How to handle infedility of your partner?

[shinta]

^siya talaga ayaw umamin kahit nahuli ko na nag-stay sila sa isang hotel nung nagpunta sila sa tagaytay (but not overnight). kiss at kwentuhan lang daw. with all the lies he told me, i can't help but doubt.

but i really don't care, i care more dun sa feelings na nadevelop.

[beatrize zuri]

@shinta - alam mo sis pareho tayo, mahirap kasi pag may feelings na involved eh pag nalaman mo na mahal din niya si other woman, mas matatanggap ko pa yung s*x lang habol niya pero yung may love ang hirap, kasi in a way pag pinapili mo siya between you and the other woman, magiisip siya kung sino ba, unlike pag s*x lang kahit papiliin mo siya alam mong ikaw ang mahal niya.
 
so far, wala namang other woman si hubby pero if ever na gawin niya un syempre kakausapin ko siya kung bakit niya nagawa yon, and if its the first time well, papatawarin ko siya para iwork out yung relationship namin, mahirap lang kung mahal niya si other woman, pag ganon na ang usapan papakawalan ko sya kung hindi na niya ko mahal, ayokong matali sa isang relationship na ako lang ang nagmamahal and yet nakikita kong nasasaktan ko siya. set him free and move on 

[chakchuk]

If ever mangyari sa akin hindi ko din alam gagawin ko, pero hanggat kaya daanin sa magandang usapan, siguro try ko Muna daanin sa diplomasya. Mahal ko kasi ang pamilya ko. Pero Kung sobra na and very degrading na, wala nako magagawa but to let go.....or Kung burden na kami sa isa't-isa go and multiply 
Pero hanggat kaya ko I-save gagawin ko...
Question lang mga sis... What if.... Nambabae asawa nyo and kapatid nyo ang involve, what would you do? Hope related pa din sa topic ang question ko.... Out of curiosity Lang......

[shinta]

@shinta - alam mo sis pareho tayo, mahirap kasi pag may feelings na involved eh pag nalaman mo na mahal din niya si other woman, mas matatanggap ko pa yung s*x lang habol niya pero yung may love ang hirap, kasi in a way pag pinapili mo siya between you and the other woman, magiisip siya kung sino ba, unlike pag s*x lang kahit papiliin mo siya alam mong ikaw ang mahal niya.

sabi naman niya na may feelings mang involved, di daw siya sure if love nga ba yun. basta ang alam niya nung una, he was really enjoying her company kasi madami silang common interests. pero habang tumatagal, nababawasan na daw yung feelings. and whatever he felt for her, he's sure na it wasn't as strong as his love for me.

pero minsan, when i learn of these small but significant details of their relationship, i can't help but question kung talagang pinili niya ako because he loves me or because i'm his wife and pregnant with his child.

i tried to set him free a few times so he can go back to her, pero ayaw niya. aalis lang daw siya pag sinabi kong di ko na siya mahal. at kahit umalis siya, di niya raw babalikan yung girl kasi as far as he's concerned, tapos na sila.

hay, nakakaconfuse na talaga. there are times when i feel ok, we're ok and back to normal. pero meron din times na puro ako doubts at parang umiikot ang ulo ko sa kakaisip. sometimes i feel i love him and i don't want to lose him. sometimes naman, i feel i love him but i want to be away from him para maramdaman niya kung anong mawawala sa kanya as a result of what he did. kung di lang ako pregnant, baka yun siguro ang ginawa ko.

@chakchuk

if my husband is having an affair with my sister, i'd feel betrayed by both at pareho ko silang lalayuan. mas masakit yun than him with another woman (na di mo kapamilya o kadugo). sana kung di nakapagpigil si hubby, si sister sana ang tumanggi out of respect sa pagiging magkapatid nyo.

