makalaro, try to find others na willing ka isali. hindi mo din kase masisisi ang mga bata kung bakit ayaw nga nila isali ang isang bata. minsan ganun talaga kahit naman sa grown ups ganyan din hindi mo pwde ipilit sarili mo sa iba baka lang hindi tugma personality nila.. yun ang pinaintindi ko sa kanya.. sometimes kids are the way they are just because.. kung pwde lang ako pumunta sa school nya pag recess time para ma make sure ko na may kalaro sya ginawa ko na. but i realize there are things that the child also has to learn by herself. sabi ko din it's not important to have many many friends basta gusto ka ng friends mo kahit isa or dalawa lang yan mas magiging masaya ka kung ganun kesa youre always trying to please.. now may 2 best friends na sya sa school.. and ok na self esteem nya and happier na sya

[charmedwitch776]

^sis your post really help me..im browsing around kasi naexperience ni son ngayon yun pinagdaanan ng daughter mo. Today talagang naawa ako kasi early kaming pumasok tapos naglaro yun mga classmate nya yun anak ko gusto sumali pero ayaw syang isali nun classmate nya na babae sa laro nila to think na lahat ng classmate nya na dumadating eh inisasali nun batang babae. Yun anak ko umupo nalang sa tabi ko tapos sabi nya "Mama ayaw share boys and girls"..naku awang awa talaga ako sa anak ko. Buti nalang dumating na yun teacher and pinapasok na sila.

I really don't know what to do kaya medyo nalighten up naman yun feelings ko sa post mo and tama sinabi mo na there are things our kids should learn on their own. Just need to trust them

[msals2007]

i hope you can give me insights on my son's situation naman. he is 5 years old and is currently in K2. Second year na niya sa current school niya. My son enjoys going to school though he is really super shy. He doesnt participate in school activities. He rarely volunteers even if he knows the answers. Pinipilit pa talaga ng teacher para sumagot. Pag kailangan sa board pumunta to answer, hindi daw nagpupunta. Tapos every time nga may school program and even yung moving up ceremony, hindi siya mapilit magparticipate in dancing, etc. Lahat ng classmates kasama, siya he just stayed on his chair lang. Pag practice nanonood lang siya sa classmates niya. Nung moving up ceremony nga niya and family day last year, naka upo lang siya sa pwesto niya lahat ng kids kasama. Nakakaaawa tingnan kasi alone lang siya. When I asked him bakit ayaw niyang sumali, kasi shy daw siya. Di ko na alam anong gagawin ko. Sinasabi ko ibibigay ko anong rewards or prize na gusto niya basta sumali niya ayaw talaga. I told him mas dapat shy siya sa chair kasi mag isa lang siya when all of his classmates are dancing naman. Ang naaasar ako sa school niya...kasi ngayong week puro practice lang sila para sa family day sa Sat, wag na lang daw muna papasukin ang anak ko kasi practice lang naman and di naman sumasali. Sa Tuesday na lang daw kasi regular classes na sila nun. My son really enjoy going to school even if hindi siya nagpaparticipate sa extra curricular. Even if bagyo, gusto niyang pumasok. Nadidisappoint ako sa school kasi sila yung ineexpect kong tutulong sa amin to develop the confidence of my son and overcome his shyness pero near 2 years na sa kanila anak ko wala pa ring improvement. Sa academic side wala namang problema. What do you think mga mommies, kailangan ko ba ng help ng child psychologist for this condition o lilipas na lang ba eto? paano pag nasa big school na siya, di na siya itotolerate ng school nun di na pwedeng excuse di ba. dapat ba ihomeschool na lang siya? full time working naman ako. I want my son to grow up to be a confident, well rounded and happy person.

[marose17]

^ I do not see anything wrong with your son based on your post.  He is just shy.  To build his social skills, have him join a team sport such as football or basketball where he can meet new friends.  Set play dates with his classmates.  Take him to kiddie parties and encourage him to participate in games. Build his self-esteem by giving him chores and responsibilities at home.  Sa summer, have your son join a kiddie crew sa places like McDonald's or TGI Friday's. 

Regarding the teacher, I agree with you that instead of encouraging your son to participate in the activity, yung suggestion niya na huwag na lang papasukin will make your son feel more of an outsider.  If your son likes to observe rather than participate at this point, there is absolutely nothing wrong with it and the teacher should respect that.  Communicate this to the teacher.

I don't believe that homeschooling is an option.  Baka mas maging introverted pa ang son mo niyan kasi mas mali-limit ang social interaction niya with other kids. 

