Marriage problems/issues/ complaints etc. pasok dito...

[chedz.03]

^Thanks sa mga payo sis.  Actually ini-add niya si Girl sa FB account namin, ini-unfriend ko siya.
For now, hinahayaan ko na lang muna. Nasstress ako eh, baka makasama sa baby, kagabi i was crying non-stop na, so nung inamo niya ko, naggive in na ko.  And he assured me na wala lang talaga sa kanya yun, so for now, i'll accept his excuses.  For now...

sis if you are really not comfortable sa ganung "friendship" nila ni crush of hubby then tell it straight to him. For me, I don't mind losing one "not so important person" in my life rather than give my husband headaches thinking what's really the real score between me and the guy (putting myself in the situation). Lalo ngayon you are preggy mas dapat pagbigyan ka ni hubby.

[Tea97]

.... I can't help but falling out of love to my husband.Pero hindi ko kaya hiwalayan dahil mahal ko anak ko,ayoko lumaki siya na broken family,wala sa tabi yung dad niya,As a matter of fact,she is a daddy's girl. I was married because i got pregnant.Before i love him, pero unti unti nawawala or wala na talaga...........

Naku Calistamom, what a difficult situation you found yourself in. Hindi naman maibabalik pa ang panahon para mabago lahat. And lalong magwworsen ang situation kapag nakikita mo na hindi mairespeto ng mister mo ang magulang mo. Ganun din ba sya sa mga magulang nya? Kasi baka values issue na yun.

Siguro subukan mo i-limit yung pagbibigay sa asawa mo, and let him have goals to target, para naman maramdaman nya maging padre de familia. For example, sya na ang magluto para di sya maarte sa kainan. Kung nakikitira kayo sa magulang mo, subukan nyong bumukod muna para ma-lessen din yun friction between your mom and your husband (and effectively between you and hubby). Tanungin mo asawa mo if gusto nya ba nang ganon, and if he says yes, then he has to do his part para suportahan nya ang pamilya nyo (kahit ba one-bed room lang). Hopefully may pag asa pa sya - baka kasi kaya kayo nag aaway e dahil wala syang trabaho and normally, short-fused ang mga walang trabaho dahil pakiramdam nila wala silang pakinabang. Lastly, sana i read it right, same religion kayo and it seems you are religious enough -- it may sound cheesy, pero set aside time, maybe before you go to bed, to say thanks to the Lord for your blessings, and for His providence sa mga pangangailangan nyo. Dun sana e makita ng hubby mo na kelangan may commitment sya sa pagpasok sa marriage life, not just to you and your child but to God as well. Kung di naman magbago or di nagpapakita ng intention to change, at kayang-kaya mo naman buhayin anak mo, mas mabuti hiwalayan mo na. Kesa matuto ang anak mo na mang-away ng magulang. Marami rin naman mga batang galing sa broken homes na masayahin, mas matibay pa nga sila minsan dahil sa dinanas nila.

God  bless and will pray for your family's healing.

[break_free]

Sis chedz, feeling ko nga na para sa parents niya yun. Baka nagpapabili nga ng car... Hirap yan sana sis i hope for the best sa inyo.

Sis Calista, tamad ba siya yung walang kusa? Alam mo ganyan yung first bf ko buti di kami nagkatuluyan. LOL kaya naiintindihan kita. pero sis eto ha, try exhaust all efforts na kausapin siya at encourage siya na mag grow (this is for the baby and maybe save your marriage), pero after that at wala pa rin talagang pag babago or willingness man lang eh maybe time to let go na tutal sis sabi mo di mo na siya love eh at yun ang reality now alangan naman mag sinungaling ka sa sarili mo di ba just for the sake sa sasabihin ng ibang tao. Now pa lang sis, [textspeak!] ka manghingi ng prof advice sa mga ibat bang  marriage counsillor, wag lang isa ha pero pasikreto lang. Nagpaka martir din ako dati, as in me ang mega gastos dami kong pera at maganda work at magaling ako makahanap ng pagkakakitaan pero dahil sa di siya magandang influence sa buhay ko pati ako lumubog, at never ko iaadvice sa iba na magpaka martir din. Iniisip ko dati na baka depress lang siya or something kaso hindi eh, ugali talaga eh lahat naman ginawa ko para encourage sita kaso wala talagang silbi lol. Good luck sis. For now sis samahan mo ng prayers, wala naman mawawala at may mahihingahan ka man lang aside sa gt.

