Moving In together

[Project60]

i'm not married. i've been living with my baby's dad for the last ummm 5 years.
well - keber if people think that i'm laspag or whatever... what matters is how i feel naman.
I don't want to get married just because it is what is expected.
Dami kong friends hiwalay- sorry nalang sila kasi wala pang divorce sa pinas, may annulment man it's very costly and walang assurance you'll be granted annulment.

Do i have plans to get married? Yes - siguro pag i'm without any doubt at all na.

[plumpolka]

^ true ka dyan sa keber na isipin nilang "laspag". At wala naman na din atang virgin ngayon. minsan kung sino pa yung mga hindi mukhang "laspag" sila pa yung nabubuntis ng hindi handa. Wala lang!


im not living together with my bf but i want to try kasi this setup. hirap kasi pag magkaiba kami ng sched. para kaming ldr plus im from south sya naman qc. im planning on moving out next year and stay dito na lang sa malapit sa work namin. though im not sure if i'll allow him to live with me or just stay for the night or 2...

[simang]

usually ba gaano katagal before nagl-live in ang mga mag bf/gf?

There really is no timeline, I think. Some couples move in within a month or two, some take years... I'd say move in with your partner when you both are ready and comfortable with the idea of living together. And the most important thing is that the decision should be mutual. Once hindi kayo swak sa same page, it's going to be really risky. For us, we didn't really plan about it, it just happened kasi it was the most practical thing at the moment.

i'm not married. i've been living with my baby's dad for the last ummm 5 years.
well - keber if people think that i'm laspag or whatever... what matters is how i feel naman.
I don't want to get married just because it is what is expected.
Dami kong friends hiwalay- sorry nalang sila kasi wala pang divorce sa pinas, may annulment man it's very costly and walang assurance you'll be granted annulment.

Do i have plans to get married? Yes - siguro pag i'm without any doubt at all na.

Then why are you guys living together if you still have doubts?

Wheteher we admit it or not, pag nalaman ng guy na you've been in this kind of set-up or you are in this kind of set-up, decrease ang market value mo sa kanila para kasing they're thinking, youre not even married yet pero 'laspag' ka na.. sorry for the term.

So married women are supposed to be 'laspag'?

A little OT, but, having regular sex doesn't equate to 'laspag' (i had to google the meaning of the word). It actually makes you glow and affects your hormones positively, for me at least.

[Girltalker2]

Then why are you guys living together if you still have doubts?

Same question. Maybe for sex?

[Project60]

hehe.... ako i live with my partner because we have a kid
i want my kid to grow up with his dad. Just because i don't want to get married doesn't mean I want my son to grow up without a father figure.

I think - It's not always about sex kaya gusto ng isang magka relasyon mag live in

Doesn't mean if you have doubts you can no longer live together.

Live in din kami kasi we both want to see if we want this for the long term. Meron din naman kasi kaming target date to get married like after 10 years - if okay kami, then go if not then okay lang din wala namang talo (depende nalang yan sa perception kasi maraming mag sasabi for sure na babae daw talo pag livein. kanya kanyang tingin nalang yan. at the end of the day, how you see yourself is what matters. If a guy would not take you seriously after living in with someone else edi you dont deserve that guy... would you really like to live the rest of your life with someone who sees you as damaged goods?)
 
Dami rin naman supporting articles and studies showing that sometimes living in can result to a better marriage.

[Priceless]

I think before living in together, I would advice my child to learn how to live alone muna. Like get his/her own apartment, be responsible for his/her own life muna. I wouldn't recommend having a mentality na living in is about "trying whether we're compatible". This is real life, and other people's lives are not something you "practice" with. Speaking from experience, mas mabuti na I discover myself and learn about independence muna, on my own terms, in my own time.

[Girltalker2]

^ Mas maganda din if there is some level of commitment siguro. Maybe not kasal per se if both are not really ready.

Medyo double standard lang siguro ako. Pag kids ko, Mas prefer ko sana they get married first before living together - at least sa mapipili nila. But later, if ever mag divorce man sila or ma byuda (knock on wood), Mas open na siguro ako sa idea na living together before marriage.

Naniniwala kasi ako, lahat ng normal na babae, if not maybe 99% eh gusto ikasal. So pag nag live in agad, parang nawawala yung saysay bakit pa kailangan mag walk sa aisle with a white wedding gown, gastos lang. Mas ok na i-save nalang ang money for the kids or to travel together for more quality time.

But again, this is just my opinion.

