this should have been my happiest month...my wedding :( {Journal to Recovery}

[holli_may]

My ex and I were together for 2 yrs and we were already living together. last year was my happiest year. It seemed like nothing would ever go wrong in our relationship. Our families both love us and totally supported us, we have good jobs, we already planned our big day for this year, and we were so happy and so madly in love. Came this year, we both resigned to find a better salary package of employment and yes we did, but I guess it was also the start of our "end". Just literally 2 months after we started our new jobs, things made a total 360 degrees turn in our relationship. Misunderstandings were frequent and i felt we slowly drifted apart. We both tried to work things out but in the end...he chose to give up. He chose to give up on us and give up on me. Yes! he left me with no second thoughts. he left me with our plans for our future...alone. Our wedding, our planned business, and our place...he left as if it was his freedom he's after. I was able to ask him what is our problem that he thinks we could never resolve but he only told me that I hurt him enough that he just fell out of love and that he could feel nothing for me anymore. I was shocked! That easily and fast??? it was just last year that everything was so perfect for us and just this 1st ever major problem, he gave up on us? he gave up on me???

And now I'm totally alone. Much worse, i have our place completely to myself. I can't seem to leave this place because it's already fully furnished (by both of us and he did not take anything when he left, just his personal stuff) and much more so close to my new workplace. And everyday I face this pain of his leaving and worse, this month should have been our happiest month...but it seems to be my death

[chemay]

Napaiyak naman ako sa kwento mo but you know, isipin mo nalang na he's not worth it. You should be thankful na nangyari ito before the wedding. Misunderstanding andyan yan parati sa isang relationship. At least mas early mo nakita na he can easily give up on you.
Don't worry, time will heal and dadating din yung panahon na makakakita ka ng lalaki na maski ano pang problema meron kayo eh ipaglalaban ka.

Pray hard. Enjoy, go out with friends

Good luck!

[holli_may]

tnx so much sa encouraging words sis actually lahat kau same ng [textspeak!], that i should be thankful na nalaman ko nang mas maaga and etc. pero bakit ganun, sis? I could not even bring myself to hate him? mas ok sana yung me konting galit para at least I would have a drive to live and excel para maipamukha sa kanya pagdating ng panahon what he just lost...but the sad part is i still keep on holding on. eversince he left me, i've never heard from him talaga ni isang [textspeak!] lang sana to know if i'm still ok, ok na rn sana yun eh. Dati, he could not leave me alone in our place kahit na he only needs to go to the market pero ngaun...as if talaga i never existed

it's been like months now since he left pero bakit same pa rin yung pain. akala ko ba the more mong iiyak lahat mapapagod ka rin and mas magiging ok ka, pero bakit same pa rn? dahil [textspeak!], i hate to admit pero i feel i dnt have a purpose for living anymore. ala na akong drive sa work and even sa everyday activities ko. alam mo yung parang, "well kung masagasaan ako today, eh di keber!".

I hate this mindset, sis, kc unfair naman sa family ko na nasasaktan while nakikita akong ganito, but what can I do? Nakakapagod dn palaging magpre-pretend na ok ako everytime I reported to work when in the middle of my shift, I would feel  my throat tightening hanggang sa I would just end up excusing myself and dun sa cr, iiyak ako ng iiyak. alam ng boss ko and ng mga kasamahan ko sa work ang nagyari,  and I may  give them a bad impression na hindi na ako capable sa work ko. ang hirap, sis! kaya kung ako lang sana ang masusunod, I want him back so bad talaga. feeling ko yan lang talaga ang magbabalik sa sanity ko

[alkris]

sis holli_may  i felt the pain sa kwento mo, mahirap talaga sis yan pag alam mo siya na ang talagang para sayo. did you look for him? i mean pinuntahan mo na ba siya to talk or to get some answers para kahit papaano kung talagang wala na may enough explanation para may closure or kung pede pa pagusapan para ayusin baka naman magulo lang isip nia or something.

