this should have been my happiest month...my wedding :( {Journal to Recovery}

[holli_may]

maraming thanks sa inyo mga sis. never felt so overwhelmed with such support group siguro mga sis what i'll do now is to start thinking the other way round. I should teach myself not to feel like the victim...pero how mga sis? how can I stop blaming myself? what will i do para bumalik na naman kompyansa ko sa sarili ko? A big part of me was really broken into bits and pieces  sa pag-iwan sa akin. I feel so small and so demotivated

[ysa.belle]

one day you will look back at iisipin mo na it was all a bad dream.

do the things that you love doing. isipin mo na ang pagiging single isn't all that bad. you can do things na hindi mo na need i-consult sa "iba". get a new haircut or go to the spa. just a day to relax, a day just for you. you are a special lady and nothing can take that away from you. he hurt you and made you cry. that is all that he did to you. siya? he made himself look like a fool for leaving a great person. pinakita pa niya na he is weak.

you have friends and sister (s), go have fun with them. do the things you guys didnt do noon since yung time mo eh nasa "kanya"

love yourself more. you will get through this. 

[_AiaH_]

This is a post from sis aquacharly that i really admire. one of the best advices talaga. i wonder where she is nga eh, haven't seen her post sa thread mo, she's an expert when it comes to giving advices for problems like this.

"
If a relationship breaks up before marriage, consider yourself lucky.
Sure it is a heartbreak, but less of a disaster than a broken marriage.

IMO, it isn't the number of years that is the major heartbreak. 
It is the "cost" of the relationship that is the underlying issue of break-ups:   what you gave up, how far you compromised yourself, how you changed yourself... to keep that relationship going.

People who lose themselves, and have difficulty "recognizing" themselves after some time in a relationship (a month, a year, 50 years.. whatever...)  ... those who decreased their options/self empowerment in so many ways while in the relationship/marriage ... these have the bigger heartbreak, the harder time moving-on when the sh1t hits the fan.

You're not married to him and he left? 
Look at it this way:  you can always find better.
You're married to him and he left?
Look at it this way:  you can always do better.
He left, before or after marriage -- look at it this way:  You can always be happier.

[ysa.belle]

^so true. oo nga noh, hindi nagawi dito sa thread na to si sis aquacharly.

[cristal28]

hi sis i chanced upon your story and i feel your pain. i cant say i know how are you feeling coz i have never been in dat situation but i surely know your pain. mahirap talaga yan pero sometimes you just have to live one day at a time. everytime you wake up though di mo naiisip you are one day closer of getting through it. everytime you wake up in the moring kahit feeling mo [textspeak!] naman pagbabago nandun pa din yung pain pero nababawasan yun believe it or not. just hold on one day you will feel na kaya m na to wake up with a smile though not necessarily na wala na yung pain and hindi ka na iiyak and di mo na siya maaalala pero nababawasan yun.

[_AiaH_]

^so true. oo nga noh, hindi nagawi dito sa thread na to si sis aquacharly.

oo nga eh, hinihintay ko pa naman sasabihin nya, hehe.

[aquacharly]

AIAH   Thank you for quoting that post.. I hope it has given some comfort to someone.
     
I intentionally  did not read HOLLI MAY's post because I knew it was a super major heartbreak, and unless I am  in an adequate frame of mind to empathize... I avoid commenting.  I feel it is a responsibility we all share.. that we think over seriously what we post/say to each other.

HOLLI MAY, those sisters of ours who posted here ahead of me, all gave you astute advice.  More than that, it should comfort you that for sure they include you in their prayers, and share your heartbreak.

HOLLI MAY, batuhin mo man ako ang tingin ko sa ex mo eh Swatch lang, hindi Rolex.   Tamo nga, 2 years lang poof!  Limited Warranty.
Sweetie, you deserve better..  that is all I have to say.

To quote what the others have said:  consider yourself lucky you are rid of this guy who cannot commit enough to work out your relationship kinks.
     Bata bata ka pa, and you are financially independent... count your blessings.


Now, 1st order of recovery or moving on is to move out of that house/unit the 2 of you fixed up.  Bakit ka matitira sa mausoleum?   
Move your butt and go get another place to fix up according to your preferences... that should absorb you enough mabawasan yang oras mo nang pag iyak.
As long as you stay in that dwelling,, you are subconsciously still waiting for your ex to get back.
You are also subconsciously blaming yourself for the break-up.  Do NOT harm yourself that way.
              He just was not strong enough to handle your quirks, your demands, your PMS.   

Dust yourself off... Why are you wallowing in misery?
Hindi mo pa asawa yan ano.  As the others cited, suerte mo.
Move your butt and look at Life as An Adventure.
Now is the time to do stuff you like, without considering somebody's preferences, schedule or kaduwagan.  Go!
How many of us here have that freedom?  Ah, lucky you!   

