i can't deal with my sis-in-law anymore

[FoxyPhoenix]

i don't know how to deal with my sister-in-law anymore.

i live with my mom, my bro, his wife and their kid, and my 2 yr old son. when i got home yesterday from work my mom told me that she was scolded by my sis-in-law. what happened was my son accidentally let my sis-in-law's 2 pet rabbits escape from their cage, so my mom asked for my sis-in-law's help but instead she said 'aba eh hanapain mo yan!' this is how rude she is to my mom. my mom is not the type kasi na palaban, laging nagpaparaya, altho minsan napupuno rin sya but she don't know how to defend herself so natatalo lang sya. she's being rude to my mom for the last 2 years. maybe because laging siya kinakampihan ni kuya, and maybe because my kuya is rude to my mom as well. (bastos kasi kuya ko sa mom ko) what we did yesterday was we told this to my bro, and as expected my bro got angry and yelled 'lagi nalang kayong ganyan! magpatayan nalang kayong 2 ng asawa ko!'.

i don't want to be bias so i tried to talk to my sis-in law before to hear her side and she said my mom is sirang plaka raw, and she reasoned out that no one can change her (sis-in-law) attitude coz ganun na talaga ugali nya madaling maginit ulo. i said nalang na i'll talk to my mom and i asked her (sis-in-law) to understand mama, ang sabi nya she can't promise daw that. parang ako pa nga nakaktanda given na she's 7 years older sakin.

i really don't know what to do. right now im so furious at her kasi she's disrespecting my mom. to be honest, gusto ko nalang humiwalay kami ni mama ng bahay but we don't have enough money to do that. (btw we are all living at my mom's house). pinapasa-Diyos ko nalang..

 

[binggay]

Kapal naman ng face ng brother and sis-in-law mo, eh sila naman yung nakikitira sa bahay ng mom mo.

Kung ganyan ang ugali nila, paalisin niyo na kaya and ask them to get a place of their own???

Para sa akin kasi, kung ang drama ng buhay mo eh "well, ganito na ako eh, wala nang makakapagbago sa akin", eh may karapatan ka lang sabihin yan kung nakatapak ka sa sarili mong pamamahay....

[lablab002]

i am also having problems w/ my sis in law.by the way,this is my story...i am the eldest of the family.and i have 3 younger brothers.my brother (next to me) just got married last year.cos my sis in law got pregnant.from the start,i never really liked her.but she's nice.(i just dont want my brother to get married cos they were just 20.) since my parents and my brothers knew that i hate my sis in law, they decided to move out of our house.hehe buti naman!

[aquacharly]

FOXYPHOENIX -- your brother and his wife.. do they shoulder most of the household expenses?  Perhaps disrespecting your mom is their way of expressing their resentment.

The way I see it... your brother will remain bastos to your mom, and his wife tolerates it and he tolerates her being bastos to his/your mom.  It is a heartbreaking relationship.   I don't think that is gonna change any time soon. 

Where is your father?
IF he is dead already, and your mother is  the legal wife --   then half of that house belongs to your mother;  and the balance 50% is to be divided equally among the 3 of you -- your mom, your brother and you (assuming there are no other offsprings, legitimate or otherwise).

What am I leading to? 
Sell the house;  divide the proceeds;  and go find a place for you and your mom -- away from that nasty couple. 
 
Or, dependiing on your circumstances ... your mom may keep all the proceeds -- did she get it from her parents?  (Ask a lawyer.. if I am not mistaken, there is a cut-off date for marriages vis-a-vis the Family Code.  Before whatever date that is,  anything inherited from parents remain the sole property of the one who inherited it.)   Baka naman 100% of the house belongs to your mother.. eh di mas okay.  Sell it and force that nasty couple out of your daily lives.

I do not see why your mom has to suffer in her old age for such disrespect.  She deserves to have some peace in her own house.  Same goes with you.  Mahirap kasi makitira na kasama mo eh rude.

God bless you more for taking care of your mom. 

[twelvth_goddess]

Ngayon lang ako naka-encounter na yung anak and asawa ang bastos sa magulang samantalang sila yung nakikitira. Grabe naman yan sis.

[aquacharly]

12th GODDESS -- oo nga, ngayon din lang ako naka encounter na it is the SIL with the "longer horns".

1st -  it is the son/brother to blame.. why does he not cut in to cool everybody's temper/mood?  Ika nga eh, lahat napag uusapan, kahit nga kaput@han people are able to come to amicable terms.

Now, it MAY  also be the SIL's expression of her "puno na ako" or "pagod na ako"  feelings -- specially if it is her (or her husband plus her)  that is underwriting the bulk of expenses for the household.   
Sometimes, people flare up over small things  when they feel the others are not pulling their weight.  Parang:  "Yan lang, hindi nyo magawa?  Yan lang hindi nyo ako mapa-consuelo?"
Talagang time to separate households na, hindi na healthy ang samahan eh.

Galing ng family ni LABLABOO2 -- diffusing a  situation that could become bigger and bring all to a point of no return.  That way,  separated,  people can step back and have time to learn .. to like others, to live independently, etc.

