Marriage problems/issues/ complaints etc. pasok dito...

[krispygreen]

@drinveilside

I once encountered an article that says resentment is a major affection killer. So I suggest before attacking your wife sa mga things na ginagawa or hindi nia ginagawa, try to examine her first. I agree kay isang sis na too much yung almost overnight out with friends unless pinaalam nia sayo na overnight sila and all girls lang. You mentioned nagkamali ka dati and siguro you're fully aware na nahurt mo si wife mo dati. Do you think naka move on na sya and nagheal na sya from the emotional trauma caused by your actions? Minsan kasi jump into conclusions and say words with the lack of right judgement pero we fail to realize the emotional impact it caused our spouses. I feel like we're on the same situation and ako yung nasa position ni wife mo. The difference is hindi ako lumalabas masyado with friends and we don't have kids yet. My husband used to throw false accusations at me paulit ulit yan. I felt like he hated me for being this person na binuo nia sa mind nia. Yung tipong no matter what I do he always find things to be mad about, there was never a room for error and pag nagkamali ka he will magnify it as if ang laki ng kasalanan mo. I felt like I'm not allowed to have a voice in our relationship and no matter how I explain myself he never believed in me and sasabihan ka na palaban and ayaw magpatalo. So I shut my mouth and kept everything inside na lang para hindi mag away. Looking back sana hindi ako nag stop ipagtanggol yung sarili ko hanggang sa maging open sya and marealize nia na wala akong masamang ginawa sakanya. Believe me mas ok pa na mag away kesa dumating sa point na hindi na kayo nagaaway because you're both tired na of the cycle. I just belatedly realize na the moment I shut my mouth was the moment I started to resent him and our sexlife started to become almost nonexistent.

[krispygreen]

^^
Hay sis couldn't agree more sa long term issues. Ang hirap na talaga balikan kasi nagpatong patong na and ang hirap na to fix kasi you don't know where to start anymore.

[drinveilside]

Guys thank you so much for all of your response, i really appreciate it from the bottom of my heart this is with out BS.

I would like to apologize to all the ladies in here but thank you again because i didnt know what i was doing isnt helping the situation now that i know and heard your side i will not try to bring up the past but instead go forward easier said than done but i guess this is the best way.

when we first argued about her flirtations online she admitted it was resentment already and that she basically doesnt love me the way she did because of a lot of things that affected but the most important factor was cheating, I asked her if she still want to fix this and she said just give her time and leave her friends. It has been a cycle of love and hate for the last 6 months and it has affected our entire family my kids getting sick , my daughter fell out of the top 10 from school, financially challenged as well, I almost thought that i wouldnt last until this year because of the crazy things that has happened.

Just this past weekend was great as we had time together just the two of us we didnt have sex i just gave the food she wanted she asked for bulalo and i happen to know the nearest place for it we were both full that day and she was happy she didnt know that i was happier , the next day which was yesterday we also ate out just the 2 of us we left the kids behind and she was okay, we were fine. I think that was the missing part that i let slip by we never had time to be with each other because the kids are always with us.

I guess this is the safest route right now even though its expensive i dont mind if it keeps my family together. I have to admit though i will miss this because i would be pushing to work abroad next year, to provide better i hope i am doing the right thing

[kvandenhaak]

^I think the best option is to separate for the meantime.

[Shadow Angel]

^^ I agree you need "wife/husband bonding time. Hindi naman dapat mawala yan. No need to spend if kapos sa budget night movie kapag tulog na mga kids. Though I am not agree na aalis ka without fixing first your relationship with your wife. Para sa akin lang hindi ko gusto ang magkahiwalay or mag abroad ang isa sa inyo. Napakaswerte ng ibang couple na matatag pa rin kahit na magkalayo. Kadalasan kasi ok financially pero ang relationship naman hindi ok. Anyhow goodluck I hope maayos nyo pa willing naman pala kayo dalawa need nyo lang ng more understanding and effetive communication.

