how do you discipline your kids?

[binx]

I have 1 yr and 9 months baby girl. I can say that she's really a happy baby. So pag nasa labas kme ng house, di pa namin naranasan na magtantrums siya. There are times lang talaga na ayaw pumasok sa bahay, iiyak talaga siya. So we do, we divert her  attentions. Say she wants to climb the stairs, we will tell her na daddy is calling her or we will play her barney or it's time for the oink-oink (piggybank) to feed. So as much as possible, ayoko ng naririnig siya ng umiiyak ng matagal. Feeling ko kasi magiging habit nya yung pag iyak pag di nasunod ang gusto. Pero ngayon nga, nagsstart na siya magtapon ng gamit. Mommy's afraid baka tamaan ang bagong LED tv. hehe! Di dahil nagttantrum siya, parang laro sa kanya yung magtapon ng toys niya. When i say NO, inuulit niya lang sinasabi ko. hehe!

[inkslinger]

^naku sis. nakakagulat na nga ang mga anak ng mga kasambahay ngayon pati na rin yung mga laking probinsya na namamasukan bilang katulong. sila pa ang mga walang alam sa gawain bahay at walang disiplina.

nagkaroon din ako ng may idad na yaya. kapag dinadala nya yung anak nya, walang ginawa kundi manuod ng tv at paasikaso sa nanay. 13 years old at that time, di daw marunong maglaba at magsaing, babae pa naman. kaya i never let my then yaya to use her discipline techniques with my daughter. style kasi nya kunsinti and spoling.

nagkaroon din ako ng mga househelp na di marunong ng gawaing bahay kahit laking probinsya pa. tanong ko, sino nagluluto at nagpaplantsa sa kanila, parents daw nila para sa kanilang lahat, kahit malalaki na sila.

you see, hindi ang antas ng buhay ang reason for raising spoiled brats. it's more about discipline and how we parents inculcate in our children the value of work, of facing and doing their respective responsibilities, of not living in excesses, and of respecting their parents.

[DV]

you see, hindi ang antas ng buhay ang reason for raising spoiled brats. it's more about discipline and how we parents inculcate in our children the value of work, of facing and doing their respective responsibilities, of not living in excesses, and of respecting their parents.

I very much agree. Ang discipline hindi lang ina-apply pag may ginawang hindi tama ang bata. A big chunk of it is teaching the child to be independent and responsible, ang pagturo sa kanila ng life skills. More effective ang pagtuturo ng tama kaysa sa pagsaway sa maling ugali. In our case, I let my child help me around the house (kahit sa sobrang tagal matapos; usually kasi ang nanay--hay, ako na ang gagawa para mabilis--pero that's taking away from the child the opportunity to learn). At pag nakita ng bata na kaya nyang gawin ang isang bagay, it also becomes a source of self-confidence.

[iamgold]

^^sis babymom i think nakukuha nang baby ko pag galit nako, i don't know it works when she's throwing tantrums. pano ko ba explain basta sis she knows na pag galit na si mommy there is no way na 
gumana sakin yung paiyak iyak niya. [textspeak!] baby ko kase sis matandain and sa naobserve namin ni hubby
advance yung understanding niya compared sa ibang bata ganun din naobserve nung mga ibang tao dito samin, siguro sis depende sa personality ni baby you'll know what will for for your child.

[iamgold]

^^sis twelvth godess pag playtime namin ni baby we usually just goof around and ayun nag face ako sa wall sabi ko baby look mommy oh pag bad girl si mommy dati pinapa face the wall, naka face the wall ako tas punta din siya sa wall nagface the wall tas ginaya yung hands ko na naka parang dipa. after nun when i asked her na baby show mommy2 and daddy yung face the wall ayun punta na sa wall, tas tatanung ko na baby ano daw gagawin pag nagbad girl? yun pumunta siya sa wall, nagface the wall nga hehe. naturo ko sa kanya yun mga around 1 yr 1 month siya

[hunny_ally]

for the past few days my daughter would have tantrum episodes. basta hindi mo napag-bigyan ang gusto tantrum kaagad. and no amount of talking can make her agree with you. i noticed this is always the case whenever she would spend a lot of time with my parents, whether a few days with them or just a few hours. the longer the hours spent, the greater the intensity and the frequency of the tantrums.

the other day I already warned her that if she continues what she's doing, I'll be left with no choice but would not let her join her school field trip. Whenever I sense that one is coming I will tell her "I thought we agreed you'd listen to Mommy or else no field trip?" That will make her stop whatever she's doing.

