So tired of the pain...

[Foodict]

^

Simple, naninigurado. Wala pang nakikitang pwede ipampalit so your being kept as backup. Problema kasi sa sobra nating pagmamahal di natin napapansin na ganun na nangyayari. Nung makakita na ng pwede ipalit BOOM. I mean parang bihira ako makakita ng long term relationship na natapos ng maayos and may respect yung partners sa "grieving period".

Kaya nga feeling ko insecure at takot ang nangingibabaw. natatakpan lang talaga ng pride. Di nila kaya confront sarili nila eh. So sad. Mangyayari nyan eh mauulit lang yung cycle, titigil lang yan pag pagod na at sawa na sila. Then they will settle for less than they deserve. Paconsuelo na lang nila yung may anak silang mamahalin nila. But the partnership and the companionship will be flawed kasi nga mababaw ang basis.

[dumpee.o13]

^ hayyy, all i know is ang hirap umasa. lalo na ngayon, feeling ko nag-eenjoy na talaga sya dun sa bago nya. nakakalimutan na nya ako, waaa! kala ko i have moved on, di pa pala. ang hirap, ang sakit.

[Foodict]

Of course he will be enjoying himself. Pero sa long term di mo pa din masasabi. Best foot forward palagi sa umpisa eh. After a while well, magkakaalaman at magkakasawaan din.

[dumpee.o13]

^^ hayyy.. Sana nga. Sana in the end maisip nila na they belong to us. I'm still hoping that we can still be together, I hope in God's time..

[tipC_shoegal]

^Just my two cents, sis: Before hoping, consider the reality of your situation 'cause the thing about having that virtue is, if you continuously do it, it's like letting a wound rot until it affects the parts that aren't yet contaminated. It's better to be safe than (again) sorry. What if your partner decides otherwise? Ain't that gonna be more painful if you have that underlying hope inside of you? Think about it.

Better heal for the reason that you want to be whole again and not for the reason that you'd be better and a lot more stronger when your partner decides that it's the two of you until the end.

Let them be. Mind yourselves and drop them (for once).

[jenybasti]

^^ i'm still hoping that too,sis.
sa ngayon alam ko na kailangan ko na sya i let go ng paunti unti.konti lang muna kasi mga almost 1 yr pa bago kami magkita ng personal.sinabi ko na sa kanya na bahala na sya kung kelan nya kami gustong ichat.sinabi ko na din mga sama ng loob ko.pinopoint out ko talaga na nasasaktan ako sa ginagawa nya.ewan kung anong nararamdaman nya.basta ang sinabi ko sa kanya nandito lang ako at hihintayin ko pa din sya.tama bang sinabi ko pa yun? sa ngayon kasi tanggap ko na talo ako.talong talo ako kasi magkasama sila dun.napakalayo ko naman.bahala na kung anong mangyayari sa kanila dun.pero syempre i don't wish them well.alam ko in time,makakarma din sila.yun na lang pinanghahawakan ko.saka yung ipapaubaya ko na sila kay lord.
masakit sobra..bakit ganun lang kadali para sa kanya yun.12 yrs na kami next month.may 8 to be exact.kung pwede lagpasan na lang yun.12 yrs nya ko kasama sa sarap at hirap tapos ganun na lang. halos kalahati ng buhay ko kasama ko sya,kaya hirap na hirap akong i let go sya bukod pa sa mga anak namin

[tipC_shoegal]

^Sis, I feel you and yes, at some point, it's definitely not easy to let go but if you keep on dwelling in the past and keep forcing yourself to understand how and why was he able to throw those years away and drop you and your kids completely for another woman, then you won't have any progress. To me, it's like doubling the difficulty level of your situation.

Rely on the NOW. Understand that it's better to work on how to be stronger not just for yourself but for your kids. Stop thinking about what transpired because again, it's not going to help you move forward when ultimately, that's what you really need to do. There's no other way for you to go but forward. Taking a step back will only jeopardize your efforts of being better. Your past will kill you only if you let it.

Choices are always available, it's just a matter of taking it or not and making a bold step to never look back. Good luck, sis. God be with you.