[krispygreen]

drinveilside

Goodluck sa inyo ng wife mo. Tama si sis Shadow Angel try talaga to fix the relationship lalo na mag kakahiwalay kayo. Super challenging ng long distance relationship and sana by the time na maka alis ka nag heal na kayo both or else mauulit lang yung cycle. Regarding s*x sa totoo lang siguro swerte kapa kung once a week ka wala..Kami ng husband ko minsan once/twice a month minsan almost 3 months wala. Masakit sakin sobra lalo deep inside me I know he needs it and that's one of the major part that bonds us together pero hindi ko din talaga mapilit sarili ko parang sobrang guarded ako and the cycle of the constant push and pull ng issues sa relationship namin makes it even worst. 

[drinveilside]

i dont know if its fair but there is an article that sometimes the most effective way for a guy to feel intimacy is sex

but the first thing i lost with what happened is her belief in me guys arent hard to please or make them happy making them realize that you are enough is probably the only consolation that guys can ask for if sex is not that active. however there are times that i felt so frustrated because even if she doesnt say it i can feel that how she wish i was able to provide for them better. this is the same reason why i really want to work abroad its not like i cant provide but it seems like that is the best way.

sorry guys honestly i am still not okay i am hurting and loving at the same time. again i am not perfect but i am abit broken sorry if am not making any sense right now i am crying in front of my keyboard while praying to god to end this misery that we are in, one thing i know for sure is to always put her happiness before me..

thanks guys.......

[Len0523]

Do you want to hear from wife like, its OK dont go abroad just to have a better living.
We can work it out even if you earn enough because what is important is to be with the family.

To be honest, if you work abroad without settling the family issue first, maaaring makapagprovide ka ng mas malaki pero baka matuluyan lumayo loob nyo sa isat isa. At baka mabaliw ka doon, imagine, yung pagod mo it wont be appreciated, you wont get the support you wanted, you dont have the so called intimacy you longing for with your wife, you dont have the kids beside to give you comfort, you will tired working, homesick, etc.

6 months, maaaring konting tyaga pa. Kaya mo yan. Kayanin mo.
Seeing her happy while dating her is already a sign.
You know already saan mo dapat umpisahan.
Yung pagseserve mo sa kanya ng breakfast is already taken for granted. normal na sa kanya yan.
Exert some more effort. Surely youll win her back. Pray a little more.
God is testing your patience. So prove it.
I think your wife still loves you thats why she?s asking for more time.
Maybe she?s still hurting deep inside she is not happy but thats the only she can do
to win you back, to court her and make her suyo again to let her feel how much you love her.

so keep going.

[AprilGal26]

So ayun, my bf, his wife and the daughter arrived a week ago from their vacation sa HK 
Nagwork nga yung plano nya 
Just through gut-feel and kahinahinalang posts nung wife sa fb, na talagang binibigyan nya ko ng hint about sa nangyari sa kanila pero never akong minessage, I forced my bf na umamin kung may nangyari 
at first, syempre paulit ulit nyang ini-insist na wala, pero in the end, umamin din 
Sobrang stupid nung, "hinubaran nya na lang ako", "tumigil nga sya kasi parang nakikita nya sa muka ko na ayaw ko talagang magcheat sayo"
Nakakainis ng sobra 
Baka nakakainis din ako kasi hinayaan ko 

[Shadow Angel]

^Grabe so ok pa rin kayo ng bf mo? Bakit hindi ka ng insist na sumama?

[kvandenhaak]

Nakakainis yang mga ex na hindi maka-move on. Ang sarap pagsasampalin...lol!

[AprilGal26]

^Grabe so ok pa rin kayo ng bf mo? Bakit hindi ka ng insist na sumama?

Expired kasi talaga passport ko 

Sinasabi ni bf na ako mahal nya, pero hindi ko matanggap kaya I left him 

[mysterioza_me]

^Oh-em-gee! Naloka ako sa katwiran na hinubaran siya, may kamay naman siya sana pinigilan niya. Bakit ganun ang lalake sasabihin mahal ka nila pero nakakalimutan ka nila kapag nasa kalib*gan?! Kagigil!