[honey_iya]

I agree buti nga habang di pa kayo kasal nalaman mo na mahina sya at madali mag give up. i know madaling sabihin kasi wala ako sa sitwasyon pero sis isipin mo nabuhay ka ng ilang taon na wala siya tapos mas gugustuhin mo na maging miserable buhay mo ngayong nawala siya? napakasakit nun sa magulang mo na siyang nagsilang syo. pilitin mo na huwag isipin yung nangyari,may purpose si god kung bakit nangyari yun.

bakit di ka muna umuwi sa parents mo? mas lalo ka lang malulungkot kapag nandiyan sa place nyo kasi lagi mo siya maaalala.

[spoiled_brat]

@holli_may: i know mahirap yung situation mo ngayon and pare pareho na siguro kame ng sasabihin. so just be strong.. di pa yan and end.

If i may ask yung mga misunderstandings nyo? about work ba to. kase kung ako to di ako susuko kagad.. maybe there's a bigger reason on his side that he was able to give up that easy.. sabi mo you have both new jobs - wala ba sya nakilala dun or what na naging impatient na sya..

ano ba yung nagawa mo na sobrang nahurt sya at ganun sya nafall out of love..

pray sis... kung may binibigay na tulong ang family mo tanggapin mo kelangan mo ang suporta nila.

[twelve5]

go on a vacation with family or friends. you need a change of atmosphere... all wounds heal. it just takes time... there's no point in lingering in the past... your bf has moved on. dont let him see you miserable. you have to move on and the sooner the better. i know its easier said than done, but life goes on. and thats the reality.

[petlovah]

i know how hard your situation was and is right now. all i can say is pray sis. it is hard how you have set your mind with him while he had just left you alone in an instant. God has better plans for you, dont loose hope. Trust Him.

Id quote Paulo Coelho's Closing Cycles which helped me with the same kind of agony that I am in right now:

......Did you lose your job? Has a loving relationship come to an end? Did you leave your parents' house? Gone to live abroad? Has a long-lasting friendship ended all of a sudden? You can spend a long time wondering why this has happened. You can tell yourself you won't take another step until you find out why certain things that were so important and so solid in your life have turned into dust, just like that. But such an attitude will be awfully stressing for everyone involved: your parents, your husband or wife, your friends, your children, your sister, everyone will be finishing chapters, turning over new leaves, getting on with life, and they will all feel bad seeing you at a standstill. None of us can be in the present and the past at the same time, not even when we try to understand the things that happen to us. What has passed will not return: we cannot forever be children, late adolescents, sons that feel guilt or rancor towards our parents, lovers who day and night relive an affair with someone who has gone away and has not the least intention of coming back. Things pass, and the best we can do is let them really go away......

[holli_may]

@ sis alkris === 2 mos after he left sis, sinagad ko nang apakan ang natitirang self-dignity ko. I texted him and told him mag-meet kami to talk. I asked him to set the date and place and he let me set the time. I was so nervous, excited, and so hopeful that day. The funny part was, talagang pinaghahandaan ko yun. I bought a new dress and nagpaganda ako (well not todo naman. Basta lang pleasing tingnan ). We met and had lunch, pero yung pinag-uusapan lang namin was about our new work. Well siya ang nagstart ng conversation na yun. After we had our lunch, he told me na that he needed to go. Syempre ala na akong nasabi kundi “ah…ok”. The following day, I checked his fb and that day na nagkita kami, that evening he went to a concert pala. Was really so hurt. I really thought pa naman na after few months, we could sit and talk things over na I even had high hopes na masave namin ang relationship namin that day.


@ honey_iya and twelve5 === I visited my parents din but I can’t stay with them anymore kasi malayo yung residence namin sa work. Kaya pag free ako, I went home. Pero me memory pa rin dun mga  sis eh kasi since we were about to get married na, labas-masok na rin siya sa bahay namin. Ka-close na nga rin nya family and relatines ko. Kaya nung napansin ng mga relatives ko na napapadalas na solo nalang akong umuuwi, ask na nila ako asan si ex. Xempre another blow na naman sa akin yun