Now this morning, she asked me if she can take a bath in her baby brother's bathtub. I said ok but a quick one since it was already 820am and her school is at 9. Quarter to 9, the yaya told her she should start rinsing off already or else she'll be late. Tumawad ng 5 minutes. Pumayag si yaya. 5 mins passed, ayaw pa din tumayo. So I reminded her again of our agreement. I instructed the yaya to remove the drain plug para tumayo na din yung bata. Then she started crying. as in CRYING. She went out of the tub, got the bathtub's drain plug and threw it in the toilet. I told her "that's it no school for you today!" Then instructed the yaya to leave her alone in the bathroom to give her space as she wont stop crying. Then before we know it, she threw her toothbrush in the toilet.

That was the final straw for me. I told her that Im sorry to do this but she cannot join her field trip. She started crying again and begging me to let her go. I told her the two of us agreed and she didnt keep her end of the bargain.

Now I'm a bit guilty. Kasi nga she was really looking forward to this. Add to that my husband was telling me the punishment was a bit harsh. But I want her to learn her lesson

[marose17]

@Ally, naku, our kids are of the same age, and I agree with you na napaka-challenging na ng stage na ito.  Defiant na sila.  I don't have any advice to give because I am also feeling my way around this discipline thing.

When S has calmed down, maybe you can have a heart-to-heart talk with her.  You have to investigate kung bakit siya nag-tantrum like that.  There has to be a reason.

But I agree with you about the punishment.  You have to keep to your word.  You have to show her that you mean what you say.

[hunny_ally]

^she's in school now and yes Im planning to talk with her later when she comes home. Hay whoever said terrible 2s are the worst, just wait for terrible 3s, terrible 4s and so on!

I told my husband we should be firm with this. Siguro on the day of her field trip, I'll bring her out so she wont feel that bad for missing it.

[stormy]

^hay kahapon rin ym kami ni haps kasi nagi-guilty ako pag dinidisiplina ko anak ko

Terrible 5 stage ng anak ko haha mas terible nga kaysa nung 2.


Im wondering lang na sabi kung ano ugali na nakikita sa laging kasama ayun ang nakukuha, pero bakit hindi ko makita yun sa anak ko?

Sabi ng kapatid ko kulang kami sa "normal" na buhay kasi every summer and xmas break lang kami nakakapunta sa province ng husband ko. Lifestyle rin kasi ng mga siblings ko iba na rin kasi malalaki na mga anak as in college students na d makarelate anak ko. Sya lang ang bata kaya akala laging mapapagbigyan unlike sa province maraming bata na cousins kaya nag-aadjust sya.

Mas ok sana na imodelo magandang ugali kaysa ilecture ayun nga lang akala nya pag malaki na tsaka lang expected na ganun ang behavior. Sasabihan ako ng "mommy kasi you're a mommy not a baby".

[grumpybear]

hunny_ally, I agree that you need to investigate what happens sa grandparents. With my son (he's 5 now) kapag masyadong maraming activities or he gets too much TV or processed food, his behavior really changes a lot. Mas mahirap kausapin, mas magulo, mas hindi nakikinig.
My son goes to school na din and we struggled a lot initially with getting ready and all that. Mabagal din kasi kumilos at ang dali nya ma-distract. Gusto maglaro and all that. I ask him what he really wants for the day... to stay home and play or to go to school. Thankfully, go to school ang answer naman nya. So then I tell him that he has to make choices that will ensure that he goes to school on time. He needs to focus. Kapag nadi-distract nanaman sya, I just ask him that question again, "is that a choice that will make you go to school on time?" and nakakapag-refocus naman sya. I find that a lot of pasensya and a lot of thought-inducing questions is really effective for my son rather than directives (do this, don't do that). I always ask him about his choices (Is that a good choice for...).

