House For Single Momma Part 5

[MaraMeow]

Girltalker2

sis naku mahirap yan kung medyo parang close sila sa dad nila. Nagtatanong ba kids mo kung bakit hindi niyo na kasama dad nila? Grabe naman yang ex mo sa 4th parang 2x a year lang kinita ang anak?? Sana explain mo na lang sa mga kids mo yung nangyayari sa inyo kasi nasa adolescence stage na sila.. marami nang mga tanong na namumuo sa isip nila kahit di nila sabihin sa iyo.

Kung ganyan din lang ang pinapakita ng dad nila parang walang time sa mga anak for me parang mas mabuti nang putulin ang communication pero hindi yung biglaan dapat paunti onti. Pero parang ganun na din ginagawa ng ex mo kasi paunti ng paonti yung pagkikita nila ng mga anak nya every year eh. Hayyy kakainis talaga mga ganyang lalake.

[momentum]

sis maiandra, hindi kaya parehas lang asawa natin? ahaha joke

As for me, June 2010 pa ako bumalik sa bahay nila mama kasama daughter ko, I was (and some still happening) also emotionally, physically, financially and psychologically abused my my husband. Over the past 3yrs, on/off kami, trying to fix things but end up destroying everything by his violence. hindi narin siya makatapak sa bahay..unless sumugod sya dun kahit na hindi namin pinapayagan or harangan ng guard (which has happened over the past 3yrs and nakailang baranggay na kami..nakakahiya) st siya pa ang hindi nahihiya AT ALL.

I don't know what is wrong with him talaga. matindi ang kelangan niyang irepair sa sarili niya. anyway..kapag tinamaan siya ng lungkot over the months na hindi kami nag-uusap..he will bug his mom to contact me and ask me several times to borrow my daughter...at sa mga times lang na iyon naiisipan niyang bilhan ng stuff anak ko (milk, diapers, vitamins..thats mainly it)..hindi man lang kalahati sa lahat ng ginagastos ko for her. When they borrow her, I DO NOT ANYMORE bring her all the way to their house or meet half-way..ayoko na..ilang beses na akong nagpakatanga na gawin to (habang sila ang sarap ng upo sa bahay, di man lang ako sunduin para tulungan sa terminal that is just walking distance sa house nila)..now my mother in law knows that if they wanna borrow her, they have to go all the way to our house an pick her up there, and bring her back there too. and maximum overnight lang..ayoko ng lumpagpas pa dun. I don't want my daughter to be exposed with the kind of people they are (long story)

[MaraMeow]

^ Sis maybe he needs to consult a psychologist na.. Baka meron siyang tinatagong problems or may gumugulo saknaya kaya siya ganyan

[momentum]

^ sis alam mo naman ang mga taong may topak, they won't think na meron silang psychological problem..in fact, they will point the finger on you na IKAW ang may problem at hindi sila

Ilang beses ko ng sinabi sa kanya at ang mother niya, na he needs to see and talk to a professional person..but the only thing he did (not even sure if true) is seek advice from a couple about marriage counseling..at syempre pinili niya yung kakilala niyang couple. I didn't see any improvement sa kanyang ugali..and he still put the blame on me on our failed marriage after this "counseling". it's no that I don't believe in marriage counseling, I actually do and even suggested this to him years ago..but this is not what he needs to repair his psychological problem..he needs a professional, kasi masyadong malalim talaga ang need niyang help.

[slickchick]

^ sis alam mo naman ang mga taong may topak, they won't think na meron silang psychological problem..in fact, they will point the finger on you na IKAW ang may problem at hindi sila

true sis! i remembered my son's dad.. sabi ng mother nya, kaya daw violent, nananakit at mainitin ang ulo ang anak nya kasi nagkaron daw ng tipus (i think typhoid ata ito) nung teenager pa. well.. hindi naman enough reason ang history ng typhoid para i-justify na lang ang pananakit... mga tao nga naman.. haist...

[momentum]

^ ako naman sis, according sa mama niya and sa kinuwento niya sakin before nung bago pa kami, for a month parang sinapian siya (when he was still single, early 20's ata)..or open yung third eye niya, he would see "things" and spirits around him and dinala na siya sa maraming albularyo at doctor, and there was this certain albularyo/manggagamot lang ang nakapag- "heal" sa kanya during that time and close his third eye..sabi ng mama niya ever since after that event in his life, duon daw siya nagsimula na mag-iba ng ugali at nananakit. sa loob loob ko, thanks for telling me this now! lol..buntis na ako nun sa daughter ko at kasal na kami nun

[maiandra]

heartbreaking talaga mga stories dito. Ako hindi ko pa mareveal sa mga friends ko sa church, work etc na technically single na ko. kahit nga dito sa GT anonymous na pero ang hirap pa rin magreveal ng lahat. Kasal naman ako, pero I live a life of single mom.

[miss_isla]

My story is a bit similar sa mga kwento dito. There were physical and emotional abuse but we're not married (thank God), we just lived together for some time. Never ko din din tinago yung son namin, he can visit him anytime pero hindi ako mag effort na dalhin sa kanya or makipag-meet somewhere. He has to go to our house to see our kid, kaso nahihiya daw sya sa family ko kase alam nila that he had hurt me physically nung magkasama pa kami.
Hindi naman na ako nahihirapan mag explain sa son ko where his dad is kase kahit sya ayaw na din naman makita yung daddy nya. He never heard anything negative from me about his dad, but I guess nafifeel naman nya yung shortcomings nung dad nya. He even asked if we can just get another dad from the mall. Hehe.
I guess may mga ganon talagang tatay, ang ikinakasama na lang ng loob ko e yung gf nya ngayon, may baby na din sa ibang guy, pero yung ex ko na yung tumatayong daddy nya. I mean, it's not really about us anymore, but can't he be a father to his own first before someone else's kid?

