How important is proposing, engagement ring, etc, to you?

[amendoza85]

My hubby just propose tru simple dinner to me at a local resto lol. I prefer it like that though simple and relax

[minabey]

We already knew we were going to get married so formality na lang bumili kami ng ring. Ako pa yung pumili with him and my 2 close friends but he kept the ring para at least yung "proposal" eh maging surprise naman.  The night before we were leaving for the beach with roommates, he called me to his room and he gave me the ring and proposed but I had to give it back to him muna for safekeeping because we were leaving for the beach. 

Almost 9 years later, nakatago lang si engagement ring & wedding ring. I realized, na-hype lang ako sa engagement ring pa-girlaloo. It's pretty and sparkly and nakakakilig den but in the grand scheme of things, it really boils down to the two of you in your relationship. Having the rings doesn't have any impact on our marriage. If I could re-do it all over again, I wouldn't accept an expensive ring. Even with a certificate for the stone, di ko den sya mabebenta for the cost it was bought. I would still marry him engagement ring or not.

[simang]

ganun pala talaga yun no, kasi ibang-iba yung feeling ko nung nagsabi sya out of the blue na magpapaalam na sya sa parents ko. parang bumabaligtad yung sikmura ko na hindi ko maintindihan (pero in a good way of course!) tapos ang bilis ng tibok ng puso ko talaga.

Agree ako dito. When we both decide to get married, I thought yun na yun. But when he told my parents in a very traditional way, like literally sabi nya hihingin na nya kamay ko for marriage, it felt really different, considering we were already halfway through the wedding planning that time. During the pamamanhikan sya na rin ang nag preside and laid all our plans to both sides of the family. Naalala ko one of my uncles even gave him a standing ovation after nya iexplain yung mga plans namin hahahaha.

[chimichum]

Nakakainspire naman ang mga engagement/proposal stories nyo mga sissies. I hope I can share my story too someday!

[bridechillaa]

My h2b proposed last July 27, 2017. I remember, I was very stressed that day. When I got home, I immediately took a shower para gumaan pakiramdam ko. After nun may kumatok sa door namin, then when I opened, nakasimangot ako the he kneeled and asked me the question. I was like, ?what? Now no na? Di ako prepared, naka-pajama na ako? but I still said yes. It wasn?t the proposal he planned, but he said he just felt the he wants to do it that day.

I?m also happy na he gave me a .99 carat sollitaire tiffany ring. My h2b is not rich, promise pero the day we got together sabi nya pinag-ipunan nya talaga.

For me din naman, the wedding ring is not that important but it?s nice to have something that you can pass on to your future children. For sure yung mga wedding ring ngayon mataas na value in 20 years time.

[charureis]

I'll admit nung una, years before, nung nauso yung mga mob flash dance proposal, I dreamt of that kind. Pero as I grow old aka #titasofmanila, mas prefer ko na yung tahimik, no bonggang gimiks, kami lang.

My h2b proposed while we're at the beach (we love the beach), kami lang, under the stars in a remote island. Loved it and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Some women would still like an elaborate proposal and that's fine, it's a matter of preference naman.

[cbj021]

The boyfriend is actually more traditional than me-- he insists on doing the pamamanhikan + bended knee + ring etc. Personally i could do without the whole shebang, but from our candid conversations about it , turns out it was important to him because it felt like a 'rite of passage' and a symbol of his 'manliness' if he pulls off a nice proposal

But one thing i wanted to be non-trad about is attending discovery weekend kahit hindi pa engaged. I think preparing for actual marriage is more important than the wedding, so i'm glad that we've settled the more important issues about our future this early palang

[preciousjulia]