[shinta]

^yup sis. gusto ko na ngang hilahin ang araw para manganak na ako. naaawa na ako kay baby kasi puro negative feelings ang fini-feed ko sa kanya.

kasabay nga ni baby yung relationship nila eh, pero nauna siguro sila ng 2 weeks. saklap talaga. isa din yun sa tinanong ko kay hubby, na nung nalaman ba niyang magkakababy na kami, di ba siya na-guilty. na-guilty naman daw pero kakasimula pa lang din ng relationship nila (which i assume na strong pa feelings niya nun for the girl) kaya di daw ganun kadali i-end.

ouch!

then on my 4th month naoperahan pa ako. and 2 days before my operation, nagkita pa sila para pumunta sa bahay ng kuya nung girl, kasi daw kinukulit siya at naisip din niyang matagal silang di magkikita kaya bilang pambawi, ayun nagkita sila.

another ouch!

tinanong ko ulit siya kung naisip ba niya that my life and our baby could be in danger and if he was truly worried as he posted on his FB wall. sabi ko pakitang tao niya lang ata yun sa mga friends niya. tapos ang iniisip pala niya is kung anong alibi ang sasabihin niya para magkita sila. his alibi then was magnininong siya sa binyag, complete with text messages kuno ng friend niya na tatay nung bibinyagan (na it turned out eh galing pala dun sa isa pa niya sim na ginagamit niyang pantext sa babae niya).

he said he was worried daw talaga pero litong-lito na din siya kasi nangungulit din yung isa. lame answer!

this is one of those instance na i was pushing him na balikan na lang yung girl kasi mukhang mas matimbang siya kesa samin ni baby. 

[lilstar]

I'm sorry to hear that sis.. Makasingit lang ako ha..,

sana maayos nyo yan kung anong pinagdadaanan nyo. ang hirap kasi nyan huling huli mo na e.

Sis, isipin mo nagawa nya sayo yan knowing na buntis ka. sa panahon na weak ka, sana sya ang umaalalay sayo at sa baby mo.

have you talked to your parents regarding this? Mahaba pa ang lalakbayin nyo, kaya mo bang ganyanin ka nya palagi? Pag isipan mo sis, kasi for me (lang ha) ok lang sakin walang asawa, or daddy ang anak ko, kesa sa meron nga pero parang di ko maramdaman, dagdag sakit sa dibdib pa.

Mga lalaki nga naman! tsk! take care sis. Malalampasan mo din yan.

[spongebob]

nakakasad naman stories dito... ako victim rin ng infidelity. In fact, my hubby is not with me and my 3 yr old daughter anymore. iniwan na nya kami for his mistress. hindi ko na ginulo buhay nila at wala naman akong makukuha pilitin ko pa siya bumalik sa amin. im trying to be strong and trying to keep negative thoughts away kasi sensitive masyado my daughter and she can feel if im sad.. she even asks "why are you crying mommy?" whenever she sees me crying. and for now, im not keen on finding someone else. gusto ko lang mag focus sa amin ng daughter ko. I don't have much financially. i dont have any career kasi hubby was always the sole provider and he didn't want me to work before. but im a registered nurse kaya i know my daughter and i have a future together.
mahirap ko pang isipin na magkabalikan kami ni hubby even if he asks forgiveness. sa lahat ng pinagdaanan ko, medyo grabe talaga ang damage. if evr man magkabalikan, [textspeak!] years from now pa, when i have healed from the hurt. kasi if ngayon, ganun din, isusumbat ko lang sa kanya ang ginawa nya.
i try to see the lighter side of what has happened to me and my daughter. naging superclose talaga kami and im truly happy taking care of her, taking her out whenever i can, playing with her at night after i come home from the eatery which my friend and i opened. marami naman talagang blessing na pumasok kaya thankful pa rin ako.

let's not dwell lang too much sa negative.. kaya natin to mga sis happy for those na naging intact pa rin ang family after an affair. god bless us all

[shinta]

^^thanks sis lilstar

bumaliktad talaga ang mundo ko when i learned of my husband's cheating.

pero in fairness to him, he's been and still is a good husband. when i got pregnant, he was there with me every step of the way. even my parents can attest kung gaano niya ako inalagaan, esp when i had my operation.

kaya di ko din masabi na di ko nararamdaman presence niya o pinabayaan niya ako.

