how do you discipline your kids?

[khat]

this thread will help me to get some ideas for my son,he just turn 2 years old, medyo dito na ako sa stage na kailangan ng pag aralan ang discipline sa baby ko, although di naman siya matigas ang ulo, may time lang na super kulit at ayaw makinig, dati when i say NO he will listen na agad, but ngayon i have to say it how many times and in a higher tone pa before he will stop, one time nawala ang pasensiya ko sa kanya at na spank ko siya, (i felt so guilty) kasi paulit ulit niya pinag lalaruan yung milk,water sa bottle basta any liquid na mahawakan niya, i di-drip niya sa floor,table kahit saan kaya nababasa, even sa ipad niya dini-drip niya yung milk niya dun, eh baka masira yun,i tried to talk to him how many times na huwag gawin yun but he didn't listen kaya ayun napalo ko siya, pero itong si baby naku ayun ginaya ako ,when i spank him,he did it too, tapos napansin ko ngayon when he's frustrated or upset ayun pinapalo niya yung kamay niya sa table or sa wall, kaya i regret talaga dun sa ginawa ko, i never spank him anymore, i tried to talk to my Husband kaya lang si baby super spoiled sa daddy niya, hayaan ko lang daw si baby kasi he's only 2 years old, and nag start lang daw siya mag explore at curious daw, back read muna ako, i really need some ideas now to discipline my child,

[grumpybear]

I am not comfortable with the "takutan" strategy of discipline. 

I agree. I don't subscribe to this as well. The thing with this kasi is that at some point, they'll wise up and then di na sila matatakot then you'd have to up the stakes na hindi naman ma-f-follow through so nawawalan ng credibility yung nananakot.
We really try to go by natural consequences with my kids. This is what my son responds to the most. And siya mismo (he is 5) is able to think and anticipate consequences. Then there are the gray areas like when he is whining. Wala naman talagang natural consequence ang whining but I tell him how I feel about it. I tell him that when he whines, it really feels violating to me (which is true) and it's like physical hurting, except that it hurts my brain. And when my brain gets hurt, I tend to shut down and it makes it difficult for me to listen to his needs. Naiintindihan naman nya.
But for my 2 year old, syempre iba naman ang level of understanding ng 2 yr old ko so I still use a lot of redirection with her. As far as natural consequences, I use really simple jargon. Right now, ang mundo nya is about herself. She does not understand social consequences pa like her 5yo brother so I try to translate it that in a way that she understands sa capacidad nya.
Also, tantrums always have an underlying reason. Minsan we think na nag-iinarte lang sila kahit walang rason. But try to take a look at other things like, pagod ba sila? Are they due for a nap? Look at their diet. I know for a fact that when my kids eat too much processed food, their behavior changes. Or TV exposure. Kahit educational pa yan, if they get too much screen time, behavior is also affected. They have tantrums because they are unable to process by themselves. Try to understand where it's coming from so you know how to help.

[rianne_00]

ako rin i have a tod...pasali rin

[twelvth_goddess]

Is it normal na at 14 months marunong na magdabog? Si Zoe kase when she wants something or when you refuse her of something, tatalikod sya samin or pag nasa bed naman she'll bury her face on the pillow tapos magsstomp ng feet or iccross nya yung arms nya sa chest nya tapos sisigaw sya. Ayoko kase masanay sya ng ganon eh, at her age mejo cute pa pero ayoko makalakihan nya kase bratinella in the making yon which is what I dont want. How do I curb this?

[iamgold]

