After discovering that he cheated, how did u move on? ok pa kayo or hindi na?

[undecided2]

I know sis, mother ko naman alwqys reminding me na don't forget my wifey duties kahit na daw nagkasala husband ko saken. It's okay daw to be cold but never forget my duty as a wife. yes inaasikaso ko pa din we talked civil lang ako sa kanya. He's trying naman sa nakikita ko but the pain and galit are visible pa din. I don't know paano ko lalabanan. Parang nagrere wind lang sa mind ko from the day na umamin siya saken na nangulo yon girl...i am always praying na sana little by little mawala  i want to be happy na din kase. Bitter tuloy ako sa mga nakikita kong married couples. hehe
Siyempre i want to fight din for my marriage and to be a happy Family. Galing na nga ako sa broken family and ayoko na ulit maulit.

[Ann_2128]

I feel you Sis Undecided2, ako 1 month pa lang nakakalipas... Until now, nobody knows that my husband cheated on me.. I kept it to myself..

Mahirap talaga..lagi kang nag iisip, your analyzing things, ang daming bakit, ang daming questions, and ang daming what ifs..

I am trying very hard to cope up..Draw your strengths from your children.. and keep on praying..

Virtual hugs..Sis..kaya natin ito..

[Girltalker2]

I know sis, mother ko naman alwqys reminding me na don't forget my wifey duties kahit na daw nagkasala husband ko saken.

Before, men had limited choices. Back then, they usually go back to their wives kasi nga wala naman silang tatakbuhan. Kahihiyan to be with the kabit, Mas discreet sila, etc.

Ngayon, they have so many choices. Puede nga silang maglaho na parang bula and be with the kabit and not be ashamed of what they did. Ang daming willing kabits din these days. Pakapalan ng mukha kahit lumobo ang tyan kahit single sila at married ang tatay, ok lang to face society.

He's trying naman sa nakikita ko but the pain and galit are visible pa din. I don't know paano ko lalabanan.

Sis, you're not supposed to be alone fighting this. Laban ninyong mag asawa iyan, if he is truly sorry, makikinig sya sa bawat hinaing mo and he should take the responsibility to remove your pain.

...i am always praying na sana little by little mawala  i want to be happy na din kase. Bitter tuloy ako sa mga nakikita kong married couples. hehe

Time heals. Sabi nila, you can forgive but hard to forget. so far kasi I have yet to see Yung situation whereby totally na erase lahat Yung pain.

Bitter ba kamo? Yeah, when my hubby cheated on me, I was bitter din. Ayoko umattend ng mass or any family gathering to see other families. Or if ever I see happy couples, in my mind, lolokohin din nung guy Yung girl eventually. Ganun mindset ko dati, sobrang negative. Pero eventually through time, nagbago din pananaw ko. Slowly I picked up the pieces, alone. Yun nga lang, I was able to do it only when I left him. But when I tried and I tried nung magkasama pa kami, 10 Long years, it led me nowhere kasi ako lang ang nagf fix ng problem.

So if you see nagt try din sya, open your heart din and talk it out na both if you should try. Let him help you. Baka magwork.

Siyempre i want to fight din for my marriage and to be a happy Family. Galing na nga ako sa broken family and ayoko na ulit maulit.

Again, this fight shouldn't be just yours, it should be fight ninyong dalawa, effort ninyong dalawa to make it work.

[blushberry]

undecided para ka yung na sa unmarried wife.  After a year of being civil, naghanap din ng iba asawa niya na nabuntis niya pa kasi hindi siya pinag bibigyan ng wife.  If you don't mind, gano ba ka grabe ginawa sayo?  Sakin kasi i could not have imagine any guy can be that horny to have slept with so many women, one of whom was i minor for several years without me knowing about it

[Ann_2128]

Talaga bang matagal matanggal sa isip itong agony natin? Hanggang kelan ba ito.. b**sit talaga sa buhay yang mga kabitch na yan eh..

[undecided2]

undecided para ka yung na sa unmarried wife.  After a year of being civil, naghanap din ng iba asawa niya na nabuntis niya pa kasi hindi siya pinag bibigyan ng wife.  If you don't mind, gano ba ka grabe ginawa sayo?  Sakin kasi i could not have imagine any guy can be that horny to have slept with so many women, one of whom was i minor for several years without me knowing about it

Hi, yes napanood ko yan the unmarried wife na movie. And i can't imagine or think na magagawa ng husband ko na mag cheat saken. Sobrang laki ng tiwala ko then isang click bigla na lang naglaho.

My husband cheated on me nalaman ko na lang non nangulo na si girl at inamin na ng hubby ko saken. Escort girl siya then gusto niya officially maging kabit.willing siya because nagtext pa siya saken and always calling din at hinahanap si hubby. Imagine,nasa vacation kame wala akong ka alam alam na may ganon na palang problema ako.

Sa ngayon, im trying na maging okay at makapag move on pa konti konti. Tiwala? I don't know.

[Girltalker2]

Talaga bang matagal matanggal sa isip itong agony natin? Hanggang kelan ba ito.. b**sit talaga sa buhay yang mga kabitch na yan eh..

