Would you settle for a guy who already has a kid?

[iamnurse]

i am in a relationship now with a guy who has 3 daughters all are young pa. isang 6 y.o 5 at 3 y.o ..
hindi ko alam saan lulugar but my friends are telling me na , i should not continue this relationship kasi they gave me a situation pagdating ng panahon..

financially mahahati ang para sa anak nya at sa amin soon kung magkaka anak kami.
about his sss and other benefits  at sa house nya wala ako rights if ever so in the end ako daw ang kawawa..

Hi. I understand where you're coming from. I've been there. I had an ex who has 6 kids. And the youngest is 3 and eldest is 15. At that time, I was so blinded na akala ko okay lang. But you know, darating ka sa point na somehow makikita mo ano complete picture ng future at mapapaisip ka talaga. True na makikihati ka nga, plus the fact that you will have to deal with the mom of the kids kasi they should speak or at least be civil. Insecured akong tao, so never nagwork yung sa amin. Single ka sis and i'm sure you're smart naman so you have to weigh everything. But in my case, I chose to break up with him. I have more to lose than to gain if I continue pa the relationship. I do have feelings for him and I know he loves me too, acfually, he loves me more than I love him pa nga eh. But I am thinking of the future, I want a family I can call my own. If possible, I don't want step children.

[wanna_be_mom]

Hi. I understand where you're coming from. I've been there. I had an ex who has 6 kids. And the youngest is 3 and eldest is 15. At that time, I was so blinded na akala ko okay lang. But you know, darating ka sa point na somehow makikita mo ano complete picture ng future at mapapaisip ka talaga. True na makikihati ka nga, plus the fact that you will have to deal with the mom of the kids kasi they should speak or at least be civil. Insecured akong tao, so never nagwork yung sa amin. Single ka sis and i'm sure you're smart naman so you have to weigh everything. But in my case, I chose to break up with him. I have more to lose than to gain if I continue pa the relationship. I do have feelings for him and I know he loves me too, acfually, he loves me more than I love him pa nga eh. But I am thinking of the future, I want a family I can call my own. If possible, I don't want step children.

sis same talaga tayo ng situation.. at first din akala ko parang okay lang. I also met his family pero it hurts me so much na minsan tatawagin ako sa name ng ex nya which is yung mom ng mga anak niya. parang feeling ko darating yung time na pag magkaka family kami on our own, i think they will compare as what they are before with his ex and his children. nai imagine ko palang parang di ko kayanin .. i also love him and he loves me too.

selosa ako, i know na malaki din ang responsibilidad nya pero di ko talaga mapigilan sarili ko na ma hurt. i think i shpud end this na.but how? he will never let me go. kahit gaano kami ka sinsinan mag usap.

[hk0501]

^^^ ganyan na ganyan inlaws ko tatawgin ako sa name ng x ni hubby  anyway, for me at first a big no talaga.. Bakit ako magsesettle sa guy na may anak if im single and dalagang dalaga pa.. When i found out na may anak sya umiwas ako.. But destiny talaga na maging kami at sya maging asawa ko.. Acceptance is a must.. Kailangan mo talaga tanggapin yung reality na wala e mahal mo sya kaya you have to accept everything from his past. Sa kids mahirap mag adjust but gnawa ko i dont act like their mom but as my family.. Loving them as my kids.. Cool lang. Kahit sobrang kulit ok lang din.. Kids are kids kasama talaga kakulitan dun.. So walang issue sakin ng nag geget along na kami ng kiddos.. Mom nalang nila ang issue :p ayaw nya na close kami ng kids nya, love is very powerful talaga.. (not applicable to sa mga kabit ha) if you're both free naman why not.. Hindi naman porket may love child or kids from the past si guy e wala na sya karapatan magkaron ng happy relationship:)

[superjuzh]

Bilang single, nung una no talaga. Pero habang tumatagal at naiintindihan ko na ang sitwasyon ok lang basta sigurado na hiwalay na sila nung mommy nung bata.

[cloudzy_09]

My hubby have 2 boys sa previous relationship niya they are great 19y/o and 13y/o nasa mommy nila yung mga kids at minsan bumibisita yung panganay. When i decided to be serious in our relationship pinag isipan ko muna yan and we talk about financial issues sa mga kids especially ngayon mag kakaroon na din kami ng 2 kids.