When I was young I dreamt of this proposal thing. Pero nung nasa relationship na ko at napag-uusapan na namin ni hubby (bf ko that time) ang wedding parang i don't mind na kung my proposal/engagement ring or wala.
Pero he was planning pala. Kinausap nya brother ko kung kailan plan magpakasal kasi papaunahin na nya.
After ng wedding ng brother ko the following year on our 41st monthsary nagpropose sya with a ring on his hand. Pumunta pa pala sya sa house while nasa office ako while he was planning everything para ipagpaalam ako sa parents ko na magpo-propose sya. Hindi ko inexpect! Super sarap ng feeling  sabi nya ang proposal parang debut ng babae, isa sa pinaka-importanteng yugto sa buhay natin bilang babae, pag lumagpas yung pagkakataon hindi na maibabalik pa. Natuwa ako at i feel loved talaga.
Kaya masasabi ko ang swerte natin mga babae na nakaranas nito. Pero syempre hindi naman dun nasusukat ang pagmamahal. Pero iba din kasi talaga pag meron tapos surprise and nag-effort pa yung taong mahal mo.
Yung tipong dati napapanood ko lang to..yung iba mas bonggang proposal pa with matching videos and crowd pa then one day ma-eexperience ko din pala at lagi ko nga sinasabi kay hubby "ours is my favorite ",

[Frenchmeasles]

Not sure if active pa tong thread. Anyway boyfriend and I are planning our wedding na for next year.
We didn't have a proposal, more on nagdiscuss lang and agree which I don't mind since I know he's not the surprise type of guy. Kaya lang deep in my heart I was hoping sana na he would still give me an engagement ring.

Feeling nyo ba I'm being materialistic? Para kasing I never thought before na I'll actually get married and now that I am I want the symbolic ring. I told bf naman actually I told him kahit super cheap lang nung ring tatangapin ko haha. Ayoko rin naman siyang kulitin kasi baka isipin nya super yun yung nagmamatter sakin rather than us getting married.

I'm trying to convince myself now na it doesn't matter pero there's a longing pa rin. ewan haha sorry ang haba

[preciousjulia]

^ hi sis..for my opinion its normal na maramdaman mo yan and its not being materialistic. Babae tayo eh, may part talaga satin na hopeless romantic..  

Sabi ko nga dun sa post ko masarap sa pakiramdam pag na-experience mo yun. Once in a lifetime lang kasi yun diba.

Pero sabi ko din ulit hindi naman dun nasusukat ang pagmamahal. May mga lalaki lang talaga na hindi sila ganun pero genuin naman yung love for you like your bf o pwedeng sa ibang bagay naman sya bumawi.

Hindi naman din sa pinapaasa kita sis, malay mo nung sinabi mo yun kay bf natanim sa utak nya and he's actually preparing/planning for it 

[lalee888]

Hi sis frenchmeasles:

I think it's okay to feel the way you do. It's understandable. Getting an engagement ring, a proposal, they all sound like a fairy tale and it is celebrated in every society. It also has deep economic roots in history as to why this "process" exists.

If you are comfortable to talk to your H2B about it, then by all means do so in a constructive manner. There are plenty of ways. You can tell him that while the material value of a ring does not matter to you, you'd like a memento of the day you agreed to start a future together. Something to tell your kids about. You can tell him that it's a symbolic thing for you, and that there are plenty rings that are not diamonds, but are just as beautiful. Explain that you want the symbolism, so that you have whenever you touch the object, you are brought to the feeling you got when he expressed his desire to build a future with you.

Don't worry much about the ring also -- you can always upgrade that in the future. A lot of couples upgrade their rings during their milestones. Like 10th year anniversary, you can choose a new ring and trade-in the older ring for cash, to fund the newer ring.

You may also just start with saying you want a memento, even if it were a necklace (makes him unique!) -- just plant the idea in his head, and let him execute within his resources. Keep in mind a lot of people these days are very practical. The truth is, diamonds are a risky investment. yes, they hold value but the value is superficial and can instantly go down overnight. The diamond industry is controlled by jewelers and it's a bubble. So for some people who are really practical, that does not sit well with them.... baka your H2B s one of those?? baka lang..

