Pseudo Relationship --> POV's nyo about this girls :)

[iamME2007]

^^jaemi33: ganyan din kame pag asa pinas ako lage kame magkasama at we're really happy lalo na sya kasi nga ako na nga lang din yung friend nya..and i think talagang nageffort kame na hindi kame magkalimutan kahit asa ibang bansa na ko..sa ngayon siguro hinde pa talaga sya ready kasi madami pa sya issues sa life nya lalo na yung wala pa sya work..nafefeel ko nga na nahihiya sya sa kin eh.so inaantay ko lang sya pero im living my own life pa din naman and i think im still in control with my feelings, alam ko naman din kasi ang sarili kung inlove ako eh..at sa ngayon im not inlove with him but i like him kasi mabait at matagal na din kame magkaibigan..

[krnmprl]

i've been soul searching lately dahil nga i've a bit of time right now. i fell in love with someone and it was over more than 4.5 months ago and i've gotten stuck i was hoping to understand why and i've decided to post my thoughts about it in this thread, sana balang araw makatulong.

i'm in my early 30s bihasa na rin naman ako sa larangan ng pag ibig (naks). kumbaga, hindi na ko naive. pero sa hindi ko maintindihang dahilan, hindi ako makaget over this person.

and i've realized, dahil kasi baka ito yung unang pagkakataon na nag consider ako ng relationship. yung functional relationship, i mean. i think very helpful sa pag unawa ng pseudo relationship ang good definition ng functional relationship.

ang love/attraction/connection ay "seed" lang ng romantic relationships. maybe it's 20% love and then 80% hard work. yung hard work, yun yung effort to be kind, gentle, generous, respectful and loyal to each other. relationships are a lot of hard work, hindi lang ito basta papasukin mo dahil gusto mo sumaya, na may magmahal sayo, sex o kung ano ano pang illusions natin about relationships na nakukuha natin sa movies. hindi lamang dahil you feel great together, o siya na yung "the one" who will save you from yourself.

maraming obligasyong time, atensyon, pera, panahon at pasensiya ang isang relasyon, pero minsan it makes sense to enter a relationship kasi nga there are instances that you can become a better person when you are exploring and growing together with another person.

like ako, i'm great by my lonesome. mas mabilis, mas fierce, less vulnerable and i could use all the extra time i'm not pouring into a relationship to better myself. pero ito lang siguro yung unang unang pagkakataon na i felt like, i could be all that and more by being in a commited relationship. na i will become a better person kapag magkasama kami in life.

which brings us to the point of pseudo. kung attraction lang naman, yun tipong click kayo, compatible intellectually, etc pero hindi ka naman makapag laan ng time, energy, patience, financial resources, emotional support at kung ano ano pa eh wag ka na mag ilusyon ng REAL RELATIONSHIP, pseudo na lang. para you can have fun, retain your individuality all without having to commit na magbuhos ng love, time and resources for another person. because a relationship is real hard work.

[ellenmitchie]

I'm into this kind of situation right now. Nauna yung guy gumawa ng mga moves like saying that he loves me, kahit di nya ako girlfriend or what, all of the things a boyfriend would do sa isang girlfriend. Both of us are not ready for any commitment, ako busy sa career, sya din naman, then one of the reason kaya ayaw nya ng commitment is ayaw niya umabot sa point na mag demand yung isa.

Yeah, masaya sya at first, kasi nakukuha mo yung kilig na usually meron sa isang REAL relationship, pero it got me thinking, hanggang saan 'to? I'm trying my best not to fall for this guy, dahil alam ko naman walang kasiguraduhan sa "current" relationship namin. But I think sya may feelings na eh.

He keeps on saying masasaktan sya if one day lumayo na ako sa kanya, eh ganun din naman ako. Nakakalungkot lang isipin na hindi ka pwede mag demand one day kung bigla na lang siya umiwas or lumayo sayo, kasi nga there's no "us". Mahirap lang on my part eh minsan pumapasok sa isip ko na sana one day maging ready sya for a "commitment" with me, pero ang iniisip lang nya is one day mawawala din kami.

Hay, based on our sisses experiences, mukhang bibihira lang yung nag e-end up happily.

