Relationships with Different Religion

[Mr.Punch]

^ Prediction ko niyan, ikaw ang magko-convert.  Hopefully, kaya mong ma-sikmura na mag-convert sa religion na hindi God si Jesus.  Apostasy ang kalalabasan mo niyan.

[slickchick]

sis samsung, nasa yo naman yun. in my case kasi, i just want to be true to myself and ayaw ko rin lokohin yung sarili ko and the guy na magpapa-convert ako even if i am not really convinced about their beliefs. in my opinion lang naman, in the long run, mahirap i-sustain yung ganun - yung magpapa-convert ka just because of the guy even if ikaw personally hindi ka naniniwala. what if hindi magwork yung relationship, can you stick to his religion (knowing your entire family is BA)? kaya mo ba yun sis? just my two cents worth.. 

[theshopaholicprincess]

we are already married na pero I am Catholic and he's into different religion. Hindi naman nagiging issue samin. Sometimes I go with him sa church nila and same with me, he accompanies me during mass. Bago pa kasi naging kami open na kami about our beliefs and I honestly told him that I am not ready to give up my faith just because we're going to get married. It never became an issue to us yung difference ng religion.

[minnie99]

Just curious, for the sisses who used to be Catholic and converted Baptists (or vice versa)...

My boyfriend is a baptist. We never talk about our religion. Parang taboo talaga as of now. Hehe. But we're serious sa isa't isa (of course I'm going to say that, hehe, pero seryoso). And I know na at one point, one of us may have to convert. Siyempre, if we decide to get married, saan kami ikakasal? What about our future kids?

I've tried researching pero ang hirap i-gets ng difference. I'm not really sagradong Katoliko, my mother is. Pero medyo nag-isip ako, out of boredom, medyo nag-panic ako when I realized I may have to convert. Haha. OA! Of course, I know some people also work it out na walang nagco-convert, but when I get married, I want us to go to church as a family.

So ayun nga, di ko gets yung difference. And, paano ba kinakasal sa baptist church? I've only ever imagined a church wedding. Maybe yung mga wedding sa beach and garden din (I know hindi Catholic yun), but I'm not sure if those are baptist ceremonies? Hehe.

It's too early pa talaga for me to be thinking about this, but I really just want to be ready. Hehe. And how can I open the topic to him? Medyo uneasy kasi kung wala naman akong alam about his religion. Hehe.

Thanks in advance and sorry kung medyo weird yung questions.

[abbina]

Hello!

I'm in the same situation. I am an Adventist then he is a member of INC. I got pregnant out of wedlock then we decided to have a civil wedding. Unfortunately, we lost the baby.

Natiwalag siya for marrying a non-INC member, pero I was able to still continue to go to church every Saturday.

Till now, he remains firm sa paniniwala niya and di ko naman siya kinokontra about it. Minsan may mga hirit siya about their beliefs na di ko matanggap. I try na deadmahin pero if di ko na kaya, sinasagot ko siya to respect other people's religion then he'll beget respect.

I know na we will have to deal with this difference eventually, lalo na pag nagkababy na kami uli.

Maraming magandang teachings ang INC pero there are some na di ko lang talaga matanggap. Sa ngayon, wala talaga ako balak magpaconvert. 

[Mr.Punch]

Minnie99,

Catholicism has a more permissive stance on interfaith marriages, especially as regards other Christian denominations.  You and your partner need to do the following:

1.  Request for dispensation from the bishop of the diocese where you belong.
2.  Make a promise to do your best to raise any child you might have as a Catholic.
3.  Your prospective partner has to understand that you have such an obligation (#2) and to also be with you in every step of the process of asking for dispensation.  The bishop might need to talk to the two of you as a couple.

On the other hand, other Christian denominations vary in permissiveness when it comes to interfaith marriages.  Most mainstream Protestant congregations are permissive as long as certain conditions are met, like in the case of the Catholic Church.  However, Evangelicals and similarly fundamentalist Christian denominations are very prohibitive.  Unfortunately for you, Baptists belong to the latter group.

Baptists, as a rule, do not consider other Christian denominations as Christian.  In fact, the only ones whom Baptists consider as Christians are Bapitsts.  Catholics, in particular, are viewed by them as pagans or anti-Christs (depending on their level of bias.)  (Any Baptist out there are free to correct me if I'm wrong.)  So as far as your prospective partner is concerned, the only way that the two of you are going to marry is if you convert.

