advantage and disadvantage of long distance relationship for couple

[cecilydee]

^i agree. Kung may takot sa Diyos, malamang hindi papasok sa isipan ng isang may asawa na mangaliwa. Pero kung half way lang ang faith, may bigger percent na madaling matukso sa LDR.

I personally came from an LDR bf/gf relationship for 2 yrs and then 3 mos lang kami nag LDR as husband and wife. Within that 3 mos puro kami away bati. Walang magandang nadudulot ang LDR in a marriage...sabi nga ng asawa ko, pano tayo bubuo ng pamilya kung magkahiwalay tayo. At first medyo hindi ako naniniwala eh kasi Im a firm believer of trusting your spouse. Pero nakita ko sa mismong marriage ko on how devastating it is when spouses are not present physically. Kaya no no talaga ako sa LDR.

[fionnah325]

sabagay mga sis depende lang din siguro yan ang sa akin kasi eh seaman partner ko nakkamiss pero kailangan tatagan ang loob at pray nalang always para hindi matukso sa iba..

[Pink_Sugar]

Naniniwala ako dyan, father ko is OFW for so many years, almost 30 yrs? Yearly lang sya nakakauwi, pero ngayon for good na sya dito sa pilipinas. Parang di sila masyado magkakilala ng nanay ko. At totoo magkakaroon talaga ng ibang babae kasi siguro namimiss yung parang gusto alagaan or parausan.
May kakilala ako na girl, nagttrabaho sya sa luxury lines at totoo daw na pa single yung mga lalaki dun para makahanap ng ka ONS or fubu or gf mismo habang nasa barko sila.

[fionnah325]

sis pink_sugar oo tama daw yan pero sabi ng partner ko ngayon pag walang business appointment wala ng makakpunta na babae sa barko nila ang gusto ko lang sa partner ko pag nasa port sila never siya bumababa hahaha magastos lang daw kasi

[Pink_Sugar]

^Sabi nung kakilala ko pag luxury lines wala naman daw naakyat na prosti dun, usually da na may naakyat eh sa cargo or tanker? Lungkot nga daw nung gf na naiwan sa barko kasi nagtetext lang daw si guy kapag hatinggabi na kasi siguro tulog na yung misis. Hay naku, bakit ba may mga ganyang ka cheapan.
Saya pala sa luxury lines noh, buong america at europe napupuntahan nila. :-) dami daw yummy na foreigners dun sa barko. Nagk bf sya ng italian, 3 years sila, pero nagbakasyon lang si gf dito sa pinas eh napalitan na agad sya ng thai girl nung italiano.

[fionnah325]

@pink_sugar: sabi ng partner ko kasi dati meron talaga naakyat sa barko pero simula nong nagkaroon ng bomb issue yong sa twin tower binawal na yan...makakaakyat lang daw ang mag prosti kung may business appointment...partner ko naman sinabihan ko siya ng ganyan sabi naman niya naku di ako cheap noh para lang pumatol sa mga prosti....grabeh daw mga babae don kasi pag alam nila na mataas rank mo sa ship ikaw talaga ang hahabulin nila kasi malaki daw sahod...

[Girltalker2]

Super daming disadvantage.

Hubby was away for less than a year lang, medyo malabo kami nung una kasi hiwalay kami ng first month nya dun, pero nagkabalikan kami.

He invited me over and nareveal lahat ng kalokohan nya dun.

Ang dami ko ring nakita na mag partners dun pero may mga asawa dito sa Pinas.

Mapa babae or lalaki merong kabit.

Even my husband, daming naging kaflirt.

Pinag awayan na namin yun while I was there and guess what, pag uwi ko ng Pinas, wala pang 1 week meron nanaman.

Kaya napilitan syang umuwi, dahil di namin maayos ayos relationship namin.

He said, yung Chinese girl na huli nya nilandi, eh parang nag start sa tuksuhan, kahit na nakilala ko na mga friends nya tinukso parin sya sa Chinese.

Sila sila nagtatakipan.

And he said na hindi na sya mag aabroad unless magkasama kami.

Ganyan din dad ko, well, hindi pa naman nag aabroad yun marami na syang babae. Pero it became worse kasi imbes na ang mom ko ang isama nya dun for vacation, yung kabit pa mismo ang ginastusan nya.

Kaya ako I would never recommend LDR lalo kung meron naman pinagkakakitaan dito. It made me loose my trust, apart from the fact na meron na history husband ko dito palang sa Pinas which I found out later on.

Pov ko naman sa ganyang situation is - it really boils down to the individual at sa mga friends na kasama nya lagi. If hindi kasi strong ang principles nila, madali sila ma tempt kasi malungkot without a partner, may readily available na girl din to entertain him, more so friends pa nya ang bubuyo sa kanya.

