Marriage problems/issues/ complaints etc. pasok dito...

[mysterioza_me]

tama ka dyan may choice naman mamimili bakit ka pipili ng alam mong magiging problema mo pagdating ng araw. Lalo na kung dalaga ako, may maayos na work, etc. Siempre hahanap ka ng alam mo deserve mo.

Hay naku sis tama ka. Para din akong kumuha ng bato na ipinukpok ko sa ulo ko haha. Ewan ko ba pinakaiwas-iwasan ko mainvolved sa may asawa dun din ako napunta. Alam ko kwento nila from the start to beginning since kilala ko sila parehas. Wala akong masasabi sa bait at sipag ng bf ko nagkataon lang siguro na may iba pang hinahanap si wife na wala kay bf. Yun nga lang kung dati ng may ugali si misis lalong nagkaugali nun malaman na naka-moved on na si mister from her. Bf tried to be civil to her pero si girl parang laging galit at paatake kaya nauuwi sa away usapan nila. Sana maging civil sila for the sake of their child.

[shinies]

Lesson learned dyan: huwag na lang pumatol sa mga may previous wife at anak...iwas hassle. Yung single na lang.

Yan din turo sa amin. Yung tanging pinsan ko na hindi sumunod, ayun, di maganda kinahinatnan ng buhay niya 

[plumpolka]

Easy to say pero mahirap gawin lalo na if you?re really in love with the person. Madalas naman you cant choose who you?ll love. But you can choose kung kanino ka magstay. Pero mahirap parin pag magkaiba sinasabi ng puso at isip mo. hehe

^^ good for you sis. Sakin kasi hiwalay na sila bago pa mag 1 yr old yung bata. (Not married pero nag live in sila sa house ni bf nung buntis kasi hindi daw tanggap ng mama ni girl na nabuntis yung anak nya). So baby pa talaga. Before ok lang naman sakin na nakikita nya anak nya until pinamukha sa akin nung ex-gf na ?hinahabol? pa sya ni bf, na lagi sya niyayaya lumabas (malamang, may anak sila so lalabas sila as ?family? pero ang gusto nyang palabasin sa akin is parang sya ang hinahabol i-date). Then nabuko ko na sila na may nangyayari pa sa kanila so i left him. E kaso iniwanan parin naman nya ulit ex nya. Hinabol na naman nya ako. But para sakin, once niloko mo na ako sa kanya, di ako magpapakatanga na bubulag bulagan na lang ako na naguusap na naman kayo ?para sa anak? lang. yes as much as possible ayoko na lang na magcommunicate sila kasi naloko na ako dati so bakit pa ko magpapauto sa ganong style nila. And okay din naman na sa bf ko yun kasi alam din nya na pagdating ng araw, hahanapin din naman sya ng anak nya. And the ex is still fb friends sa family ni bf so na-uupdate parin naman sya sa anak nya and for him, enough na yun. And if she thinks na walang kwentang tatay si bf, maybe she has to rethink if may kwentang nanay ba sya. Because if she is, kahit para sa anak na lang nya, she couldve acknowledged na ex na lang sya at may iba ng gf ang tatay ng anak nya. She may have been replaced as the gf but she will never be replaced as the mom of her child naman e so kahit makilala pa ng anak nya yung bagong gf, she will always be just the ?tita?. If only she was friendly to me kasi i really wanted to have a good relationship with her. Not friends siguro but at least not enemies since we share the same goal why we have to be civil and its because of the child di ba. Sad lang kasi ang talo lagi is yung bata. But if the ex and the present has a good relationship, mas maganda sa bata di ba? Kasi mas madami syang macoconsider na ?parents? nya and mas marami gagabay sa kanya paglaki nya. Time will come na his parents will both have their own ?legal? families but at least he got 2 sets of parents to guide and love him.