[justin3]

as much as possible, ayaw kong makakita ng MARRIED couples na naghihiwalay, lalo na yung may mga anak, kaya hindi ako pro-Divorce sa Pinas. kung pwede namang magpatawad, why maghiwalay agad? kung naghihirap, ba't di pwedeng magtiis? ...pero kung jinujumbag ka na, eh di bugbugin mo rin pag natulog sya. buhusan mo ng kumukulong mantika.

calistamom - just in case you forgot, it's barely 6mos pa lang since you posted this:

 

Re: Do you ever regret marrying your Husband?
« Reply #596 on: August 21, 2012, 02:48:01 am »
before .. nung time na nahihirapan ako financially, naisip ko sana yung well off ex bf na lang yung pinili ko , there was a time na feeling ko na fall out na ko sa asawa ko,tipong pinalayas ko na siya but then nung time na yun,the moment na nakita ko yung daughter namin,nagising ako,pinabalik ko yung asawa ko, at parang ayaw na niya at ,that moment"sabi niya wala daw ako respeto".Now i've realized na pag nag asawa kelangan mahalin mo lahat sa asawa mo,positive and nega attitude,then work out sa mga nega attitudes na mabago,continous adjustment.

what gave you strength in facing that trial then? nalusaw na ba? baka nandyan pa, kailangan lang i-recharge... mmm. di naman nag message si well-off "X" sa FB mo? naalala mo naman? wala lang.

[mrs.trish]

Mga sis I need some advice. Should I allow my husband to meet his lovechild?

Before he met me, hubby had that fling who has an OFW bf. They had a one-night stand, the girl got pregnant but she married her bf a week after he arrived in the PH, told hubby about her pregnancy after she got married, OFW learned that he is not the father several months after so he left her & had their marriage annulled, hubby met me on the month the kid was born, the girl went abroad, we had no news about her & the kid until last week.

Recently, the girl's sis contacted hubby & asked him to meet the kid. Hubby asked for my consent. I told him to ask permission from the mom first because she might have other plans for her kid. I was thinking, the kid's situation is already complicated. She had not met her 2 fathers. If her mom gets married again (she's still young) she'll practically have 3 fathers so why bother introducing her to hubby when he can't be her "permanent" father anyway?

Actually, my main concern is that I don't like the idea of them using my hubby as "panakip-butas" because the kid needs a father now. If the mom finds a step-father for the kid, where does it put hubby in the kid's life? She already made hubby a "panakip-butas" when she had sex w/ him because he missed her OFW bf. She then stripped him of his right to be the father of the kid because she chose to marry the OFW although hubby was single & willing to marry her then.

Lastly, considering that we're still childless, I'm also afraid that the girl will use the kid to take hubby away from me. I know I sound pathetic, but knowing the girl's track record, I can't be too trusting. I can't compete w/ a kid so I'm avoiding any complications. What should I do? 

[leizel83]

Hello mga sis. I need an advice. I'm 2 years married. Yesterday,  my husband called me from work to inform that he will go overtime and i said ok. He got home  at 10pm. Since he haven't eaten yet, so i served him dinner. While he was eating, i went back to our room to checked our 1 year old son who was asleep then. I saw his cp on our side table, out of curiosity, i checked. There's an unregistered number and i found out that it was from his ex's sister. We already had an issue with that ex before when we were just a bf-gf. Their relationship before lasted 4 years. Muntik na kaming maghiwalay noon because of that ex kasi masyadong ma-epal. Anyway, back to my concern, the ex's sister was asking my husband's help because their father was admitted in the hospital due to hit-and-run accident. Kailangan ma operahan agad and the family was advised to prepare a blood donor with O+ type and that sister seemed to know that my hubby is type o+. As i was reading their exchanged of text, my husband offered himself. He went to the hospital twice yesterday sa tingin ko, based on their texts. Hindi ako nagalit at hindi rin ako nagselos. I did not confront him about this. I was waiting for him to tell me.  He went to work this morning pero wala pa ding sinabi. Should I worry that he keep that like a secret to me? Ok naman siya this morning. Walang nagbago at sweet pa rin naman. Should I confront him about this? I need your advice. Thanks.