Kabits are one thing, but the philandering husband ang may pinaka malaking sala. Di lalakas ang loob ni kabit if she is not given a chance ng hubby mo.

Tsaka if tumigil na naman kasi asawa mo, baka in time, mawawala din ang pain? Pero kung panay tago and lies at Hindi willing makipag usap sayo, then I don't think the pain will ever go away.

[undecided2]

Ganyan din thinking ko, bakit nga ba malakas ang loob ng mga k**it? Kase hubby din naten ang nambola o nagsabi ng kung [textspeak!] [textspeak!] sa kanila with matching promises pa yan for sure. Like sa hubby ko, pinagdidiinan ng k**it na mahal siya na may feelings sa kanya kase what? Buong oras ni hubby nasa kanya, na ako naman si t**ga akal ko puro work inaatupag yon pala ibang work. Hindi nga siya dun natutulog but lagi naman OT kuno sa work daw and ma aga din umaalis sa bahay. Haaaay B*dt*p eh! Kaya ang lakas lakas ng loob ng k**it na mag tetext saken ng kung ano ano. Hindi naman din papatol pabalik ang babae kung hindi din sa lalaki na gusto din.

[Ann_2128]

same story sis, husband ko every weekend may OT. Friday night palang di na uuwi sa amin kasi daw need na maaga sya kinabukasan.. until sunday afternoon na yun. Magpapaalam pa na para malapit sya dun sya sa kanila ( in law's house) uuwi..Nung una awang- awa ako at walang pahinga.. ang walang h*y* iba pala ang pinagkaka abalahan.. Lalo na nung nag aral ako.. dahil sa sobrang busy ko napabayaan ko na  at sobrang tiwala ko naman ako sa kanya.. Tadhana na rin ang nagbuking sa kanya.. sabi siguro ng Dios, sobra ka na..nakakaawa na ang asawa mo..

[xhien]

sisAnn_2128.. Kaya mo yan ipaubaya mo lahat kay Lord lahat ng nangyayare sa buhay mo ngayon..May reason lahat bakit nangyayare yan.. Tenetest niya gaano ka katatag pagdating sa ganyang problema. Itaas mo sarili mo, tumayo ka ulit kahit ganyan nangyayari ngayon sa family mo.

Same situation ng nangyari sa akin. My husband also cheated on me..I feel you mahirap mag isip halos mabaliw ka na wala ka mapag sabihan lahat ng nararamdaman mo ngayon. Actually ngayon ko lang din naintindihan bakit kailangan masira kami kasi may bagong dadating may bagong ibibigay si lord na mas better. I met someone na tanggap ako at situation din kami married man din ang binigay sa akin ngayon.

May bagong simula sa lahat sis, I know kaya mo yan para sa anak ko at lalo para sayo..You dont deserve that. Sana maayos niyo pa family mo pero kung hindi na mahirap ipilit, move on sis mahalin mo sarili mo yun yung key. God bless you always

[undecided2]

Hi Sis Anne2128, oh my! Halos same situation din ganyan din eksena ng hubby ko. Naawa din ako sa sobrang busy niya at stress sa work halos intindihin ko siya kase malaki din tiwala ko sa kanya. Yon pala iba na pinagkaka busyhan. What now?  Halos 1 month na siyang nauwi nang ma aga at halos lahat ng oras niya samen ng anak ko binubuhos. See? Kaya naman pala ng oras niya at ng sinasabi niyang pagka busy sa mga new projects niya. At totoo, tadhana na din talaga magbubuko sa kanila. Kase nakaka awa na nga yon pagiging t*nga naten. Tayo na intinding intindi at alalang alala sa kanila yon pala iba naman ginagawa. Sis Anne2128 sana maayos niyo pa hangat kaya pa kung mahal niyo pa din ang isat isa.

Maging strong tayo sis. Lagi tayong mag pray na bigyan tayo lagi ng lakas ng loob harapin lahat.

[Ann_2128]

Nagka usap na kami ng husband ko at binigyan ko na sya ng ultimatum.  Sabi ko sa kanya pag nagluko pa siya mas better ang ipapalit ko sa kanya, lalo na't I set to leave the country next year.. sasama daw sya at baka ako naman ang matukso...

One thing I learned from from my experience is to love myself more before kasi mas mahal ko sya kesa sa sarili ko.  Sila lagi kong inuuna.. nalimutan kong  I have my own life also.. Ngayon, may "me time" na  ako and I got to spend time with my friends, though clueless pa rin sila sa nangyari sa amin ng husband ko.

Si husband back to normal, ako paranoid pa rin..vigilant ..pero di ko pinapahalata..para bumalik na sa normal ang lahat.

[mysterioza_me]

sasama daw sya at baka ako naman ang matukso...

Lol takot sa sarili niyang multo. Anyway, good for you sis na willing si hubby ba ayusin relationship ninyo but sabi nga ni Kuya Kim maging mapagmatyag. Pakiramdaman mo pa din baka gusto lang maki-ride sa opportunity mo abroad and pagdating abroad dun naman siya magkalat.

