Problems na pwedeng ma-encounter with an adopted kid

[crownedsocialite]

My long-time boyfriend and I are planning to adopt an abandoned foreigner baby. First baby pa lang namin sya and he's worried na baka magkaroon ng conflict with our real kid/s pagdating ng time. Do you have an adopted kid/relative/etc.? Possible nga ba na maging issue yung pagiging "adopted" ng child in the long run? Pls share your experiences sisses. I'm so confused whether to go on with the process. Thank you.

[ebiko]

sis, hindi nga malayong magkaroon ng problem sis, like sa looks pa lang, siyempre, magtataka siya bakit naiiba siya sa inyo -- first and foremost dapat naipapaliwanag na ito agad

as kung magkaroon man siya ng siblings, naipapaliwanag din ito. take the case of KC concepcion and her sisters frankie and miel.

father ko, may adopted sister sila, pero wala naman issue, at alam din niyang adopted siya, close siya sa amin, she's in her mid-20s na, may family na din siya.


 

[pink_blush01]

i want to adopt a baby, san kaya ako pwede pumunta with less cost?

[sophistique]

i'm not sure sis pero in baguio, maraming nakapost sa mayor's office ng mga abandoned kids for adoption. nandun yung profile nila, kung san nanggaling, ilang taon pati yung photos. i studied in baguio kasi for 4 years tapos during my internship, tinitignan ko madalas yun kasi gusto ko rin sana mag-adopt. here in cavite, marami-rami ding orphanages particularly in tagaytay.

as for the cost, i'm not sure. pero dun sa isang adoption site na chineck ko dati, you have to shell out an initial payment of $200. feeling ko kasi yung site na yun, for foreigners who have adoption prospects. tapos iba-background check ka din nila and all to ensure the child's safety. try sending inquiries sa mga local adoption centers pati sa dswd.

[puzzicato]

i've never thought of adopting. before i would always think kung mabubuntis ako. walang lang. when i was still young, that's my dream, to have my own child. super last option for me ang adoption in case di ako magkababy.

specially if first baby nyo palang, it would really be hard lalo na if hands on ka and walang yaya. my baby is now 1 year old, pero my times sobra kulit and gulo na minsan gusto mo na paluin.  now that i have my own baby, i realized sobrang hirap lalo na if magadopt ka ng baby dahil kailangan emotionally,physically and financially stable ka.

sigro if you want to adopt, maganda you have your own child first. kc ako sobra hilig ko sa bata, pero sobrang iba when you become a mother. mahirap pla. maybe because at home lang ako w/ the baby the whole time.  my working friend would tell me, d nya kaya ginagawa ko. sya daw 1 hour palang lalo na pag sobra kulit na ng anak nya, pasa na sa yaya or sa mother nya.

there are also stories na nagiging black sheep un bata specially pag nalaman na adopted. although depende naman un sa pag aalaga mo. pero do  think kaya mo matanggap [textspeak!] adopted anak mo,in case madmi na siyang di ginagawang tama?

i think adoption is the last  resort kung di ka magkababy. but if you can have your own, i think its better.

[hannie1216]

i want to adopt a baby, san kaya ako pwede pumunta with less cost?

Sa Norfil foundation sis. May contact ako don. Pero pinaka mura na ang 50k sa pag aadopt ng baby and mga 6mos up ang processing.

[zanabee]

hi mga sis, i went to an orphanage two years ago since four years na kaming TTC ni hubby we planned to adopt sana.... in the process pala ni require kami nung madre doon na mag pass ng family pictures namin ni hubby on both sides, para daw makapili sila ng baby na hindi nalalayo yung physical features sa amin, sila pala ang pipili for us and we can't even make a choice of our own yung kagaya sa TV na yung soon to be parents ang pipili or mag pi pin point... madami din pala expenses....

sis crownedsocialite, try to have a baby of your own muna....the best yun pag sa inyo talaga galing... (sorry late na rerply ko sa jan ka pa pala na start sa topic na to..) how are you na?