[lareina]

^sis lareina: hay nako girl as much as possible keep the distance from him. I experienced that exact situation and hanggang close ka sa kanya there is a bigger possibility na mafafall ka sa kanya and even though he is attracted to you now NGAYON lang yan. In the end, he would choose his girlfriend over you and you will end up getting hurt. You are saying "right love at the wrong time" right? that was my EXCUSE too, and I ended up super heart broken.  So if I were you just keep a comfortable distance between you and him.

hay, i am struggling... don't know whether to avoid him or keep the friendship. i tried na iwasan sya pero nahirapan talaga ako. He also tried na iwasan ako but now, ganun pa din.  Anyway, i should not expect anything.  Baka nagfi-feeling lang ako. Close friends lang kami. 

[jaemi33]

^^ellenmitchie - sis, I totally understand what you are going through. Talagang sa una lang masaya kaya at that time, hindi mo naiisip yung mga consequences later. Personal opinion lang ha, pero if a guy is really serious about you, I think he would step up and be committed with you. Walang pero pero. Although, meron naman talagang time na hindi maiiwasan na situation rin. But if both of you are thinking na aabot sa point na mag babackout yung isa sa inyo, I think there is a greater possibility that it will lead to that, stop thinking about those negative things. If both of you are not really ready for any real commitment, just enjoy the moment and cut off all the negativity it comes with it.

^lareina - sis, I know how hard it is. Kahit ako it took me a year before I finally able to cut all my connections with him. Yung friend ko pa yung nag delete ng contacts niya since I couldn't find the courage to do it by myself. The feeling didn't go away that quickly but it definitely helped me moved on. Although, it came to the point na nasira yung friendship namin, so I sometimes wish sana I was able to fix all the mess before it led to losing him even as a friend. Keep distance with him and observe kung talagang para kayo sa isa't isa. If he is going to be just your friend, accept that and treasure the friendship rather than losing him

[lareina]

^ thanks jaemi33.. ang hirap, di ko sya maiwasan kasi friends nga kami.. siguro wag na lang ako mag-expect ng kung ano.... admittedly, we enjoy each other's company. minsan dinadaan na lang namin sa biro na sayang me gf na sya.. Siya naman, keeps telling me na friend nya lang ako..

Kaya ko ito!  Thanks uli sis jaemi33

[blisstacy]

I think creating this Pseudo Relationship to be somewhere in between friendship and lovers will only complicate things.  For me essential for lovers yung commitment so if wala yun hanggang close friends lang.  Cause I care for my friends rin naman and friendship for me involves love rin naman just platonic love kasi walang commitment.    I believe that if the guy wants to be more than friends, he'll do anything for that.  I think rin that if the guy is worthy of being your friend or lover, he'll be wise enough to be careful with his words and won't blurt out "I love you" so easily because he considers what you feel as a consequence of his actions. 

[lareina]

^ you're right, sis.  Dapat careful din sa actions.  What if special treatment ang binibigay sa girl, the girl is likely to fall, right?

[ellenmitchie]

^^^^ Thanks sis jaemi33. Actually may plano ako to ask him kung ano ba balak nya for us, kung may balak ba syang mag "level up" kami sa current situation namin. He keeps on asking me kapag nag kakasama kami, kung meron daw ba akong gusto pang mangyari for both us. Honestly hindi ko sya masagot on that, baka kasi pag sinabi ko na "are you ready for a commitment?" eh hindi naman  pala yun gusto nyang marinig diba. Siguro this is not the right time muna to ask that. Good thing the guy is very open regarding how the way he feels about me. Ako sa ngayon hindi lang talaga ako nagpapa affect masyado, iniiwasan ko talaga ma fall, dahil nga wala pang kasiguraduhan. Pero the bad thing is, medyo attached na yata ako. Right now medyo nagpapakabusy muna ako on other things.

^ You're right sis, paano nga ba natin malalaman kung special treatment lang diba. Girls pa naman are very emotional.

[jaemi33]

haha basta complicated talga ang ganitong relationship  although we say that action speaks louder than word, kung palagi nalang action rin na wala naman say mahirap rin yun diba. We, girls, ending up saying na he treats me special kaya siguro special na ako sa kanya and start assuming stuff narin. Mahirap yan. I think action should also comes with words. 