[lent0t]

hi sis, 1st: discuss your issues with hubby. 2nd: set rules, meaning what are the do's and don't if in case your hubby insist in meeting his lovechild.

it's not the child's fault that her mother got pregnant with your hubby and i guess it is his right to meet his biological father whether he has 2 or 3 fathers. there would come a time or day that child will ask for his father's identity and the best advice i can give to you is be ready, strong and have faith in your relationship.

good luck   

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[calistamom]

Calistamom- sis sa post mo dun sa nagkakaaway ang mom mo at hubby mo  di ko mapigilan magreact lalo at napapaiyak nya mom mo. For me, foul naman yata yun. Sign ng walang respect sayo at sa mom si hubby mo. Have you tried to talk to him about that? Na if may issue sya sa mom mo eh sayo idaan at ikaw nalang kakausap kasi ikaw ang anak eh. If ever man paiyakin ng asawa ko ang nanay ko malamang di ko mapigilan sarili ko masampal ko ang asawa ko.

' chedz.03
yes, sis.there are times na ,nagagalit siya kapag humihingi sa akin mga kapatid ko,di ko naman matiis kapatid ko,ang swerte pa nga namin ,di kami ngbabayad ng katulong eh,may taga alaga at tagalaba sa amin.Samantalang yung kapatid niya at mama niya ,wala maitulong sa amin, utang pa ng utang ,di marunong mgbayad.

[calistamom]

'break_free

sis,thanks .Thanks for the advise sis,nakaka frustrate tlaga,there are times na pag may get together sila ng mga friends niya,talaga gumagawa siya ng paraan mgka pera,pero kapag needs ng family,inaasa sa akin.Alam niya na kaya ko gumawa ng paraan, there are times nga na ,ngtatago na tlaga ako ng pera ,sinasabi ko ,wala ako pera,wala na gatas anak mo, sasabihin niya ,sanla yung gadget..haysss !! nakakasama lang ng loob.

Post modified. Please refrain from quoting long posts.

[petlovah]

got a friend whose wife is so jealous of everything even if his husband is so loyal and very giving and understanding. everytime his wife gets irritated, mad or jealous, she always opens up about annullment of their marriage. long story behind but they're only approximately 3 years married. now, he is thinking whether to give up or not kasi hindi na healthy ang married/family life niya.

[break_free]

calistamom, grabe! kapal naman ng face niya na magpapa-sangla ng gadget may pang inom lang? Tama sis, magtago ka sa bank tas itago mo ng mabuti yung passbook or atm (pwede ba na sa iyo lang yung savings at hindi siya pwedeng maki hati?). If not, uubusin niya pera ninyo tas ikaw hirap na hirap mag work at gumawa ng paraan. Hay bat may ganyang lalaki? Parang pasakit siya sa iyo. Just say NO lagi pag nanghihingi ng pera, ano ka sugar mommy? Parang ganun lumalabas eh. Kakainis naman yan.

[mistypink]

ask ko lang ren po..
sapat na ba ang one month para mawala ang love sa iyo ni hubby?
kahit 7 years na kayo magkasama (5 yrs married, 2 yrs bf/gf)
sabi nya kasi ayaw na nya, nag beg lang ako kasi ayaw ko ren lumaki un anak namin na broken family..
feeling ko kasi pride lang,, sana nga..
kaya im asking you guys, ayaw ko ren kasi maniwala na itatapon nya lang un pinagsamahan namin,
ofw si husband, 2 yrs na sya sa ibang bansa, kaya i was thinking baka homesick, depressed, or pride nga,
nung inaway ko kasi sa text (kasi one month di nagparamdam)
ang dami kong nasumbat sa kanya..
hayyy.. super lonely talga ako..
di ko na alam gagawin ko..
1st bf ko pa naman sya. kaya 1st time talga na broken hearted ako..
uuwi sya ng june, sana by that time ok na kami..
at bumalik na yung love na sinasabi nya na nawala...

[zee87]

@mistypink, just to share sis. Yung brother ko OFW din. Yung hipag kong hilaw (kasi di pa kasal and they have 2 kids) may attitude din talaga. Like pag magkaaway sila, di nya talaga ipapakausap yung 2 bata sa bro ko.

Pero kahit ganun naman yung hipag ko, i always tell my bro na lucky siya kasi si hipag di katulad ng ibang asawa ng ofw na nagssplurge sa kung ano ano lang at nagbabarkada at pinababayaan ang anak. infairness naman to her, maasikaso siya sa bahay at sa mga anak.

