almost 6 years married and we were childless by choice for the 1st 2 years of married life. after that, we tried for 2 years to have a baby but no luck. turned out i had PCOS and i didn't want to take all the meds and the fertility supplements. at the time, we thought na if we'd be blessed with a child, thank you. if not, ok lang. so we came to terms with the situation and just accepted the fact that ours was possibly going to be a childless marriage. by choice pa din kasi we could have chosen to take all the meds to counteract PCOS but we didn't. we just let things be.
then last may, i found out i was pregnant. i was 3 months along na at the time. we weren't even trying and we didn't really expect it because of my PCOS and all.
mixed emotions. for someone who decided not to have a child, bakit ako pa ang binigyan. so many people want to have kids and are willing to do whatever it takes just to have kids. bakit hindi na lang sila ang binigyan, bakit ako na hindi naman humihingi. so now we're going to have a baby, not really by choice, but what can we do but to accept this blessing diba?
for a long time, some of my friends could not understand why i didn't want kids. my parents were ok with it. my close friends respected the choice. now that i'm pregnant, those who could not understand why i didn't want kids now keep on saying na finally daw, nandito na ang matagal ko nang hinihintay. parang in denial sila na during the time that i said i didn't want kids, i really meant it.
but don't get me wrong ha. i don't hate this baby. i don't resent the fact that i got pregnant. if it were up to me lang talaga, ayaw ko sana but i was blessed with one eh so thank you diba. i've come to terms with it na, tanggap ko na. took a while for me to accept it though.
ang reason ko kasi before for not wanting kids was i didn't want a lifestyle change. i wanted to continue living the same kind of life i had. my husband agreed with me, though at the start he thought it was a just a phase i was going through. later on, he realized i was serious and he was fine with it naman.
being childless by choice doesn't make you selfish. maybe it does to some extent kasi some people may interpret this as you not wanting to let go of the comforts you have while childless - the lifestyle, being able to travel whenever and wherever etc. parang sarili mo lang kasi ang iniisip mo. but imo, for people who have a wider perspective of things, this is not a selfish choice at all kasi you know for a fact that you want to live life childless - that you may not be able to be a good parent to a child because you don't want a child. and if you don't want a child, baka hindi mo din siya mapalaki ng maayos.
diba mas selfish na may anak ka pero may resentment ka naman sa kanya kasi hindi mo siya ginusto? or na nagka-anak ka for the wrong reasons - like para may mag-alaga sayo pagtanda mo, para may sumuporta sayo pagtanda mo?
sabi nila people who are childless by choice only say that they are that because they don't know what it feels like to have a child. i respect that opinion. i respect people who chose to have kids. sana lang these people also learn to respect those people who chose not to have kids. it's a free country, if you are capable of having kids, it is your choice if you want to have any or not.
maybe just be sensitive enough not to openly talk about this in front of people who are not childless by choice but by circumstance.