Either way sis, this is something you should be able to freely discuss with him. if you can not open it up to him (heart to heart), make sure you are marrying the right person... a healthy discussion will do you good. You can hear his reasons too.. and malay mo nga, he has plans you just don't know it (but don't hold you breath).

[kvandenhaak]

When did we Filipinos started to adapt this foreign culture? In the not so distant past, it's not even a big deal. The couple just agree to get married. Yung pamanhikan ang culture natin. So, if it were not a big deal na walang engagement ring before, bakit ngayon big deal na? Just wondering.

[marymi]

^adding to that sis, pati yung pagkahaba-habang photo shoot on the wedding day itself,  naloka ako. With all the photo shoots here there and everywhere, photo shoot with the bride (& bridesmaids) along with the entourage, at the church before the wedding, after the wedding, before the reception, after the reception, in the end gutom ulit ako. Hahahaha. Pero dati hindi naman ganun yung mga ganap, you just attend and that's it. Simpleng picture, simpleng pose dito, pose jan at tapos na. Or naninibago lang ako sa mga nauuso ngayon.
Pero I have nothing against it kasi hindi naman ako gumastos at wedding nila yun. 

[kvandenhaak]

^LOL! Hindi rin naman ako against. I mean, whatever floats your boat. I am just wondering why it has become a big deal. Peer pressure ba yan? Kasi the people around you are doing the same thing so kelangan ganon ka din? Again, just asking.

[lalee888]

^^hay naku, can relate.. (to both of you girls above)

i think it's all manufactured by the industry to generate income. Weddings, like funerals, are the biggest scam of an industry kasi "once in a lifetime" sya. Yung cost ng lahat pag wedding, overblown. It's an accepted scam in society, unfortunately. either you go with it, or you don't.

parang gusto ko nga minsan i-call off ang church wedding namin to avoid all these expenses. kaso ayan ang family ni hubby big deal for them... so sigh.

[cbj021]

^^ baka naman hindi "scam" -- i think that implies that you pay for something but not get value out of it. But I do agree that sometimes weddings get blown out of proportion: like an inordinate amount of value or importance is placed on things that you normally wouldn't care about kasi nga "once in a lifetime" daw

Like when our parents got married I dont think prenup shoots were a thing, but look at this industry now haha. Over time I think people will find more and more opportunities to add more "bells and whistles" to the event. I guess as brides we just have to be discerning about what really matters to us-- AND be able to communicate that to our partners/relatives who readily buy in to the hype of all the weddings fads-turned-staples

[Frenchmeasles]

Thanks sis Lalee888 and sis PreciousJulia.

Siguro to put context, H2B is from Japan pero he's been living in PH na for a couple of years. So i guess may cultural factor rin? Most of his JP friends just file the marriage license and that's it. Pinaintindi ko lang talaga sa kanya na having a proper church wedding matters to me so kaya we're doing it. Saka I'm the first in my family to get married tapos very close to church parents ko.  Once we started naman he's into the planning na.

Minention ko sa kanya mga twice yung about the ring nung una sabi niya gamitin na lang daw namin for the wedding rings yung amount kasi he wanted to buy Tiffanny wedding rings daw. Sabi ko super mahal nun and okay lang sakin cheap na e-ring basta meron. Tapos no comment na and di na ulit namin napagusapan.

Then mga three nights ago sabi ko may business trip ako sa SG so gusto ko magcheck at bumili ng engagement ring ko dun. I was implying na ako na lang bibili haha and kasi may mga mura ata sa sg. Then sabi niya, he's checking naman daw  and we left it at that.

I guess atat lang ako haha. Have to remind myself na patience is a virtue. Focus muna sa planning

Sis kvandenhaak, Yan nga nagpapaguilty sakin. kasi may rational head is aware naman na marketing and capitalists lang mga nagpauso nyang engagement ring na yan and di naman yan talaga totoong symbol of the love. Pero I guess ingitera ang lola nyo haha. Saka siguro kasi since I never thought na I would get married I want to do it right. Rings and all

[Shadow Angel]

Ako wala engagement ring or prenup photoshoot. Di ko feel ang mga ganyan or mas nafocus kami ni hubby sa travel kasi ito talaga hilig namin and sa goals din namin after the wedding. Mas nauso ang prenup mula ng sumikat ang socmed. So far until now di ko naman naisip na sana meron ako nito.