[Pink_Sugar]

^korek minsan yung mga kasama din ang nagpupush pag mahina ang lalaki/babae.

[princessrio]

i would have to agree.. it also depends sa kasamahan ng guy or girl.

my husband told me one kuwento.. we were engaged that time and preparing for our wedding. one of the guys na kasamahan nya sa building eh ipinagtutulakan si hubby na ligawan yung isang certain girl. hubby answered that he was about to be married. aba! ang sagot.. "eh ano naman ngayon? ikakasal pa lang naman. saka kahit pa kasal na, wala naman dito."

hindi niligawan ni hubby. few days after, yung nambubuyo at yung girl ang naging mag-on.

madami pang kuwento si hubby sa akin. pasalamat na lang talaga ako at binigyan kami ng chance na makasama nya dito. kung hindi, hindi ako papayag na mag-LDR kami.

[donya_dyosa]

Never akong pabor sa LDR na yan.. gusto ko talaga magkasama sa hirap at ginhawa.. but unfortunately my husbands damily pushed him to work sa cruiseship ... hayss... fingers crossed nalang na magwork itong LDR na ito.... 

[fionnah325]

^ kaya yan sis..sabayan mo din ng dasal...

[sashamiranda]

Advantage:
Di kayo mauubusan ng pagkwwentuhan sa kung anong nangyayari sa buhay nyo araw araw. May thrill tska mas maraming effort.

Disadvantage:
Masusubok yung trust nyo, mahirap mag-away kase magkalayo kayo. Magccrave ka ng affection ng sobra dahil sa distance.

[IamLuningning]

Husband and I we're bfgf since 3rd year high school. A year after college he went to US and we became ldr. He goes home for a vacation every year. After 7 years of ldr we decided to get married during my first visit in US then I went back in the Philippines. On my second visit to him after a year and a half we finally decided to settle down in US. Yes, we survived ldr. A lot of people admire our love story and keep on saying that it was like a fairy tale ending.

But the story doesnt end there. Life indeed is full of surprises. After 2 months of livng together I found out that he was having an affair with his co worker. Based on his confessions and card statements, he was hooked with the girl for 3 months then after that when the girl left the company it was just an on and off affair between them. There were instances that he secretly communicated and went out with her despite the fact that we were just starting our married life together. To cut the story short, my husband had an affair 6 months after we got married that lasted almost a year. But he came clean and ended it right away for us to start fresh again.

Despite everything, I still remember the days I prayed for the things we have now. Good or bad, I'm still thankful for every single day we now spend together. And I wont just let go of what we have without putting up a good fight that's worth all the time and emotions we've invested through the years.

Advantage: strong emotional connection between couple
Disadvantage: lack of intimacy which in reality may lead to unfaithfulness
Advice: prayer is the key

[bonzaigirl]

I believe in LDR. I am a product of one. Just like any relationship, LDR needs work, lots of work, patience and trust. 

I guess I'm one of the few women who believes in it, and am lucky that my husband is one of the few men who are faithful or who chose to be faithful.

All relationship needs work. Kahit pa magkasama kayong dalawa, kailangan pa din ng work. Kung hindi mo aasikasuhin yung bf or asawa mo, kung hindi mo sya iintindihin, kung hindi kayo magseset ng time para magusap or mag heart to heart, all the time at magset ng dates hindi din magwowork yung relationship nyo.

Ganun din ang LDR. There are sacrifices both for him and for me.  Both of us were based overseas.  We didn't see each other for 2 years until I was stable financially, and only then did we fly back and forth to each other.

So how did we make it work? I think that it helped that we started out as friends. Which later on blossomed into love. We also invested in time. Lots of time for each other.  Despite the time differences. We sacrificed sleep, and going out with friends for our relationship. We played word games with each other. We ate together (dinner for me, lunch for him). We would sleep together with the monitor on. Actually we made use of all types of communication available. Yahoo messenger, viber, skype .  If we were out with friends, and he calls, i would make time and talk to him. And vice versa. Mahirap sya and sometimes you need the physical presence, but  trust and faith in the Lord and each other. It also helped na di sya mabarkada and I have great friends as well. Walang nangbubuyo. There were temptations but we chose to ignore them. Now we are married and next year we'll have our church wedding.  

Maybe it's not right for everybody.  I still believe that it always depends on the person. If you really love that person, you will have trust, you will make sure that you will have time, and you are faithful.

[simang]

I wouldn't say LDR doesnt work, kasi I know some who made their LDRs work. but personally, i wouldn't want to be in one.