Medyo napahaba kwento but i think this is already a common issue/problem in todays world. Like i said, ang dami na din kasi na gf palang may anak na, live in kasi may anak na kahit di pa naman kasal. Dami rin lalaki na puro pasarap lang. (kaya dapat yes to pills and contraceptives tayo girls char!) And sa mahal at bagal din ng annulment dito sa pinas, Minsan hindi mo na lang talaga mahihintay.

[kvandenhaak]

^^Ako sis naniniwala pa naman ako na may lalaki na malakas ang self-control. And true na may instances na ang mom ginagamit ang bata either to win the father back or para pasakitan ang ama (without thinking and realizing na nasasaktan din nila ang anak nila in the process).

Kapag kasi ayaw naman talaga ng lalake, kahit ano pang landi ni girl they won't do it. I am in a similar situation with the guy I am seeing. However, they didn't really have a relationship. It was very early when they girl, got pregnant. I won't be surprised if it was first time, a one night stand and she got pregnant. Now, the athlete (the guy I am seeing) is stuck because she's using the child to manipulate him. He swears though that if he found out 5 days earlier what kind of woman she is and there's an alien spaceship that came, he'd say, "Come and take me away from this woman!"...LOL! That's exactly how he feels about her. So, kahit ano landi ni girl, he doesn't even go near her unless he is taking the child. And that, of course, is very different from ex-wives or ex-GF (yung nagkaron talaga ng relationship) because they were in love at some point in their lives. There can be lingering feelings.   So, in the Filipino set-up, mahirap talaga ma-involve sa guys na hiwalay sa asawa. In our sister's case, they are obviously not getting along that well. Otherwise, nagkabalikan na sana sila. The wife just doesn't want him to be happy and will do everything to make his life miserable. She's bitter that he is moving on with his life. Mahirap talaga ang ganyang situation.

[AprilGal26]

Thanks mga sis 
I was surprised na usual na pala talaga yung ganitong set up and may mga exes pala talaga na gumagawa nito 

I remember sometime ago, someone said, "Never ever let your boyfriend to be with their exes ng sila lang. The mind may forget everything, but the body will always remember" (referring to lust)

Maybe this is how I should start my 2018, moving on.

Virtual hugs to all of you 

[mysterioza_me]

Kapag kasi ayaw naman talaga ng lalake, kahit ano pang landi ni girl they won't do it. 

Naniniwala ako dito. Ang lalake kapag ayaw na ayaw na niyan, walang makakapilit. Kapag ayaw nila sa babae mahahalata mo ang disgust nila. Mabanggit pa lang ang name naiirita na sila or mag-iiba facial expression. Kaya for sure may mangyari man sa kanila ni girl e ginusto din niya.

[kaythrielle]

Yup definitely nasa lalaki yan. It doesn't matter kung married or single...kung gusto gumawa ng kalokohan or hindi, nasa tao yun.

With regards to what i mentioned last time, na iwasan ang may previous wife and anak para iwas hassle....i wasn't talking about sa mga nakabuntis lang ng gf, or nag-live in. I meant those who really got married, may contract sa law at church, at may anak sila as husband and wife.

Kasi hindi basta basta ang annullment. Super hassle ang maging involved sa isang guy na may hawak pa ang ex-wife sa kanya (legally) dahil hindi pa annulled ang kasal. And for the guy, feeling "obligated" talaga sya sa anak nya because he and mother of his kid were married. Compared sa mga guy i know na iniwan ang gf (live in or not), buhay binata lang sila once naghiwalay na.

And if you get involved sa previously married guy, kahit hiwalay na sila ng wife, pero hindi pa annulled, how long are you willing to wait for the guy diba before you can get married. (Unless you don't have plans to get married edi ok. Just sana walang maging kids na involved)

And i know of those who were in that situation, pagkatagal tagal, once annulled na nga, the guy wasn't too eager to get married again naman. The girl just wasted her youth sa guy eh ilang taon na sya and wants to get married and have a family pa naman.


That is the situation in pinas pero abroad madali lang. so if ever possible naman talaga, single na lang. but of course, that's just my pov.

Cheers!