[shinies]

I left him 

Mainam yan. Yung pag payag pa lang niya na iwanan ka para magsama silang 2 adults lang "for the sake of their daughter" eh alam na.. Patawa pa yung rason na "hinubaran nya na lang ako" may masabi lang?

Move on.. Hanap ka ng magmamahal sayo na walang sabit.

[kvandenhaak]

It takes two to tango. Something happened because he let it. At saka, they were married so my lingering feelings. But the ex wife is a b*tch ha? She doesn't want him to move on but they're not getting back together. 

[plumpolka]

It takes two to tango. Something happened because he let it. At saka, they were married so my lingering feelings. But the ex wife is a b*tch ha? She doesn't want him to move on but they're not getting back together.

I really hate women who uses their kids just to get back to their exes. Although they are still married at wife parin sya, pero kung inayawan ka na ng lalaki, then let go. Men will stay if they want to stay and mali na iblackmail sila sa anak nila.

Mine is an absentee father to his son (or i think he is) but he will always be welcome in our family if he wants to pag may isip na sya. Pero if he will communicate through the mom, sila na lang. out of the equation na ako. Maybe for some mali, but if only the ex (mom) cooperated with us edi sana mas madali buhay ng lahat especially the kid. They say lalaki lagi ang masama for being an absentee father but most of the time it?s their mom who drove their father away because they dont give them the chance to be happy with someone else. E sa ayaw na nga. But doesnt mean ayaw nila sa anak nila. At naniniwala akong walang lalaki ang tatanggi sa sex pag sila na lang mag-isa sa kwarto ng babae. So its really up to us women kung ibubukaka mo ba o hindi. Either he raped you o ginusto mo yan. At least imo...

[kaythrielle]

Lesson learned dyan: huwag na lang pumatol sa mga may previous wife at anak...iwas hassle. Yung single na lang.
Sabagay nagkakaubusan na ata ng mga lalaki eh...lol! joke lang.
Buti sis Aprilgal left him. Good riddance. Kung nagawa nya yan that time how can she be so sure na hindi yan mauulit. She deserve someone better.

[plumpolka]

^ mukhang mahirap na walang sabit dahil ang daming babae ang nabubuntis ng di naman asawa. I dont know anong meron sa generation ngayon, puro anak muna walang kasal. Lalo na sa mga teenager! Myghad. Mas lalong wala ng lalaking walang sabit sa kanila hahaha

[Shadow Angel]

^lahat naman may chance sa new beginning or love kahit pa may anak at may ex pero tama ka dyan may choice naman mamimili bakit ka pipili ng alam mong magiging problema mo pagdating ng araw. Lalo na kung dalaga ako, may maayos na work, etc. Siempre hahanap ka ng alam mo deserve mo. Kaya pag nagbibigay ng interest un may mga ganyan na di ko gusto hindi ko inientertain kahit pa friendship para walang pagsimulan ng kung ano mang emotion. Mahirap kasi ganyan lalo na kung si ex ay bitchesa.

[mysterioza_me]

^^Ako sis naniniwala pa naman ako na may lalaki na malakas ang self-control. And true na may instances na ang mom ginagamit ang bata either to win the father back or para pasakitan ang ama (without thinking and realizing na nasasaktan din nila ang anak nila in the process).

Halos same ang situation namin ni AprilGal, ang difference lang binatilyo na son ng bf ko so pwedeng hindi na dumaan sa mom ang usapan nila.
I give my bf and his son a
time to bond and to travel ng silang 2 lang pero ang kondisyon ko ayaw ko na kasama ang mom. Ibang storya na kapag kasama ang nanay tiyak na mag-aaway kaming 2. They are only allowed to talk kapag usapang tuition fee bukod dun wala na silang pwedeng pag-usapan. Hindi din namin maintindihan trip ni wife. Si wife nakipaghiwalay kay bf hinabol-habol pa siya and inamo ng medyo matagal na panahon pero walang nangyari. Tapos nitong nakarecover na si bf sa nangyari sa marriage nila si wife naman parang ewan lang na nagpapapansin kaya niblocked na siya ng bf ko sa lahat ng form of communication. Dun na lang sa bata siya may communication.