Hello Ladies and Bros,
Just a disclaimer that I am NOT single. I'm happily married and will be getting married again soon (religious ceremony 2nd wedding). However, I thought I'd share my experience and thoughts here. I was single for a LONG time before I met the one. And while I was single, I was actively dating for many years -- as in twice a week, I'd meet a new guy. I thought I was wasting my time and effort -- for many years I was going on random dates with 1-2 guys a week. Out of those, siguro a handful lang ang may second, third or fourth date. I prayed, I asked God to send me the one. But then I realized that prayer is a spiritual act of speaking to God, not intended to be a wish-list request to God. I believe that it takes human effort, and to a degree, LUCK, to achieve finding a mate/partner. If you look at humanity and civilization and evolution, I don't believe humans are DESTINED to be alone. Humans, like most MAMMALS in the animal kingdom, SURVIVE better when they have a partner. Life is just more achievable with a partner, whether it's in the modern sense of LIFE or the pre-civilization sense when humans were still hunters and gatherers and men did something while women did something else.
So based on this idea, I re-assessed my goals and figured out what I really wanted -- the CORE qualities I want in a man (my non-negotiables) and my good-to-haves in a man. I also assessed my environment -- what is the dating landscape of the city i live in: how many women am I competing against in the dating pool; what are the traits of these women -- from physical attractiveness, educational background, career situation/success, family/life values, etc. Then I compared myself to that. In terms of all that as a combination, I'd say I was faring slightly above the median --
let's say a 60% score, when compared to the entire dating pool. So from that, I assessed the TOP GUYS won't go after me, they'd likely go after the top ladies too. I found where I was PLACED in the market, and who should my target guy be (meaning gusto ko sila and gusto din nila ako -- my profile is their top choice, and their profile is my top choice) and after I accepted this, I finally went on a date with a guy who fits the profile of my ideal match. That was my first date after a PRAGMATIC and PRACTICAL approach to dating using data. And by data, I don't even mean I used some business intelligence or analytics to assess this. I just assessed the cultural landscape and dating pool of my city, and I acted accordingly. First try after that, I hit a success. While my single gfs who were pa-demure, pakipot, dream-y standards, and focused on praying, hoping, wishing, waiting.. wala pa rin. It doesn't mean WALANG standards na dapat pag single and waiting. It just means, REALITY CHECK. Standards go BOTH ways and increase/decrease in demand based on market supply. A highly educated guy from a wealthy family is HIGHLY unlikely going to date someone who graduated from an average school, from an average family. Hindi ibig sabihin masama or lesser yung second, it just means si guy ay mas-relatable to another woman who has the same background or situation as himself --- because they have a lot of things in common and probably same life aspirations. Very rare yung cinderella, knight in shining armor peg, so my point is stop wasting time waiting for Mr. Right. Find out what the traits of YOUR MR. RIGHT should be, and find him.
Hindi ako naniniwala sa dasal dasal lang yan. Or that Prince Charming will come like a knight in shining armor. It DOES happen but often times it is the EXCEPTION and not the norm. Let me try to elaborate a little, and this is a matter of observation without trying to sound snooty or offend anyone. What is my non-negotiable? One example is education and good job. Kailangan may professional job sya and well-educated. Why? Because I offer the same and in my world where I revolve in, that's the norm. I can't date a guy who is less educated (HS graduate) -- wala kaming common traits -- so eliminated na yun sa target ko. I can't date an auto mechanic or a labor worker. I live in the US by the way and those jobs earn good money. An entry-level corporate job probably starts at $50 to 60k/year fresh out of college. While a construction worker likely starts earning 90k/year immediately and most of them earn over 100k/year (I'm giving rough estimates, just to get my point across). But I won't date a labor construction worker. Cute, mabait and maayos sila and have stable incomes, and stable lives. Nothing against one. Pero why not? Hindi kame talo. At the end of the day, we have nothing in common and nothing to talk about. Hindi same educational attainment, travel aspirations, or personal ambitions, etc. So hindi ako magiging happy.
Some would say eh bakit yung mga may sugar daddy? Eh kasi nga talo sila -- aligned yung hinahanp nila. The sugar daddy wants a young, beautiful woman and the sugar baby wants a rich person --- they don't care about the other stuff. So end of the day, swak, match sila. Kaso usually temporary yan kasi si sugar baby, tatanda, si sugard daddy, baka yayaman pa and hahanap ng new sugar baby. Sa akin, Partner ang hanap ko. Someone I can talk to, relate with, dream with, cry with, work hard with, etc. etc.
Using data, think of it this way: You are a single lady, and the market has ONLY five single men. So, you have your pick of the entire market -- who would you choose? You'd choose the best of them all, leaving the remaining 4 without a partner, since you have the upper hand. The best of them all is the combined score of physical attractiveness, financial stability and career stability, personal characteristics, educational background, etc based on your preferences. But now change the situation to THE REAL MARKET. The market has about 50 men and 50 women. Of those 50 men, only ten men fit the profile I wanted. Of those TEN MEN, only five wanted a woman LIKE ME, so now I only have a pool of FIVE. Now where can I find those five men? They are likely middle managers in their careers, living in XYZ areas in my city, hang out at ABC types of places, or have friends who do 123 activities. Once I figured that out, I went to my target and BOOM, I MET the man I wanted and got married. Instantly. In fact, I found three/four and had to break the hearts of the other guys.
Now of course, we don't have REAL data. But we have logic and common sense. And using that, identify and target the man you want, the rest is up to LUCK. So that's when you PRAY that luck is on your side.
Btw, there was a Netflix documentary about this. Di ko ma-alala title. But it was NOT about dating acutely, but about data. The example they used though was dating algorithms in the US and how the dating pool works. They also talked about why online matched couples have a LOWER divorce rate than those who met without data because at the end of the day, relationships are about compatibility and alignment.
Use your brain ladies and bros. Get ahead of the curve.