[chiqmom]

^how old is your kid na? he sounds cute.hehe

[miss_isla]

he's 4 and yeah he is really adorable  there would even be instances when he would tell me na ok lang wag na umuwi daddy nya, kase love naman nya ako, tsaka baka daw sumakit lang ulo ko. Ayaw daw nya na umiiyak ako. Hehe. So blessed to have this kid who thinks like a grown up man.

[Girltalker2]

heartbreaking talaga mga stories dito. Ako hindi ko pa mareveal sa mga friends ko sa church, work etc na technically single na ko. kahit nga dito sa GT anonymous na pero ang hirap pa rin magreveal ng lahat. Kasal naman ako, pero I live a life of single mom.

Sis, why do you find it hard to open up?

Just asking because I went through this stage as well.  But in time, you will be ready.  When I was ready to make known, it was really a relief.  Some people will accept you as you are, some people will judge.  Pero paki ko ba, I really want out, ayoko na talaga, and the truth has set me free.  Sobrang liberating ang feeling. Sabi ko lang sa sarili ko, bahala na yung mga taong hindi makaintindi, basta ako, I got only 1 life to live, and I have to be happy and at peace na with myself, at marami nakong taon nasayang not opening up and trying to save a broken marriage hanggang sa napagod din.

He has to go to our house to see our kid, kaso nahihiya daw sya sa family ko kase alam nila that he had hurt me physically nung magkasama pa kami.

Marunong pala sya mahiya? Sa mga ginawa nya in the past sayo hindi sya nahihiya?  Tapos sa mga hindi nya pagbisita sa anak nya, di sya marunong mahiya?

Mga lalaki talaga, sobrang mali ang logic.

And you are lucky with your son. He is your saving grace.  My kids are always my saving grace.

[maiandra]

^ sis, kasi siguro medyo fresh pa (2 months) and all this time I was still on the hoping stage na baka may miracle na mangyari, na pag narealize nya na wala na nga kami, magkandarapa sya to do everything to get us back. pero cool na cool pa rin sya. So isip ko, wala na to.

2nd, I feel ashamed talaga to admit na maging single uli. kasi sa marriage thread super defend ako sa marriage pero I exhausted all efforts na talaga. In real life, ang hirap makahanap ng taong makakaintindi sayo. I told only 3 very close friends, and maybe I need more time to heal first. Masakit pa rin kasi.

[Girltalker2]

^ take your time.  Yes, close friends, sila ang start.  Dyan din ako nag umpisa.  Then I started opening up to strangers, not making kwento naman, pero if someone asks if I am married, sagot ko separated.  Then sa office, when people say invite your hubby rin sa christmas party, then I would just say, we are separated already.  Slowly sis, you will get there. Pero nagpractice ako nang husto sa mga saleslady at taxi driver na wala naman at stake hanggang sa mas naging madali nanga sabihin. 

It took me years din to do this.  Mga 2-3 years din sis, kaya don't worry, baka mas mabilis ka parin    Nahirapan ako sa family talaga, our kids and my parents. Pero ano pa ba magagawa nila, iyan naman talaga ang katotohanan.

[MaraMeow]

^ sis alam mo naman ang mga taong may topak, they won't think na meron silang psychological problem..in fact, they will point the finger on you na IKAW ang may problem at hindi sila

So true sis. Kahit dad ko ganyan.. Mas mahirap para sa mga bata pag may problem ang dad nila.. ang hirap intindihin SOBRA

[kristetay]

bilib ako senyo mga sis, ang tatapang at ang lalakas ng loob nyo. nakakagaan ng loob

[slickchick]

^ thanks sis!  siguro single parents like us, really have to be strong, kasi hindi lang buhay namin ang hawak namin. we have kid(s) who depend on us. personally, in everything i do or decide upon right now, i always think of what will be its long-term effect to me AND also my son, laging package deal. 

[maiandra]

thanks sis Girltalker2 for your helpful tips. happy vibes na ko from now on. I get so excited na nga about the things I can do now, and dreams that can materialize, it makes me giddy with happiness hehe.

[kristetay]

sis maiandra, we are in the same phase. nakakaloka, hirap matulog sa gabi

[chiqmom]

^hello! how are you?

kristetay, i agree with slickchick. siguro we are strong kasi we are left with no other option than to  be one. i remember last night i was talking with my mom about a certain difficult circumstance and she asked me if kaya ko, sabi ko "i wasn't called a single mom for nothing" LOL pero really, diba. i for one e super iyakin dati, i cannot even sleep on my own at my bed! tapos when i became a single mom, i started to gain strength. i started to do things on my own.

[shakeshake]

Mga sis help! Yung tatay ng mga anak ko e kinokontak [textspeak!] mga bata thru their yaya.. Medyo happy ako kasi nageeffort siya na makausap mga anak nya at the same time confused kasi parang he's doing it behind my back.. Hindi ko naman siya pinagbabawalan sa mga bata pero he doesnt want to talk or deal with me.. Tago ko kaya mga anak ko noh? Makaganti man lang