[ishko]

yung sis ko nag-adopt... hikain pala yung parents nun, so na-acquire ng bata... naging problema ang health kahit na may gamot, nebulizer, etc.. yun din ang ikinamatay ng bata na 4 years old lang... emotionally stressful at really painful not only to my sis but to all of us kasi sobrang napamahal na sa amin yung bata

so hindi advisable na basta mag-adopt without knowing the background of the child and parents

[rianne_mallows]

in myPOV

its much better to adopt a child out of love, rather than out of desperation... yung gusto lang talaga mag-adopt...hindi nahihirapan magbuntis etc... for me out of love yun.. sa nga tao naman na nag-aadopt out of desparation, yun mga hindi magkababy,..

kasi kapag yung huli, you just "settled" for the kid..

[gwacie]

^ I am offended with the expression "settled". As someone who was adopted, my parents tried for years to have a baby to no avail. They accepted me as a blessing from God to have children, though not in the biological way.

[babykat]

To the TS, if you're going to adopt, make sure you adopt the kid out of love, and that you're 100% ready to love the baby as your own. Don't adopt if di ka sure na makakapagcommit ka.  Some people kasi adopt simply dahil gusto ng bata, pero once naging sakitin or pasaway ang bata, aayawan na and lagi na lang nauungkat na di naman kasi nila kadugo, sana di na lang inampon, etc.  Adopting a baby is not the same as adopting a pet pero unfortunately, there are people who don't know the difference.

Yung iniisip ng iba na nagiging pasaway or bad ang mga adopted children, it's not because they're adopted but because of how you as their parent raise them.  Kahit kadugo mo at tunay mong anak, pwede rin maging pasaway o blacksheep so bakit sinisisi lagi sa pagiging adopted ng bata?

Being adopted myself, the worst thing I've had to deal with was being treated by some relatives as if second-class citizen ako kasi di nila ako tunay na kadugo.  Di ko na pinapansin kasi I was very fortunate with my adoptive parents kasi never ko nafeel na I wasn't their own.  Expect issues to be raised na normally di naman magiging issue if not for the fact na adopted ang bata.  How the child will deal with it will depend on how you, as the parents, treat and raise him/her.

My husband and I are still childless after four years of marriage.  Although we prefer to have children of our own, we are not closing the doors to adopting.  But we promised ourselves that if we were to adopt, we will love the baby as our own.  Whether or not ako nanganak sa bata will be a non-issue once nasa amin na sya.

[aquacharly]

If you will both love and treat  the adopted child the same way as your biological kids -- there should be no conflict.  There will be sibling rivalry, it is unavoidable, but such will not emanate from  nor get exacerbated by the adoption issue if you 2 will love them all the same way.

IMO, the issue here, CROWNEDSOCIALITE, is if you and your BF are ready to be responible parents. 
When in doubt - don't adopt. 

[gadgetfreak2011]

I have an adopted daughter she's 5yrs old now.I got her sa isang midwife. She was a blessing to us and i love her as my own. Gaya ng ibang mom siya muna bago kami.  ! very lovable naman din kze yung anak ko. she's pretty and lucky enough she looks like us, no one can really tell na she didnt came from me ( she wasn't planned na pinili itsura ng biological parents para d nalalayo sa itsura namin, maybe its God gift). May pag ka maldita nga lang siya but very sweet. But i dont think naman na kaya siya ganyan kaze adopted siya and in time if ever na may magawa man siyang pagkakamali in life. I would take it as ganun talga kahit naman indi adopted may nagagawang mali. Now im telling her na she didnt came from my tummy but was a gift from GOD. Di niya pa naiintindihan now but I hope maintindihan and matanggap niya din in time.

For those who are adopted: paano niyo nalaman and how did you feel knowing na adopted kayo? and hinanap niyo ba yung biological parents niyo. kase po ako bilang adoptive parent i dont wanna know them .

