Marriage problems/issues/ complaints etc. pasok dito...

[beijhing]

^thank you sis! binabasa ko pa lang mga payo mo naiiyak na ko 
sobrang sama nga ng loob ko nung ma-receive ko ang call na yun, pero deadma lang muna. ayoko sabihin sa family ko kasi ayoko maira sya sa kanila. sobrang pigil ko na nga sa nararamdaman ko sis kaya umiyak na lang talaga ko pag-uwi ko. hindi galit una kong naramdaman kundi takot. salamat sis ha. sa totoo lang kailangan ko talga ng kaibigan ngyn pero nahihiya akong kausapin sila tungkol dito. wala akong super friend sa mga ka-trabaho nya pero na-meet ko na sila. sa totoo lang gusto ko gawin yun sis. gusto ko magtext ng ka-trabaho nya pra magtanong-tanong. pero naisip ko nga baka pagtakpan sya kung sakali mang totoo. naisip ko naman itext yung may asawa na para maisip nya yung nararamdaman ko bilang misis.

[momentum]

^ sis ang hirap dalhin mag-isa niyan, you have to tell someone, aside dito sa GT. you have to have a shoulder to cry on.

i remember what happened to me..nag-panic talaga ako, ang gulo ng utak ko nung una kong nalaman. una kong ginawa, tinawagan ko mama ko. she told me to calm down, and not to do anything drastic at the moment..i was crying on the phone and I wanted to make sugod sa work niya, but she told me to go home first and we'll talk about it. kumalma ako. she gave me advise. I went online here. then the 2nd person I talked to was my MIL..in person coz I wanted to see her reaction..and dun ko nakita na parang she knew about it na, but chose not to tell me. napaamin ko nalang sa husband ko, after 4 months since i found out, na MIL knew about it pala. kaya pala she wasn't shocked to hear what I told her nor didn't even want to look at the evidence na pilit kong ipakita sa kanya..

sis, please try to calm down if you can..pls back-up this with evidences first..alam ko mahirap, pero kelangan talaga ng proof na tutuo yung sinabi ng caller, before you can fully believe it.

wag mo pabayaan sarili mo..take care of yourself and still execute your duties as a wife. but keep your eyes and ears open..wide open, for evidences. pray hard to Him to give you direction to the truth. I remember I kept on praying this to God a few days before I found out : " Lord, if there is anything I need to know about him, please let me know, please let me find out and guide me to the truth"..then I had an itch to check his FB..I prayed before I made an effort to unlock it with a new password. and there it was, the truth staring at my face

[beijhing]

^maraming salamat sis momentum. i'll try to find a friend na makakausap ko about this. my mom has heart issues and ayoko makadagdag pa to sa alalahanin nya, my MIL naman is abroad. salamat talaga sis. yun nga rin ginagawa ko ngayon, pray hard na tulungan Nya kong malaman ang totoo. salamat ng marami sis!

[Tea97]

Guys, saan po ba pwede kumuha ng marriage counselor?

try nyo sa CEFAM sa loyola campus ng ateneo.

[jjqxiv]

Hello sisses! I just want to ask your helpful opinions. When is the right time to file an annullment? I'm 11 weeks pregnant right now and we have 4 daughters. Though he's trying to "win" me back, I'm so tired of forgiving him, paulit ulit nalang kasi so I decided na gawing legal na yung seperation namin. Should I file the annullment during or after my pregnancy? Thank you in advanced. God bless us all!

[ReservoirDogs]

^

Hi sis. I read your other thread and glad to hear that you're moving on.

Kaya lang sis, ang alam ko, if you file for an annulment, your kids will all be illegitimate, because it means that no marriage took place.  Anyway, a lawyer can correct me on this, but yun ang alam ko pag annulment.  I'm just thinking lang na baka kawawa kids mo, they will be considered illegitimate.  Maybe legal separation is a better option? You're still married to your husband, but you can live separately. And according to law, "(2) The absolute community or the conjugal partnership shall be dissolved and liquidated but the offending spouse shall have no right to any share of the net profits earned by the absolute community or the conjugal partnership, which shall be forfeited in accordance with the provisions of Article 43(2);" 

You can check the legal implications of legal separation here:  http://www.weddingsatwork.com/culture_laws_familycode02.shtml

[Msfi]

^My understanding naman is, the children conceived and born during the marriage are still considered legitimate even after the declaration of nullity of marriage, Article 54 yata sa family code.

SIs jjqxiv, Di ba medyo delicado ang pregnancy mo ngayon, siguro don't subject yourself & your baby sa panibagong stress ng process ng annulment. But you can talk to your lawyer para mas malaman mo mga options mo.