[younis]

^sis same with my daughter (almost 3 yrs old palang sya). that's what I observed too, since she's being taken care of my in-laws on daytime, syempre kahit ano na lang na gusto ng anak ko hinahayaan lang nila gawin, and one is TV. napapansin ko distracted sya, iba ang attitude, ang maipilit ba. tapos kung matulog 12am or 1am... sabi ko sa husband ko obviously na-i-spoiled sya ng lolo at lola nya, which he agreed too. pero kapag dumadating na ako sa gabi, ang ginagawa ko, i turned off the TV, pinaparinig ko sa in-law ko "Anak, you had enough TV for today, no more TV ok? what do you want to do now? sing? dance? story time? play?" then she'll tell me what she wants to do, then i'll tell her "alright, only for 20 minutes ok? then you have to go to bed after", then she'll agree kahit hindi nya alam kung gaano katagal or kabilis ang 20minutes, ang gusto ko ma-instill sa kanya eh maging aware na hindi dapat sosobra or aabuso. then after we play, i'll put her to bed and ask her to close her eyes, gang antukin na. ayun napapatulog ko! pero kapag byenan ko, hala sige, one to sawa ang paglalaro or panonood ng Dora/Barney, kahit 1am na! tsk tsk!

[hunny_ally]

hunny_ally, I agree that you need to investigate what happens sa grandparents. With my son (he's 5 now) kapag masyadong maraming activities or he gets too much TV or processed food, his behavior really changes a lot. Mas mahirap kausapin, mas magulo, mas hindi nakikinig.
My son goes to school na din and we struggled a lot initially with getting ready and all that. Mabagal din kasi kumilos at ang dali nya ma-distract. Gusto maglaro and all that. I ask him what he really wants for the day... to stay home and play or to go to school. Thankfully, go to school ang answer naman nya. So then I tell him that he has to make choices that will ensure that he goes to school on time. He needs to focus. Kapag nadi-distract nanaman sya, I just ask him that question again, "is that a choice that will make you go to school on time?" and nakakapag-refocus naman sya. I find that a lot of pasensya and a lot of thought-inducing questions is really effective for my son rather than directives (do this, don't do that). I always ask him about his choices (Is that a good choice for...).

grumpybear, check on processed food. check on too much tv time. check on too much freedom in the house (lola, i dont want to take a nap. ok apo). my parents, esp the lola, are kunsintidor extrodinaire!  we've tried talking to them about this and they'll do good for a few times then balik sa dating gawi. sometimes nga this has been a point of friction between us. pinagdadamot daw namin yung bata. i hinted (though never explicitly told them) that if they continue what they're doing we wont let them borrow S for extended stays with them. for about 4-5months, we didnt allow my daughter to sleepover at their house. Our reason is we're afraid of the dengue incidents in their area.   

not that im putting all the blame on them. admittedly, like marose, we're still feeling through on how to discipline a 4yo. we still need alot of improvement. but like what my husband and i have been noticing, outbursts like this are more frequent whenever the grandparents visit us or if she spends long time with them.

thanks for the tip re giving them choices. we do that too in the morning. If babagal-bagal, i always ask her she would want to miss out on circle time. sometimes i tell her if she dresses up fast, she can still stop by the fountain area and play with her playmates before heading to school. that works naman for her.

[DV]

On leaving children with grandparents or relatives, what I do is prepare food (meat sauce and uncooked pasta na ibo-boil na lang, boneless bangus na ipi-prito na lang, pandesal for snacks, etc) ahead na for my child to consume (and to share) during her stay so I still somehow have control on what she's eating and so as not to inconvenience relatives to prepare special food for her or make dietary adjustments for everyone. We also bring toys (and toys her cousins would be interested in) para she's not just watching TV all the time (she's also excited to play with her cousins and their toys so may limit din kahit papaano) since I have no control over what people watch and how much they watch in their households. When I leave my child with relatives, expected ko na na lifted ang rules namin sa bahay. Although her grands love my daughter, I cannot impose our household rules in their house. Besides, they're old, they don't have the energy to chase children around, at tapos nila sa disciplining stage sa amin; it's our job na. Their job is to enjoy their grandkids naman. Alam naman ng bata na treat lang yung short 'freedom' nya sa ibang bahay. Thankfully, pagbalik naman ng bahay namin, pagod lang ang anak ko, di na masyadong makulit.