[Frenchmeasles]

Ako wala engagement ring or prenup photoshoot. Di ko feel ang mga ganyan or mas nafocus kami ni hubby sa travel kasi ito talaga hilig namin and sa goals din namin after the wedding. Mas nauso ang prenup mula ng sumikat ang socmed. So far until now di ko naman naisip na sana meron ako nito.

Dun sa prenup agree rin ako pati mga save the date videos. I guess wala naman masama if you want to but for me I can do without. Allot ko na lang yung expenses na yun dun sa day itself.

Bad ba that I want to replace my engagement ring? Fiance is super clueless about jewelry so the ring he gave me has very little monetary value, hindi niya daw alam na sinusuot pa rin ang ering after the wedding. Aminado naman siya na fault niya hindi siya nag-research before buying me the ring lol. Of course I love it at may sentimental value, and I understand na symbolism lang naman ang ring about his intent to marry me, pero gusto ko palitan kasi I want a ring that will last for a lifetime at may value kahit konti, tipong when sh*t hits the fan at maging walang wala na kami at bigla namin kailanganin nang pera (lol knock on wood), we have something of value.

Sis since na mention mo na sakanya I guess its okay. Suggestion ko lang is sama mo siya when you start hunting for engagement rings para may input pa rin siya and that way involved pa rin kahit sa new ring   Haha pero tama nga naman in a way investment din yung rings since nagappreciate value and pwedeng heirloom

[lalee888]

Thanks sis Lalee888 and sis PreciousJulia.

Siguro to put context, H2B is from Japan pero he's been living in PH na for a couple of years. So i guess may cultural factor rin? Most of his JP friends just file the marriage license and that's it. Pinaintindi ko lang talaga sa kanya na having a proper church wedding matters to me so kaya we're doing it. Saka I'm the first in my family to get married tapos very close to church parents ko.  Once we started naman he's into the planning na.

Minention ko sa kanya mga twice yung about the ring nung una sabi niya gamitin na lang daw namin for the wedding rings yung amount kasi he wanted to buy Tiffanny wedding rings daw. Sabi ko super mahal nun and okay lang sakin cheap na e-ring basta meron. Tapos no comment na and di na ulit namin napagusapan.

Then mga three nights ago sabi ko may business trip ako sa SG so gusto ko magcheck at bumili ng engagement ring ko dun. I was implying na ako na lang bibili haha and kasi may mga mura ata sa sg. Then sabi niya, he's checking naman daw  and we left it at that.

I guess atat lang ako haha. Have to remind myself na patience is a virtue. Focus muna sa planning

Sis kvandenhaak, Yan nga nagpapaguilty sakin. kasi may rational head is aware naman na marketing and capitalists lang mga nagpauso nyang engagement ring na yan and di naman yan talaga totoong symbol of the love. Pero I guess ingitera ang lola nyo haha. Saka siguro kasi since I never thought na I would get married I want to do it right. Rings and all

In my opinion there are definitely cultural influences involved sis but sounds like he also values what is important to you and i am sure he appreciates your offer to not have a nice wedding ring set (Tiffany).

Patience nga sis and maybe if you want to encourage him in this direction further, you can offer to pay for the wedding rings and he can get you an E-ring instead. I'm sure maraming affordable na wedding ring lalo na if plain band lang for the guy. But only buy the rings after the E-ring kasi ideally they should match or complement each other

I think sis magkaka E-ring ka. By the way, not too familiar with japanese culture on their views about pre-marriage practices, but it's good to hear nakikinig sya sa mga gusto mo.