Your son just needs more exposure to other kids para mas maging sociable.

[msals2007]

thanks sis marose for the insights. i bring him to kiddie parties naman kaya lang ayaw niyang pumasok. we always end up staying outside. kahit wala namang mascot ayaw niyang pumasok. nakakahiya lang tuloy kasi nasa labas lang kami palagi di ko siya mapilit. tapos sa mga kiddie parties sa neighborhood, ayaw din niyang magpunta. kahit yung kuya niya nandun ayaw niyang sumama. nasa terrace lang siya namin nanonood. alam mong gusto niyang magpunta pero mas nauuna yung shyness niya. dinadala namin siya sa playground and play centers. minsan nakikipaglaro naman siya sa mga bata dun. basta di lang big group of kids, tipong isa o dalawang bata lang. alam ko gusto din niyang mag dance. pag sa bahay nageenjoy siyang maki dance with siblings and cousins. Sabi nga ni husband baka naman daw lumipas din ang shyness.

sa summer im planning to enroll him sa swimming class baka sakaling makadagdag ng confidence tutal mahilig naman siyang mag swim.

[marose17]

^ Swimming is necessary because it is an essential life skill but it is not a team sport.  I really encourage you to enroll your son in a team sport since doon siya matututo makisalamuha sa mga ibang bata. 

When attending kiddie parties, try to come early para hindi ma-overwhelm ang anak mo.  When my kids were younger, napansin ko na mas okay sila and hindi intimidated kapag darating kami sa parties nang maaga kasi they get accustomed sa pagdating ng ibang mga guests, di tulad kung darating kami na in full swing na ang party ayaw na nila.  Try mo din.  Huwag mo rin siyang pilitin.  Just give him encouragement.  Baka mas lalo siyang nape-pressure pag pinipilit sumali sa games.

Since your child likes small groups, organize a play date with 1-3 of his classmates so he can interact with them.  Ask him kung sino ang gusto niyang invite for the play date. 

[msals2007]

ah yes, team sport pala. sige will ask my son anong gusto niyang salihan sa summer. dapat kasama cousins or brother para maconvince sumali. thanks a lot sis marose. hopefully before mag grade 1 ang son ko kahit papaano naman mag improve ang confidence and maovercome ang shyness

[marose17]

^ Where do you plan to send your son for grade 1?  Same school ba or different school?  Big school or small school?

Naisip ko lang, bagay ang personality ng son mo sa Montessori kasi mahilig siyang mag-observe. Marami kasing individual work time sa Montessori.

[msals2007]

big school na. sacred heart of pasig kasi andun ang kuya niya

[barbieavril]

Iba pala talaga kapag nangyari sa child mo yung ganito.  Happened to my four-year old daughter just last Monday.  Pag-uwi namin ni hubby from work, namamaga yung upper part ng left eye nya.  Turned out inuntog ng classmate nya na boy sa table nila.  The table is wooden pa naman.

Since we're both working ni hubby, yung yaya nya yung nagbabantay sa kanya sa school.  Pero yung batang nang bully sa anak ko, mother nya yung kasama sa school.

According to the teacher at sa kwento ng yaya, yung mother pa nung bata ang hysterical at sinasabihan daw sila na di ganon ang anak nya kahit madaming classmates ang naka-witness.  Tapos ayaw nya pagsalitain yung anak nya, sya ang paulit-ulit na nagwawala dun kaya di na pinahaba nung teacher nila.

Instead of saying sorry at pag discipline sa child nya, she's being too defensive.  Kasi diba, whether intentional or not, dapat mag-sorry sya in behalf of her son kasi nakasakit yung son nya eh.   Pero sya pa yung too proud.  What if something bad happened to my daughter's eye diba?

I went to the school yesterday to talk to the teacher and principal, the principal advised me not to talk to the mother of that boy, kasi no use na daw dahil hindi makikinig.  Instead, they will try to talk to the father of the boy daw.

I'm really sad kasi I heard it straight from the boy's mouth na inuntog nya talaga yung daughter ko nung kinausap sya nung principal (without the hysterical mother of course).  I don't know how a small boy could do that at such young age.  Kasi yung daughter ko, super friendly at talagang di palasumbong.

Kaya hubby and I decided to pull her out from her class.  Di ko na pinapasok today.  I will transfer her to another school.  Wish ko lang ma-refund ko pa yung nabayad namin, kasi I paid in full na for her tuition fee.

