After discovering that he cheated, how did u move on? ok pa kayo or hindi na?

[PinKisH_23]

Hi ladies.

Still not over the issues I had with hubby.

Ang hirap mag move on.

2 months na sya andito sa Pinas, no plans of working abroad, unless kasama daw ako.

Naawa din ako sa kanya, kahit everyday nya pinapakita na nagbago sya ang hirap na magbigay ng 100% trust.

Ayoko na ulit maloko, kaya masyado na akong guarded.

How do I start with the moving on process?

Paano ko iiwasan ang mga bagay na makakapag remind sa akin of his flirting and infidelity?

Paano ko ibibigay ulit ang 100% trust ko without going crazy?

[Pink_Sugar]

Im still recovering for 6 months, nakikita ko naman na bumabawi sya at na traima din sya sa ginawa ko at sa nangyari sa kanya. Ang style ko para maka move on eh dikdikin lagi sya na magkwento sa mga nangyari, pag narinig ko na ng paulit ulit kahit masakit eh nahihimasmasan na ako. Pero yung trust ko ay 20% pa lang ngayon. Hirap kasi kasama nya sa work yung girl.

[super bratinella]

^sis forgive with all your heart and focus sa mga pwedeng ma improve sa relationship ninyo, kasi in the first place you have the choice to leave but you stayed so focus on what you do and not on what you want you can not do, baby steps and always pray to God to bless you with a forgiving heart..

[Girltalker2]

^^ sis, ikaw narin nagsabi, he is trying 100%. So ibig sabihin mahal ka niya. So always remember, mahal ka niya and he is choosing you. Both of you need to work it out at all out naman sya. So all you need to do is do the same.

Go on a honeymoon, go on weekly dates, rekindle your love for each other.

Puede rin kayo pa counseling. Kasi mukhang di ka pa fully healed.

[glamorosa_09]

@pinkish_23

I assume sis sobrang napaso na ang husband mo, and he has learned his lesson the excruciating way. I also assume that this happened for the first time, and hopefully the last in your marriage.

Infidelity is a traumatic event. You can only hope for the pain and bad memories to go away, but moving on doesn't happen overnight. What you're experiencing - the flasbacks, unwanted thoughts, hypervigilance, triggers - are normal reactions to trauma. You said you're guarded, it's because your body want to prepare you and protect you from possible things that could hurt you. It's normal in your abnormal situation. It's survival.

Andyan din siguro yung obsession mo to analyze things over and over again, just to make sense of what happened. Sadly, you can't still understand anything.

What I suggest is find a coping strategy that can help you calm your banging emotions and thoughts. For pink_sugar, nagpapakuwento sya ng paulitulit, and it helps her. Others would pray or listen to worship songs.

Another suggetion would be to lay all your rules to your husband, rules that xan make you feel secured. Like telling you all the time where he goes, who he is with, being on time at home, being transparent with his celfone and internet use. He must help you, you're in this together. Nakakasakal sa simula, but what can he do, he was the one who committed this. In time, manunumbalik din sa normal. And you won't be checking him for the rest of your life. Ngayon lang na you're suffering the trauma.

It will help din to understand na, posibleng naging vulnerable ang mariage nyo because of unmet needs, kaya may nakapasok. Try also to make your marriage anew, reinvent your relationship.

Kung hindi naman serial cheater na emotional abuser ang husband mo, matututo na yan. Hindi na yan ulit lalapit pa sa nakakapasomg bagay, assuming he ended the affair with the other woman. Marunong makaramdam ng sakit ang asawa mo, while most serial cheaters don't. Pag nagloko ulit husband mo, walang pakialam sa pain mo, obviously we don't stay with callous people.

So ayun, I hope in time, maging normal ulit kayo, and maging better ang marriage niyo.

[eimerej5]

Hello mga sis! I've been back reading. I dont check FN much because of my busy day.. Have a baby and doing home errands... I feel the things that everyone is feeling everytime nababasa ko mga post dito sa thread na to BUT it's good to know that may mga magaganda din nangyayari tulad ng pagbabago ni husband para maayos ang relationship, ang acceptance and pag move on ng bawat isa sa atin whether with our partners or without them... What im trying to point out is that we women are strong enough to face every challenges and we support each other. I will always pray and hope for a better and happy life for all of us... God bless!