[lovemeagain30]

Lam mo sis ^ totoo yan pati narin yung sinabi ni sis cosmochick. nag iiba talaga ang pananaw ng babae once they've become parent's. sila yata ang masasabi kong mga taong natuto talaga sa buhay. only means to say that we want our children to make better decisions than we did in our lives.

[Project60]

agree din ako na lahat naman ng girls siguro gusto makasal
For me, in time siguro pero probably di ko na bet yung mag white gown and bonggang kasal pa hehe pero of course gusto ko naka white dress pa din and kahit papano may celebration. Now that I'm a parent I cannot stomach splurging on these things kasi (dahil di naman kami super yaman hehe) and I'd rather spend it on my son nalang. Siguro kasi now that I'm a mom I always have this guilty feeling at the back of my head na heller nanay ka na let go of your selfish needs hehe.

I like yung iencourage yung anak to live on her own muna then saka mag decide to live in or get married. Hirap kasi sa pilipinas, parang mostly you live with your parents, study, work then get married kaya madalas pag married na na shoshock and di makacope with all the responsibilities.

[Girltalker2]

^I think it is not a matter of living on their own or letting them experiment to live with a partner. But more of making them responsible early in life to take care of the house kahit na they're still staying with us.

Problem kasi if we are around, we tend to do everything for them which is counter productive. Pagod nanga tayo from work, di pa sila natututo to fend for themselves.

[sensi]

my bf isnt from rwanda..taga kenya siya. sowhen he came here to expand his business, naka hotel lang siya..he stayed in a hotel for about 7months...then my parents offered na he'll stay with us na muna para he doesnt have to pay rent. so he did, pero nasa ibang room siya. ganon set up namin for a year....
now lumipat family ko ng bahay...luckily, for rent and houses na magkatabi..so my bf decided na kunin narin namin house na isa for me and my daughter after kasal namin..its has a very wide garden, 4 big rooms plus 1 maid's quarter outside. now nasa kabilang bahay na siya but ill be putting some of my stuffs there narinsince hindi na magkasya lahat ng gamit ko dito sa house ng family ko. we're gonna buy narin our kitchen stuffs tomorrow parasa bahay namin...preparation hehe...
for now isang room lang kami ng daughter ko, but she knows about the other house, so she's excited to have her own room na;)

[Priceless]

There's a lot to be said about enjoying your own company. A lot of people jump into relationships for that matter whether it be bf-gf stage, living together or marriage because they cannot stand their own company, they're scared of being alone, or they define themselves as a part of a couple - not as an individual - because they were never alone or single or independent for a significant period of time to establish who they are. Living on your own also means that you make your own decisions, you find out what makes you tick, what things you like, what things motivate you, earn money and knowing how you want to spend it, being responsible for your own savings, and even silly & mundane things like having full control of the TV without worrying about what another person might like to watch.

[spacemonkey]

some people seem put way too much thought and pressure on couples living together.

if you live together, kailangan, you've lived on your own, have had experienced independence, have to get married within the next few months -- or at least have plans to get married very soon, because, oh man, every woman just has to get married. HAS. TO. you can't just be in that close proximity just to experiment. on top of all that, keep in mind the stigma of being called laspag if and when you get out of that relationship.


its like... whaaat?

you just took the fun out of a relationship.

i had no idea we were going to last this long. i had no idea i was going to hate his ticks, i had no idea we'd turn into this couple who spends weekends in bed watching movies, i had no idea my boyfriend wouldn't do the bed every morning, but he'll fold our laundry really well... and it really just started years ago when we just wanted to save rent and maybe f*** all the time.


are some married women in here like that? did you lose independence? feel stifled? lost "me" time? had to share all your earnings? because i don't get where those are coming from.

[Project60]

super agree with you spacemonkey!!!!!
i couldn't have said it any better.
Minsan it really annoys me when people keep asking me - kelan kayo kakasal? dapat mag pakasal na kayo. blah blah blah blah blah.

Although sometimes i do admit it gets the best of me kasi EVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERYONE is nagging me about it not to mention most married women feel like they are better than me all because im not married. I also don't get why women in general give you "aww poor lil you" when you tell them you're not married but living in.

Oh well - i don't really have anything against women who aren't married or who are married. I hope our society lang stop contributing to the stigma na pag unmarried - laspag or the guy is not just that into you.