 

[antagonist]

hay oo nga, ngayon lang ako nakarinig ng ganyan.
it's usually the other way around nga diba? ang byenan ang pinakikisamahan palagi lalu na pamamahay nya yon. consider also the fact that sya (SIL) lang ang naiba sa pamilya nyo pero ganyan na umasal. aray ko! ang swerte nyo naman. kahit pa sabihin na nating kampi ang brother mo sa kanya, she still has no right to disrespect your mom.

hiritan mo kaya ng, "ganyan na talaga si mom, kung di nyo sya kayang pakisamahan bakit nagtitiis pa kayo? bakit di nalang kayo lumipat ng bahay? kesa naman araw-araw naririndi kayo kay mom, di pa ba kayo nagsasawa? stress lang ang aabutin nyo araw-araw." reverse psychology ba. but knowing your brother and sil's attitude baka ikaw naman ang ratratan.

or baka nga carry nila most of the household's expenses kaya ang tapang nilang umasta ng ganyan?

[harlet]

or baka nga carry nila most of the household's expenses kaya ang tapang nilang umasta ng ganyan?
[/quote]

tingin ko sis, kahit carry nila ang household expenses wala pa rin silang right umasta ng ganyan.....still nakikitira pa rin sila at pwedeng  isumbat na tama lang na sila gumastos dahil libre bahay naman sila....

pero sa totoo lang, mahirap makisama sa mga ganyang klaseng tao, mga sarado kaisipan.  i agree, kasalanan ng brother mo kung bakit ganyan din ang trato ng SIL mo kay madir...kung yung anak bastos sa magulang ano pa yung ibang tao.....

[Tigershark09]

nakakainis nga yang situation mo...grrr! kung ako yan, naku baka nasuntok ko sa mukha yang sister-in-law na yan...rambulan na! pati yang kapatid kong lalake sasapakin ko din..pag-untugin ko pa sila...hahaha!

if they can't stand your mom, why don't they move out? in the first place, may mga pamilya na kayo, dapat lang siguro na magsarili na kayo. kapal naman nila tumira diyan sa bahay ng mom mo at maghari-harian! kahit may trabaho pa yang brother mo at tumutulong sa haus bills, wala pa rin siyang kwenta! hinahayaan niyang bastusin nang ganon na lang ang nanay mo ng asawa niya.

teka sis, hindi ka na nag-reply. you should provide more info kasi we don't really know the whole story. like yung mga questions ni aquacharly, hindi mo pa nasasagot. 

[antagonist]

agree to the highest level na zero reason talaga para mambastos ng tao.

but like what aquacharly asked:

FOXYPHOENIX -- your brother and his wife.. do they shoulder most of the household expenses?  Perhaps disrespecting your mom is their way of expressing their resentment.

just asking 

also, may mga ganyang tao kasi na akala nila sila na ang bumubuhay sayo kaya feeling nila parang ang laki ng ng pagkakautang mo sa kanila. it's like saying na "wag kang umangal dahil ako ang nagpapalamon sayo!" mga taong walang natutunan sa GMRC. jusko buti nga wala silang baby kundi magmamana sa kanila ang bata, tatlo na silang kalaban. hehe

[harlet]

oo nga sis, ewan ko ba sa mentalidad ng mga karamihan, pag ang isang tao me pera, parang dapat sila dinidiyos o dapat sunud-sunuran ka sa kanila....

threadstarter, nasan ka na? i hope ok na kayo.....ang swerte ng SIL mo kasi hindi kayo basagulera, mga tipong tahimik lang.....

[FoxyPhoenix]

thanks sisses for your POVs.

my brother & sil shoulder water & lpg. the rest like food & electricity, me & my mom. our dad passed away 4 yrs ago.

we don't want to tell them that they are living in our mom's house (kahit gustong gusto ko ng sabihin) coz still he is my brother and they indeed have their legal share on the property.

anyways, the day after that 'rabbit incident' nagsumbong mama ko sakin. this time nagkasalubong lang daw sila ng sil ko sa kusina and bigla nalang siyang sinabihan ng 'don't talk to me'. i wasn't able to contain my anger, sinugod ko agad siya to ask bakit niya sinabihan ng ganun si mama. andun si kuya. she denied it. to add to that, she was raising her voice and dinuduro mama ko na hindi niya sinabi yun. 'wow! ano ako sosyal pa-ingles ingles pa?! -that's just some of what she said. i said i know my mom and hindi siya sinungaling, and there's no reason for her to be bastos at duruin si mama. i also yelled at her na kung sino mang babastos sa nanay ko aawayin ko. sisses eto na yung maximum anger na na-experience ko sa tanang buhay ko. i turned to my bro and asked him kung hindi ba bastos asawa niya, kc that incident alone only goes to show na walang hiya talaga asawa niya. sinabihan niya asawa niya na wag taasan ng boses si mama at mag-po naman. slowly, i notice my brother taking our mom's side. (kasi i know deep inside my bro na he knows hindi magiimbento ng story mama namin) he said naiipit siya between our mom and his wife. sabi ko sa kuya ko nirerespesto ko asawa niya dahil asawa niya yun but if she doesn't show any more respect to our mom, mawawala rin respeto ko sa kanya. our house was like hell sa mga sigawan namin.

