Filipino couples who are childless by choice...

[runaway_bridesmaid]

bakit naging ganito na ang naging takbo ng usapan???


siguro dapat mga moms na napadaan sa thread na ito, don't get affected sa mga post ng mga childless women na ayaw ng kids at tantrum attitude nila, kaya nga sila di nag anak dahil doon, lets respect them, on the other hand, syempre ipagtatanggol ng mga moms ang mga kids nila... i think this thread is not for the moms, so peace mga sisters!!!

[natalia]

^Exactly sis runaway_bridesmaid! No one is attacking anyone naman right? Sa mga mommies, single people (or people with no kids) have the right to feel irritated by kids sometimes. I do too, especially pag ang likot likot sa sine, or naglalaro sa escalator, or wherever.  Pero alam ko din na I don't have the right to make them feel na they are not allowed in public places. It's normal for people to be annoyed with kids, pero kebs ka nalang to people like us. Don't get too upset, ganun talaga e. Meanwhile, for us childless by choice naman, we have to understand din that kids shall be kids, so we have to try to be not affected so much when kids are around because we have no choice naman.

My point is, nobody should be expected to be extra forgiving or extra tolerant. Mommies shouldn't expect childless by choice people to be "more understanding" the same way that childless by choice people shouldn't expect kids or mommies with kids to be always on their toes. You choose to go out in public, eh di you take the risks, the annoyances, the discomforts that come with it.

Peace! 

[izabelle]

^ ^^ korek and korek

Please lang po, hindi na ok ang usaspan sa thread. let us respect ang opinyon ng bawat isa. This thread is about people who choose to be chidless. natural ang opinyon most of people here ay ganoon kaya nga nila pinili na wala silang anak or wala pang anak sa ngayon. Maaring may masabi talaga mga tao dito na hindi ok for MOMs.. pero kasi saan ba tungkol ang thread na ito diba? you can really expect opinions na hindi katulad ng paniniwala ng mga Moms na.

i think meron naman yatang thread about parenting? so syempre katulad namin na walang plano magbaby bakit naman ako pupunta sa thread ng parenting diba? eh hindi ko naman maiintindihan opinyon dun kasi nga hindi ganoon ang opinyon ko. and vice versa.

Sana po walang personalan sa discussions and again stick tayo sa topic.

[xthine]

^ I agree, everyones entitled to and express their own opinion and everyones free to disagree.  I was simply stating the FACT that Starbucks welcomes children too.

It appears that opinions contrary to what the 'majority' (at least in this thread) are not well received.  So with that I rest my case.  At least I was able to say what I felt I was compelled to say.

[ads83]

^i rest my case din..

if i were not a mom, i'd still have the same sentiments. kase some opinions are just blatantly mean:

e.g.
sarap isilid sa sako tas itapon sa bundok. doon sila magngangangawa, (or maybe this comment is off topic?)
i hate children

kahit naman for those childless by choice, off talaga some of the comments here.

it was never my intention to make us moms and our kids likable by people like you. i just thought that you are open to the sentiments of a mom regarding these attitudes.

i know that hindi masyadong welcome yung comments ko simply bcoz im a mom and that's it. period.

peace din..

[raven03]

^I agree, sorry, I know OT na, pero I just felt aghast over such statements na isisilid sa sako. And nakaka-istorbo sa personal space. Such arrogance naman.

I am currently childless by choice; yes, we did try early on pero good thing hindi natuloy since I realized that our lifestyle as a couple is not adapted for kids. But if kids are rowdy, fitful and screaming, I never feel irritated, naaawa ako that they are uncomfortable. I can never take it against the parent as I myself don't know how hard it is to have kids.

One of the stigmas connected to being childless by choice is being selfish, if we are that jealous over such simple matter as personal space in a public setting, then it would be hard to erase such a reputation.
 
Props to the Moms, kita mo kung sino ang may tact sumagot sa forum.

[tabbru]

This will be also my last statement din on this.

Hindi naman kami monsters na dapat katakutan ng kids o kaasaran ng magulang. Kapag may nagngangangawang bata dyan, hindi naman namin sila kinukurot o sinisinghalan. Wala naman kaming ginagawa. Hindi naman namin inaaway ang mga magulang nila. We keep quiet all the time. If you do not call that TOLERATION, then what is it?

Kung may sinasabi man kaming "naiirita" kami, dito na lang sa forum iyon. Kung nasabi man na isa sa mga sis natin na "masarap isilid sa sako" ang bata na magulo, siguro naglalabas lang siya ng sentiments nya. Sometimes we tend to exaggerate what we say just to stress a point. Pero I doubt kung kaya niyang gawin yun in real life.
 