[glamorosa_09]

For those of you who decided to work on your marriages, I suggest that you ask yourselves these questions to help facilitate your healing:

1. Are you satisfied with his confession? Did he answer all your questions about the affair?
2. Did you request for behavior changes and transparency? Are you satisfied? Is he consistent?
3. Are you satisfied with his reason for returning?
4. Does he know and understand what's going to happen if he cheated on you again?
5. Did you both understand what made your marriage vulnerable to infidelity? What emotional needs was he trying to meet from the other woman?
6. Are you willing to work on the process of healing yourself and forgiving your spouse?

Also I suggest, kung kaya nyo naman, work with a marriage counselor. Sometimes it's not the infidelity that causes a marriage to break up, but the couple's poor and ineffective attempts to work on their marriage. Some couples are so lost, some are stuck in their old patterns of communicating and relating. Also, some spouses have old and unhealthy attitudes they got from childhood that they bring into marriage. Those must be identified and addressed. There are couples naman who are good and effective rebuilders even without a counselor, but there are others who were clueless, especially those who have childhood issues.

Healing yourself from the infidelity is one thing, rebuilding the marriage is another. If you're  making progress (albeit slowly)  with the above questions, it will facilitate your healing (according to Dr. Gottman, renowned researcher and marriage therapist). As for rebuilding the marriage (creating a second, better  and stronger marriage), you need to be more attuned with each other's needs, have an improved communication patterns, better and new habits (e.g., regular couple date).

At the beginning of the discovery,  it's normal that you treat your offending spouse as an adversary. But as time passes by, you must progress to being team-mates, otherwise your marriage is just trying to surive and not thrive.

This advice is applicable to spouses who cheated once. As for chronic cheaters, you may still try to fulfill his emotional needs if you haven't done it yet. And if he still did it, then he's the one with the problem.

[Ann_2128]

I am here again.. my husband did it again! nasa process pa ako ng healing, pero while processing may nilalandi na naman sya. Much younger babaeng bayaran, on her early 20's..Grabe, lahat pala ng pinagsasabi nya sa akin are all lies...

Pinalayas ko sya sa bahay namin, pinagbalot ko na ng damit nya.. ang kapal ng mukha di umalis.. Sinasangkalan ang mga anak namin, alang alang daw sa mga bata isa pang chance.  Nag so-sorry na naman.. nadala lang daw sya at maganda at bata yung babae.. grabe... di pa nga ako nakakarecover sa una, may ikalawa na agad. Sagad na sa buto ang galit ko sa kanya..

This time sinumbong ko na sya mga in laws ko, sila na raw ang bahala...Grabe chronic liar sya.. may gamot ba yun?

Di ko na alam ang gagawin ko.. mas doble pala ang sakit pag second time

[glamorosa_09]

I posted this question above...

4. Does he know and understand what's going to happen if he cheated on you again?

Usual answer to that is hiwalay na, wala nang usap-usap. In your case, pwedeng hindi nyo napag-usapan.Or kung napag-usapan niyo man, posibleng hindi mo rin kaya makipaghiwalay. Marami kasi hanggang threats lang yung sinasabi nilang makikipaghiwalay sila, pero pag naulit ulit, hindi kaya gawin yung sinabi nila. Just an observation.

Will he change? Based from your post, if he's a self-entitled person incapable of guilt and remorse, nobody can supply it for him. Marriage counseling? He will just use it for his own benefit. Mas maganda siguro individual counseling, then saka mag marriage counseling. That is, kung papayag siya.

[Ann_2128]

4. Does he know and understand what's going to happen if he cheated on you again?

Usual answer to that is hiwalay na, wala nang usap-usap. In your case, pwedeng hindi nyo napag-usapan.Or kung napag-usapan niyo man, posibleng hindi mo rin kaya makipaghiwalay. Marami kasi hanggang threats lang yung sinasabi nilang makikipaghiwalay sila, pero pag naulit ulit, hindi kaya gawin yung sinabi nila. Just an observation.

Kaya nga ako na ang nagbalot ng damit nya nung malaman ko, pinaaalis ko na sya... Pinagtulakan ko na. Sinabi ko na sa pamilya nya na hihiwalayan ko na ang kapatid nila. Hindi naman pwedeng akong umalis dahil bahay namin yun. ( old house ng parents ko).. Makapal lang talaga ang mukha nya.. ginagamit nya kasi ang mga anak ko.. pagbalik ko kinagabihan, nandun pa rin sa bahay namin.. Di daw nya kayang umalis...

[badw33d]

^maybe you and the kids should move out for the moment. go to your folks place?

[Girltalker2]

call someone from their family to get his stuff, then ask a Friend or Brother mo or someone who can help you change the locks of your house.

Tell him if he doesn't leave by day X (the day you change the locks without telling him), sa labas nya dadatnan (if it's still there) LAHAT ng gamit nya.

And totohanan mo. Especially if wala sa kamag anak nya kukuha ng stuff nya.

[fashtag]

Ann 2128 nakakagalit naman yan asawa mo.  Mga girls ba yan online?