^Sis
Hush, I am very introvert now and I feel much alive. Siguro because of the fact that I have accepted it recently. Before, I used to think I am very weird kasi i need to constantly remind myself to "make friends" kahit mahirap. To the point of pleasing others just for me NOT to feel guilty kasi ayaw ko magkaroon ng stigma na i have a very ugly personality. Kaya in the end, I want everybody to like me and rejection is making me feel so depressed.
Another thing that made me depressed before is that I keep pushing myself to be friendly kahit na sobrang uncomfy ako.
Then last year, during one of the projects, I ate alone kasi my time was not the same as of my colleagues and I loved it. Since then, I go to movies alone, eat lunch alone and I love it more than socializing. I noticed that eating, traveling alone is so invigorating and refreshing. I thought I found the best days of my life and I never felt lonely (except when i was just starting to eat alone... you will feel like a loser)
I have since then learned to move away from the "big groups" already and I feel very alive kasi this is what I really want for the longest time, to only be with those people who I am very comfortable with.
No pressure to "make friends". And it cured my years long battle with depression about my personality.
I can now say "no" to friend's gatherings esp if I know I need to socialize with people whom I am not comfortable with or I am not close with the person without feeling guilty na masasabihan ako behind my back that I am not nice (I don't care anymore about what people will say).
I confided this introversion with my best friend and she's now pushing back kasi she used to tell me, makipag kaibigan ka, etc. She now understands me and why I am not that very sociable.
I think, this fear of socializing and anxiety is brought about by people whom I don't like to interact with kasi its hard for me to mask anymore my feeling of uncomfortability. Since I have learned to love myself and i have accepted who I am (an introvert), if I feel that if there's a NEED for hard socializing, I feel threatened kasi I need to make "small talks".
At this moment, I'd rather have this fear of socializing, than depression due to rejections brought about by pleasing other people.
http://www.lifehack.org/285869/24-signs-youre-introvert-not-shyMy realization now is that depression might be caused by something that we haven't learned to accept yet in life. Once we have accepted our shortcomings and who we really are, then there's no room for depression as we can now enjoy life to the fullest without any inhibitions.