ang gumugulo lang talaga lagi sa isip ko is why kahit magkakababy na kami, he wasn't able to resist the temptation to enter into an affair or least end it earlier. sabi niya, di daw kasi ganun kadali yun. sinubukan niya pero medyo clingy si girl at isa pa, he's enjoying her company so medyo di rin siya masyadong firm. nahihiya naman siyang aminin na may asawa na siya.

before nagkahulihan, he was already planning to leave her. the other woman confirmed it to me din, na sinabi ni hubby na pupunta siya sa US to work there for years (which is not true). sabi ni hubby, this was his plan para di na siya kulitin ni girl na nakipagkita sa kanya and eventually, maputol na din ang communication nila.

pero sabi ko, sana mas naging firm siya nung nakikipagbreak siya, or sana di siya naging as sweet or as accommodating, sana mas nag-end ng maaga.  basta madaming pang details about their relationship that clearly show na may feelings talaga for her. and despite his assurances, lagi ko pa din iniisip na baka lang dahil sa baby o dahil kasal kami kaya ako ang pinili niya.

[spongebob]

hi sis..maybe it's best for you to focus on the positive side of your relationship with your hubby nalang rather than feel bad about the past at ma carry over mo yung negative feelings para makita talaga ng hubby mo na his decision to come back and you over the mistress was sulit. if he comes home to a happy environment and a loving one na bihira lang ang disagreements, then it's something he might look forward to each day. i learned that the hard way pero yan yung na realize ko when hubby left us for his mistress. it's normal that we can't help but feel really awful about what he has done pero the fact na tinanggap mo sya ulit sa relationship, it's best also na you try to put aside the past as much as you can. i hope you both can move on from this "tragedy" in your relationship especially with your new baby. take care sis and God bless.

[bebepink]

hi to gt sisses

i feel for you sis shinta kasi ako din naka experience ng mga pambabae ng hubby ko...the bright side lang for me is hindi nya binabahay.  Pero the fact na you knew and saw yun infidelity nya yun ang pinaka masakit sa atin.  You want to trust him again but the thing is how can you forget though you love him so much.  Sa akin it's a nightmare talaga, kahit sa akin umuuwi ang hubby ko, i still feel cheated everyday.  I'm just coping kasi we have kids...ulila na din ako.  My self esteem is low. censya na mga gt sis dito ko na binubuhos ang sama ng loob ko. I dont even trust others kasi yun naging friend ko na babae which I thought na katiwa-tiwala ...traydor din kasi ang alam ko me naging affair din sila..kahit in denial si hubby.  Grabe ang pinagdadaanan ko kasi gusto kong umalis dito sa situation ko pero i feared so much for my kids. Lalo na meron pa ko health problem kaya di ako makapag isip ng dapat. I worried so much kaya I am motivating myself to think positive. I wish all the people will let me feel loved. At least sa yo sis shinta, sweet sa yo ang hubby mo.  Sana ma realize nila na super hurt tayo noh.  i want the best for my kids. take care sis

[xiuxiu]

Hello po sa lahat. I'm new in this forum and I came across this topic. I viewed the earlier posts and seems like most of those here are the victims of infidelity. In my case, I'm the one who cheated on my husband. And I'm really disgusted of myself right now for what I have done. Pasensya po, medyo mahaba itong post ko.

Mine is not a happy marriage. Akala ko nung una, yung husband ko ang pinakamabait na lalaki sa buong mundo. He is 9 years older than me and I was so dependent on him. LAter however, he became so controlling. He disapproves my friends. I lost all my barkada because sabi ko nga, mahal ko asawa ko and I need him more than my friends. Gusto nya parati, kami lang dalawa. kahit mga family affairs ayaw nya sumama. To the point na I always lie to my family and relatives para maka-alibi kung bakit hindi kami makadalo sa mga family gatherings.

Fast forward to the time I became pregnant. I know he cared for me, but I can't feel it. Never nya ako sinamahan sa any of my visit to the OB. Kaya ko na daw yon. Pero nakaka-hurt pa rin di ba. In fairness to him, he is a good father naman. And he provides for the kids.