My prediction?  You will convert.  It's the general trend anyway.  Most Catholics who hook up with non-Catholics don't take their own faith seriously anyway.  They find it more convenient to just convert rather than ask for advice or dispensation from their bishop.

One more thing:  You said, "It's too early pa talaga for me to be thinking about this".  I disagree.  It's never too early to think about these types of issues.  In fact, people should be thinking about that even before a relationship begins.  Of course, the more romantic ones will claim that "religion should not be an issue when love is concerned", which is really a lot of bull$#it.  Religion will always be an issue, unless both partners are atheists.

[slickchick]

One more thing:  You said, "It's too early pa talaga for me to be thinking about this".  I disagree.  It's never too early to think about these types of issues.  In fact, people should be thinking about that even before a relationship begins.  Of course, the more romantic ones will claim that "religion should not be an issue when love is concerned", which is really a lot of bull$#it.  Religion will always be an issue, unless both partners are atheists.

i definitely agree bro. based from experience, religion DOES matter in a relationship, even if you're not the "fanatical" or "pious" type of believer. in my honest opinion, i think love is not sufficient enough to sustain the relationship, especially if the religion(s) of one or both of the parties involved are not permissive enough (i.e. like in my case - I am a Catholic and my ex was an INC). the permissiveness of one's religion affects a person's ability to be open-minded on certain matters (such as marriage).  also, somehow, religion can influence one's values, outlook and even attitude. therefore, if you and your significant other have different religions, you may have different views on certain critical matters. just my opinion though...

[minnie99]

Thank you Mr.Punch and slickchick!

Mr.Punch, thanks! That was very informative. I always thought all "Christians" do not consider Catholics as Christians (thanks to a colleague who referred to himself as a Christian, and not me!)--which is weird, because in Catholic school, we have "Christian Life Education".

I definitely thought religion would not matter, but even this early, napapaisip na ako. Hindi naman ako sagradong Katoliko, but all my life, I've only ever imagined having a Catholic wedding and sending my kids to Catholic school. I always thought that it would be okay to convert, but thinking about it... The thought of having to change whatever I have known all my life about my beliefs makes me scared though. This may seem petty, but I've gotten used to the Eucharist, communion, baptism, weddings, confirmation, feast days, the rosary--practically everything Catholic, as I've known it, and what if I had to convert and just forget about the meaning of these things? I probably don't make any sense, but it feels so weird, just thinking about it.

I figured I'd have to convert though, as my boyfriend had mentioned that he feared that if we were to get married, my (practicing Catholic) parents would not allow us to. Noon ko lang naisip how much of a big thing religion actually is! Hehe. I guess most of my fear comes from the fact that I don't know what Baptists actually do. I know they go to Church. Does it look like a chapel Church? Do they call the leader a pastor? What does the pastor talk about? My (introverted) boyfriend never talks about his religion kasi, unlike my Methodist ex-boyfriend who talked about it a lot.

We always say, "Let's cross the bridge when we get there", but if we walk another mile towards the bridge only to find out that we can't cross it together...?

[Mr.Punch]

slight correction: the correct term is "Katoliko sarado" 

====

Anyway, isn't it the right time to ask your bf on what Baptsits do?

I don't want to discourage you, but the fact that he's not interested in showing you their worship services is an indication that he's avoiding the problem -- which is not very mature.  Take the initiative to show interest in what being a Baptist is.  Kung ayaw talaga niya, aba'y mag-isip isip ka na.  The issue might develop into a problem, and it won't run away.

[slickchick]

I figured I'd have to convert though, as my boyfriend had mentioned that he feared that if we were to get married, my (practicing Catholic) parents would not allow us to. Noon ko lang naisip how much of a big thing religion actually is! Hehe. I guess most of my fear comes from the fact that I don't know what Baptists actually do. I know they go to Church. Does it look like a chapel Church? Do they call the leader a pastor? What does the pastor talk about? My (introverted) boyfriend never talks about his religion kasi, unlike my Methodist ex-boyfriend who talked about it a lot.

We always say, "Let's cross the bridge when we get there", but if we walk another mile towards the bridge only to find out that we can't cross it together...?

sis, I strongly suggest that before you decide to convert, get to know first your boyfriend's religion... if your bf is hesitant in discussing it, ask him why he's hesitant (being an introvert should not be an excuse to have an open communication with your significant other). if the bf says that he's not in the position to explain his faith to you, then perhaps he can refer you to their pastor/priest who's more knowledgeable on the technicalities of being a Baptist. once you have an idea of their basic doctrines, try to compare it with what you learned from your Catholic upbringing, then check if your personal set of values coincide with which religion.. just a tip from someone who almost converted (but thank God did not proceed) to another religion.. 

