Problems na pwedeng ma-encounter with an adopted kid

[babykat]

^ sadly, madalas, it's the adult relatives who discriminate against adopted children.  yung mga bata, di naman magrereact mga yan unless di rin naririnig or nagagaya sa mga older relatives nila.

[simplelife]

in myPOV

its much better to adopt a child out of love, rather than out of desperation... yung gusto lang talaga mag-adopt...hindi nahihirapan magbuntis etc... for me out of love yun.. sa nga tao naman na nag-aadopt out of desparation, yun mga hindi magkababy,..

kasi kapag yung huli, you just "settled" for the kid..

hay sobrang true ano? like sharon cuneta, juday and claudine. talagang out of love pero ang sweswerte nila kasi they have this means to support. kaya no worries kahit may sakit ang maadopt nila. i have a kakilala kasi ang naadopt nila may sakit. millions ang kailangan kasi kidney ata ang problem. hayyy ang hirap nito  it takes so much love from you para ang lahat na ipon mo or ari-arian mo ibenta just to save the life of ur adopted child. siguro nasasabi ko to kasi di naman ako ang napamahal sa bata. pero for those siguro na nagmahal na at treat the child like their body walang problem sa ganitong issue ko.

[swt_fem]

Hi mga sis, in my case, ako ang adopted. I can say na pinalaki nila ako ng tama kaya wala akong galit or regrets dahil adopted ako.

After 13 years, they adopted my sister. Hindi rin kami related. Biruan nga namin sa bahay, UNITED NATIONS kami. Hehe.

Bata palang ako may hinala na ako na adopted ako kasi yung maldita kong Tita, sinasabihan ako ng "Ampon ka lang naman!" Kaya advise ko sa mga plan mag adopt, sabihan nyo yung mga relatives nyo na ganun ang plan nyo at respetuhin nila. Kung hindi sila sang-ayon sa paga-adopt nyo e mind their own business nalang, huwag makialam!

I remember when I was still a kid, my parents would ask me, "Kung nalaman mong hindi ka namin tunay na anak, magagalit ka ba samin?" I would always answer them with a No. Parang hint hint lang sa umpisa tapos cinonfirm na talaga nila when I turned 16. Umiyak parin ako kasi iba parin yung feeling pag nanggaling na sa kanila mismo pero ayus lang. Hindi ko naman din ginusto na ma-meet pa biological parents ko.

[justin3]

Mabuhay ang mga PRO-LIFE! 

as for the query of TS (though inactive na sya), nasagot naman lahat ang pssible problems na mangyari.
im just bothered by the term "my long-time boyfriend and i"... parang eto ang problem pagdating ng panahon.

[keeshta]

^^ oo nga sis. What if, what if lang naman (knocking on wood and God forbid) eh they parted ways? How about the baby?

Topic: i have an adopted sister. inadopt namen siya when she was 6 y/o, now 19 na siya. Of course, may ugali na yung bata nung kinuha namen. Medyo may mga mali siyang mga pag-uugali, siguro dahil sa mga unang nagpalaki sa kanya or sa nakagisnan niyang buhay. pero unti-unti naman siyang naturuan or nabago yung mga unwanted traits niya. Saka isa pa, bata palang naman siya nuon madali pang i-mold yung character niya.

Alam naman niyang adopted child siya, pero never naming pinaramdam na iba siyang tao. We loved her like she came from my parents talaga. Kaso minsan, pag napapagalitan siya pag may nagawa siyang mali, minsan mag-eemo siya na "ampon lang naman daw siya". pero iniintindi nalang namen at pinaparamdam na wag ganun ang isipin niya.

Now that she's grown up, okay naman ang lahat. Na-instill naman sa kanya yung mga mabubuting asal na tinuro ng parents ko. And ang importante dun eh napalaki siyang mabuting tao regardless of where she came from. 

[nessy]

i am an adopted daughter by a good parents.and yes, i have had my share of rebelness specially when i was a teenager.the problem is,nalaman ko [textspeak!] truth when i was 13 na.at ang masakit e nalaman ko pa cya sa ibang tao.i think ang magiging problema lang naman e kung ndi nyo sinabi sa kanya ang totoo.dapat bata pa lang sasabihin nyo nsa agad [textspeak!] totoo p[ara ndi kayo magkaproblem.kasi kugn nalaman ko un beforehand,ndi [textspeak!] ako nagrebelde.