[chocol8junkie]

hi all,

i'm still in the process of backreading, but i hope someone could help me. just like everyone here, i've been cheated on. we're now looking for a marriage councilor who could help us save the marriage. don't get us wrong, but we don't want someone religious sana.

any references?

thank you in advance to anyone who could help!

[bwiset12]

after 3 yrs. of waiting, partner arrived last month for a 1 month vacation. late 2013 nung naging okay na kami. he said sorry and after all the things he did, i chose to forgive him. parang walang nangyari saming hindi maganda habang LDR kami. we're so okay than before . pero minsan pakonti konti inoopen up ko sa kanya yung mga ginawa nya. i asked him about sa anak nila ni kabit. sabi nya wala daw sya pinirmahan na birthcertificate pero surname nya ang gamit ng bata. i don't know lang if pwede ba yun? sabi nya lang may pinapirmahan daw sa kanya si kabit na parang about sa custody ekek ng bata. kasulatan daw na hindi nya kukunin yung bata. eh parang pwede naman nya ilayo sa ina yung bata. ask ko nga din sya kung sure ba sya na sa kanya yung bata , kasi month before na preggy si kabit eh nagbakasyon yun dito sa pinas. binibigyan ko sya ng doubt na baka di nya anak yun. para magdalawang isip din sya. sabi ko nga pa DNA muna kayo bago mo akuin na sayo nga yung bata. pero deep inside alam ko naman na sa kanya talaga yun . nakakatawa lang din dahil nabasa ko yung "closure" message nya kay kabit. pareho kami ng reaction ni kabit, naiyak ako pagkabasa ko. pero natawa din ako sa reply nya "hindi mo kasi kami pinaglaban", yan ang reply ni kabit. natawa ko, WTF!! nagpapaalam pa na sasagutin na daw nya yung nanliligaw sa kanya. reply lang ni partner sa kanya, OK.
yun lang nung umalis na si partner habang nasa airplane sya. binrowse ko yung cp na gamit nya na iniwan nya na sakin. may mga ka message sya na mga babae. mga 2 siguro yung mejo flirting ang dating. yung isa pa nga, wala sa contacts. tapos nung inadd as contacts ko. ayun lumabas lahat ng chat nila sa viber. nakikipagharutan nanaman si partner sa iba .. base sa pagkakabasa ko eh may bf naman din yung girl. mejo nagkakaproblema lang sila at mukhang si partner ko ang confidante nya. di ko napigil at minessage ko si girl. sabi naman nya o need to worry daw ako. sabi nya nga rin na late na nga lang daw nya nalaman about dun sa ex kabit ni partner so siguro naman warning na yun sa kanya para iwasan si partner. pagdating ni partner dun chat agad kami. at ayun ang binungad ko sa kanya. sabi ko nabasa ko lahat lahat. sabi naman nya wala lang daw yun and titigilan na daw nya kasi na realized daw nya habang kasama nya kami ng mga anak nya dito na tumatanda na sya at kailangan nya ng magtino para sa pamilya namin. madami syang plano for us. usapan din namin bago sya umalis na magpapakasal na kami next time na umuwi sya.
yun lang share ko lang ang update sa story ko ..

[blueice2061]

Im still trying to be ok at times... Pero kasaby ng pagkawala ng tiwala ko sa kanya....parang nararamdaman ko ring im starting to fall out of love. There are many instances na iniisip ko ng sumuko, and i let go sya. Though i could feel that he do loves me, its not just enough. Trust has been broken and the only thing that keeps me on this relationship is the promise i gave to God when we got married and even before we got married.
Still hanging on, at hindi ko masabi sabi sa kanya ang nararamdaman ko coz I really dont know when or how to start.
Im still conspfused and I guess the pain and the trust does not go away that easy....

[eimerej5]

Im still trying to be ok at times... Pero kasaby ng pagkawala ng tiwala ko sa kanya....parang nararamdaman ko ring im starting to fall out of love. There are many instances na iniisip ko ng sumuko, and i let go sya. Though i could feel that he do loves me, its not just enough. Trust has been broken and the only thing that keeps me on this relationship is the promise i gave to God when we got married and even before we got married.
Still hanging on, at hindi ko masabi sabi sa kanya ang nararamdaman ko coz I really dont know when or how to start.
Im still conspfused and I guess the pain and the trust does not go away that easy....