^ellenmitchie - sis, I don't think it's a good idea to talk about commitment to him coming from your mouth. Guys tend to get scared when hearing the word "commitment" lol Tama yan ginagawa mo na mag ka busy ka muna sa other things. Let him realize na hindi siya ang mundo mo then he will start to realize that he needs to start being serious or else he will lose you. Ikaw na naman nag sabi na open naman siya sa feeling niya for you, then I guess waiting for him to ask you about commitment is not also a bad idea 

[blisstacy]

For me, dapat yung guy ang magrealize na he's ready to commit and and he wants to be with you.  Perhaps this pseudo relationship is a time for them to assess and get to know you and see if worth it sila magcommit.  I don't think they want to be rushed in sa decision nila.

[jaemi33]

For me, dapat yung guy ang magrealize na he's ready to commit and and he wants to be with you.  Perhaps this pseudo relationship is a time for them to assess and get to know you and see if worth it sila magcommit.  I don't think they want to be rushed in sa decision nila.

I agree

[ellenmitchie]

^^ You're right. I guess wag na lang muna mag expect na baka umabot kami sa point na yun.

[lareina]

I'm falling for him.. but i know he won't leave his gf for me.. I need to let go 

[jaemi33]

@lareina - oh nooooo  sis, I'm really hoping you are still holding onto yourself. Kaya mo yan maging busy ka nalang sa ibang bagay and try not to think that you are actually falling for him. Good luck!!

[princeza08]

IMO mahirap ang ganito. i haven't experienced it for my self pero i have mga kakilala na nasa ganitong situation. mas kawawa ang girl pag ganito. kasi in their situation si guy is ayaw ng commitment. kasi sa previous relationship nya niloko sya ng gf nya dati so super na hurt sya... kaso si girl naman dead na dead kay guy, as in lahat ginagawa nya para lang ma inlove sa kanya kahit dumadating sa point na wala na yung respect sa sarili nya. nakaka awa lang pero they are old enough alam na nila ginagawa nila alam nila ang tama at mali. ang kung ano mangyari in the end dapat ready sila sa mga consequences.

[purple.strawberry]

Haha. Natawa naman ako. Ngayon ko lang ulit narinig yung term na pseudo-relationship. I think this one has its own merits... wala yung bigat ng commitment, walang expectations, you two are just having fun. Masaya lalo na sa simula, kasi andun yung kilig pati initial sparks from two people who're getting to know each other romantically.

Binasa ko yung article sa simula and realized that I'd been there. When the guy and I started going out, we talked about it, na we're not exclusive and all that. Tingin ko ang key here is to be control of your feelings and wag kang maghahabol. Tsaka communication. If you think nagkakafeelings ka na then tell the guy and ask him if possible bang may patutunguhan kayo. If he says no, yun na yun. If he says yes, pag-usapan din kung paano kayo magiging formal.

[anon]

sa pseudo-relationship hindi naman 'pseudo' yung 'kilig' kasi its really felt. So naturally di rin pseudo yung sakit na mararamdaman if it doesn't work out in the end for whatever reason. Ika nga, how deep the happiness will be is how deep the pain will also be...

[tamera_lorraine]

i've been there before.. mahirap hindi nagwork yung samin ng kMU ko..

mas ok if may malinaw na usapan kung ano ba talaga ang gusto nio sa  isang relasyon..

or may patutunguhan ba talaga..

on my part may feelings na ako kaya advice ko mas ok if klaro kayo sa isa't isa.

lugi kase yung taong mas may feelings sa ganitong relasyon..

[strawberryswitchblade]

I think I'm in the same situation. We're both single, but I think he might be seeing other people so I feel he can't be serious. Ang hirap ng hindi mo alam kung ano yung iniisip niya at hindi niya rin alam yung iniisip ko. He's very hard to read. I want him to be clear with his intentions. I want to take a risk and let him know what I feel but I think hindi pwede ngayon kasi masyadong complicated. We work in the same company, pati may feeling ako na he and his friend (who I also know) are emotionally attached to each other, though madalas sila mag-away. He's also acting hot and cold and I became confused, so I kept some distance. We haven't talked as much ever since work became very demanding, and he's acting a little cold lately. I'm not sure if keeping distance was the right thing to do as maybe he felt ignored, but I did that to gave him some space and time for both of us to process our emotions. Ang hirap talaga. I care about him but I don't know what he wants. I don't want to lose him, as a friend at least. Ideally I wouldn't want to settle, I want to see other people instead but it's super rare for me to find people I have this special connection with.