[Mom_S]

i guess it's better that at a young age, the adoptive parents should tell the adopted child the truth but in a storybook telling way... we are having a hard time coping this days with our teenager daughter. she's getting pasaway na and she got low grades na din. she is into counselling na rin by a psychologist... sometimes, we wonder if it really has to do with the genes coz despite of all the love & support we gave her, she's beginning to be a problem child to us...

[FunnieFrannie]

My husband and I are in our early 40's ( he's 43 and I'm 40). Last year we started the process of adopting a child and got in touched with DSWD-ARRU ( Adoption Resource and Referral Unit). We were able to submit all requirments 3rd week of November and got matched in March this year. Right from the start we wanted the child to know that she's adopted and even attended an Adoption Telling Forum in October 2011.

My POV on adoption -- 1) people nowadays are more open on adoption and most dont regard " adopted children as "2nd class" (at least in my circle of friends and  relatives). 2) there are some people who have biological children who still opted to adopt. 3) There are lots of children who ( abandoned or surrendered)  need a loving home. 4) A child whether biological or adopted needs a loving and caring environment -- and sometimes even when they grew up in a loving home they still might go thru a "rebellion phase". 5) There are many successful adopted children and there are some bad eggs ( the same way with biological children), your fear should not stop you from giving a child a loving home and a family he can call his own. As long as you do what is best for the chilld, pray that when he grows up he will make the right decisions in life and support him in anyway you can just in case he  doesnt-- then you can do no wrong. Parenting anyway is an adventure-- whether your journey as parent would be turbulent or smooth-sailing remains to be seen until make the leap:)).

Also, did you know that the ratio of foreigners adopting a filipino child vs. Filipinos adopting a Filipino child is 20:4? (based on the statistics of the orphanage where my daughter came from). 

[FunnieFrannie]

i guess it's better that at a young age, the adoptive parents should tell the adopted child the truth but in a storybook telling way... we are having a hard time coping this days with our teenager daughter. she's getting pasaway na and she got low grades na din. she is into counselling na rin by a psychologist... sometimes, we wonder if it really has to do with the genes coz despite of all the love & support we gave her, she's beginning to be a problem child to us...

I dont think it has to do with the genes at all. Behaviors are not inherited -- unless you are talking of mental illness. All children are born with different personalities and motivations. There are biological children who are also "pasaway" and rebellious . Often we label them as "problem child". But the label itself is a problem.  Could it be that they are children with problems? That the problem doesnt lie within them but " without" them (e.g., house setting, peers, relationships, etc). Often, parents are the last to know. most children dont want to tell their parents the truth because of fear of hurting them, disappointing them and being rejected by them. Just my opinion.

[ishko]

in my opinion, ang ugali namamana din.. it is also in the genes.. like my baby, 6 months pa lang pero ang pinapakita nyang ugali ay sa hubby ko.. so meron din sa genes at syempre pag laki  ng bata, pwede nyang baguhin ang ugali nya para yun ang maging character nya 

[rhumbafrapp]

I have cousins on both mother and father side na adopted

Yun sa mother side muna
Bale, yun isa older sakin. Kwento ng father ko when he was just courting my mom (extended yun family home) yun cousin ko na si T, lagi daw kawawa, kasi nabubuntal palagi, especially when yun isa sa mga boy cousins ko umiyak, on some perceived slight. Nakukurot pa daw sa singit ng grandma ko. Pero you know what, very nice talaga siya, did not harbor resentment. Happily settled naman siya. She is my favorite cousin, very pleasant and light lang kausap. Magalang pa
Yun isa naman, near my age. Anak sya ng sister ng aunt ko (my uncle is the bro of my mom) yun naman, siguro kasi ibang generation yun, so wala masyado issues, and by then yun grandma ko di naman na ganun ka-terror/commander like nice din yun, quiet lang. BTW, typical adopted child siya sa chinese, with the hopes of having a child after or something like that

then on my father side naman
naku, this girl S, was so unpleasant when we were kids. Kakahiya man to say, we ganged up on her, kasi talaga maldita nun bata. Pa-spoiled, feeling slighted always (well sometimes, hehe). I remembered, when we were kids, we never play with her, we would escape to another location just so di kami mapilitan to play with her. So childish. but there. But now, quiet nalang siya sa reunions, would always stay in 1 corner. Pero yun pala obvious na adopted siya kasi anglayo ng facial structure niya sa family

Bottomline,
Dapat open sa idea yun family. Kasi the kids can be more brutal (true), adults might resent (money, education, perks, etc). Dapat committed din yun adoptive parents, kasi like dun sa case nung isang aunt ko, medyo neglected yun adopted kid, kasi, well,  my aunt is retired and just on sustento-basis sa isang cousin ko, so dun sa adopted cousin S ko, di naman or very liit lang the money being given to her narin.

