Living Arrangements After the Wedding

[g-gurl]

I'm just curious about the transition.

Of course, it varies from couple to couple. Some go on a honeymoon the day after the wedding, others immediately move in to their new house together, while others makikitira "temporarily" in the house of either of the parents as agreed upon while others move to a rented apartment. For those who move to their own place, rented or owned, what was the experinece like? Packing your stuff, moving out of the place you call home since childhood.

I'm just curious as to your arrangement. It is said that its very important to settle before getting married your living arrangements after the wedding. Bf has proposed and I have been very vocal about us having our own space right after the wedding. I feel that if this is not well-adressed at the onset, it could be the source of conflicts later on.

[kreez]

Right after our wedding hubby and I migrated here in Europe kaya talagang kaming dalawa lang,  It was nice coz we were starting a new family in a place kaya it was really exciting. 

In my opinion, mas ok kung after you get married you have your own place. 

[clueless]

buti na lang from the very beginning we were both set on not living with parents after getting married.

a few months before our wedding, we started looking for an apartment to rent. we found one a month before our wedding so that gave us enough time to plan what we needed to buy to get everything ready. my then fiance moved in to the apartment about 3 weeks before the wedding to make sure everything was ok. our wedding was dec 30 kasi so with the christmas holidays plus relatives from abroad, it was super hectic that's why we really made sure the apartment was ready before the height of chaos began.

the day after the wedding, we all went out of town (yes, "honeymoon" namin kasama buong angkan ko) so the thought of moving out of my parents' house didn't hit me until we got back from the trip. i hadn't packed a single thing yet and was making all sorts of excuses to delay my moving out. then one day, my dad asked why i was still at their house while my husband was already living in our apartment. he found a solution to all my excuses and siya mismo naghatid sa akin sa apartment namin.

the separation anxiety was really there. i hated the thought of living in a new house, of not being able to see my parents and siblings everyday. parang di ko nga na-feel yung excitement that my husband and i would be living in the same house.

but once i moved in, ok naman na. we went to my parents' pa din for lunch or dinner every sunday so that i wouldn't miss them daw so much. we don't do this anymore now, we still go there pero once in a while na lang, not every week anymore.

i think what's important is you both agree to what your arrangements will be. if you decide to live at either of our parents' houses, both of you should be ok with it kasi iba makitira sa in-laws. if you decide to get a house of your own, you should also be prepared kasi aside from the fun of living under the same roof, you have to know how to manage the household din. that was a big adjustment for me because i never did that when i was still living with my parents.

[aquacharly]

I took my lola's advise 100% on the matter. 

She said, and it came to pass, that the first 2 years would be the tough adjustment years.  That if a couple survives the first 2 years... they are good as set, good as ready to face any marital challenges in the future.  So she said we should live apart, parang mag guerra patani man kami... nobody else will muddle the issue between us.   Wala na daw manggagatong pa, or give unreliable advise.   
She said kahit na marindi ako with housekeeping (I was  young, and occupied with school)  -- it would be easier for me to learn and organize our lives than to make pakisama.  Kasi daw ang "makisama" is one of the hardest or one of the most bitter pills to swallow... kaya nga daw kadalasan, a widow does not remarry kasi: ano?! makikisama nanaman ako with a husband?  pass!   lol 

The initial plan was to live in the house hubby owned, but was leasing out since he was still living in his parents' home. 
But since I was still studying, and intended to go on to MBA studies,  we decided to buy a townhouse.  The house would have been too big for just the 2 of us,  and too big an adjustment for me to manage.  Anyway, we agreed not to have kids the first couple of years.
We had time before the wedding to have improvements done on it, and to furnish it -- ready for occupancy. 

We got married, then left the hotel suite after a day to go fly to our European honeymoon.  When we got back,  we went home to our townhouse.

I am glad I followed my lola's advise. (kasi pala, I had a selosa, envious, b1tchy SIL younger than my husband but older than me... long story  grrrrrr)

[twelvth_goddess]

Buti pa kayo sisses. My hubby and I are still staying with my mom. I dont wanna stay at their house kase it's so far away. We've planned to move out before but then I got pregnant naman so sana our plan to move out after I give birth finally pushes through.