Stop nailing yourself to the cross, hindi na uso  yan.
Ano kaya dapat ginawa ko para etc etc etc   is a useless litany.
What you should analyze is --
            Sa pagkasemplang mo with this heartbreak, while you were picking yourself off the floor -- what Lesson did you learn?
            For sure, for sure, for sure,  there is a Lesson learned ... coz History repeats itself until The Lesson is learned... so focus on The Lesson.    That will make you know yourself better, and knowing yourself better is a source of power.


You will never forget this betrayal of your trust.
BUT I bet my 2 ears, because Time heals all wounds... 1 day the pain that is now gripping your heart will just be like a madalang na maliit na pitik.  Really!  I have bet my 2 ears and I still have them attached to the sides of my head... So, maniwala ka sa akin... you will never forget, but 1 day you will laugh at this Limited Warranty Ex of yours.

Pray for  strength and poise during this healing phase of yours.
Take care of yourself.   Do only what is in your best interest... and replaying a sad movie, extending your run of misery.. is not in your best interest.

God bless.
Get off your butt and out of that house/dwelling unit, HOLLI  MAY.



                           

[aquacharly]

What am I trying to say ba talaga HOLLI MAY?

Yang 2 year relationship mo, + whatever that Limited-Warranty Ex of yours is ... the Totality of all that... that should NOT limit your potential for happiness. 

Life is Beautiful, Life is Enormous... parang that 2 years and that Ex of yours...  isipin mo na parang siopao na type mong kainin, enjoy mong kinain.. Tapos ayon, ubos na hanggang doon lang ang 1 siopao eh....

So What?! 
Ano, hindi ka na mag enjoy eating?  Eh hello?!  HOLLI MAY... ayan ang varied, tempting and beautiful  buffet in front of you.
       Bakit mo kelangan isip isipin yang 1 siopao na kahit nga nasarapan ka, eh ubos na.  There are other siopaos,  hehe ... and other dishes to savor.. you just have to eat again, and not limit your eating to just siopaos. 

Sabi ng lola ko, the world is like a big oyster.   

[Gladz31842]

bow! sis aquacharly! thank God for people like you talaga!

@holly_may: God communicates with us through Experience...unless you start listening to Him, you will keep re-living it agan and again until you get the message.

[ysa.belle]

Very well said sis aquacharly.

 

[aquacharly]

Thanks for the appreciation, mga sis, but we all really learn from each other.   

PETLOVA -- I love CLOSING CYCLES too.  And yes, it got me through some dark times.   

[sharks]

Hi holli_may, i was so sad and dumbfounded after i read your story. It's understandable that you question your ex-bf's sudden change of mind and his will to leave give up on your relationship in an instant. I have no words of advice for I am not in the position to give you one since I have no idea on how much pain you are in.

Just take this as God's plan for you. Yes, you are in pain but this too shall pass, not instantly but in His time. I know you have the strength to overcome this trial. Good luck and God bless you! 

[holli_may]

@ sis ysa_belle == yup, sis, had a new hairstyle na and I’m now slowly refilling my closet with new wardrobe. Slowly man pero basta me change lang akong nakikita sa sarili ko everytime haharap ako sa mirror. I’m sorry mga, sis, pero I am still in this stage na kahit anong pagpapagandang gagawin ko parang di long lasting ang effect nya sa akin. Everytime I wash my face and change into my pajamas, I will still see the old, sad me. Wanna recover na talaga! Hate to see my self aging so uselessly

@ sis _Aiah_ === thanks for quoting sis aquacharly. Because of you, sis, lumabas si sis aquacharly

@ sis cristal28 === thanks, sis. Been starting to live one day at a time talaga

@ sis aquacharly === thank u that I come to know you along with the rest of our sisses here. Your words brought me bitter-sweet tears. I’ll try to remember your words as I’ll go on with my everyday step to recovery. I love the siopao and buffet scenario, though

Sis, in regards to my place, I’m afraid I could never find a better and safer place than the one I have. I’ve searched na kasi before, right after ex left. I was both been on foot and checked the internet to find a place pero none talaga that I like, or that is close to my office, or safe based on my evaluation. Kaya nga tiniis ko nalang [textspeak!]. Or siguro I come to love this place na rin. It was I who found and chose this place kasi. Yun nga lang, it was so challenging the very first time a had a general cleaning of this place after ex left. I really cried while I cleaned this place.So vivid pa kasi ang mga memories on every corner…like the kitchen, the living area, our closet, etc. But I still haven’t given up the thought of moving out pa rin naman  kasi yan din advice ng dad ko. So I will still continue to look for a new place. Sana nga lang makahanap ako uli ng good and safe place.