[virgogirl98]

Ako I have a 3.5 yr old girl toddler na sobrang kulit na din. Everyday tinetest talaga ang patience ko and although at times napapagsabihan ko sya at tumitigil naman sa tantrums, minsan I really don’t know how to deal with her. Kasi there are times na kapag sobrang frustrated sya, sinasabunutan nya sarili nya at iiyak na lang ng iiyak. Wa epek sa kanya yung time out, ilang beses ko na ginawa talagang umaalis sa pwesto, then yung pagsasabi ko rin ng NO, gagawin at gagawin pa rin ang gusto. Ang ginagawa ko hindi ko sya papansinin kapag me tantrum, pabayaan ko lang sya umiyak then kapag tumigil na tska ko sya kakausapin at titigl na rin sya. Nagi-guilty lang ako kapag pinababayaan ko sya umiyak, na hindi ko sya pansinin pero I really don’t know what else to do kasi.

Pero kapag ok naman sya, nauutusan ko na rin naman yung anak ko. Like putting her dirty clothes in the laundry basket, nagagawa na nya, yung pag clean up ng toys sya na rin gumagawa. And for that, I always praise her for a job well done. Yun nga lang I’m still learning some new tricks kapag me tantrums na, ang hirap kasi talaga . So I’m glad I came across this topic at least me natututunan ako sa inyo! Thanks a lot!

[artemis26]

My toddler, who's 28months this january, is becoming a real challenge when it comes to disciplining. Before, whenever we have meals, she would throw food at her daddy, yaya..buti na lang never to me. one time, hubby really got mad, that we locked her up in the bathroom for 3sec. We explained naman why we had to do that when she calmed down. Ngayon, parang bumabalik na naman itong trait nya, although I always tell her that she will stand in the corner, or worse, be locked in the bathroom again. Ayun, siguro naaalala nya that one-time incident. Tsaka, I think it is indeed true na "nagbabago" ang ugali ng mga bata when they are away from their parents. Once a month kasi I let my baby spend the week with my parents in the province. Ewan ko lang, pero dun kasi sya lang ang bata, at ang nag-iisang apo. So they really dote on her. Di yata sya pinapagalitan pag andun. LOL. Dun nya nakuha yung pag meron syang gusto tapos di mo bibigay sa kanya, ay naku, mag-iiyak talaga at magthrow ng tantrums. Di naman kasi matiis ng mga grands. Kaya when she's back with us, hay, irereinforce na naman namin ang aming discipline tactics.

Ngayon, ang pinag-aawayan namin is that ayaw nyang magmilk. Grabe, sobrang frustated ako. yung 5oz nya, by 1oz ang ubos nya..so that, that 5oz would take us close to 2hrs. Sometimes, I am just resigning myself na wag na lang pilitin, kaso she needs to put on weight so dapat talaga na she drinks her milk.

Any suggestions mga sis? I feel that hindi dapat pinipilit si baby like that, kaso nakakafrustate kasi..plus ang mahal pa anman ng milk nya..

[grumpybear]

Me, my approach with my kids is to not take things personally. Of course any parent would be bothered kapag umiiyak ang kids nila (it's biologically imprinted on us after all) but I try getting my child to work with me on a solution rather than force them to stop crying. I mean can you imagine if you're feeling awfully upset and you were told to stop crying RIGHT NOW? Medyo unrealistic diba? When they cry, they are obviously in distress. Kahit maliit na bagay pa yan, for a 2 or 3 year old, end of the world na nila yon. So instead of dismissing what they feel by demanding that they stop crying, I really try to facilitate their understanding of the situation. I believe that if kids have a good understanding of things, they will make good choices. I've seen that with both my 5 year old and my 2 year old. Of course, iba ang kakayahan ng 5 yr old ko to intindi vs my 2 yr old. So I talk to them at their appropriate levels. If I approach crying from the perspective that something is bothering my child or causing my child distress, it is less frustrating for me to hear the crying and instead of having the goal for my child to stop crying immediately, the goal becomes making the child understand why they don't need to cry. I don't know, that makes a huge difference for me.

I really try hard not to approach discipline from a behavior modification standpoint- where I have a set of acceptable behaviors and when they don't abide by those parameters, I make them toe the line. I'd rather work with them so they have a set of values to ground them and help them self-regulate para kahit wala ako they know how to discipline themselves.

artemis26, question lang... why do you feel that you need to force-feed your baby her milk? Is she unhealthy/malnourished? There are other options naman like giving her nutrient-dense food. Obviously, neither of you are happy. Siya because she's being forced to take in something that she doesn't want (which for me is VERY violating) and you because nasasayang ang milk nya na mahal pa naman. And para sa akin, it's teaching her to not trust her body to tell her that she's full na. Parang walang winners in this scenario.