[ettevyvi]

^

Simple, naninigurado. Wala pang nakikitang pwede ipampalit so your being kept as backup. Problema kasi sa sobra nating pagmamahal di natin napapansin na ganun na nangyayari. Nung makakita na ng pwede ipalit BOOM. I mean parang bihira ako makakita ng long term relationship na natapos ng maayos and may respect yung partners sa "grieving period".

Kaya nga feeling ko insecure at takot ang nangingibabaw. natatakpan lang talaga ng pride. Di nila kaya confront sarili nila eh. So sad. Mangyayari nyan eh mauulit lang yung cycle, titigil lang yan pag pagod na at sawa na sila. Then they will settle for less than they deserve. Paconsuelo na lang nila yung may anak silang mamahalin nila. But the partnership and the companionship will be flawed kasi nga mababaw ang basis.

perfect!

Minsan naman din, we stay kasi ayaw nating masulot ang mahal natin ng iba kapag mas naging matino sila. Kasi we're hoping s/he will change in the future. But they aren't changing now, and I think what is more important is the now...

Pretty lame if some people do that. Pitiful.

[jenybasti]

^Sis, I feel you and yes, at some point, it's definitely not easy to let go but if you keep on dwelling in the past and keep forcing yourself to understand how and why was he able to throw those years away and drop you and your kids completely for another woman, then you won't have any progress. To me, it's like doubling the difficulty level of your situation.

Rely on the NOW. Understand that it's better to work on how to be stronger not just for yourself but for your kids. Stop thinking about what transpired because again, it's not going to help you move forward when ultimately, that's what you really need to do. There's no other way for you to go but forward. Taking a step back will only jeopardize your efforts of being better. Your past will kill you only if you let it.

Choices are always available, it's just a matter of taking it or not and making a bold step to never look back. Good luck, sis. God be with you.

thanks sis..
naliliwanagan ako sa mga post mo.ang hirap lang kasi talaga
alam mo yung feeling na parang wala kang kwenta.sya lang kasi yung lalaking minahal ko.1st bf, 1st everything.
iniisip ko tuloy na bakit kailangang tumagal pa kami bago nangyari to.sana noon pa lang siguro di ganito kasakit

[HoldingOn]

^hugs for you sis. God has a reason for everything. we might not know it yet as of now, but in time, His plans will unfold. focus mo na lang attention mo sa baby ninyo, convert the deep pain into something positive. *alam mo ba, nung nakipagbreak sa akin si partner ko, iniisip ko nung time na yun, sana binuntis na lang niya ako muna para yung attention ko maifocus ko na lang sa anak ko*

[ettevyvi]

^Sis, I feel you and yes, at some point, it's definitely not easy to let go but if you keep on dwelling in the past and keep forcing yourself to understand how and why was he able to throw those years away and drop you and your kids completely for another woman, then you won't have any progress. To me, it's like doubling the difficulty level of your situation.

Rely on the NOW. Understand that it's better to work on how to be stronger not just for yourself but for your kids. Stop thinking about what transpired because again, it's not going to help you move forward when ultimately, that's what you really need to do. There's no other way for you to go but forward. Taking a step back will only jeopardize your efforts of being better. Your past will kill you only if you let it.

Choices are always available, it's just a matter of taking it or not and making a bold step to never look back. Good luck, sis. God be with you.

Nice way of putting it sis! Very well said.

[tipC_shoegal]

thanks sis..
naliliwanagan ako sa mga post mo.ang hirap lang kasi talaga
alam mo yung feeling na parang wala kang kwenta.sya lang kasi yung lalaking minahal ko.1st bf, 1st everything.
iniisip ko tuloy na bakit kailangang tumagal pa kami bago nangyari to.sana noon pa lang siguro di ganito kasakit

You're welcome, sis. I'm relieved to know that my posts somehow give you that "light at the end of the tunnel" kinda thing. Time will heal, sis. It will. It's okay to let yourself dwell on the pain for the meantime. Sure, acknowledge the sadness but never be stuck on that phase.

Again, you are analyzing it all over again. Stop asking questions that you know cannot be answered by yourself, whoever or even if you chose to do whatever else you'd want to do. Pain will always be there during a tough break-up but that doesn't mean that we'd stop our connections with the people who should matter, most importantly, yourself.