[ysa.belle]

Everytime I wash my face and change into my pajamas, I will still see the old, sad me. Wanna recover na talaga! Hate to see my self aging so uselessly

No. Everytime you wash your face and change into your jammies, you should see YOU. All the goodness of you. All the beauty in and out. Lahat ng YOU na he will never ever have ever again. All of YOU na he does not deserve. (Sorry if masungit, pero its true)

You will recover and look at what happened as a glitch in your life. As something that made you stronger and a better person. 

[jorhen]

sis holli_may... if u need a friend or just someone to talk to i am available... pwede rin kita samahan anywhere...

hay naku... ang hirap talaga intindihin ng mga guys... bakit ba sila ganun? minamahal naman natin sila ng totoo bakit nagagawa pa rin nila tayo saktan... ka sad talaga but that's the reality...

[cuteapril_1215]

sis, i feel for you...pero you have to wake up din...I've been through a rough breakup(almost 3-year rel8nship) recently (late summer this year) & to tell you the truth, i also felt so useless, walang sense of direction buhay ko...
He left me without explaining much...You know, it made me realize na mali ang ginawa ko na mahalin siya ng sobra sobra(yung tipong, halos walang matira na pagmamahal sa sarili)
Lam mo sis, ang malaki tulong sa akin makapag move on were the following:
1. God (just continue to seek Him wholeheartedly, He will never leave you sis)
2. Family (I am now spending more time with my family, bonding moments with my sisters...doing things that we all enjoy)
3. Friends (people who listens, people who makes me feel loved)
4. Traveling (It's my childhood dream to travel kaya ngayon, ito yung isa sa nagiging source of comfort for me)

I hope sis, that you will eventually move on too...balikan mo happy memories mo when you were still single...when you were still a child...love yourself a little bit more...

[petlovah]

^how you recovered is the same as mine

sis hollimay, i know how hard it is and i can fully relate to you. please bear in mind that even if their/our advices are hard to accept/follow for the mean time, try to learn how to. ganyan talaga ang sakit when you have really loved a person so much. little by little, we will recover. little by little... it's just not in a snap of a finger that the pain will be gone. it will really take time. by all other means, surrender everything to God and He will do things in His own way.

If you need help or someone to talk to or be with, I am most willing to be there with you. Pwede kame ni JORHEN or kng may iba pang sis dito na gusto. don't dwell too much on the pain because it might affect the aspects of your life such as your work. think positive ok, kahit mahirap, try to ha

[holli_may]

@ sis ysa_belle === k, i'll keep this in mind, sis.

@ sis jorhen and sis petlovah === sige mga sis i'll keep this in mind din. oo nga sis petlovah eh, pati work ko affected na talaga. madalas na akong pino-pull out ng boss ko para kausapin kasi worried na daw siya sana lang wag muna nyang maisipang alisin ako noh   i'm actually on vacation now mga sis. 1 week ang leave ko and i'm gonna spend it with my family. actually, kaka-leave ko lang last week pero i filed for another leave na naman this week. kung pwede lang sana buong month na to naka-leave ako eh. kasi etong month na to kasi eh! haaaay! naiiyak na naman ako

@ sis cuteapril_1215 == i'm sorry to hear din, sis, that it didn't work out for you both  pero at least, sis, masasabi mo naman na you're already able to move on. nakakapagtaka lang kasi ginagawa ko naman yung mga tips mo. heto naka-leave na nga ako and kasama ko na family ko. minsan mga friends ko. actually effective naman eh...yun nga lang at the end of the day pag ako na naman uli mag-isa, the painful reality seems to have a waterfall effect talaga. alam mo yung parang one time big time. sa ilang sandali na nakalimutan ko yung pain while nililibang ko sarili ko, during my alone time parang 3x nyang babawiin yung peace ko para akong mino-multo mga sis. hindi ako matahimik talaga i tried to always remember what sis aquacharly shared, pero i always find myself crying even more. me topak na ata ako mga sis. kasi instead na lalakas ang loob ko, mas lalo tuloy akong nagbre-breakdown

[jorhen]

^yun nga ang mahirap sis pag alone ka na..bumabalik talaga lahat. kung pwede nga lang na huwag maiwan mag-isa diba.. kaya nga ni offer ko sarili ko coz i know the feeling. mas mababaliw ka talaga pag mag isa ka.

[holli_may]

@ sis jorhen === sige, sis. I'll keep that in mind. So baka one of this days, iistorbohin ko kayo ni sis petlovah for a coffee date help me pray, sis. I so need it.