Etong si bro, bago 4 months ago. nagopen sa aken na nag away na naman nga daw sila ni hipag at  di nya na naman nakikita mga pamangkin ko. Gusto nya na daw talaga makipag hiwalay dahil di nya na talaga mahal si hipag... i advised him not to do that dahil may mga anak sila. I asked him kung ano mas matimbang sa kanya, yung happiness ba niya o mga anak niya. sabi nya syempre, ang kids. So sabi ko, wait until you get home, mag usap kau. if wala na talaga, saka na siya magdecision. he denied that there's another party.

So yun, umuwi siya, good sila for 1 week. aba, nag away na naman dahil sa napakaliit na bagay. wala sa kanilang 2 ang gustong maggive way. until my hipag found out that there's really another girl na nasa ibang bansa din and was planning to go home next month. My bro even bought the ticket for her! OMG

So ayun, sabi naman kay hipag, na makipag usap siya ng masinsinan. Di pwedeng hiwalayan agad kasi wawa naman mga bata. They decided to give their family a chance. sabi namin, she has to do everything just to win the love/respect of my bro bago pa umalis ulet si bro.

Im not saying sis na may ibang girl ang husband mo, pero it's possible. So if you can, try not to fight with him. wait until he gets home and then talk to him. Di natin alam kung yung husband mo nakakausap na kapatid/magulang/kamaganak na nag aadvise sa kanya ng kung ano ang tamang gawin.

[contented]

Ang heavy ng mga nabasa ko dito.... napa sign up tuloy ako. May complain din naman ako pero ang babaw lang pala saka naha-handle pa naman, kayalang naiinis talaga ko kasi kapag may problem siya sa business nya ang tahimik nya, ayaw niya maglabas sakin ng problem o sama ng loob o ano man meron sa business nya ngayon, sa side ko parang wala akong kwenta.. feeling ko wala siya tiwala sa akin. Gusto ko makatulong pero wala akong magawa o masabi man lang kasi hindi ko alam ano ba problema. Tanging pagdadasal lang talaga ang nagagawa ko..

[peenitokss]

Mga sis gusto ko lang hingin opinion nyo..

MIL ko dami utang sa tao, sa cards, etc. Everytime na umuwi hubby ko sa kanila (weekly) pinuputakti sya ni MIL ng ihuhulog nya sa mga utang. Kaya nagkasundo kami ni hubby na magloan sya para ipambayad sa mga utang ni MIL. Natunugan ng SIL ko yon. So nakiusap sya na kung pwde idamay sya ni hubby sa loan. So ayun, na-grant ang loan.

Yesterday, katext ko si SIL. Bigla nya na-open yong tungkol dun sa utang nya ke hubby. Pasensya na daw at late sya ng 1 hulog. Nagtaka ako. Kasi ang sabi ng asawa ko, 2 hulog pa daw ang kulang ni SIL. Sinabi ko yon ke SIL na ang alam ko 2 hulog pa ang kulang nya. Pero firm si SIL na 1 na lang talaga. Tinanong ko si hubby kung ilang hulog na lang. Ayun sabi, 1 hulog na lang daw. Nainis ako. Kasi parang niloloko naman nya ko non. Nililihim nya. Kasi i remember paulit ulit ko sya tinanong kong naibigay na ni SIL yong 2 hulog ang sabi nya hindi pa daw. Pero ang sabi naman nya sakin nong magtanong ako kahapon, nasa kanya na daw pala yong payment at nirereserve daw nya bka magkulang allow nya. Samantalang 2 paydays syang nakiusap sakin kung pwede bawasan nya yong padala nya sakin for our savings kasi daw kulang allow nya.

Last year meron din instance na nagsinungaling sya sakin. Hindi sya nakapag remit ng 2 paydays ulit kasi ang sabi nya nasira daw atm nya. Nabuking ko na hindi naman pala. Kundi yong sahod nya na dapat part of which is mapupunta sa savings namin e naibigay daw nya sa MIL ko kasi pambayad ng utang.

Nalulungkot ako. Kasi akala ko hindi sya maglilihim sakin. Nagsisinungaling sya e. While ako, open ako sakanya. Alam nya lahat ng income ko. Ultimo overtime pay ko na dapat akin na lang, hinuhulog ko sa savings namin. Kaya tuloy parang nawawalan na ako ng ganang mag-save.