Sis blueice2061, mahirap
Talaga kapag trust ang nasira... Lagi ka n lang nagiisip ng kung ano lalo na kapag hindi mo kasama si partner. Nkakaparanoid! Nakakapraning! Ako nga officemate pa niya, everyday sila magkasama, nagkikita... Kahit pa sabihin nagkakaiba sila ng unit or department na hawak, still iisang building sila... Its so hard, but i said to myself na ayoko masira family ko at saka bakit ko sila bbgyan ng chance to be really together d b? Kapag iniwan ko si hubby eh d lalo ko lang sila binigyan ng chance at freedom to be together. And i choose to be happy. I choose to have a happy family kaya kahit the pain is still here, and kahit na hindi ako masyado mapakali kapag alam kong nasa office siya eh tinitiis ko n lang... Sa una ang hirap talaga but nakita ko naman na ako n mahal ako ni hubby... At saka everyday he makes me feel special... Thats why medyo napapawi ang pagiging paranoid ko kapag wala siya. And im learning to trust him again. Pero yung pain, i just learned that it will never go away.. I learned to live with it...

This is my choice. My own decision... So sis, its up to you kung ano ba ang gusto mong mangyari. And loving and trusting someone is a choice... We just have to decide if we can live with that choice...

[wavesplashes]

I gave him a chance pa but it didn't really work out na. Soon enough kasi you will realize that it is not wort your energy and time anymore.

How could you love someone wholeheartedly if RESPECT and TRUST is not there anymore? 

It will be hard at first, but trust me. You'll get over him and your memories together.

[eimerej5]

Hello! Kamusta na kayo mga sis?
Everything doing ok na ba?

[sildusoleil]

This happened to my ex boyfriend. I am not married yet, but my fiance is fully aware of my story of me and my ex.

I lost my respect to him ever since he cheated and that actually leads to a toxic relationship that lasted for 3 years.

[eimerej5]

Hello ladies! I know its been a while but bakit kaya until now, its been so long pero kapag alam ko na magkakasama sila sa office,  nandito pa din yung feeling ng inis at hatred dun sa fact na mgkasama sila? Akala ko i was over it and i had moved on. Yun pala its still here. I think it will never go away..

[yannuh]

^ i can relate sis:) may nangyaring something sa amin ni hubby, about 9 years ago na naging dahilan para magbreak kami. akala ko ok na pero a month ago, napag usapan namin ulit pero nahurt pa din ako. and up to now pinagseselosan ko pa din sya. i know ang weird ko kasi wala na silang communication and all, walang fb ang asawa ko at alam kong never na sila ulit nagkasama pero ganito na ata ang feeling ko towards the girl forever. hai ang hirap.

[j.adore]

I think it's normal if the person or scenario caused you much pain in the past. Parang constant reminder kasi sila na pwede trigger bad memories.

Ibang level of humanity yung totally zero feelings. Santo na hehe

[ece]

^^ ganyan din ako sis. yung akala mo naka move on ka na, pero pag naalala mo, ansakit padin na parang gusto kong awayin ulit si hubby for the same reason.

[yannuh]

Hugs nga tayu sissy haha! Alam mo minsan nakakaguilty yung ganyan. Di naman nila tayo binibigyan ng reason para magselos or magduda pero dahil dun sa pangyayaring yun(na alam naman nating pinagsisihan na nila) e ang hirap ibalik yung 100% trust.

[eimerej5]

Nakakaloka nga ang ganitong feeling... Siguro nga hindi n mawawala ang feeling na ganito lalo na kapag naaalala natin kahit matagal ng nangyari. Nakakaparanoid kasi yung nangyari... But life moves on...

[Girltalker2]

^ sis, it is almost 6 years since you opened this thread. At some point, your feeling should go away.

Both of you need to work harder for the marriage. You cannot live your life always in that shadow. Patibayin nyo pa ang pagsasama nyo. I always believe kaya naman basta mag exert kayong dalawa ng effort.