Yung mga advantages na binanggit ng iba dito, like mas namimiss ang isa't isa, hindi nauubusan ng kwento, mas celebrated ang pagkikita, etc, i believe you can have all those naman while you are with your partner physically. Honestly, wala talaga akong nakikitang advantage. I never understood LDR, di ko magets yung point. Paano ka bubuo ng pamilya kung hindi mo naman makakasama yung partner mo? Maiintindihan ko siguro if it'S only a phase, and may concrete plans to be together eventually. Pero yung gawin nyong lifestyle ang LDR, no, i will never understand. Kaya lagi akong nagtatanong, how is it for partners of seafarers, kasi yun ang permanent work nila eh, meaning hanggang sa disabled na sila yun na at yun ang set up. So magkakasama lang kayo kapag di na nya kaya magwork, whether that be sooner or later.. And kahit pa araw araw minu minuto kayong nag-uusap, nothing beats physical presence. Hindi lang naman verbal ang communication eh, how about the hugs, the kisses, the body language... You will never know how your partner really feel 100% unless kasama mo sya, nakikita mo sya, nakikita mo yung unspoken parts of communication.

Alam ng partner ko how i'm not for LDR, last year he had an offer to work abroad and he decline, simple lang reason nya, dahil ayaw nyang maiiwan ako dito. Jusko, yung 1 week nga lang na magkalayo kami with 15 hr difference maloka loka na kami kung pano magcommunicate eh. Di talaga uubra sa amin. Di ko talaga kaya personally. Kudos to those who made it work. Pero sana eventually ma-close na din ang distance. Nothing beats being with your partner and building your life together.

[bhmomma]

Para sakin walang advantage. Di ako naniniwala sa kasabihan na 'absence makes the heart grow fonder'.
We were still bf-gf ni hubby when I went abroad to look for a job. That LDR thingy lasted for 15 months. Though I landed a good job I was not totally happy. Sa 15 months na yun walang araw ata na hindi ako umiiyak. We trust each other pero iba pa rin talaga if you are physically together. Phone calls and video calls don't help much either. After 15 months I went home and we got married in civil rites. 2 weeks lang after marriage bumalik na ulit ako abroad. So you can imagine the pain I felt that time. It was twice harder than the first time. Yung situation na yun lasted for a year din (ang tibay ko rin ano lol). Eventually nagkasama na rin kami ng asawa ko dito. That was 5 years ago na pero still may konting kurot sa puso pa rin pag naalala ko yung sitwasyon namin noon. Kaya kung may choice lang din naman I don't recommend an LDR. Bibihira lang ata nakakasurvive sa ganitong sitwasyon.

[Pink_Sugar]

Parang yung parents ko 30 yrs silang LDR, ngayong magkasama na sila parang di nila kilala ang isa't isa.

[redgirln]

Para sa akin walang advantage, lalo kung nagstart pa lang ang married life nyo. Lumilipas ang panahon na di nagkakasama,  at halos di parin magkakilala ng mga tunay na ugali.  Ang pinakaworst pag may mga away away, ang hirap iresolve ng issue, di agad makapagusap unlike kung magkasama ang mag asawa. Nakakapagod ang ldr, both should be brave and strong for the relationship to work. Im on Ldr, pag ayaw akong kausapin ng asawa ko, ang bigat bigat.sa dibdib para kang aatakihin sa puso, hubby pa naman used silent treatment so paano pa? Minsan.psychologically, affected ako, nawawala nako sa hulog, ayoko na ng ldr, its been 5years ldr! Hay buhay ng ofw.

[Girltalker2]

I wouldn't say LDR doesnt work, kasi I know some who made their LDRs work. but personally, i wouldn't want to be in one.

Sis, siguro when you say 'made the relationship 'work'' is nag survive without breaking up, despite all the issues (infidelity etc). So effectively, parang the relationship is laging in danger.

But I agree with you sis, di mo talaga makikilala ng husto ang isang tao unless nakakasama mo sya sa buhay. Everyday stuff.

Honestly, wala talaga akong nakikitang advantage.

Siguro ang advantage is if you're just thinking about yourself and not about the relationship. Like both of you can devote more time in earning money as you have more time in your hands at di nga kayo masyado mag kasama. But then, it is definitely never an advantage to the relationship. Sa pocket mo lang.

Then if one wants to play around, lalong advantage iyan sa guys. But again, never an advantage to the relationship as ldr's can definitely do more harm to the relationship than good.
Hirap for wives/gfs. Parang strong dapat ang faith mo sa partner mo, to the point na you have to turn a blind eye and always believe na he is faithful otherwise ikaw din nagpapahirap sa sarili mo. Pansin ko ito sa mga wives and gfs ng seafarers, they're very defensive kapag kausap mo on how they are being loved by their hubbies and how good and perfect their hubbies are. You have to believe in that, that's a way to cope, otherwise nakakaloka mag imagine ng kung ano-ano.

[ri-anne]

Maybe advantage lang ng ldr, like what one sis posted, is the money.

On the other hand, kapalit naman nun, time away from each other.

So it's Time vs. Money