Ang alam namin, free mag voice out ng opinion dito. At tama, pumili naman kami ng thread kung saan sa tingin namin na appropriate ang opinion namin. Wala tayo ngayon sa parenting/child  thread. Check my profile, tingnan ninyo kung minsan man ay nag-post ako sa theads dun. I admire mothers who are devoted to their children. I have a mother, too. So sa mga sinabi ko, wala akong nanay na ginustong masaktan. Kasi kung talagang mag-aangas ako, ilalabas ko na lang sa nanay na may maingay na anak sa loob ng starbucks.

Speaking of Starbucks. Yeah, may starbucks na menu for kids. But we cannot deny the fact na it is a coffee shop and coffee shops mainly serve adults.  Naglagay sila ng menu for kids kasi hindi naman naiiwasan na may maisamang bata sa loob, so dagdag benta na rin. Hindi naman ako nagrereact sa idea na may bata sa loob. But when they start screaming and running beside you, at masyado kang engrossed sa binabasa mo, hindi naman siguro kasalanan ang mainis. Minsan may kid pa na gumagalaw sa mga pens ko, hindi sinasaway ng magulang. I felt violated pero sige lang hinahayaan ko lang, bata eh. Hindi ako pumapatol sa bata. And yes that was my personal space that was invaded. Kasi kahit nasa public space tayo, we still maintain a “personal space.” In Sociology, we also call it personal bubble. An invasion of this personal bubble of course leads to discomfort and anxiety. How would you feel kung isang adult ang umuwi sa tabing upuan mo at galaw-galawin ang mga gamit mo? Magagalit ka, di ba? Pero kung isang bata, dapat ok lang kasi nga di nila naiintindihan. But what pisses me off is yung pagwawalang-bahala ng magulang sa di sinasadyang panggugulo sa akin ng anak niya. Kung magulo ang bata sa loob, sa tingin ko pwede namang ilabas muna para ipacify.

There is a great chance that I will become a mother too in the next 2 or 3 years. Inasmuch as I do not want to have a child, my fiancé is so keen on having one. Or at least two. Katulad na nga rin ng nasabi ng isa din sis natin dito, the decision has to be mutual. In our case, nagnegotiate kaming dalawa at syempre ang MAINSTREAM (i.e. having a child) ang magwawagi. Pero sinabi ko sa kanya na hindi dapat mawala ang sarili kong identity pag nagka-anak na kami. I also do not want to lose my objectivity. I will definitely love my child, fight and be responsible for him/her. Pero hindi naman ibig sabihin na hindi na rin ako magiging mindful sa ibang tao.

If people think that this is selfish, so be it. But who are we to judge, really?

Kung meron mang moms na na-hurt sa mga nasabi ko, I apologize. 

[rianne_mallows]

ang problema sa ibang posters kasi..misplaced anger.. sa parents ka pala galit eh bakit yung bata isisilid sa sako??.. bakit doon ka maiinis??  e kasalanan pala ng nanay niya? edi yung magulang awayin niyo..  ganun kasimple..

ang dali namn sabihin.. misis yung anak niyo pakisaway.. diba?
kung matino ang parents sasawayin.. kung bastos ang parents hindi... PERO hindi bata ang may kasalanan GETS?

naiinis kayo kasi hindi ninyo kaya na magspeak up for yourself in that given situation ..

[rianne_mallows]

tao din kaming MOMS.. naiinis din kami sa mga situation na sinasabi niyo..
PERO difference natin .. sa Parents kami na bata naiirita.. NEVER sa KIDS..

[izabelle]

OT : Hindi ako magtataka kung malock ang thread na 'to

sana mag comment po tayo base sa TOPIC ng thread at sinabi ng tao hindi personal attack.

[mooncake and leaves]

I'm not a mom and I'm not even married but even I thought it was quite offensive, some people's thoughts about kids.

As for the selfish bit, well, choosing to be childless can be considered selfish in most cases. I'm not saying it's wrong but that's how it is.

As for deviating from the original topic, no one has a problem with being childless per se. What people have a problem with is how some posters had to attack those who chose motherhood, had to make harsh comments about kids just to make their case. Yun lang naman.

And since you guys are also concerned about sensitivity, this is a public forum. It is not your personal space. People will read what you have to say and you'll ruffle some feathers. And a thread, a discussion is always open to differing opinions. If you want to rant about kids, you're actually free to do that in other threads as well. If you can't take the heat eh di move on or create a blog about how much you hate kids, in which case eh sarap i-alert sa FBI lol.



edited to add:

pinalitan ko yung "is" with "can be considered". i made a case nga pala about how in some cases it isn't. ako na ang hilo. lol

[hisana]

Perhaps one of my biggest issues with this choice is what my future in-laws might think. Keber na yung ibang tao, pero I have to admit, I'll feel pressured if ever hindi nila matanggap fully yung decision na ito. Sisihin pa nila ako na hindi mafufulfill ang dreams nila of becoming grandparents. Sheesh. Dapat siguro pati sa in-laws i-klaro before the wedding, just in case!