Fast forward to this year. We had a big problem recently that we have to sell our house so we moved in to my parents home. Nasa isang kwarto lang kami rito. Ang mga kids sleep with us, so parang wala kaming room for intimacy talaga. As in sa isang buwan siguro once lang kami makapag-sex. But that is not the deeper issue. My husband and her sisters put up a business na wala talaga silang ka ide-ideya. THey talked to me kung pwede daw ako tumulong sa kanila, and so I did. Right after, hindi na nila ako sinipot, tinext or anything. Ilang months kung pinalago ang business, never nila akong binisita or kinamusta, basta yung ending, nagalit na ako at iniwanan ang negosyo. I asked my husband to stand up for me in front of his family, pero never nya ginawa. Lahat nang tao awang-awa sa akin pero yung family nila, parang wala lang. I told my husband, we better resolve this or maghiwalay na lang kami. Kasi I'm so feed up na. Ilang years na akong taga-ligpit nang mga kalat nya (ex. mga naluluging business nya na ako ang bumabangon). Pero in the end, I decided to give ourselves a try and fix our relationship.

This past few months, hindi na ako ginagalaw nang asawa ko. He works away kasi pero he goes home every weekend. If may mangyari, usually ako ang nag i-initiate. LAtely however, everytime mag initiate ako, parati nyang sinasabi, baka magising ang mga bata. Or pagod sya. Inaatok na. So ako naman, iniintindi ko na lang kahit minsan nagtatampo na ako.

Last week, I went away on a business trip and I bumped into a guy friend. We had an MU relationship in the past, but nothing physical. He already has a family. We went out for a friendly dinner. Later however we drank a couple of beers. Medyo nalasing ako and we ended up having sex that night. Maybe because my body has been longing for sex with my husband and medyo cloudy na because of alcohol, kaya pumatol ako dun sa guy. Laking pagsisi ko the next day. I know me and my husband do not have a perfect relationship pero I know he doesn't deserve to be cheated on. The following day when I went home. Nilambing ko yung husband ko, coz deep inside parang guilty sex ba, yung gusto ko bawiin sa kanya yung pagkakamali ko. The same treatment pa rin. Pagod daw sya. Baka magising mga bata.

The next day, I told him, check in kami nang motel para mag-bonding time naman kami. para walang hassle sa mga bata. We need time for ourselves. Ayaw pumayag. MArami raw gagawin. So I went to my meeting in the afternoon. I texted him around 3pm, "ayaw mo ba talaga mag check in tayo. Sige naman oh.". Nag reply, susunduin nya raw ako. I was happy na kasi gustong-gusto ko nga makabawi sa kanya sa kasalanan ko. Nung natapos yung meeting ko, I received a text from him na sumunod na lang daw ako sa kanya sa nearby mall. I went there and he told me, "hwag na tayong mag check in, kain na lang tayo".

Feeling ko, parang nasampal ako. I dressed up and made myself pretty for him. I never felt so rejected until that day. The day before, I really felt so guilty kasi nga I cheated on him. But during that very instance sa resto sa mall, ang unang pumasok sa isip ko, "Love, bakit mo ko binibigyan ng justification for my infidelity sa yo".

I know what I did was wrong (the cheating), and I have no intentions of doing that again. Pero, was I wrong to harbor those thoughts? I know that marriage is not about the sex only. Pero I really believe that it is one of those factors that help make up for a stronger marriage relationship. Marami na syang pagkukulang sa akin liban pa sa sex part, as what I wrote on the earlier part of this post. Pero I am trying to do my best to make this marriage work. Ayaw ko maging separada. Pero bakit ganito?

Mga sis, gulong-gulo na talaga ako.

[soulace]

dami ko natutunan dito. di ko din alam pano i handle eh. lage na lang ako forgive.. i'm sick and tired everytime I caught him.. I'm pregnant too..hay

[rae]

xiuxiu: im not an expert on this pero you might want to read "his needs her needs" by willard harley.  the book is about the hierarchy of needs of men and women and that we must try to meet them in a give and take fashion to make the marriage somehow affair-proof.

honestly, di ko maiwasan isipin na may affair or nagka-affair din ang husband mo, kasi men need sex. if he's not getting it from you he's getting it from porn or worse from someone else.