[Girltalker2]

It takes two to tango. Something happened because he let it. At saka, they were married so my lingering feelings. But the ex wife is a b*tch ha? She doesn't want him to move on but they're not getting back together.

For me I can?t blame the Wife to try everything. Pero Si guy, is a weakling lampa. Kung talagang wala na sila, how can they stay in 1 room? He should have booked another room.

[Girltalker2]

Easy to say pero mahirap gawin lalo na if you?re really in love with the person. Madalas naman you cant choose who you?ll love. But you can choose kung kanino ka magstay. Pero mahirap parin pag magkaiba sinasabi ng puso at isip mo. hehe

Dito I disagree. We can always choose who we want to love. Kasi sa umpisa palang, you don?t allow your feelings to grow to love if alam mo may sabit yung guy. Di ka naman basta Ma in love in 1 minute. It takes a lot of getting to know you dates and conversations, that is if hahayaan mo.

Like i said, ang dami na din kasi na gf palang may anak na, live in kasi may anak na kahit di pa naman kasal. Dami rin lalaki na puro pasarap lang.

True

Gf palang willing na magpabuntis kahit May asawa si guy. Kahit di pa malinis papeles.

So for me importante na annulled talaga yung Guy if he truly loves you and want to pursue you. Then kasal muna before kayo mag anak.

If di naman sila kasal, di ko maintindihan why there are so many gfs na naanakan na super clingy.

Case naman ng partner ko, we are not married but he is divorced. He is not friends with his ex so direcho lagi with kids ang dealings nila. Malalaki na kasi kids - young adults and teens.

Case ko naman, ako mismo nagfile ng annulment at bahala na ex ko makigulo sa mga babae at kabit nya, regardless if naanakan nya or not. Basta labas nako doon. I don?t want to have anything to do with his stressful at magulo na buhay.

[Shadow Angel]

^agree ako dyan sis sa may choice ka kung sino mamahalin mo. Hindi kasi ako naniniwala sa love at first sight or siguro di ito nangyari sa akin. Kapag may red flags hindi ko na binibigyan ng chance kahit pa friendship.

[glamorosa_09]

True naman ang love at first sight, but it's not the "true love" as we commonly know it (e.g., accepting someone despite knowing one's flaws). In psychology, they call it limerence (google na lang pag may time). May physiological aspect din kasi dito, and therefore involuntary. It has been depicted several times in movies. Mahirap idescribe ang experience when it hasn't happened to you. Pray it won't happen to you or to your partner. Para kang nagka-viral infection.

Mahirap when a committed person ay tinamaan nito, lalo na if it's mutual limerence. But then we're not just a product of our physiological reactions/urges/attractions. We have intellect, free will and morality, we can choose our actions on what to do with that strong (especially mutual) attraction. Kaya lang, awareness and acknowledgment is the first step to combat it. Never ever allow yourself to be emotionally close and be physically alone with that person if hindi pwede.

[drinveilside]

here i am again... tired and all

why does my wife openly speak about parting ways if not for our kids...

I know you already know my story from the past ... my wife and the guy stopped their whatever in chat.

but my wife is back to being nocturnal again and sleeping during day time, because she spends more than half of her day talking to her friends online or playing online games.

i am so fcking tired we lost maynilad water last monday morning and i had to find away for us to have water obviously thats my job .

couple of days prior to that my wife spent an overnight stay again in antipolo with 21 of their friends because her friend from thailand paid them a visit. she left before lunch and went home sunday night, by the time she got home she was so tired because of travel time and lack of sleep, we both slept early with our kids, she didnt had the time to talk about what transpired during the weekend, i didnt want to hear it anyway because honestly i still dont understand the need for her to go when i do pretty much the chores at home.

she does laundry only her clothes for zumba and what not.

i am so freaking tired right now  yesterday i went home still no water ... she was sleeping, took my kid youngest to school, had to eat my own fcking breakfast because i need to because i have to fetch water again ... after filling in the water worth  80 gallons, had to do the dishes and she was still sleeping so i prepared the rice and bought food because i was so freaking exhausted just imagine the heat of the sun.