[minnie99]

^^Thanks for the correction! My gulay. Hahaha!

Thanks ulit, Mr.Punch and slickchick. Will definitely ease the topic in one of these days...

[sw33tsw33t]

Religion is one of the things I consider before going into a relationship with someone.. or even before seriously dating one.. I'm aware that it's bound to be an issue in the long run kaya inaalam ko rin talaga muna before getting romantic with a guy so we will not both waste anything like time, effort and emotional investment. 

[funstuffjoan0109]

sa panahon ngayon, hindi na issue ang religion unless muslim ka

[blackgreen]

^my boyfriend is muslim, sabi niya hindi niya ipipilit sa akin ang religion niya kung ayaw ko.

[gummybearzz13]

I just wanna share my experience lang din kasi kami ng boyfriend ko ganito ang set up when we started our relationship.
Dedicated INC siya while ako naman dati dedicated Born Again Christian pero nawala din yun, kaya nagpalipat lipat ako ng religion nag baptist din ako, born again ulet, catholic lalo na pag simbang gabi, sumama na din ako sa el shaddai and methodist. Parang and iniisip ko kasi unless naniniwala sila sa pinaniniwalaan ko din, wala akong problema dun.

4 years kaming mag boyfriend kasi when I graduated in college nagdecide akong magpaconvert. Si papa parang ayaw niya pa, si mama okay lang daw dun kung anong desisyon ko. Si kuya kontra din, pero para sakin based naman sa mga aral na narinig ko wala naman akong kaaayawa pa sa mga aral kasi parang almost pareho naman since pareho lang din naman yung bible at aral ng Diyos ang nandun everytime na may sermon or misa sa catholic. Umattend attend muna ako sa kanila bago ako nagpaconvert kasi para naman hindi ako mabigla kung talagang malaki ang pagkakaiba, though marami nga pero masaya ako sa naging desisyon ko. Mag 8 years na kami ng boyfriend ko and naenjoy ko rin naman sa INC kasi yung mga Kadiwa or mga kabataan dun nakakabonding namin, akala ko lang dati boring sila.

Nung umpisa we had experienced a lot of issues din kasi na naririnig on both sides kasi akala nung iba buntis ako kaya ako nagpaconvert before, pero i believe in the sanctity of marriage kasi kaya imposible yung sinasabi nila. 

[anirtak127]

Before I got into a relationship, religion wasn't an issue. I am a Protestant by birth. I was always under the notion that if you and your partner belong to different religions, it is the girl who would always convert. Just what my mom did when he married my dad. My mom was Catholic and they married in a Protestant church. She did not convert right away. As far as I can recall, I was already in high school when she fully embraced Protestantism since it is where we always go to church.

My fiance is Catholic. He was a seminarian both in high school and college. Nung bago pa lang kami, akala ko magkaka-problema kami pagdating sa religion. Even before sya nag-propose, sinasabi na nya sakin na pag ikakasal na kami, ayaw nyang magpa-convert ako sa Catholic, unless gusto ko. Ayaw daw nya na magco-convert ako nang dahil lang sa magpapakasal kami. Ganun din sya, ayaw din nya lumipat ng religion.

Lumaki ako na ang mga kamag-anak ko sa side ng mommy ko ay Catholic at nag-aral din ako sa Catholic school buong buhay ko kaya walang problema sakin ang Catholic. Sanay na ako. I don't find it very different, of course with a few differences lang. Kaya if ever na gustuhin ni fiance na mag-convert ako, open ako sa idea na magco-convert ako.

After he proposed to me, sya na mismo ang nagsabi sakin na willing sya sa Protestant church kami magpapakasal, of course magre-retain pa din sya as Catholic. According to him, bilang dating seminarian na alam ang pasikot sikot ng Catholic system, mas madami pa akong pagdadaanan pag sa Catholic kami ikakasal. Wala din daw problema sa kanya kung sa Protestant bibinyagan ang mga magiging anak namin. I checked with our pastor at sabi nya wala naman daw problema kung dun kami magpapakasal. Basta kelangan umattend kami ng mga seminars nya plus the usual marriage requirements and that's it.