[hayne22]

hi mommies, i need your expertise advise. my son is 13 month old now. and sobrang hirap ako alagaan sya..to think na dito lang ako sa bahay at hirap pa rin ako i-discipline sya..malikot sya as in malikot talaga..hindi ko alam kung normal ba yung ganto kalikot..we're living with my parents, 1st apo..and sa food lahat pinapakain ng parents ko..according to them, hayaan daw matikman lahat..worried lang ako na baka eto yung isa sa mga dahilan ng kalikutan nya..pag naiinis din ako sa kanya nasisigawan ko na sya..dun lang kase sya sumusunod..may pag asa pa ba si baby ko na mag bago ng ugali?ayaw din nya mag basa ng books, gusto nya laging play..minsan pag nag play naman sya tinatapakan nya yung toys nya..haay, nahihirapan talaga ako..natatakot ako pano pag mas lumaki pa sya..pano ako mag wo-work kung ganto ugali ng son ko..please help.

[binx]

^hala, is he too young para masigawan?

Sis, let him be. kasi nasa stage siya na lahat gusto nyang subukan. Just be there for him para di lang siya madisgrasya. Ilayo mo na yung sa alam mo makakasakit sa kanya. Like yung mga gamit na baka mabasag or masaktan siya. Itago mo na yung mga bagay na yun. Ang thinking ko kasi jan, hanggat di niya nasusubukan, di yan titigil. So hayaan mo na lang siya mag explore. At his age, di ka talaga pwedeng malingat.

As for the grandparents, tutal parents mo naman sila, pakiusapan mo na di lahat pwede ipakain kay baby lalo na kung junkfood. Minsan it helps pag sinabi mo na "nabasa mo" or "napanuod mo" bawal ang ganito o ganyan or eto dapat ang ipakain sa baby to help them grow healthier.

[momentum]

i'm havng a hard time disciplining my kiddo na 
ever since she had her new yaya (1 week palang) kapit na kapit dun
and when she does something bad, lagi niyang bukang bibig while crying "yaya! yaya!"
kala mo pinapahirapan 

how do i resolve this?
I keep on telling my yaya na not to give in to each and everything she wants
kasi ako din mahihirapan, hindi na lalapit yan sakin kasi alam niya when it comes to me nadidiscipline siya. my mom tells me "kulang yan sa bugbog"  i admit, i make her palo when she doesn't want to stop slapping me sa face or arm, or shouting or whatever. i find myself oftentimes raising my voice narin to her. iiyak lang yun pagpinalo mo na siya and titigil lang siya ng ganun, then sabay hanap kay yaya and ayaw magpakarga sakin, pumapalag and gusto bumaba. i don't give her to yaya, i don't want yaya to be the one to calm her, parang lalabas masama ako and si yaya yung mabuti and mabait.
it breaks my heart 
sabay sabi pa ni mama "don't take it personally"siyempre i can't refuse to get hurt, kulang na nga my time with her coz of work, paguwi ko ganun pa.

but pagpatulog na, that's when good mood siya and bonding naman kami. even when i get home, she always runs to me and greet me.

do you mommies experience this? 

[fairywinkle79122]

di po ba nakakahiya kung anak ng iba yung didsiplinahin ko?what if pamangkin ni hubby ko?kasi pag dumadalaw sa amin ni hubby si MIL,lagi sinasama yung iba pati pitong apo niya kasama tapos maliliit pa..tapos madalas mag away yung 2 batang pamangkin ni hubby,magkapatid yun isang 8 saka isang 6 yrs old.minsan kasi napikon na ako,away sila ng away sa amin,tapos parang ala charo santos kung mang saway yung family nila hubby kaya di nakikinig yung mga bata,sobrang mahinahon ba,kaya ginawa ko minsan kinuha ko yung remote ng t.v,sinara ko yung tv tapos sinabi ko na pag tapos na sila mag away,saka ko ibibigay yung remote ng tv namin.tama ba yung ginawa ko?saka kung may anak kayong kasama tapos bumisita kayo sa bahay ng iba,mapipikon ba kayo kung ayaw ko magpa pasok ng kids sa bedroom namin kasi ang dahilan ko kaka-linis ko lang at madami pa ako gagawin sa bedroom namin ng hubby ko?ty