@ spoiled_brat === so petty lang talaga sis. It all started when I told him lang na yung girl officemate nya parang lumalandi na sa kanya. Kasi based sa mga kwento nya, chat nila, and mga pixes nila, malakas talaga kutob ko na yung girl eh tipong malandi. I told him my concern and he got irritated with it kasi groundless daw yung sinasabi ko eh hindi ko pa naman daw na-meet yung girl in person. Pero diba nga mga sis yung woman’s instinct natin eh minsan lang yan magkamali. It became our very 1st major argument and buti nalang naresolve namin. After how many days, another “kalandian” incident happened and that time I blew up na talaga. Never saw myself so mad talaga because I felt he was so insensitive. Kakaayos nga lang namin he should have avoided a similar issue or incident to occur. Si ex kasi yung tipong alang malisya sa utak. Na ikaw pa ang magpo-point out sa kanya na nilalandi na siya before nya ma-notice or marealize yun. I won’t even brand myself as praning but frankly I really am a very observant and intuitive type of a person. Yung pagblow up kong yun ang sinabi ni ex na todo ko daw talaga siyang nasaktan dahil me trust issue daw ako. Ang sa akin lang naman din sana konting sensitivity naman sa kanya na he should be mindful of his acts and what it will bring to me. Kasi sa tagal naming nagsama, then niya lang ako nakitang ganun so it should have given him the idea na things were too much for me na that time   And now, based sa fb ni ex and when I tried to access the fb of the girl…the girl is confessing her attraction to ex na talaga sa mga wall posts nya, Di man nya kylangang pangalanan si ex sa post nya pero sobrang obvious talaga. So sana lang ma-realize ni ex na I was not being praning at all pala talaga but instead I’m really right with my hunch dati.

Sorry mga sis, sobrang dito ko nalang talaga nilalabas mga saloobin ko. It’s so comforting kasi na even though we are strangers sa isa’t isa pero sisterhood talaga [textspeak!] dito. And the thought din siguro na secret yung identity natin dito makes me open up more kasi we can say anything  to a white page to be read by a faceless friend. Alam nyo yung feeling na no hesitation or whatsoever…:)

@ sis petlovah === thanks so much sa quotation mo sis...i'll hold on to its every word

[nickie]

Hi Sis Holli_May, Share ko lang itong madalas kong i-recite na prayer....

                              Prayer for trials and troubles
Heavenly Father we love you and praise your name above all names. Please hear the cry of  hurting hearts. Lord we ask that you intervene and bring healing to lives and relationships. We don't fully understand why things have happened the way that they have, but Lord please let your glory shine and souls be won to the Kingdom of Heaven.
     Oh Lord, these circumstances are hard to comprehend let alone bear. Please bring your courage, strength and the power of the Holy Spirit as your anointed presence surrounds all those involved.
     Send your angels to protect and comfort these dear hearts that are hurting. We ask for patience and courage to wait upon you with our faith and trust. Let us see through your eyes with love dear Jesus, at each other. Let us know that no matter what happens that as Yet we ask this, "not by our will" but by "Your will" be done.
     Please give us the "strength of faith to trust" that "you are" in the circumstances.  That your righteousness prevails.  We wish to see through spiritual eyes full of faith in the face of all these trials and troubles.  Lord let us see your truth of what lays beyond these troubles. Let us keep our minds and hearts focused upon you and Heaven to come. We love you Lord and give you the glory, In Jesus Name we ask all this. Amen.

[alpha_ni_08]

i had the same situation at the start of the july. we were already together for 5 years..  living together for 3 years.. then one petty incident happened tapos nagbalot na siya ng personal stuff nya.. in 5 hours - everything was over..

i also almost lost my sanity.. ayaw ko kumain for days.. ayaw ko lumabas ng room... di na niya sinasagot text at tawag ko.. as in totally no communication..

then i decided that i should take a stand... what i did is that i went to their house.. wala pa siya nun.. parang nothing happened lang.. nung dumating siya he refused to talk to me at umalis na siya ulit...

tapos days after.. nagtext ako.. open na siya to talk about things.. two weeks later.. we started going out ulit.. as if nagsisimula uli kami.. at first sabay mag dinner.. then separate ways na.. as days passed mas tumatagal na yun time na magkasama kame.. di ko siya pinilit na kami ulit or uwi na siya or anything..

hinayaan ko siya to have time of his own.. ngayon.. umuwi na siya saken.. we are starting all over again..

sana ganun din sa case nyo...