Tama lang ba na magalit ako mga sis? Ano ba pwede kong sabihin sa kanya para hindi na to maulit? 

[sarsingkit]

I guess, tanungin mo muna if ano yung reason nya why does he have to lie. Im pretty sure na sasabihin nya na takot sya na baka magalit ka. So if you act mad, the more he will conceal things from you. Act like its no big deal to you. I mean, its money, you'll both earn it. So tell him na, its ok if he wants to keep the money or if he needs more allowance then just says so. At least alam mo kung saan napupunta ang pera and na-aaccount nyo mabuti. If he cant keep the in laws away from your expenses, might as well, magtabi na kayo ng money for them, just a small amount pero at least may mapagkukuhanan kayo ng pera just in case may kailangan ang mga parenthood. And for you, gumawa ka na sis ng sarili mong savings. Dun mo na lang lagay mga OT mo. Keep something for yourself.

[peenitokss]

^ thanks sis.

we talked last saturday. sabi nya, he kept daw the money for emergency purpose i.e. ma short allow nya. Minsan daw kasi nahihiya na sya humingi sakin.

Monthly na kami nagbibigay kay MIL sis. Kaya nakakainis minsan pag pati allow ni hubby nagkukulang dahil inaabot pa sa kanya e nagbibigay na nga kami monthly. 

[energy_star]

Guys, saan po ba pwede kumuha ng marriage counselor?

[beijhing]

hi sissies!

i've been keeping this not so long naman pero sobrang hirap lang kasi wala kong ibang masabihan. somebody called my mom's house last saturday looking for me. hindi na kami don nakatira since i got married pero sobrang magkalapit lang bahay namin. nagkataon na i was there last saturday kasi may something kami ng sunday kaya we were preparing for it. yung 2 brothers ko ang unang nakasagot ng phone, the caller was looking for me. kaibigan ko daw sya, pero pag tinatanong nila kung sino hindi daw sumasagot tapos nung tinanong uli binaba na yung phone. tapos nung nag-ring uli, ako na pinasagot ng mga kapatid ko. unang bungad nya "si (my name) ba to?". nung tinanong ko kung sino kaibigan ko daw sya. bantayan ko daw asawa ko kasi may babae daw sya sa work, lagi daw silang magkasama. tinanong ko uli kung sino sya, hindi na daw importante kung sino sya sabay baba ng phone. sobrang natulala ako nung ibaba ko yung phone. pero hindi ko na sinabi sa pamilya ko. hanggang ngayon sinasarili ko lang sya. need your advice mga sis please. sabihin ko ba kay hubby? never ko pa naman sya nahuli. kahit sweet/ unusual messages sa phone nya wala pa rin naman ako nabasa. i trust my husband so much kaya hindi ko maisip na gagawin nya yun sa kin. pero anong motive nung caller, gusto nya ba talaga kami sirain ng asawa ko. natatakot ako mga sis, hindi ko alam gagawin ko. mahal na mahal ko asawa ko and yung thought pa lang na may iba sya or iiwan nya kame parang hindi ko na kaya. help naman po please.

[momentum]

^ nako sis an hirap niyan ah..take that call as a red alert if I were you. This could either be a sign na yung evidence is lumalapit sayo due to God's intervention, or may gustong sumira sa inyo..but what for diba?

im not sure if confronting him this early is the right thing to do, for now. try to breathe and not panic. you have to think things through 10x before making any move right now. If I were you, I will be 10x more vigilant in watching his actions, activities, excuses (if kelangan mag-OT, may pupuntahan,etc, back up with verifying his office/friends kung talagang andun siya), checking his cp randomly without him knowing, his FB..even his clothes, pockets, wallet. you need to gather evidences first before bringing this up to him. I won't lie to you but this will make you paranoid. pray hard for guidance and support, clarity of mind. try as much as possible, not to be blinded with surge of emotions, anger, etc ..try to control them, coz if you can't then mahirap harapin to at mahirap malaman ang tutuo. bago ka sumabak sa gera, kelangan handa ka sis..easier said than done..alam kong masakit

i think you should at least tell 1 person in your family, para may kausap ka to ask advice on what to do and if they can help. do you know any one there in his office na friend mo? who can keep a eye on him (w/o being biased sa kanya? how i wish)..