[ReservoirDogs]

^

Yeah, you're right; just checked out another site: Children born before the judgment of annulment are still legitimate.  Although kung magpapaannul si jjqxiv during the course of her pregnancy, and the annulment will be granted before her giving birth (although mukhang malabo yun), baka maging illegitimate yung new baby.

Anyway, sis jjqxiv, give yourself and your baby a break muna.  Kawawa naman din ikaw at ang baby mo if you subject yourself to emotional stress.  You also might want to avoid the number #1 cause of your stress - your husband.  Good luck sis.

[kabes]

off topic lang. bakit si baby jams, illegitimate na daw dahil aannuled si kris and jame?

para naman on topic, may nabasa ako sa ibang thread, yung isang officemate, supre irritated na dun sa officemates nyang may affair, gusto na talaga nya magsumbong sa wife. so pwedeng yun yung nagyari.

or, yung kabit mismo yung tumawag para gumulo yung relationship nyo.

either way, may ka-affair si hubby :-(

[beijhing]

^para sa kin ba tong post mo sis kabes? i'm still confused, hindi ko pa rin alam ang gagawin ko. i've never told anyone. i tried checking his phone and facebook, nothing unusual. sobrang hirap kasi napaparanoid talaga ko. gusto ko mag-text ng katrabaho nya, gusto ko sya sundan sa work, gusto ko bumili ng GPS devices, gusto ko mag-hire ng private investigator ITS DRIVING ME CRAZY!!! ang hirap mga sis, ni sa panaginip hindi ko naisip na gagawin sa kin yun ng asawa ko. i want to get to the truth pero natatakot din akong malaman ang totoo na paano kung meron nga. hindi ko na talaga alam gagawin ko 

[sarsingkit]

^hire a private investigator

[beijhing]

^gaya ng nasabi ko sis, naisip ko na rin yan. kaso nag-check ako medyo mahal. baka may kilala kayo. nalilito na talaga ko.

[sistah!]

Im so disappointed with my husband. Parang allergic sa trabaho. Gusto nya magbusiness business na lang pero sa totoo lang, wala na akong faith sa kanya kasi naubos lahat ng pera naming sa mga failed businesses nya. Dati, I managed to let him do his own thing lang kasi kahit maliit ang sweldo ko, I could somehow afford to pay our bills. Pero when I got pregnant, talagang naubos yung pera ko kasi  ako nagbayad ng panganganak ko, at since 2 months akong naka-maternity leave with no pay, I had to spend for our necessities. Buti na lang, my parents asked me to move back in with them because they wanted to help care for our baby. The whole time, nasa bahay lang ang husband ko. Honestly, I started to feel like he became complacent na kasi my parents were basically taking care of us. Hindi nila kami sinisingil sa kahit ano sa bahay, they grocery and cook for everyone in the house so talagang free kami sa bahay. Syempre on my part, nahihiya ako sa amin at alam ko na dapat mag-contribute kami kahit pano. Ilang beses na rin kami nag-away ng asawa ko kasi ayaw nya talaga mag-work. He insists na gusto nya mag-business pero sobrang hindi ko na kaya maghintay na makahanap sya ng raket. Last year, maraming incidents na nangyari na naiinis na yung parents ko sa kanya. Hindi sya pinapagalitan kasi ayaw ng parents ko na mag-cause ng problema pero ako ang kinakausap nila para kausapin ang asawa ko. It got to the point na parang nagpaparinig na yung mommy ko na umalis na lang kami at lumipat na lang sa house naming dati. Syempre hindi ko afford na ako magbayad ng lahat ng bills sa bahay kung lilipat kami, so I basically gave my husband hell about everything, short of telling him to move out. Finally, natauhan sya at ngayon nagwo-work na sya. Pero 3 weeks pa lang sya sa work at sabi nya, gusto nya daw kunin lang ang sweldo nya sa March 30 (or 27 ba ang sweldo) at maghanap ng ibang work na lang kasi hindi nya daw type yung pinasukan nya. I cant stand it. Ibig sabihin nyan, wala na naman syang income while he is moving jobs and then maghihintay na naman sya ng sweldo sa lilipatan nya. Meanwhile, I have a yaya to pay, groceries to buy, doctors’ fees, vaccinations for our kid, etc. 1 year na kami nakatira sa parents ko pero once pa lang ako nakapag-share sa bills sa bahay. Pagod na ako. I want him to leave na lang pero sobrang sama ko ba for wanting out because of this?

[break_free]

^ For me sis, hindi ka naman matatawag na masama kung gusto mo siya iwan. Kung masama ka dahil iiwan mo siya, well mas masama siya kasi hindi siya responsibleng ama. Tama ba namang tamad ka mag work? Sa panahon ngayon, kahit single ka no excuse na mag tamad-tamaran ka.

I mean, may mga co-workers ako na father at an early age ha pero nag re-restday/holiday/afterwork OT pa may pam buy lang ng gatas, diapers, pang enroll, pam buy ng bags ng kids lalo na kapag near na mag June.