[design21]

I have a younger cousin who was adopted when her birthmom died due to childbirth. Yaya yung mom niya ng cousins ko so at first inalagaan lang nila nung mga 6 months na yung bata binibigay na sa biological father niya na tauhan din sa factory nila but ayaw ng dad alagaan so nag agree sila ipangalan nalang sa biological dad. So hindi siya legally adopted iba surname niya but she was treated the same. Maldita siya when we were kids. I can recall one time we were playing at sinaktan niya ako. Ofcourse it was natural magreact ang adults in my family. Alam naman ng bata na ampon siya. That was the time nagreact ang lola ko kasi may tendency manakit ang  cousin ko na ampon. She just hated the fact na ampon siya and she was mean sa mga maids kahit alam niya maid din naman ang birthmom niya. Hindi naman nagkulang sa disiplina parents niya kasi prior siya ampunin 5 na cousins ko sa tito at tita ko naawa lang sila sa bata.

[bluepolka]

may pinsan ako na adopted, pero hindi pa niya alam until now kahit 20 na sha. nakakaawa minsan kasi makikita mo talaga iba turing sa kanya compared sa kapatid niya na tunay na anak. im sure nararamdaman niya yung difference pero hindi niya naiintindihan at wala lang sha magawa. I hope nalang na galingan niya ang pagaaral niya at makahanap sha magandang trabaho kasi based sa mga naririnig ko, walang balak yung magulang niya iwanan sha ng mana. ang bait bait na bata pa naman niya compared sa kapatid niya.

[babykat]

^ ito yung di ko maintindihan sa mga nagaampon.  magaadopt sila tapos ipapakita naman na iba talaga ang trato sa batang inampon.

[kiz_me1109]

Time will come that he/she will look for his/her parents. Since the baby is a foreigner makikita niya agad na ibang iba siya sa parents na nakilala niya.

[xhawie0131]

we have also an adopted brother. we are all four girls kasi. my mom told her friend back then (who also has an adopted child) na if ever may boy na bata na gusto ipa ampon, sa kanya na. true enough, after a year her friend and the mother of the child - with the child (our brother was 1 year old then) came to our house. decided na talaga ang mother na ipaampon anak nya, she brought pa nga a blank birth cert. para kami na magpa binyag at mapa rehistro na sa name namin. so, my mom who is already 42 yrs old na that time - so we're thinking na may nagkaka baby pa naman talaga sa age na yan di ba? i am working (eldest ako) and my 3 siblings were still in college and hi-skul back then. My mom consulted us and no big deal naman sa amin. Lahat kasi kami mahilig sa bata. Excited pa nga ako kasi masaya na ulit sa bahay kasi may bata. We're thinking nga lang na baka bumalik yung biological mother kasi nga alam na ang bahay namin. Thank God, it's been 15 years hindi na rin nagpakita or nagparamdam sa amin (sana wag na forever). My brother is in 3rd yr hi-school na at eventually nalaman na din nya kasi unti-unting ino open up na din ni mama at pina pa intindi na kahit anung mangyare mahal namin sya higit pa sa tunay na anak at kapatid. alam na alam nya sobra namin syang mahal. super ma swerte sya ngayon kasi kahit may mga pamilya na kami na mga ate nya, sya pa rin ang baby namin. lahat ng hindi namin na bili noon, ngayon mayron sya. but not to the extent na ini spoil sya. our family din both from my mom and dad tanggap sya. hindi na rin magkalayo itsura namin. until, nung time na nalaman namin na hindi pala pumapasok sa school kasi nasa internet cafe. nasabihan ng mama ko na bumalik nalang sya sa tunay na mama nya. matapang kasi mama ko. kahit masakit sa kanya kung kailangan kang tikisin, titikisin ka talaga. tama talaga mga sis, nasa pagpapalaki talaga yan mapa tunay na anak or adoptive ka man. alam nyo ano sagot nya?? bahala na hindi sya paaralin basta titira parin daw sya sa amin at hindi raw sya babalik sa biological mother nya. napaluha talaga ako nung kinwento ng mama ko. kaya ngayon makikita kong maganda pagpapalaki namin sa kanya kahit alam nya kung ano sya. his in high school na at marami syang pangarap para sa parents ko. sana God will always guide him and i bless my mom & dad pa with good health and long life para mas magabayan pa sya. But, he knows naman na his Ates will always here for him..

kaya yes, huwag mag adopt if it's not out of love..