eventually napagod na kami kakasigaw. i broke the silence and said, ayoko ng ganto & sana magkabati bati nalang. sumegundo si kuya, kalimutan nalang daw ang lahat at magadjust nalang ang bawat isa para iwas away. sabi ko kay mama (para hindi ma-feel ng sil ko na pinagtutulungan namin siya) na kami ni kuya sanay na sa pagiging sirang plaka niya while si sil hindi so iwasan nlang niya pagiging sirang plaka sa kanya. sinabihan ko rin si sil na kaya ako nagagalit sa kanya eh not because may galit talaga ako sa kanya but because kahit sinong anak, aawayin siya kung ganun siya kabastos sa magulang niya. i also said to be more patient kay mama. then she (sil) approached mama said her sorry and embraced her, the two cried. tapos yumakap din si kuya dun sa tatlo and i joined narin kc naiiyak nako..

until now ok kami lahat, civil, and we are all smiling at each other na. aaminin ko sisses, hindi ko na siguro mababalik yung sobrang ok kami ng sil ko yung tipong closeness with your BFFs, kasi nakakatakot ugali niya, paiba iba. but i'm doing all what i can do pawa maiwasan na gulo sa bahay, kasi ayoko ng umuwi ulit ng ganun ang pamilyang uuwian ko.

thank you to all who read and responded to my message. it helped talaga na may nakakaunawa sa situation ko. thanks sisses..

[antagonist]

kaiyak naman yan sis . parang nanood ako ng scene sa movie ha.

sana tuloy-tuloy na yan. good luck!

[harlet]

^nice to know you're ok now....tama lang yung dapat me boundary kayo ng SIL mo.....just be civil.....

[neyvillones]

sis FoxyPhoenix i glad that you have finally resolved your family problem. i must commend you for being so brave and mabait for humbling yourself to break the silence siguro i were in your position i would have told them to leave the house immediately kahit ayaw ng mom ko. and baka never ako'ng makipagbati.

also, kahit sila man ang nagsho-shoulder ng most of the expenses in the house (but that's not the case) eh wala pa din sya'ng right to treat your mother like that. it's her house and they're just asking favor from her na makitira. kahit pa sabihin na may right ang kuya mo sa property dahil heir din sya ng father nyo. nakikitita pa din sya. kahit ano pa ang ugali ng mom nyo, dapat nyang pakisamahan at tiisin kung iba man ang ugali nito sa kanya in fact kahit sa iyo dapat makisama sya ng sobra.

i also feel for your mom kasi syempre i know na nahirapan sya from all that happened.

i also live with my ILs and we already have 3 kids (with one coming soon). kasama din namin dito yung SIL ko and tita ng hubby ko kasi this is their ancestral house, meaning sa lola at lolo pa ito ng hubby ko. kahit may times na naiinis ako sa kinikilos nila, i felt i don't have the right to disrespect them kahit yung SIL ko na almost 9 years my junior kasi nakikitira lang kami and even if I shoulder some expenses in the house (and hubby doesn't work for the longest time), hindi ko din yun pinapamukha sa kanila kasi nga i know our place... nakikitira lang kami. and siguro din kasi i am blessed with mababait na ILs.

good for you sis... sana tuloy tuloy na na magka ayos kayo.

[cREamPUffgIRL]

kaiyak naman yan sis . parang nanood ako ng scene sa movie ha.

sana tuloy-tuloy na yan. good luck!

honga, kala ko episode sa MMK. 
parang too good to be true... especially the part na nagsorry sya sa mom mo, sana lang sincere nga sil mo.
its a good thing na nagkaayos-ayos na kayo.   

[spicy_angel]

Ako naman sis reverse and situation sa'yo. Ako ang nakikitira sa house ng in-laws ko. Problema ko rin ang sis-in-law ko. Grabe ko paringgan ako kung [textspeak!]-anong sinasabi. Di ko na lang pinapansin. Kaso one time, napuno talag ko. Dumaan ba naman kasi mga kapatid, siyempre ugaling Pilipino aalukin mong kumain. Habang kumakain ba naman kami, nagdadabog sa kusina, Pinagkakalampag lahat ng kaldero, nauubos daw pagkain nila sa bahay. Napaka walanghiya talaga.

[grace24]

at least naayos na yung gusot sa pagitan...sana laging ganyan...madaan sa tamang usapan...

[rheaj]

can't stand my sil too. we live with them since we got married, but hubby promised we're gonna move out daw after 2 months. it's gonna be 2 years of marriage pero andito pa din kami. we're trying to conceive kasi and since malaki yung house, dito daw muna kami para tipid.

[harlet]

^ yes, sis mahirap ang situation mo - yung nakikisama....that is the price to pay para makatipid.....

sa mag-asawa iba pa rin yung kayo lang ang nasa sarili niyong bahay....malaya kang kumilos at mas masarap yung ganun.  if i were you since wala pa ang baby try niyo na bumukod kasi pag me baby na mas hindi kayo makakaalis diyan dahil mas kailangan niyong magtipid para sa future ng bata....