what i hate about it is she is starting to irritate me complaining about how i smell i dont have body odor to begin with i dont use deo and she knows that. obviously being out in the sun for 2 freaking hours and lifting two 5 gallons and filling it mano mano style, anywone would freaking sweat like a pig ... and when she woke up all she did was eat the food i prepared .. i think i made a mistake getting her a new phone because while waiting to eat she was chatting with her friends again.

i am no longer happy because i dont feel my efforts is appreciated .. just imagine coming home from graveyard shift no breakfast and all and she would still raise her voice if nag dadabog ako ..

i still got no one to talk about this specially not my mom and dad..

our neighbors every time they see me outside says nice things about me that i am a great father but i still defend my wife because they ask why i told them she allergy when she cooks, so i am the one who cooks instead

working and literally providing food on the table and even do the laundry weekly...

I dont smoke and drink

i am tired part of me is willing to let her be but part of me dies just the thought of her leaving us.

i know she would always tell me that i cheated on her but that was 8 years ago.. i guess its true forgiveness is one thing forgetting is another...

[Girltalker2]

Like before, all you need to do is talk to her. Give her an ultimatum. If not, make plans to leave her at isama mo ang kids mo.

[mysterioza_me]

^^Hay kakalungkot. Andaming babae na gusto ng maayos na asawa na pero di sila nabiyayaan. I agree na bigyan mo ng ultimatum if hindi titino then leave her. Ultimo pag-ayos na lang bills di maasikaso. Ang hirap ng walang tubig lalo na summer na dito.

[lilu]

@drinveilside Siguro pagnaayos na ng Maynilad yung sa problema sa tubig, magiging ok na pakiramdam mo.. dala lang kasi yan ng pagod. Kung taga South ka, ilang araw na nga talaga walang tubig. Sa wife mo naman, obserbahan mo muna mga kilos nya, kausapin mo din ng masinsinan or baka kulang lang sa lambing.

[drinveilside]

thanks everyone for your response.

we argued about it yesterday before eating lunch same process maynilad is okay now they fixed it ...

up to the point of me asking if she really want to part ways i asked her many times since she values her friends so much...

I coul easily be selfish and leave them behind my parents can take me to the US and forget all this but i chose to stay

i told her i dont like that she is giving too much attention to her friends honestly i told her that even if i would leave she wouldnt miss me because her friends would always be there as she has claimed and all she said was "are you sure?" and i said yes

she told me that she is staying at home and that should be enough, i told her i am doing all these things because i thought it would be beneficial for us but at the end of the day she only sees me as a provider she told me that once she starts working that she doesnt know what would happen.

I told her so you really want to part ways and let the kids suffer? she said they wont suffer..

I dont know why she is pushing me away add to the fact that my grandmother is in critical condition right now i told her i wanted to talk to you about my grandma but you dont have time because you were so focused with your friends and i told her out of madness that even if my grandma dies and we would go there to her funeral that she would be online again on her phone and talking to her friends.

Because i told her when we were at my father's house all she did was chat with her friends, she told me what should i do since she cant mingle with my relatives because they use to belittle her .

honestly this is too much for me i know i talk too much and i may not make sense but this is fcking me up right now

[kvandenhaak]

It takes two to tango. You want to fix your marital problems but both requires cooperation. If she's not up to it, what's the point? it sounds like she is really pushing your button.

[mysterioza_me]

May ibang guy si Misis feeling ko lang. Dinadahilan lang ang friends. Baka nga same group of friends pa sila ni guy.

[drinveilside]

^^ well when we argued yesterday about it she told me thats the last thing that she would do...

people can say daw na tamad sya
people can say daw na wala syang pakilam but to call her nanlalake it hurts daw kasi its not the truth...

[otra_vez]

^like the other member said, leave her and take your kids with you. she sounds like a deeply unhappy person but that is in no way your problem and you & your kids shouldn't suffer for it.