[prettygurl00001]

It wasn't difficult for me moving in to our new house ni hubby coz eversince I started working, I've been moving to different places already. Kung san may house near sa work ko, dun ako magrerent. So hindi na big deal sa akin yung mami-miss ko ang parents and siblings, etc. coz kaming magkakapatid, magkakahiwalay na talaga kami ng house since we had our own jobs.
A few months before hub and I got married, we bought a pre-selling condo, kaso after a year pa ma-turn over so we opted to find a place to rent for the meantime. We prepared the place, bought some furnitures, appliances, so that it will be ready once we move in. Yung iba naman gamit like tv, ref, I have it na eh from the place that I'm renting so no need to buy. Si hubby ang mejo hindi sanay coz he's living with his uncle (sa province kasi parents nya) so kumbaga hindi pa sya ganun ka-sanay to live on his own.
The night after our wedding dun na kami tumuloy sa place namin. Then the next day we travelled for our 3-day honeymoon. For me naman ang mejo nakakapanibago lang is yung meron na akong kasama sa house. Since I've been living on my own for several years na rin, so iba yun feeling na meron ka na katabi, may ka-share na sa closet, you fix someone else's things other than yours. Yun lang mejo OC kasi ako so dun kami mejo nagtatalo pag makalat si hubby, hehe. Si hubby naman mabilis lang din naka-adjust (I think). 

[zaza]

biglaan ang wedding namin kasi nabuntis ako kaagad, then both of our parents decides na ipakasal kami, after wedding, nakatira kami sa mga in-laws ko, sobrang riot, talagang iniiyakan ko asawa ko na kahit mag-rent na lang ng apartment basta nakabukod kami, ayaw naman ng father in-law ko, so tiis for 5 years na nakatira sa kanila, tapos si MIL nag decide na patayuan kami ng bahay, yung silang magkakapatid, so parang compound yung amin, tuwang-tuwa ako kasi kahit papaano, sarili na namin ang bahay, pero kapitbahay ko sila, ok naman at least merong titingin sa mga yaya at sa mga bata

[mikaela325]

kami ni hubby right after our wedding last year, bumukod agad kami and nagrent ng apartment. hopefully next year makahanap na kami ng sarili naming house. yun yung goal namin. sayang din kasi binabayad sa rent.

ideally talaga nakabukod kayo. ang hirap kasi ng nakikisama kahit pa ka close yung family. iba pa rin kapag may sarili kayo.

[honey_iya]

^^Same here biglaan din ang kasal kasi nabuntis na Eh that time walang malinaw na income si hubby kasi nag start palang yung business nya, so sa kanila muna kami tumira. ok naman kasi mabait IL's ko, parents lang nya kasama namin kasi bunso asawa ko. sanay na din kasi ako "makitira" dahil elementary ako sa lolo't lola ko ako nakatira hanggang HS then nung college sa tita ko, nung nagwo-work na nag rent ako ng apartment. so yun ok naman hanggang nanganak, nag 1st birthday anak namin andun padin kami. kaya lang nung medyo tumagal sabi ko kay hubby bumukod na kami habang OK pa relationship namin ng nanay nya kasi kahit anong bait eh magkakairingan padin kayo eh, eh you know naman MIL so bumukod kami, nung una mahirap financially kasi dun sa kanila ni piso wala kaming ginagastos pero nakaya naman, now we have our own house na

[sistah!]

sis clueless, pareho tayo!

my husband and i decided to live away from our families as soon as we got married. initially, kahit sayang ang pera, we really made a choice to rent muna. my dad owns a house very near my parents' place that he rents out and luckily, the tenant moved out one month before the wedding so parang binigay na nya sa amin yun. it's a small place lang, perfect for newlyweds. the problem was, because the place was being rented, medyo worn down na rin yung house. we invested instead on renovating the whole place. initially, my in laws were saying na sayang din ang pera na ginastos namin sa pagpapaayos ng house. they kept insisting na doon na lang kami tumira sa kanila, but we were both adamant to live on our own. sayang naman yung opportunity. we really wanted to make it on our own, sariling diskarte, at hindi na kailangan makisama sa pamilya ng isa't isa.

the day after the wedding, we flew to our honeymoon. pagbalik namin, nagsimula na pala yung parents namin na maglipat ng gamit for us. may bed na, dining table, fridge. so unti-unti, nilipat namin mga damit namin at na-furnish namin yung bahay.

the move was incredibly tough on me. unlike my husband who was working abroad, i had never lived away from my parents. i could barely bear the idea of leaving my room. my mom was kind enough to keep my room the way it was before i got married. to this day, half of my clothes, shoes and bags are still there. hindi na rin kasya sa closet ko ngayon eh. in the beginning i made excuses din para dun na kami matulog sa house ng parents ko. my husband put his foot down and said no. so the first couple of weeks, we would go there after work, have dinner with my family pa. sometimes i would shower in my own bathroom and put on my pajamas. uuwi lang ako pag matutulog na talaga ako. now i dont visit everyday but every weekend, we come over pa rin. we have lunch with my parents. ang hirap talaga. ibang iba ang buhay. no regrets, but i still wait for the day when i can be 100% confident na kaya ko na.