For me, I think early on sa relationship as boyfriend-girlfriend, dapat na magpausapan ang religion. At least may idea kayo sa feelings ng isa't-isa, lalo pa kung religious ang isa sa inyo.

[Mr.Punch]

^my boyfriend is muslim, sabi niya hindi niya ipipilit sa akin ang religion niya kung ayaw ko.

The funny thing with Muslims is that they're ok with marrying Christians as long as it's the woman who is the Christian.

BUT they will never allow an interfaith marriage between a Christian man and Muslim woman.

[Girltalker2]

^ Agree. basta babae yung magc-convert. 

I initially thought na kaya ko magconvert if ever necessary, for love. Pero I don't think madali to convert from Christian to Muslim. Especially satin dito sa Pinas, hindi nanga tayo ganun ka devout Catholics, converting to Muslims require a lot of dedication and change. I have the impression Mulsims pray a lot. Every Friday kelangan magpray, tapos parang may time din sila every day. Kung dito nga sa Pinas, ang daming hindi na nakaka attend ng mass na isang oras lang the whole week, tapos magc-convert ka pa sa Muslim na talagang serious sa religion nila.   It requires a whole lifestyle change not only 1 aspect of your life.  Sa kinakain din, you are constrained. If your husband's family is really conservative, matitiis mo ba magsuot ng burka all the time kahit na 40 degrees na?

Lumaki ako na ang mga kamag-anak ko sa side ng mommy ko ay Catholic at nag-aral din ako sa Catholic school buong buhay ko kaya walang problema sakin ang Catholic. Sanay na ako. I don't find it very different, of course with a few differences lang. Kaya if ever na gustuhin ni fiance na mag-convert ako, open ako sa idea na magco-convert ako.

As for Catholic/Christian conversions, yes I agree, mas madali naman ito kasi kahit papaano may common denominator sa sinasamba.

For me, I think early on sa relationship as boyfriend-girlfriend, dapat na magpausapan ang religion. At least may idea kayo sa feelings ng isa't-isa, lalo pa kung religious ang isa sa inyo.

In fact, I would think sa umpisa palang, one should see through this kung gusto mo syang makilala pa because if one is a devout Catholic or Muslim, mahihirapan sya to marry a person of another religion. That is, kung deboto ka talaga.  For Muslims, they are very devout and dedicated, that is why it is very rare for them to marry someone with another religion. It is either their partners convert or the marriage just simply cannot push through.

Kung ang isang tao naman eh hindi ganun ka devoted sa religion nya, madali lang talaga magconvert sa religion ng mapapangasawa nya. Pero kung devoted, yun yung hindi.  Kaya after ng first date, dun mo nalang masasabi if you want to pursue dating o itigil na early on para hindi ma develop ang feelings.

But bilang mag-asawa, it is really really good to have the same religion and devotion, kahit Muslim pa or Catholic or whatever.  Kasi it will be one of your common points of interests, doing everything together, spending your celebrations together, etc.

[anirtak127]

Kaya after ng first date, dun mo nalang masasabi if you want to pursue dating o itigil na early on para hindi ma develop ang feelings.

I have an officemate who's Catholic na nung college ata sya, may pinopormahan daw syang babae na INC. I'm not sure kung naka-second date na sila, tapos kinausap na daw agad sya ng parents nung babae about converting to INC. Na-shock daw sya kasi nga nasa getting-to-know stage pa lang sila eh may conversion na agad. Ayun, he stopped pursuing the girl. Hindi naman religious si officemate, though he yearly attends the Feast of the Black Nazarene. I think hindi sya open sa idea na magko-convert sya, lalo pa very strict ang INC.

[minnie99]

I thought "hindi possible" na kasal kayo yet you go to different churches, especially kung may anak. Nangyayari naman pala, and siguro nasa pagpapalaki na rin ng bata para hindi sila confused. This sounds like a good option, and I think I would like to talk to my boyfriend of less than a year about this already. Hehe.

Question though, paano kung sa magulang may problema? Hehe. Of course, in the end, it's always your choice if you get married. But how do you help your parents accept your significant other from another religion?

I really don't understand how they say, "As long as he is God-fearing" and yet the moment they learn na hindi Catholic ang bf ko, they say "Naku, problema yan...". Honestly, my boyfriend is one of the nicest men I have ever met because he was raised with Christian values. I can't believe how my parents can be so narrow-minded.