Ang ginawa ng asawa ko is ipinangalan na lahat ng property sa mga bata pati yung benifits, insurance, pension pati bank account para hindi magulo sa huli. Ako naman I dont mind na may kahati sa money ni hubby kasi sapat naman sa amin and Im capable of working din naman.

Basta pag isipan mo mabuti magiging issue yang financial things pag nagbka anak ka na and pag hindi sapat ang money ninyo ni hubby para pag hatian ng una niyang anak at future anak ninyo medyo mahirap yan kasi as a mother matututo ka mag damot para ibigay sa mga anak mo.

[huggykaye]

I'm willing to take the risk.
Sana lang mahal niya ako talaga.
Matinding paglalaban magaganap sa family o kahit sa friends ko kung sakali.

[Ladee_16]

this is a difficult situation and been here, now moving away from it...they are annulled na but guy visits the daughter in their house (part of the annulment). then i observed the guy na pag after nila magkita which is every saturday,happy lagi sobra [textspeak!] guy. then i confronted him about it na baka babalik sya dun. for quite some time he told me na he will not kasi tapos na. then just recently, he doesnt answer my calls and texts, and slept over in the ex wife's house with the daughter. wants to spend time lang daw with the kid which at first ang hirap tanggapin kasi sa tagal nila mag asawa (10 yrs) biglang ganun.

kaya at the end of the day, sobrang dapat pag isipan yung mga mga ganitong bagay kasi courage plays a big part on allowing one's self to get into and out of the situation. minsan kahit sabihin na wala na nung unang wife pero nagkikita pa rin almost every weekend, one way or another, you'll feel na para kang illegitimate kerida (kasi nga annulled naman na sila).

[timetraveller]

No. I tried it once, although hindi naman naging kami (M.U. lang lol) and NO NO NO talaga. The guy has two kids (different mothers). Walang kwentang lalaki as in. Sobrang sinungaling, sobrang walang sense of commitment. Mula nun talagang ayoko na sa "package deal"

[iamnurse]

sis same talaga tayo ng situation.. at first din akala ko parang okay lang. I also met his family pero it hurts me so much na minsan tatawagin ako sa name ng ex nya which is yung mom ng mga anak niya. parang feeling ko darating yung time na pag magkaka family kami on our own, i think they will compare as what they are before with his ex and his children. nai imagine ko palang parang di ko kayanin .. i also love him and he loves me too.

selosa ako, i know na malaki din ang responsibilidad nya pero di ko talaga mapigilan sarili ko na ma hurt. i think i shpud end this na.but how? he will never let me go. kahit gaano kami ka sinsinan mag usap.

Hello sis. It's been a while since I visit the site kasi so now ko lang nabasa reply mo. Anyway, I met his family din and they were nice naman to me. Pero may issue din kasi ako sa mom nya. Panganay kasi sya and he's helping pa sa house nila, medyo may pagka demanding yung nanay nya.

Of course mahuhurt ka kasi as a child, we imagined ourselves na magkakaroon ng family na ideal. No one imagined na ang makakatuluyan mo eh may dati ng pamilya. But that 's life sis. You have to weigh things. Kung saan ka magiging masaya, dun ka. If you yhink mas magiging masaya ka without him, then, let go. If you can't bear the thought of not having him in your life, keep him. In the end, only you can decide.

[wanna_be_mom]

Hello sis. It's been a while since I visit the site kasi so now ko lang nabasa reply mo. Anyway, I met his family din and they were nice naman to me. Pero may issue din kasi ako sa mom nya. Panganay kasi sya and he's helping pa sa house nila, medyo may pagka demanding yung nanay nya.

Of course mahuhurt ka kasi as a child, we imagined ourselves na magkakaroon ng family na ideal. No one imagined na ang makakatuluyan mo eh may dati ng pamilya. But that 's life sis. You have to weigh things. Kung saan ka magiging masaya, dun ka. If you yhink mas magiging masaya ka without him, then, let go. If you can't bear the thought of not having him in your life, keep him. In the end, only you can decide.

 hi sis, as of now hindi na maganda ang relationship namin, i can feel anytime by now wala na kami. But i am very ready. ngayon bini busy ko nalang ang sarili ko sa pagwo work and school. I hope soon mapapa tawad nya ako sa mga maling nasabi ko sa kanya. I know this decision will make me happy.