[mikaela325]

totoo yun. hehe. ako din never moved out of our house kahit nung college ako hindi ako nag dorm. and kahit nung nagwork ako hatid sundo pa din. kaya nung nag asawa ako at bumukod kami, nanibago talaga ako. first few weeks umiiyak ako kasi namimiss ko yung bahay ng parents ko. kaya ayun, every other day umuuwi kami sa parents ko dun kami natutulog sa room ako. hanggang sa naging every two days na lang ang uwi namin dun. then naging weekly, naging monthly. ngayon after a year, adjusted na ko.

[chengkii]

Mahirap may pinakikisamahan. Mahirap din magbayad ng rent ng tuluy-tuloy. Depende sa priority mo. Kung mas gusto mo to be able to set aside funds to buy a house at a certain time, dapat matuto ka talaga makisama & taasan ang tolerance sa mga kasama sa house. Otherwise, go ahead and rent.

Kami ni hubby, nasa house ng parents niya ngayon. Wala sa Pilipinas parents niya. So ang kasama namin sa house is iyun brother niya. Pero medyo may say pa rin ata iyun sis niya doon. We also have a household help + my mom. Medyo kami nagpa-renovate ng house, although di naman kami doon forever. Kami naman, may plan to buy a lot and then have a house built in 10 years or less. So, mukha naman kaya sa budget namin when i compute. Hopefully, matuloy. By that time, kasama pa rin namin mom ko sa house.

[twelvth_goddess]

^agree with you chengkii. Nagse-save kase kame ngayon as much as we can cus we wanna get a townhouse. I think yun ang best way sa ngayon para maka-save kame talaga

[tiggerlily]

it's always best to live separately from ILs after the wedding. my mom would always tell me stories about my lolo who always tell her na bumukod kapag nag-asawa sya. kaso ayaw naman ng lolo ko na mag-asawa sya noon kaya naging secret lang ang pagpapatayo nila ng house ng papa ko hanggang sa wedding nila. hindi pa nga sumipot sa pamamanhikan kaya naurong ang wedding date nila.

anyways, natatak na ito sa utak ko kaya nung magboyfriend pa lang kami ni hubby, i have 5 conditions for him bago kami ikasal:

1. finish college
2. find a good job
3. makaipon
4. own house
5. engagement ring

well, lahat naman ng condition ko e tinulungan ko sya na magawa. from 1-5. before the wedding, only #4 lang ang half accomplished. lot pa lang kasi sya. now lang nakumpleto talaga lahat after matapos ng house namin.

for some reason, i seldom miss my family or siblings. kahit nun one time na nagboard ako nung college. more than 1 year before the wedding, we're already living together - secretly. i somehow regret doing that kasi 2 weeks before my wedding my father died - sana nakasama ko sya ng mas matagal if i hadn't been secretly living with my then boyfriend but that's another story.

when we lived together dati, masayang masaya ako dahil i've always dreamed of having my own place. yung ako lang ang masusunod sa lahat. ako ang queen of the house! hehe!

when we had our house built almost 2 years after the wedding, we have almost 2 months na nagstay kami sa house nila hubby. omg... it was a really good decision na bumukod kami. dahil sa maikling time na yun, sobrang namiss ko ang alone time namin ni hubby at ng baby ko. especially, that i had the feeling i was dethroned... don't get me wrong. my ILs are nice to me. it's just that there are decisions i wanted to make, but i shouldn't do or say anything. tapos you can see things are differently done and you can't seem to see the logic behind it.

so there... mahirap talaga. pero it's always best to have your own place. no guts, no glory nga daw e.