[ysa.belle]

@sis holli_may, i know you are hurting pero i do not know how much it hurts coz i am not in your position. but i pray na sana makaraos ka. a girl like you do not deserve that kind of pain. maybe this happened for a reason, isipin mo nalang blessing siya kasi hindi pa kayo kasal at lumabas na na ganito siya.

[Gladz31842]

sis hindi kaya naging sila nong malandi girl na ka-officemate?

[auane]

^naku, same tayo ng iniisip sis

[holli_may]

@ sis nickie === thanks so much sa prayer, sis. I copied and posted it against my wall…will make it my everyday prayer before I’ll go to bed.

@ sis alpha_ni_08 === I so envy you, sis. Buti ka pa love ka pa rin ng bf mo. In my case, he doesn’t love me na eh. That’s what he told me before he left. It’s what he said to a common friend of ours din when that friend had an opportunity to chat with him.

@ sis ysa_belle === thanks, sis. I so look forward for that day na maintindihan ko na why nangyari lahat ‘to.

@ sis Gladz31842 and sis auane === honestly, I really don’t know mga sis. Pero based naman sa mga posts nung girl eh parang mga frustrations lahat eh. kasi kesyo daw bakit nagpapakalunod pa ‘tong si “guy” sa pain eh pwede na naman siyang maging Masaya uli. Na kesyo daw ang manhid at hindi man lang makita na me iba naman sa palibot. Yung mga ganun na posts. No need to name names but it’s so damn obvious! So I really do not know. Or baka nagko-control lang muna si ex dahil bago lang kami nagkahiwalay…(sigh!) I really don’t know.  Pero I have this gut feeling mga sis na they might not be in a relationship but there’s definitely an emotional attachment between them. Obvious kasi sa mga wall-to-wall posts nila and sa mga pix nilang magksama sa fb.

Ba’t naman kasi di naka private yung girl, at least sana di ako ma-tempt na tingnan yung acct nya? I don’t know mga sis kung masasagot nyo to kasi iba naman talaga ang mindset ng mga guys, pero, ganun ba talaga kadali ma-fall out of love ang mga guys? A friend of mine told me kasi na the typical guy daw kung ma-inlove hahamakin lahat pero pag ma-fall out of love naman, eh talagang cold fish na. ganun ba talaga sila ka bato na kaya na nilang kalimutan lahat ng pinagsamahan nyo? Or are they that so unforgiving? I blame myself kasi sa nangyari sa amin kasi kung hindi ako nagreact ng ganun, I guess okay pa rin kami ngayon. Or would we?

[honey_iya]

^huwag mo sisihin sarili mo kasi may dahilan si god bakit nga nangyari yun. di mo na maibabalik yung nangyari. talagang may ganung guy na one day inlove na inlove sayo tapos one day parang may sapi na ayaw na sayo. punta ka sa "Married Life",mas grabe nga dun kasi asawa na talaga nila.

[holli_may]

o nga sis eh... sana matapos na to lahat. I'm so looking forward for that day na ire-recall ko nalang tong pangyayaring 'to and i will  just smile.

[ysa.belle]

that day will come sis holli_may at pag dumating ang day na iyon eh alam ko na you will be thankful pa na it happened while you guys are not yet married.

[Gladz31842]

sis no use blaming yourself and i think even if you didn't react that way, it was still bound to happen so be thankful nalang na it happened when you can still handle it...there's reason why this was allowed to happen. it may be bad sa tingin natin but in God's perfect time, mare-reveal lang din na after all, it's the best for both of you pala. Pray lang sis and trust that never naman tayo pinapahamak ni God and that He will never give us something that we cannot bear...binigay sayo ang pagsubok na to because He knows kaya mo. Cheer up sis..you have God who loves you more than anyone else

[neszreyes]

oo sis.. swerte mo di pa kayo married.. mas mahirap pag married na kasi ang dami mong isasaalang alang.. pag hindi pa married kasi you can easily get out of the situation.. let go.. and move on.. kung babalik siya mas ok.. kung hindi madami pa jan eh..  eh kung married ka, you can't just let go and sabihing marami pa jan..