Just rely on the idea that there's a reason behind what happened but suffice in the idea that the reason might not be fully revealed to you. After all of that heartache, what's important is the person that will emerge from it - hopefully, a more mature, stronger and a more reasonable woman. Always deal with your struggles with more logic than emotion. That's what I'm continuously doing that's why  I'm in a more peaceful resolve at present.

[ettevyvi]

Again, you are analyzing it all over again. Stop asking questions that you know cannot be answered by yourself, whoever or even if you chose to do whatever else you'd want to do. Pain will always be there during a tough break-up but that doesn't mean that we'd stop our connections with the people who should matter, most importantly, yourself.

Totoo. Some things hindi na natin pwede i-analyze kasi minsan the end does not justify the means.

[Foodict]

Hi guys! I found a great a way to cope with the random melancholy / depressed moments that strike me from time to time.

When I feel that heavy feeling creeping up my heart I tell myself " Will this help me? Will this get her back? ". Then most of the time my feelings stabilize and I can focus again.

It also works when I start thinking of petty things I want to do to the other guy. Of course it can be sometimes fun to dwell on some old fashioned poetic justice.

[tipC_shoegal]

Nice way of putting it sis! Very well said.

Thanks, sis! I just saw this now.

Let me just say that I really like your logical way of dealing with problems of the heart. I feel that a lot of our "sisters" here strongly consider the inputs you've entered in this thread. 

[HoldingOn]

When I feel that heavy feeling creeping up my heart I tell myself " Will this help me? Will this get her back? ". Then most of the time my feelings stabilize and I can focus again.

This is also one of my coping strategies. In almost everything I do, I always ask myself "If he sees me doing this, will it make him decide to go back to me?"

[tipC_shoegal]

Iba-iba talaga ang coping strategies ng bawat tao sa pagmove-on.

I just want to share my take, even before breaking it off with my recent ex, I thought, if I really want to be healed from all the pain and completely feel nothing for him, I've devised a new plan of crossing him out of my "healing regimen". I made my mind really stop considering him while I was going through this phase. I just figured, he should never be the drug to heal me because I've come to my senses that yes, I completely got addicted to this drug therefore, I must do everything that I can to be rid of him.

It's tough to not think about the person who really hurt you fatally but it would be easier to use the hurt to feel better so that became part of what I did. In a few months, it's gonna be a year since I've broken it off with him and yes, I still do feel that pang of pain and of missing him from time to time but I'm proud to say that I've done pretty well in controlling my impulses to send him an SMS/reply to his messages and missed calls and all. I did have episodes of crying myself to sleep, of thinking about the sweetest, unforgettable moments with him and of really feeling deeply sad but I got tired of it and really stuck to the choice I made. I really prioritized myself this time and by far, I'm more at peace.

It was never easy. I had to focus really well on the target 'so to speak' and thankfully, I'm doing good and I hope I won't ever regress again.

Yes, I may be single right now but it's far better than being too stressed out because of emotional crap every now and then.

[Foodict]

^tipC_shoegal

Good advise. iba iba talaga strategies kasi iba iba din cause nung break up. each situation is unique. May similarities lang.
In your case you channeled the hurt to heal you and thats quite impressive.

Maswerte lang talaga yung nag initiate ng break up kasi sila yung may exit plan na agad.

[tipC_shoegal]

^Thanks, Foodict. I agree with what you said that break-up's do have similarities that's why somehow, various advice from different people who've gone through those are actually the best to collate and then from those, improvise your own "moving-on" plan.

I had to make sure I broke it off because it would've been different for me if I were dumped. I figured, the difficulty level of coping and healing would be threefold (since I've sacrificed so much, blindly stayed in a relationship that eventually became abusive and gave my a hell lot to it even) so I really thank God for letting me muster the strength to stay away and end it all between me and my ex.

[HoldingOn]

Maswerte lang talaga yung nag initiate ng break up kasi sila yung may exit plan na agad.

Bro, this doesn't apply to all DAW. Share ko lang, may counselor na nagsabi sa akin, mas mahirap situation ng EX ko kasi he's dealing with guilt, and mas mahirap and matagal ang pagoovercome sa guilt as an opppressor than dealing with pain as a victim. Kaya ko shinare sa iyo kasi we have a similar situation. HTH!