Regarding business naman, it's okay na wag ka pumayag mag business unless extra money niya gagamitin niya ha lalo na wala naman siyang skill sa ganun tapos may feeling ako na ginagawa niya lang excuse yun para hindi maging empleyado. Seek marriage counselling sis if you want para ma-enlighten siya sa mga financial responsibilities bilang ama. Lastly, hehe na hurt lang ako kasi ikaw lang ba sis nag shoulder ng panganganak mo?   

[sistah!]

^ i have a small medical benefit for my delivery and insurance from my parents. the insurance covered part of the expense, my medical benefit covered for some of the expense and my mom gave me 30K to cover the rest. essentially, i paid for my share. if he had used his money, wala na talaga matitira to cover our needs for the 2 months na nasa bahay ako recovering from childbirth. medyo masama din kasi ang loob ng husband ko that time because i chose to give birth at a nice hospital. eh ayoko naman din kasi na tipirin ang sarili ko. at doon lang nagpapaanak yung doctor ko.

my husband is a good man in other aspects. he is kind and gentle and nice. ive never had any fears or worries that he will cheat on me. my only beef is that he cant seem to find his path and i dont have the patience nor the energy to make up for his financial issues. i keep telling him din, i sometimes hate my job. what i wouldnt do to be able to walk away from this and stay home with my child. but i dont have that luxury because mamatay kaming lahat dahil hindi nya kaya na suportahan kami.

my parents also sent him to school in hopes of improving his skills. my parents kasi believe in education so kami magkakapatid, may graduate degree kami. my husband, they sent him to culinary school din. kaya ang sama ng loob ko na i have to watch him sit there while he tries to figure out what exactly he wants to do. hes almost 30. hindi na kami bata.

[fegloria1954]

hi    we've been married for 8 years na, before sweet pa siya... ngayon, nakakalimutan na nya anniversary namin dahil super busy siya.  never na rin siya nagbigay ng regalo (kahit card man lang) on my birthday, christmas and hindi man lang niya ako binabati pagvalentines day  okay naman siya, mabait and my bestfriend but not a husband to me...what to do mga sis?

babyAndy,

Mommy Fe here.

May I know if you too used to do the same things for him, and if you have changed like him into forgetting?  Also, may I know if you do say thank you to him for what he does for you?

[beijhing]

simula nung ma-receive ko yung phone call about my husband having an affair at work, hindi na sya nawala sa isip ko. we already talked about it and sabi nya marami daw talagang tsismosa sa trabaho. i asked him bakit naman nagkaron ng ganong tsismis, sino ba kako lagi nya kasama. sabi nya marami naman daw nakikisabay sa kanya pauwi (sometimes naka-kotse sya), i asked pano kung motor lang, sabi nya meron ngang girl na madalas sumabay sa kanya. i was able to get it off my chest and he told me na wala naman pero somehow, hindi pa rin matahimik ang kalooban ko. although wala rin naman ako nakitang anything suspicious sa FB or cellphone nya.
then just recently, i thought of opening his FB uli, i tried searching if nasa friends nya yung girl and she is. i browsed her page and found some pictures of her and my husband. the oldest picture i saw was taken May of last year. i dont know if its just me pero parang ang sweet nila sa pictures. may isang picture pa nga na parang magkadikit mga kamay nila. not really yung interlocking fingers type pero yung parang caressing. nakapatong pa yung braso ng asawa ko (from elbow hanggang kamay) sa hita nung babae  . i haven't told anybody kaya sobrang bigat ng kalooban ko  . enough bang sabihin na may ka-relasyon nga asawa ko mga sis. hindi ko na alam kung anong dapat kong gawin, gusto ko sya i-confront pero baka kasi sabihin nya na malisyosa ako. porke magkasama lang sa picture, porke ganon lang may relasyon na. please help. any advice is much appreciated. 

[trendy]

^sis, i think meron ngang something between your husband and that girl. save a copy of those pictures and don't let your husband know about it. basta gather ka lang muna ng information. minsan, isurprise mo sya sa office, malay mo may mahuli ka sa kanila.

sa anonymous phone call pa lang, kaduda-duda na. wala namang mageeffort ng ganun if there's no truth into it.

[khayzee]

mahirap mag judge kung based lang sa pic, baka kasi ganun lang talaga closeness sa office nila, but about dun sa phone call, baka nga theres something going on at may concern citizen lang. investigate.. gulatin mo sa office... 

[chedz.03]

Sis beijhing-naaalala mo pa ba voice nung tumawag sayo? Why not try to call the girl na nasa picture sa office nila? Kunyari lang about business or something work related or basta madinig mo lang voice nya baka mamaya yun pala ang tumawag.