Hi Sis @itsmeangel
I want to echo what sis @shadow angel and @glamorosa_09 both have said since they both raised very good points.
I, too, was not afraid of being single. I always thought to myself I?d rather be single than be with the wrong man. Our sis already explained this. And I think to a degree, this is critical because it translates to how you carry yourself. When you know what you want, you are CONFIDENT (not arrogant ha) and confidence is an appealing trait that both men and women want from the other. Confidence is sexy and is attractive to both genders. Plus I felt like I had nothing to lose in dating since I was okay with the alternative anyway.
And as said also previously, we KNEW what we wanted. Magka-iba lang kame ng approach ni sis @shadow angel. My approach was not listing down what I wanted, but rather listing down what I did not want/could not live with (my non-negotiables) first. For example, I knew I had to raise my future children as Catholics and that I would need my hubby to practice what I preach. So marrying in my faith and practicing whole heartedly is critical to me. It did not ELIMINATE non-Catholics, but it was important for me to find someone who may be agnostic but respects my beliefs/etc. My non-negs included educational background, and cultural diversity (being open-minded) ? because that?s my norm, and what I can relate to, and it broadly means we have similar life goals/aspirations (to travel, to raise kids who are traveled and cultured, etc).
Next, I narrowed down my criteria by adding my preferences and my variables. Preferences, in my view, are my DESIRABLES. These are things na SANA meron, pero kung wala, I can live with it lalo na if WINNING naman si guy in other aspects. For example, I prefer a guy who is at least 5?11? in height or is taller than me.. but what if I meet someone who is only 5?4? -- it is not desirable pero kung exceeding naman sya sa ibang qualities, I?d be open to him! Wala naman kasing PERFECT diba? For my preferences, it was more on measurable tangibles (not literally) like physical attributes and career direction/prospects. Why career? Well, a doctor is great but they work crazy long hours, and have erratic schedules - not my ideal lifestyle!! But for the right person, I?ll adjust. Further, it also kind of alludes to the future. A guy who knows what they want career wise, tend to also know what they want relationship and future wise. Variables, in my view, are things that change over time. Preferences tend to also change over time so I grouped them together. But I added variables like family-oriented-ness. In my view, life is like seasons (Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter) - a guy who is not family-focused right now, could be so in the next season when the timing is right. So I needed our timing to be ALIGNED or at least I know will be geared in that direction. It is a variable, because it is almost impossible to expect that the guy we meet will instantly know they want to marry you immediately, but it is only fair to know he desires that in his life.
Finally, where do I find this guy?? Strategy sis. Alamin mo san makikita ang mga guys that fit your criteria, and go to those places. Don?t be afraid to put yourself out there and try different things. It also depends on what point in your life you are in. If you are 21 y/o and not looking for this direction yet, then there?s no need to focus on this kind of guy. Kasi diba If a guy is 31 and wants to get married and have kids in the near future, and the 21 year old wants to enjoy clubbing and singlehood and traveling and not marry soon - hindi aligned diba, hindi sila mag work-out? So for me, I was at a point in my life na alam ko na ang next step ko. There are tell-tale signs where to find this guy. A guy who wants the same future as I do is MOST LIKELY, already invested in a home (home-owner) or saving up for one (so they are practical and are living with their parents/family instead of renting). MOST LIKELY go to Church, MOST LIKELY have focused hobbies ? hindi hang out sa bar after work ang trip. They have hobbies like, they join car clubs (car enthusiasts), game clubs (game board enthusiasts, etc), join sports events (sport-interest enthusiasts). Why? I find that men who are focused on career/future also prefer to have a side passion/hobby. Yung guys na ?happy hour? lang palagi after work, I find them more?too chill about life/aimless. That?s not always true, but the LIKELIHOOD of it is higher. So I focused on those areas where I fill find this type of guy? for example, a certain zip code where homes are mostly OWNED and not RENTED (it increased my exposure to the right guy to be where they are instead of aimlessly wandering without a direction).
But oddly enough, I met my husband at a restaurant that was casual and catered to the weekend crowd - very random but targeted still! The restaurant was known as drawing customers from neighboring towns and visitors. So I brought some friends there and bingo I met my husband. Our meeting and dating was so organic because we were so aligned. It was easy because I already know what I wanted at that point.
Sis, sorry ang haba nito pero sobrang gusto ko talaga may ma-meet na ang mga single sisters natin na looking. Naulit ko rin yung points ko before na mahaba rin. But I have to explain kasi HOW I concluded where to find my match. I avoided places and guys na alam kong hindi ko match or walang market ng match ko.
Yung mga friends ko na 'waiting for God for a miracle' pero work-bahay work-bahay lang sila or out with the same group of friends? eh hello? Anong mangyayari dun? Ayun mga single pa rin, five years later?
And tama din pala yung Be Miss Right. Kaya nga match diba? Miss RIGHT for HIM also. Hindi ako nag-achieve ng guy na over-achiever kasi alam ko maghahanap sya ng partner na ganun din, or ng opposite naman na aalagaan nya.. bihira yung "alaga" unless may kapalit (super sexy/ganda si girl). Sa panahon ngayon, love is there, but you love someone because they are loveable, not because you are BLIND to their flaws.