my child is 1 yr 6months and my mga tantrums minsan nagdadabog minsan parang may mga pasigaw siyang drama,,normal yun sa mga kids na di pa nakakapagsalita ng tuwid kase that's their way of showing their frustrations kase di pa nila maexpress pero ako pag ganun si baby titignan ko na nang masama alam na niya yun tas lalapit na sakin mag kikiss na may times na makulit pa din pero pag sinabi ko nang face the wall pupunta na yun sa wall minsan sa corner magstand in the corner na yun tas di ko papansinin for a while. after nun sasabihin ko na love na love ko siya and it doesn't mean na dahil pinagalitan ko siya i love her less,alam niyo mga sis minsan pag kinakausap ko [textspeak!] anak ko nang ganun biglang tutulo luha umiiyak pero alam niyo [textspeak!] iyak na tulo lang ng luha tas yayakap na sakin, heaven ang pakiramdam mga sis. ganun ako sa baby ko and pag ako ang nagpagalit ako din dapat susuyo and lalambing hindi pwedeng si hubby o kaya mga inlaws ko pag ganun kase lalayo loob sayo nang bata iisipin niya ikaw ang kontrabida..alam ni baby na pag sinabi ni mommy na no its really no. Don't under estimate your kids, nakakaintindi na sila, come to think of it pag tinuruan mo nga si baby di ba natututo,, kaya madaming batang tumitigas ang ulo dahil yun sa thinking na ay baby pa yan di pa nakakaintindi, before you know it matigas na ulo ng mga anak natin. And one last tip ang pagdidisiplina sa bata depende yan sa personality ng anak nyo, minsan yung strategy mo sa panganay mo di magwowork sa bunso kase magkaiba sila.. treat your children differently based on their personalities but love them equally.

[momentum]

i have a 2 1/2 yr old daughter and sometimes she drives me nuts na with her tantrums. dati when she was younger she would only throw tantrums sa house, but now nagupgrade na, even sa malls, restos etc.

hays, and hirap. napapalo ko na siya kasi dun lang siya tumutigil  i know it's wrong.

[babymom20]

^ di ba sis pag pinalo lalong umiiyak?

[momentum]

umiiyak siya pero nagpapakarga na siya sakin then as soon as nakayakap na siya sakin, titigil na siya and magcacalm-down. unlike pagnagtatantrums siya, ayaw niya magpahawak and likes to sit on the floor kahit public area, nakakinis. and kung sinong hindi nagagagalit sa kanya, yun yung tatawagin niya to pick her up. pero pag kami lang, no choice siya

[jaiaquino]

What works for my 3.5 yr old daughter now is the beat the clock strategy. When i need her to do something like clean up her toys, wash her hands, fix her books, etc, I ask her if she can do it in 10 seconds, for example. I've tried different things and right now, this is what works. She enjoys the challenge that sometimes she's the one who asks me to count when she's trying to do something.

For tantrums naman, I really just let her cry it out - sometimes with me beside her or hugging her, other times on her own depending on the cause of her tantrum.

I'm also about to try making "tickets" for her where we'll put in a box or jar at the start of the week. If she does something that she's not supposed to like hit or bite, we'll take out tickets from the jar. If she does something good however without being asked like share her toys or clean up her toys when she's done playing, we put 2 tickets back. At the end of the week, if she still has enough tickets to meet our goal for the week, she gets a prize. Now I'm just thinking if we should establish the prize at the start of the week too or at the end. I was hoping to encourage her to keep enough tickets in the jar by thinking of the prize but kids can be so finicky that she might want something else at the end othe week. Hmm... Thoughts?

[iamgold]

try reverse psychology..yung baby ko pag nag tatantrums i tell her na sige umiyak ka pa di ko marinig louder, then tatahimik iisip na naman nang ibang gagawin niya para bigay ko sa kanya gusto niya ang gagawin naman pipilitin niya mag suka para aluin ko na para bigay ko gusto ang ginagawa ko sinasabi ko sige magsuka ka pa go to the corner magsuka ka pa..ayun tumitigil na.take note ah 1yr 6months pa lang si baby magaling nang umisip ng tricks para maisahan ako. ang bata kase pag sinasabi nati na no dont touch that ang naiiwan sa thought nila is yung word na touch that kaya yun ginagawa nila. try to avoid yung word na no and don't do that try niyo gawin positive yung approach

[twelvth_goddess]

Iamgold - how did you teach the 'face the wall' strategy chaka at what age mo ni-start?

[babymom20]

^^ sis iamglod, hindi naman po kaya maconfused ang baby pag ganun ang strategy? na you'll ask her to cry louder when you are actually asking her to keep quiet?