[babykat]

^ before I found out, i had this hunch na.  Given my mom's age and yung mga side comments that I heard (some well-meaning, some malicious, some unintended).  I only confirmed my hunch when I found my birth certificate stating my parent's real name. Di ko na sila hinanap since my birth mother died giving birth to me and my real dad has left the country already (either he or my birth mom were related to my adoptive dad).  Till now, I haven't made a move to get to know my siblings or learn about my birth parents kasi I know it will break my mom's heart.

[gadgetfreak2011]

^ awww that was so touching sis! kaze ako din if ever masasaktan din ako. para kaze indi pa ba enough yung pagmamahal ko? pero if ever na mangyari yun sana matanggap ko and maintindihan ko 

[babykat]

^ I think it's only natural for an adopted child to wonder where she came from.   That doesn't diminish naman her love for her adoptive parents.  May factor din kasi na iisipin mo bakit ka pinamigay ng birth parents mo, etc.

Have you read the news in yahoo about the two girls who were switched at birth?  At 12, they found out but both decided to stay with the mothers who raised them, not the ones who gave birth to them.  I know it's a different case pero I think it goes to show din na sometimes, what matters most is not whose womb you came from, but whose heart you grew up in.

[aquacharly]

Problems you will encounter with an adotped kid?

First, you will see first-hand the cruelty of children to children:
        Ampon!  Dinampot ka lang sa basurahan!  etc etc variations thereof. 
       
Second, you will also see the insensitivity of extended families. 
        May mga comment  dyan,  naku ampon nga lang yan, mas ok pa ang buhay   
                ... naka expensive pre-school quesa sa mga pinsan nya.  etc etc etc variations thereof. 
                As if the kid had a choice. 
         Dagdagan ko pa, makakarinig ka pa nang:  Naku, mahal na mahal yan kahit ampon lang 
                ...  Mga statements  na kabig-tulak or halik-sampal ika nga.  lol

Just be prepared to deal with/answer  all kinds of bias or prejudice vs your adopted kid.

[ldrwifey]

i dont get this attitude ng karamihan sa ating mga filipino ka kapag ampon is mas mababa kesa sa mga natural born kids, i mean pare parehas naman kayong anak diba. 

[zanabee]

one thing na naisip ko kahapon bakit pag ampon parang bawal magkamali? parang lagi nalang isusumbat sa kanya yung pagiging ampon nya pag nagkamali sila? this situation is very much unfair! kasi pag ang tunay na anak pag nagkamali madaling patawarin kasi nga anak siya talaga, bakit pag ang ampon pag may hindi magandang nagawa sa mga magulang na umapon sa kanya ang kaagad sasabihin ng iba "buti pang hindi mo na inampon yan, walang utang na loob"

i think we have to remember na hindi pinili ng batang ito na maging ampon sya, whatever na anumang maging pagkakamali niya dapat ituring na tao siya at kagaya din siya ng mga tunay na anak na hindi perpekto....never na ipapautang na loob ang pag-ampon sa kanila...

mga sis, have you watched yung ama, ina, anak? sina edu, maricel at angelica bida doon, makikita sa movie na yon gaano kasakit maging ampon kung hindi rational mag-isip yung ibang taong nakapaligid sa kanya...

[douxmadchen]

i have two cousins who are adopted. i think i was only 7 or 8 back then pero i remember everything clearly mula nung dumating yung unang cousin ko na inampon, pero kahit na bata pa lang ako nun at di naman ako sinabihan ng kahit na sino, syempre i kept quiet about it. we treat our adopted cousin like a sibling and all at close talaga sa amin. kahit minsan medyo nakakapikon siya, never kong naisip na isumbat sa kanya na ampon siya or what, kasi naman, pinsan lang naman ako noh, pero i do have question mga sis, kasi sabi ng friend ko, dapat daw as early as possible sinasabi na daw ng adoptive parents sa bata na ampon siya. ganun ba talaga dapat? naiisip ko lang kasi lagi, kung ano magiging reaction ng pinsan ko when she finds out na ampon siya, especially now na yung isa ko pang tita, nag-adopt na rin. i am afraid baka lumayo sila sa amin when they find out. at kung talagang dapat sabihin, what age ba ang appropriate for them to be informed about the truth?