It's been a year now since I started this thread. Or should I say since that "suppossedly my wedding day"? Last August 28, I was in constant look out for myself or more honestly for my emotion. I had a lot of contingency plans set up in mind in case the devil of the bad memory would attack me unguarded. I admit it somehow made a hole in my "new self" but fortunately it did not swallow me up to the core unlike before. I was able to keep and to hold on to my newfound inner peace and I believe for the next August 28's to come, I will soon just find it as one of those ordinary days in the calendar
God is really so good!
One of the things mentioned nga in the movie, "Eat, Pray, and Love" was that scenario between that person praying to the statue. He always prayed to God to please let him win in the lottery. For how many years he always prayed for it 'till God had enough. One day when that same man prayed infront of the statue, the statue moved and finally confronted him saying "My child if you really want to win in the lottery, please, please, please buy a ticket!".
i can't stop myself from laughing while watching that scene but I admit I also felt humiliated. 'Coz when that trial happened, I constantly prayed also for recovery but sadly I didn't do anything about it. I just blogged and moped around in my room. I get tons and tons of advices and encouragement from families and friends but I just took them all in but I didn't act on it. Until realization hit me and that's when I started to move. And watching that scene from the movie, I felt so grateful that i am on the right track indeed because for something to happen or for our wish to take place, we need to act on it!
There's also this particular scene in the movie about the "Art of Doin Nothing". Doing nothing really does not mean we're lazy. Sometimes it's also needed for us to reevaluate ourselves or to simply just establish that inner peace again. What's wrong about it though is if we stay in this mindset for years and years...now that's a bad thing obviously! hahaha!
With occasional pauses in my day to day life, I get to look back on what really happened and what I've done to contribute to that failed relationship. I forget myself! I completely and willingly surrendered my identity for my partner! I may not became aware of it but I let my partner control over me. He may not know it either or it was really not his intention to do but subconsciously because I allowed him to do it, it brought us both to a weakening relationship. The main lesson for me from that experience is, we should have grown together and not one on the other.
And now I know better if I will be in my next relationship. There's nothing wrong with sacrifices or occasional "giving in's" for the harmony of the relationship but to totally give up our identity and to make our partner the center of our universe is self-destruction. I did not lack any guidance from my elders about this, pero ganun talaga siguro pag-inlove ka, because the feeling is so strong we sometimes don't know it anymore that what we thought is a good intention is not good anymore. Andami! Andami ko talagang mga realizations sa nangyari but I'd rather not bombard this thread with those kasi alam na naman natin yan sa sarili natin eh. What we need to make sure lang is kung andun na
[textspeak!] sa relationship and if we feel na we love our partner more than they love us...alang masama jan, as long as di natin dapat kalimutan ang sarili natin. Because as much as our partner should feel that they are loved by us, we also deserve the same thing. Ika nga diba, it takes two to tango
On the other hand, so pano ba yan mga sisses, "Ber" month na? Any plans on organizing a christmas party para magkasalo-salo naman tayong lahat? hehe
May it be still brokenhearted, in the process of recovery, or totally recovered na...it won't matter. As long as we'll celebrate our being a woman of strength and poise. Any organizers in the house?