[FOURever]

I am young pa pero gusto ko mag ampon someday.. Siguro kapag stable na ako para hindi sya mahirapan sa buhay namin of course, gusto ko din magkapamilya,pero isa talaga to sa gusto ko.. Nainspire ako sa mga kwento dito..

[Joanalpny]

I'm adopted. Kamag anak din namin nag adopt sakin. Walang papers or anything so it was easy for them to return me back to my true parents. Grabe so stressful ang pagkabata ko. My foster mom loved me unconditionally. Malalaki na kasi lahat anak Nya when she got me. But then, I had issues with extended family members, kahit mga kids kong cousin and even classmates. Pag pinapakilala nila ako sa mga bisista or friends, 'alaga ni Mommy, tita etc'. Made me insecure and stuff. Nag rebelde ako actually. Sobra tigas ng ulo ko. Pero Sobrang pinagsisihan ko yun because my foster mom had to return me to my true parents dahil na rin sa sulsol. Palagi kasi sya abroad dahil sa blsusiness. Naisip ko nag ngayon dapat ako nalang nakisama sakanila but I was so young back then grade school palang ako. Ok na rin kasi nakilala ko yung side ng parents ko mga tita Tito cousins ko talaga. Kaya masaya at least sakanila I feel I belong.

Hindi ko rin nagustuhan sa true parents ko Ewan ko pero iba ang feeling. I wanted my foster mom. When I was in college na kinuha ako ulit ng foster mom ko. Sya din naghatid sakin sa altar at my wedding. 😃

Me and hubby blessed with 1 daughter and planning for 1-2 more . Hehe. I don't know if We will consider adoption Dahil Baka Hindi ko magampanan ng tama. Iba din kasi ang tunay na anak.And simple advice sa mga gusto mag adopt. Love them unconditionally at wag nyo papalampasin ang psychological abuse ng mga extended fam. May times nun na Hindi ako kasi nag open up Kay foster mom e. Love unconditionally and always understand them. Kung di kaya bigay to wag nalang kayo mag adopt. Kasi pede naman mag paaral nalang para sa future nila.

[amethyst028]

my youngest sister was adopted by my tito (youngest brother ng mom ko) when she was 3yrs. old. hindi kasi sila magka anak. tita ko medyo nakakainis pag may palpak na ginawa yung sis ko like madami naliligaw sa kanya sa school (which is not her fault by the way) my tita will say na nagmana daw samin sister ko. or pag may issue with my sis tatawag agad siya sa mom ko mag rereklamo as if naman kasalanan ng mom ko yun e high school na sister ko. dapat akuin niya yun kasi siya ang nagpalaki dun.

until now na married na sister ko samin pa din sinisisi ng tita ko kung bakit ganun ugali ng sister ko. ano bang kinalaman namin sa actions niya diba? we hardly see her kasi ayaw ng tita ko na nakikipag usap siya samin or sumasama lumabas.

sister ko naman pag may argument sila ng tita ko lagi daw niya sinasabi na kaya ganun ang parents niya kasi ampon lang siya. she is not spoiled pero madalas nakukuha niya gusto niya only child kasi. maaga din siya nag asawa feeling ko para makawala na sa parents na nag ampon sa kanya.

[Dyewel]

Before ako ipanganak nag-ampon parents ko (not legally, pamangkin ni mommy) ipinanaganak ako 7yrs later. Growing up, never ako nagselos dahil nasanay ako na nandyan sya. Sya ang laging nagsi-selos, laging line nya porke nag-iisang anak masama ugali. During hs and college years, napansin ko na laging in favor of him si mommy, kasi daw kawawa nman. Saka bka daw sabihin ng ibang tao pinababayaan namin. In short, i grow up na independent samantalang kuya ko dependent kay mommy. Until now, paminsan-minsan napapagalitan pa rin ako ni mommy. Pinababayaan ko daw kuya ko (pareho na kya kaming may pamilya! Un nga lang mas nakakaluwag kmi mag-asawa. Ginawa kasi ni kuya maglakwatsa sa halip na mag-aral)
I dont hate him or my mom but i feel sad kasi feeling ko my mom love him more . Just wishes that she my mom loves us equally or sna nag-effort to make me feel loved the way she loves my adopted bro.