[pinklilac]

^ true
Mababa tingin  sa babaeng.live in " lang"
Ako nakipag live in for.almost 7 yrs sa first  bf at tatay ng anak ko.
By choice  yan.
Ilam beses ako niyaya pakasal  ako ang may ayaw.takot ako.pakasal.
Dami nahihirapan magpa.annul so bakit ako papakasal. I am.not against marriage  syempre.
Ang sa akin lang mas gusto ko  yung nasubukan na namin ang isat isa  at pag kinasal eh forever  na kame lang talaga.
Buti na lang naging praktikal ako. Ayun nambabae ang loko.
Pasalamat ako at hindi ako nagpatali.

Married  na ako.ngayon at super love ng husband ko.

[Girltalker2]

some people seem put way too much thought and pressure on couples living together.

Understand where you're coming from. Most likely you're not staying in Asia. Iba parin kasi sa Asia, most countries don't give legitimacy sa pagsasama ng dalawang tao if live in ang arrangement.

If live in kayo, na emergency ang isa, I'm not sure if the partner (not spouse) can process documents or even pag nag pass away. In Europe, cohabitation is recognised. Sa Asia, I just can't imagine a situation where the 'partner' can represent the deceased or sick partner in filing for docs etc. I don't know how this situation is managed.

Why so serious? Kasi iba iba naman mga tao. If you're for it dahil fun sya, why not? It's your life at walang paki ang iba. Tapos if it works naman for you na makipag live in with every BF, doesn't matter. So Long as you're happy.
Others naman treat it serious (like me) because hirap ako maka recover sa heartache, so I'm just protecting myself. And for me, that is more fun - living without the hassles of worrying about tomorrow. Ikanga, iba iba tayo ng beliefs kasi.

if you live together, kailangan, you've lived on your own, have had experienced independence, have to get married within the next few months -- or at least have plans to get married very soon, because, oh man, every woman just has to get married. HAS. TO. you can't just be in that close proximity just to experiment. on top of all that, keep in mind the stigma of being called laspag if and when you get out of that relationship.


its like... whaaat?

you just took the fun out of a relationship.

Again this is very Asian. If you're old and wrinkly, the government won't 'recognise' your live in partner as your official partner. Di mo alam San mo ilulugar sarili mo.

More so, living in can lead to pregnancy, thus giving birth to illegitimate kids, which can lead to other legal complications later. Kaya sya serious at Hindi lang lahat fun.

Hindi din naman ibig sabihin if you're married, you cannot have fun. One can always have fun, but it is also relative.

i had no idea we were going to last this long. i had no idea i was going to hate his ticks, i had no idea we'd turn into this couple who spends weekends in bed watching movies, i had no idea my boyfriend wouldn't do the bed every morning, but he'll fold our laundry really well... and it really just started years ago when we just wanted to save rent and maybe f*** all the time.


are some married women in here like that? did you lose independence? feel stifled? lost "me" time? had to share all your earnings? because i don't get where those are coming from.

Sis, can you expound further - what's your point here? But I agree that there are quite a lot of needy married women. Complaining about this and that. But these complaints are not restricted to married ones, marami din complaints ang nasa live in situation and yet still felt stifled and stuck (of which I don't understand din).

Thanks for your insightful post. Brought in some new perspective.

[spacemonkey]

Understand where you're coming from. Most likely you're not staying in Asia. Iba parin kasi sa Asia, most countries don't give legitimacy sa pagsasama ng dalawang tao if live in ang arrangement.

I am, actually. I grew up thinking I had strict parents, but they were surprisingly cool when they found out we lived together.

But I do get asked when I'm getting married constantly, thats its become a punchline at family gatherings. does it annoy me? not really. i think its sweet, because i know they're asking because they see us as being a serious couple and marriage is whats usually next for people like us.

Why so serious? Kasi iba iba naman mga tao. If you're for it dahil fun sya, why not? It's your life at walang paki ang iba. Tapos if it works naman for you na makipag live in with every BF, doesn't matter. So Long as you're happy.
Others naman treat it serious (like me) because hirap ako maka recover sa heartache, so I'm just protecting myself. And for me, that is more fun - living without the hassles of worrying about tomorrow. Ikanga, iba iba tayo ng beliefs kasi.

Yun nga, we started living together for 'fun and convenience', which was cool, but it grew to be a very serious and deep relationship. I've been in this relationship so long, I'm definitely going to be devastated if it ends (knocks on wood). But I'm pretty sure living apart doesn't make it less painful when a breakup happens.

ano ang difference sa pagaawayan namin when we breakup vs. those who don't live together, who gets to keep the toaster ovens and who gets the living room carpets?