Dinala nya anak nya saamin and then I don't really like living with him and his children talaga. Ayoko mag alaga ng mga anak nya. swerte ng girl (ex) no. heheh selfish ako. Ayoko mahati time nya sa kanila at sa akin.

[sugardrop]

Kung ako yung may anak, would I want na matanggap din ba? Of course. Ang iniisip ko palagi is paano kung ako yung nasa ganung situation na ako yung single mom or yung separated with kids. Gusto ko din syempre matanggap ako. Kaya it was never an issue for me unless I see the kid/s as a competition, which I don't. But I agree na it can get tricky in the long run especially when you think about the future. And ayaw ko din naman na lumabas na bastarda magiging anak ko. But if it's who He destined to be with you, it will happen no matter how you overanalyze and even try to talk some sense into yourself.

[pathetica]

Para sa akin, bakit hindi? As long as you love each other, alam niya kung pano nya i manage ang lahat between you at sa kid nya at responsable naman si guy wala ako nakikitang masama. Pero dapat tanggap mo at alam mo ang consequences sa relationship na ganito. 

[stunning_anne]

i am willing to take the risk.. the guy i am dating now has 2 kids from his 1 and only ex.. live in partner niya pero iniwan siya nung girl. sobrang loyal na nung guy ha pero iniwan pa rin siya. super responsible tong si guy and mahal na mahal niya mga anak niya. Alam ko medyo complikado ang ganitong sitwasyon pero i think he is worth the try. Mabait and d yata sasakit ulo ko sa kanya since one woman man ito. So yes, I would give it a try!

[Miss.Pancake]

I don't mind. Kasi kung mahal ko talaga siya, dapat mahalin ko lahat sa kanya including his kid.

I'm a single mom kaya siguro okay lang sakin.

[sugardrop]

^
I'm in the same boat. My guy has 3 kids yet I fell hard him because of his being a good father which is what I was ultimately attracted to in the first place. However, I don't feel like I am settling no matter how complicated the situation is.

[wanna_be_mom]

^ ohh same situation

my bf right now has 3 girls also, mababait naman sila.. worst situation lang is that his ex live in partner whose the mother of his 3 girls now living in their house (parent's house of my bf)

we are living in our house. harsh no? hahais.. hard to deal with lalo na pag may okasyon andun yung girl at syempre kami. civil lang . share ko lang hayys

[insanelypurpleprincess]

I have never been in this situation before, so it's kind of hard to decide whether I am all for it or totally not for it. Regardless, I love kids in general and I feel that I have no issues with the kid(s) being present in their father's lives. In fact, I would be alarmed if a guy already has child(ren) and doesn't bother much with them. So, the kid(s) being present, I feel I am alright with that. Next question though is... I want to fully understand the situation of the guy and the mother(s) of the child(ren) - yes, all plural, because I know of some with multiple children from multiple women, so I am thinking worst case scenario here. If it is clear cut that it's just the child(ren) that binds the ties, then go. Otherwise, if I sense some form of rebound happening later on, then I think I shall pass.

[TwentyFourteenHappy]

Depende sa backstory. Kung aminado siyang nagkamali siya in the past pero hindi niya pinapabayaan responsibilities niya, baka pwede ko iconsider. Makikita ko din kung pano niya tratuhin ang anak niya.
Pero kung notorious siya na puro panganay ang anak, I won't fool myself.

[eleine26]

yes, si hubby may anak na (11y/0) which means 11 years ago pa sa buhay niya yung mother nung anak niya. nangyari before pa kami magkakilala.

dapat sa umpisa alam na ng partner niyo yung about sa bata. maging open din sa set up para hinde magkaproblema.

sa akin okay lang and sa family ko, wala naman kasalanan yung bata at nangyari nga yun before pa maging kami. past issue na kumbaga.

[Pink_Sugar]

As mush as possible, ayoko