[msals2007]

kaya minsan ang bata lumalaking bully kasi kinukunsinti mismo ng nanay. Alam na kakampihan siya. Kung nangyari yan sa anak ko hindi ko alam gagawin ko. Baka naaway ko na yung mommy nung bully. Wala bang ibang class na pwedeng magtransfer yung bully or your kid? Para hindi na i-pull out in the middle of the school year then bagong adjustment na naman.

[slickchick]

sis barbieavril, wala bang sanction na binigay yung teacher or principal ng school dun sa bully boy? kasi aminado naman yung bata about what he did to your daughter. hindi kasi excuse na porke't useless kausap yung nanay, eh hindi na bibigyan ng reprimand yung bata. what if ganun na lang lagi gawin nung nanay everytime may binu-bully yung anak nya? just my thoughts...

[DV]

msals2007, another tip siguro sa kiddie parties/gatherings/family day, be ready/don't be afraid to look silly yourself. Show your child that it's OK, and actually fun, to participate in games. Pag tinawag ang grown-ups to do it, sali ka rin. Sing, dance, make silly faces, talk to other people (don't just sit at your designated table). Ganito ginagawa ko, and my daughter din is always 'game'. We don't really compete, joining is enough to boost her confidence.

In introducing your child to other kids (sa parties for example), you can engage the other child in a conversation muna (while your son is watching), then tell that child a little bit about yours, to encourage them to talk. Kumbaga, mauna ka, and always set an example, show him who's safe to talk to. Don't just push him to play or talk to other children, samahan mo sya.

Sa bahay, practice with him, kung ano man yung presentation para just in case he feels like joining on the day itself, kaya na nya.

Do things with him, and when he's confident enough, you can start letting go bit by bit.

[barbieavril]

sis msals2007 - Sad to say, one class lang sila for nursery eh.  Wala talaga ako maggawa but to transfer her to another school.  I believe mabilis naman sya makaka-adjust kasi friendly naman sya.  Nakakaawa din in a way, pero I have no choice eh.

sis slickchick - The principal said kakausapin daw nila yung father nung bata.  2 days ko na di pinapasok yung daughter ko pero di ako kino-contact ng teacher nya or ng kahit sino from the school.  I might go there sa Saturday kapag andun yung school owner/administrator.  I will demand a refund na lang.

Also, naiinis ako dun sa teacher.  Imagine, while I was talking to her last Tuesday, may isang bata from their class na lumapit at nagtanong "Teacher, am I a good boy?".  The teacher replied, "No, you're not.  Go back to your seat."  Ako, parang  ?  Is that how you talk to your students?  Walang ka-amor amor sa bata, I'm wondering kung paano sya naging preschool teacher.  Maybe she has no child of her own pa, pero that's not an excuse.

[msals2007]

thanks sis DV for the suggestions. Hopefully, my son will really come out of his shell pakonti konti before siya mag big school.

grabe namang teacher na yan sis barbieavril. tama bang sabihan niya yung bata na he's not a good boy. eh di matatatak sa isip ng bata na hindi nga siya good boy. hay naku, baka better nga to just transfer your kid na lang kung ganyang klase yung teacher. tapos wala pa din silang feedback regarding sa case ng anak mo. kaya nga tayo nagpapakahirap para maipasok mga kids natin sa mga private schools kahit mahal kasi we believe na mas quality ang learnings ng makukuha ng kids natin not just academic learnings but in other aspects as well. Tapos ganun lang treatment nila?

[slickchick]

sis barbieavril, i suggest that if you will push through with the transfer, dapat makausap mo yung school owner or administrator (not just the teacher and principal) nung current school nya ngayon. you have to tell the admin how dissatisfied you were on how your daughter's case was handled. better to cite din in writing the bad experiences of your kid in school and even your own observations, para formal talaga yung complaint mo. siguro it would be better din na you try to do some research first din dun sa lilipatan na school ng kid mo, para iwas na sa bad experience. kawawa din kasi yung bata. good luck sis to you and your daughter. hope her new school will be much better than her current one. 

[marose17]

If your child's current school does not have a clear policy and established procedure to address bullying incidents, it would help if you as a parent be active in school activities and push the school to be more pro-active in preventing bullying incidents.  Hindi kasi enough yung mga slogans like "Zero Tolerance to Bullies" or "Bullying is not Tolerated" etc.  Kailangan claro sa parents, teachers, school administrators and most importantly, sa students ang policy, procedure, consequences ng bullying and method of reporting incidents and disciplining the offenders.