And to think about how a breakup is going to affect you way before it even happens, is just a sad way to go through a relationship. I get being cautious, but I'm not going to stop what feels like the next, natural move because I'm afraid of a breakup.

i get that its not all fun and games and sunshine and rainbows. i'm sure legalities will come into play one day, and its not something that would surprise us or anything. we grow up and mature the same as other people din naman. its not just playing house, its growing up together.

Sis, can you expound further - what's your point here? But I agree that there are quite a lot of needy married women. Complaining about this and that. But these complaints are not restricted to married ones, marami din complaints ang nasa live in situation and yet still felt stifled and stuck (of which I don't understand din).

I guess I asked because someone pointed out the need for you to first become and learn to be an independent person, establish yourself, and to not be defined as part of a couple before deciding to live together. i just thought that was a funny thing to say, because thats what all of us should've been doing our whole lives anyway.

and i keep comparing it to a marriage, because to me, its basically the same thing. its a domestic partnership. ano ang difference niya sa relationship ng same-sex couples na bawal magpakasal? wala.

hindi siya lesser relationship, hindi siya less loving relationship. just because you're not married, does not mean that you both don't see each other being together in the long run. i don't feel the need to prove it is by getting married yet.



not discounting anyone else's opinons, ha. i like that we have different views, because i've been seeing some posts where they're thinking about moving in together.

[Girltalker2]

ano ang difference sa pagaawayan namin when we breakup vs. those who don't live together, who gets to keep the toaster ovens and who gets the living room carpets?

Ito parang ang hirap, ang sakit sakit. Emotionally hirap ka na, and yet kelangan mo kumilos physically. If you're the party to stay naman, ang hirap din kasi most likely all corners of your house, sya maaalala mo.

I guess I asked because someone pointed out the need for you to first become and learn to be an independent person, establish yourself, and to not be defined as part of a couple before deciding to live together. i just thought that was a funny thing to say, because thats what all of us should've been doing our whole lives anyway.

Yes I agree. Married or not, live in or not, we have to learn how to fend for ourselves, doing chores etc.

Most of my life I have household help, but I want my teens to learn some responsibilities and prepare them for adulthood. It is gonna be a big adjustment letting go of our helper, but I'm doing it this year. Good luck to us.

[Priceless]

i get that its not all fun and games and sunshine and rainbows. i'm sure legalities will come into play one day, and its not something that would surprise us or anything. we grow up and mature the same as other people din naman. its not just playing house, its growing up together.

I guess I asked because someone pointed out the need for you to first become and learn to be an independent person, establish yourself, and to not be defined as part of a couple before deciding to live together. i just thought that was a funny thing to say, because thats what all of us should've been doing our whole lives anyway.

and i keep comparing it to a marriage, because to me, its basically the same thing. its a domestic partnership. ano ang difference niya sa relationship ng same-sex couples na bawal magpakasal? wala.

Oh don't get me wrong, I'm not against living in. In fact I've done it myself and it is exactly why I said that mine worked, and my marriage is working because before I lived in, before I got married, I actually learned to live on my own, by myself, in a foreign country at that. I did everything I could possibly do before living in with someone, because I knew, like you, that it is as close to marriage that I could get (at the time) without the paperwork. And because for me, it's serious stuff even at the outset, so I didn't make the decision to live in for "fun and convenience".

I get that its not for everybody, kaya nga I said that I would advice my child nga - I want my child to be independent and learn to make decisions mindful of the consequences of the actions he takes. And like what Girltalker2 said, it is about learning about responsibility and being responsible.  That living in is not just about fun and games or someone to share chores and bills with. That whether or not he decides to make it official and get married later, is up to him but it doesn't make the relationship less valid or important and that he holds less responsibility for the feelings and welfare of his partner.

[ri-anne]

I prefer kasal rather than living in together. i was brought up by conservative & traditional parents kasi.... And let's face it, the woman is at the disadvantage if the relationship's gone sour, and i don't mean being "laspag" 

I have a close friend kasi who wasted her youth nakipag live in for 10 years and wala naman palang balak yung guy pakasalan sya. They had kids, then since hindi naman sila kasal walang sense of "committment" at after 10 years yung guy may nameet na younger girl, so ayun naghiwalay sila. Asan ang mga kids? Natural nasa nanay. And the guy is not even resposible enough na magbigay ng sustento. i believe this is a common scenario, unfortunately. The guy can go back to his "buhay binata" ways, while my friend is the one taking responsibility of having excess baggage.
Yan ang common scenario ng pagli-live in.

Siguro, if a couple decides to live together, sana yung may plan na to get married or making wedding preps na...
But if they do live together without plans of getting married, sana don't have kids na lang muna.

But of course, that's just my pov