[ishi_08]

mga sis, I also need help... when i was 5 mos preggy, i discovered that my husband cheated on me, i dont know if they had sex, but nabasa ko sa chat nila nung friend nya na bading na ex teachernya, that they were kissing and so on. May mga pictures pa daw sila, God knows parang sasabog ang utak ko! sobrang galit ako sa kanya, tinext ko agad sya, but nagdeby agad sya, said it wasnt true. Biruan lang daw, but when i copied their conversation, dun na sya natameme. Btw, ldr kasi kami, he was sent to another place for training and boom! for 1 week ganun agad! Dam@@, until now, it hurts so bad, na kahit anong gawin nyang paag suyo, nirereject ko sya. Nabago na ang lahat. I hate him even more, hindi ko makalimutan ang ginawa nya sakin. Lahat na nabago, pati pakikitungo ko sa kanya, parang ayoko na syang makasama. Cold reatment ang pinararamdam ko sa kanya... Nasasaktan ako mga sis, kasi i thought hindi nya magagawa sakin yun, but i was dead wrong...

Uuwi sya ngayong xmas, hindi ko alam if paano ko pa sya iaapproach..

[mrs.trish]

^sis, if your hubby shows remorse & you think he's trying his best to save the marriage, give him another chance. It will take some time & it needs a lot of effort for you to recover & be ready to forgive & move on but it will happen. Pray ka lang lagi.

I've been through a similar situation. I thought I won't recover but through prayers & with hubby's help na rin (he changed a lot), I moved on and now I can say that our relationship is at its best.

I hope you'll be fine soon.

[wild flower]

napapansin ko sa mga posts dito, mostly the husbands cheat when wives are preggy. may connection kaya yun?

[ishi_08]

^sis, if your hubby shows remorse & you think he's trying his best to save the marriage, give him another chance. It will take some time & it needs a lot of effort for you to recover & be ready to forgive & move on but it will happen. Pray ka lang lagi.

I've been through a similar situation. I thought I won't recover but through prayers & with hubby's help na rin (he changed a lot), I moved on and now I can say that our relationship is at its best.

I hope you'll be fine soon.

sis, kasi hindi sya umaamin ng diretsahan at never sya humingi ng sorry.. He said na alam daw nya ang mali nya at hindi na mauulit... haaay sana makarecover ako, pero parang , ang nararamdaman ko e, wala na yung love ko for him. Everytime he text or call, wala ng excitement. dati sa kanya umiikot ang mundo ko but now, it seems na kahit wala sya kaya ko,

[angelita]

^^sis wild flower, my hubby cheated even when i was not and never pregnant...sigh

[mitchymumay]

Oo nga pag preggy, Wag na wag magrarason mga boys na kaso tumataba or lumalaki ang chan dahil buntis kaya naakit dun sa teeny weeny pencil skirt or skinny jeans tight wearing beyotches or dahil alagain daw mga buntis at di na sila pnapansin

[prettygretchen]

Nung nag bubuntis ako niloko din ako 6 months ako nahuli ko at nakausap ko by phone un girl and damn super contract yun tummy ko that time para kong binuhusan ng nag yeyelong tubig! After that forgive then boom pagka panganak ko yun tatay ng anak ko was trying to save his relationship with that girl. Napakasakit wala ng sasakit. Imagine nabuntis ka na niloko ka pa, nagpatawad ka na niloko ka pa din!! Nung mga 1yr old na anak ko i caught him again with different girls naman that time hindi ako umimik ni hindi ko siya pinaamin kasi pagod na ko cycle nalang. What i did i kept quiet then cold treatment at SIYA PA YUN NAKIPAGHIWALAY sakin!

Then i prayed, i pray hard! Prayed for a guy who'll love and accept me and my son as well. After 1 yr of agony i dated a guy. At first he didnt know i have a son na so hinook ko muna siya with my killer moves then i fell head over heels tapos inamin ko may baby na ko. Now we're together married na. At super love niya baby ko.