[izabelle]

^ true sis.. in laws din dapat consider.. lalo na kapag makulit tapos kapag sinabi na wala pa po kami plan mag baby or ayaw na po talaga namin magbaby syempre mega react sila kasi gusto magka apo

[marose17]

Oh my!  What happened to this thread?   At first it was an intelligent and reasonable discussion about being childless by choice.  And now, oh no, it's about people spewing venom and hatred towards children.  OMG, that "isilid sa sako" comment was totally uncalled for.  If you make comments like that, prepare to hear it from moms.  Masakit makarinig ng ganyan especially if you have children.

And please, if someone feels"violated" because some kids apparently caused a disturbance while that person was in Starbucks, mas violated siguro ang feeling ng batang isisilid sa sako kasi makulit at magulo.

Let's all respect each other.  Be tolerant.  I am so disappointed that some people would resort to such negativity just to drive home their point.

[emeenem]

Just because this is not a parenting thread doesn't mean that parents cannot share a thing or two on this topic.

I used to get irritated by unruly kids when i was young but now that I'm a mom, my world changed in a 360 degree turn. I am 100% positive that some of you will experience that too once you have a child.

That "isisilid sa sako" comment is not a comment from a sane human being. Wala ng kinalaman ang being childless by choice vs being a mom dito. The issue here is being below the belt. How can anyone think of such a cruel act? And to a kid at that! I would think that people who think this way are potential child abusers.     

[hisana]

How old should a kid be before he/she can be held accountable for his/her own bad actions? And what can one do kaya if a kid is misbehaving, pero deadma ang parents?

[rianne_mallows]

^IMO if nasa loob ng establishment(ex. Starbucks) kung deadma parents.. sumbong sa waiters.. o kaya sa guard.. sila na maghandle nun

kahit ikaaw na nga mismo... the key is dapat maayoswordings mo..

for ex. malikot na bata sa starbucks
"missis yung anak niyo po pakisayaw.. delikado kasi baka matapunan ng kape"

ewan ko na lang kung hindi pa sawayin ng nanay niya yun

[ads83]

How old should a kid be before he/she can be held accountable for his/her own bad actions? And what can one do kaya if a kid is misbehaving, pero deadma ang parents?

im not very sure about what kind of "bad actions" you are referring to, but i think based on the criminal code (as amended??), it's more than 15 years of age. pls correct me if im wrong..

and yes, i agree. tell us and if that doesn't work tell the management.

[raven03]

On childless couples being selfish, some say that this is part of the deal and let it be. I don't think this is necessarily so. Some couple choose to be childless to send relatives/family to school. Some take care of sick or ageing parents. That is why I consider people saying "childless couples are selfish", a stigma rather than a truth.

In fact, the mere action of not adding to the ballooning population that is doomed by statistics to go hungry in the next 50 years is not much of a selfish act in a way. Couples who strive to better themselves academically or in their careers, can leave a better imprint to society than leaving a child who they were not able to take care of well. I do not see couples choosing the latter selfish in that respect.

@rianne_mallows: Yung sinabi mo na tamang wordings sa pagsaway sa bata actually has further implications. Yes, people choose to be childless, pero it should not whittle out their concern to the kids. When I see kids zooming around, my personal space is the least of my concern; afterall, personal spaces are defined by the individual and adjustable (well, funnily enough, this depends on how well adjusted that individual is too).

Going back, kids zooming around invading my self-defined space is the least of my concerns, I am more worried na madapa sila, or mabangga. That they'd hit something and get hurt. Just because we choose to be childless does not mean that we should not be mindful of kids. Kaya nga nagkaron ng uproar over the JanJan incident di ba? People childless or not chose to care and protect the child.

Some of us already made a choice to be childless, it does not have to mean that we care only for ourselves, it might mean we want to leave a better impact as individuals that's why we chose it over the dictates of the majority.

[izabelle]

usually when i see kids na super kulit or super ingay sa mga public places, wala akong ginagawa for some reasons, kahit wala akong anak, naiintindhan ko bakit sila ganon, kasi nga bata eh. and i always say to myself, naging bata din ako once in my life.

at times, naiinis ako sa parents na walang ginagawa as in literal na walang ginagawa para masaway ang bata.

Our choice (hubby and i) to be childless for now ay ginagawa namin para sa magiging baby din namin. We want to set our priorities to give him/her the best life na kaya namin. Sa dami ng nakikita namin or naeencounter na situation sa araw araw , alam namin na sobrang hirap maging parents and it's a big responsibility and for us, alam namin na we may be ready financially but not emotionally. Gusto namin kapag dumating yung time na magkababy kami, ready talaga kami in all aspects.