[hunny_ally]

before the face the wall/time out strategy works for my daughter, pero now she's very independent minded (or hard headed?). she'd really fight you out when you make her do that. thats with matching screaming and shouting (nakakahiya tuloy with our neighbors. akala siguro we hit her). so what i do whenever she's in those mood, i give her space and tell her if she's ready she can talk to me. i let her simmer down. mahirap kasi if sasabayan ko siya ng init ng ulo. that works for my daughter.

for timeouts/face the wall, you can read more here

[momentum]

kelangan natin dito si Nanny McPhee ! 

[marose17]

My boys find face the wall fun for some reason.  If, for example, I ask the erring boy to face the wall, the other boy (who is not being given the time out) will join him tapos they will giggle.  So that never worked in our house.

As to the age (hi Van!) when I first tried to implement the face the wall strategy - I think my boys were 2 or 2 1/2 years old at that time.  I don't think you should do that to a child who is younger.  More on talking and explaining siguro ang discipline strategy for a very very young child.  And well, make your home baby-safe and keep out of baby's reach mga things that she should not be even touching.  And when kids throw tantrums, investigate nga muna before reacting.  Tired ba?  Kulang sa tulog?  Gutom?  Nagpapapansin?  May hindi ka natupad na pangako?  Nanood ng cartoons at may ginagaya?  And then, react accordingly.

[babymom20]

not sure kung pasok pa po ito sa topic, ask lang ako ng suggestion o comment, 2nd yr highschool boy kaya pa bang disiplinahin? paano? this is currently my yaya's problem. bunso nya is 2nd yr highschool na at sobrang pasaway daw. like mabarkada, cutting classes, computer games, wala ring alam sa gawaing bahay then yesterday nakita raw ng tatay na may kaholding hands habang naglalakad. base sa kwento nya, nakita ko sobrang spoiled nya kasi mga anak nya. sobrang mahal at mabait kasi talaga si yaya. while nagkkwento sya, wala akong maisip na paraan kung paano nga ba madidisiplina na yung ganun katanda na, may sariling isip na. i was telling yaya na matuto syang tikisin mga anak nya pero parang may halong pagkakunsintidora sya as per my observation, ngayon nammroblema sila.

[younis]

gawin ko nga yang strategy na yan. napapansin ko rin eh, pag nasisigawan ko sya, ginagaya pa ako. tapos ginagaya mga sinasabi ko.

pero kapag quiet lang ako, she knows na hindi ko gusto ang ginawa nya, she would approach me at kung ano-anong ginagawa sa face nya para patawanin ako.

[marose17]

@babymom20, base sa mga librong nabasa ko on discipline and parenting, ang formative years ng isang bata nangyayari daw from age 0-7.  Kung hindi nadisiplina nang maaga, mahirap i-control pagdating na ng high school.  Pero may paraan pa din.  Gaya ng bigyan ng responsibility ang bata, bigyan ng appropriate punishment sa misbehavior (like withholding of certain privileges with explanation bakit ginagawa ito ng parent) or if worse comes to worst, family therapy. 

Based on the experience of my SIL though, ang batang lumaking sutil, mahirap i-control kapag nasa teenage years na.  Sabihin mo kay yaya, magdasal nang magdasal para magbago ang anak niya.

[twelvth_goddess]

^Thanks Marose Parang nafi-feel ko nga na Zoe and I are getting to know each other more. I feel guilty nga kase most of her waking hours, nasa work naman ako. I'm also careful in saying 'no' kase ayoko maging common expression to sa kanya kaya anything that she can't touch, we keep away from her reach. Naisip ko kase na baka pag lage nya naririnig yung 'no' eh mawalan na ng gravity sa kanya.

[mariadj]

hays..mga sis, help naman, yung baby ko, she is just 14months old and about to perfect the art of throwing the perfect tantrum na kagad... like yesterday, we were at the lobby ng condo, tapos gusto niya kasi lumabas, kasi hindi siya lagi nakakalabas ng unit, pag may mga certain occasions lang. tapos nung binuhat ko pabalik sa loob, naglupasay, as in humihiga sa floor, buti na lang nasalo ko kagad yung ulo, tapos iyak ng iyak...tapos sinabihan ko siya na ayaw ni mommy ng ganung ugali..in a very calm way...tapos umakyat kami sa floor namin..ok na siya...kaso nagiging habit na niya yung naglulupasay eh..