[avpoohlar]

in our case naman, my suitcases were already packed and brought to our new house days before our wedding. so when we left the hotel suite day after the wedding, we went home to our new house na, before going on to our honeymoon.

my parents in law na mismo nagpaconstruct ng house namin months before the wedding. and even if galing sa kanila ang house namin, they do not dictate us how to run our household, etc. di gaya ng iba dyan na kesyo sila nagbigay ng ganito at ganyan eh may right na na makialam. they respect our privacy as a couple, and i feel so blessed to have in laws who have been very good to me.

[kettlekorn28]

After the wedding, I lived with my parents for almost 2 months. Then, for 6 months, tumira kami sa isang house kasama ang male officemate ni hubby tsaka yung girl cousin nito. Nahirapan talaga ako. Ok pakisamahan yung oficemate ni hubby, pero yung pinsan nung officemate nakakaimbyerna. Di ko nga problema ang mga in-laws kaso ibang tao naman. So talagang pinilit ko si hubby na humanap kami ng ibang uupahan kahit pa medyo maliit pa ang salary nya noon. I told him na kapag di kami lumipat eh babalik na lang ako sa mga parents ko. Ayun, natakot! In a matter of 2 days, nakalipat agad kami.

Mas ok talaga na nakabukod. Walang makikialam sa mga desisyon ng mag-asawa, walang makikisawsaw sa problema nyo. Usually kasi, nagkakaroon ng conflict if you live with in-laws or sa sarili mong pamilya.

[vanillamist]

Buti pa kayo sisses. My hubby and I are still staying with my mom. I dont wanna stay at their house kase it's so far away. We've planned to move out before but then I got pregnant naman so sana our plan to move out after I give birth finally pushes through.

sis parehas pala tayo...kami naman nagsstay dun sa bahay nila.. ako gustong gusto ko na talaga bumukod yun nga lang kelangan paghandaan pambayad sa rent.. e gusto ko rin naman na later on, makapagpatayo kami ng sarili namin bahay.. kahit anong gusto kong bumukod parang di yata pwede, lalo na nga nabuntis din ako.. so ang sabi ko rin sa kanya, sana after ako manganak,makabukod na kami..

pero yun nga sabi ng isang sis natin dito, yung renta ang kailangan naman isipin.. ang hirap naman yata pagsabayin rent ng bahay tapos ipon ng pampatayo ng house, eh di naman malaki ang kinikita namin.. ayaw ko rin naman ng laging nakikisama, esp. 2 bro nya yung andun and yung tatay nya.. ang mahirap pa kase nakikipisan ka, may mga times na kami talaga yung sumasagot sa gastusin sa bahay lalo sa pagkain...

nakakalungkot lang kase gusto ko naman maexperience na 2 lang talaga kami and yung bina-budget ko eh for the two of us lang. magastos rin kase pag madaming kasama sa house kaso no choice ka rin naman.. hay...

[Cheesecak3]

Before the wedding nag rent na kami ng apartment so konti na lang adjustment namin after the wedding. Eversince sinabi ko na sa kanya na mas gusto kong nakabukod kami kaya ayon naman ang ginawa nya. Mabuti na lang ganon ang ginawa namin kasi hate ko din makisama. I want to have my own place at hindi iisipin pa kung ano ang sasabihin ng mga kasama ko sa bahay tungkol sa akin.

[clueless]

Mahirap may pinakikisamahan. Mahirap din magbayad ng rent ng tuluy-tuloy. Depende sa priority mo. Kung mas gusto mo to be able to set aside funds to buy a house at a certain time, dapat matuto ka talaga makisama & taasan ang tolerance sa mga kasama sa house. Otherwise, go ahead and rent.

i agree. i think mahirap din forever nagr-rent kasi sayang din that you always pay for something that will never be yours.

yung rented apartment that we lived in after the wedding, maliit lang siya and mura lang ang rent kasi kaming 2 lang naman plus maid. this way, we were able to save a bit pa din for downpayment. we bought a condo a little over a year later and we've been living there since then.

set your goals lang, like maybe think about how long you want to rent, how much you can save each month for downpayment for a property later on etc. priorities and goals lang talaga. but bottom line for us was we really wanted to be on our own. living at either of our parents' houses was never an option.

[tiggerlily]

mga sis... try nyo maghanap ng mga rent to own apartments/houses. baka kaya ng budget. or use pagibig loan.... mahirap talaga. pero mas gugustuhin ko na yung hirap na alam kong may pupuntahan talaga ako. mas mahirap makisama kaysa magtipid at magipon para may pangrenta.