I Hate my Mom!!!

[mrsbrut]

^ganyan di mama ko. ikukuwento pa sa akin nun na yun daw pinsan ko lahat ng sweldo ibinibigay sa tita ko. at nun nag-school naman ako lagi mo na lang sya maririnig na buti pa si ganyan at si ganito, may honor or scholar.

i used to idolize her. kasi ang galing nya at nakaya nya lahat. pero lately lumalabas unti unti yung totoong ugali nya. hindi ko alam kung tumatanda lang sya kaya sya nagkakaganun. pero parang wala naman ipinag-iba sa dati nyang ugali. hindi ko lang siguro napapansin before kasi sanay na ako sa kanya.

ngayon na may anak na ako, nagkakalabuan kami ngayon palagi. ang routine kasi namin ng husband ko, every week e bisitahin sila. sa aming magkakapatid kasi ako lang naman ang nakabukod kahit may asawa't anak na yung iba. ngayon ayoko na pumunta doon. lagi na lang ako nagdadahilan. di bale na kasi kung ako lang ang nasasaktan kaso pati anak ko nasasaktan na rin e.

bukod sa matinding pagkukumpara nila ng anak ko sa pamangkin, nananakit pa yung pinsan nya. never ko tinuruan ang anak ko na gumanti kasi masama yun e. kaya ang anak ko kung minsan naiiyak na sa pagtitimpi. kungdi bukol e pasa ang iniuuwi namin sa bahay.

and then i also found out na niloloko pa ko ng nanay ko. hihingi sya ng pambayad sa akin tapos sabi nya hihingian nya din daw yung mga kapatid ko, tapos malalaman ko na yung hiningi nya sa akin yun na yung whole bayad. wala pala akong kahati.

we used to bring her whenever we go out of town. kasi matanda na sya e gusto ko naipapasyal ko naman sya. unlike papa ko na one time ko lang nadala out of town. yun na yung first and last time na nakasakay sya ng eroplano tapos sumakabilang buhay na sya. 

gustong gusto ko sya ipasyal kaso kapag kasama mo naman puros angal ang maririnig mo. kesyo nahihilo daw sya sa bangka. ang tagal naman daw ng byahe ang layo layo daw pala. nakakapagod daw umakyat sa hagdan (hagdan kasi pababa papunta sa beach). bakit daw naiihi pa sa higaan ang anak ko pagsuutin ko daw ng diaper sa gabi para di daw hassle - kahit na mag-3 years na kaming di bumibili ng diaper. hindi naman sya ang naglalaba nun bed sheet at damit ha.

so lately di na namin sya isinasama. pati na rin ang mga kapatid ko. paminsan minsan na lang kapag may okasyon. obvious na obvious na masama ang loob nila nun mag-out of town kami. walang bumabanggit kahit nakikita pa nila yun sa FB. ni-like na ng buong bayan pwera sila. kahit mga pinsan ko naglike na pwera sila. well, wala naman sa akin kung walang maglike sa mga posts ko sa FB pero obviously masama ang loob nila kasi kapag nagkita kami sa personal e may pait ang mga salita na sasabihin sa tita ko in front of me na "kami nga hindi kasama e kayo pa!" yung tita ko naman sinabi lang na di sila isinama out of kantyaw lang. wala namang meaning. pero ang mama ko 5 beses yata inulit yun linya nyang yun kaya alam ko masama talaga ang loob nya kahit pa sinabi ko sa kanya na treat yun ng boss namin.

every holy week umuuwi kami ng province. basta automatic na yun every year. the last years mga 4 years na siguro di na sumasama yung mga kapatid kong lalaki. wala lang magpapainom sila sa bahay ng mama ko. e wala lang yun sa mama ko. kunwari galit sya pero  palagi naman ganun. so this year sabi ko di ako uuwi kasi di naman nakukumpleto e. atsaka sabi ko may trabaho kami ni hubby. so now, napilit nyang sumama yung mga lalaki sa province, tapos tinawagan nya ako. na nung tinanong ko kung sino sino sila ang sabi lahat daw sila kasi "others" daw ako. so magdadamdam sya kapag ako ang di sumama.

ay nalimutan ko palang sabihin na kapag umuuwi kami ng province usually kami ang may dala ng sasakyan so ako sa gas. tapos gusto ko rin sa labas na lang kami kakain dahil ayoko na sya mahirapan pa magluto sa bahay dun.

i hate to say it pero parang yun ang kinapuputok ng butsi nya. wala na kasing sasagot ng gastusin ngayon? 

tuwing mag-oot kami pagbalik namin palaging meron silang sasabihin. kesyo hindi daw sila isinama. i am actually thinking of deleting my FB account na lang since dun lang naman sila nakakabalita kapag umaalis kami.

meron pa silang ugali na kapag nasa kanila yung pamangkin ko (hiwalay kasi yung kapatid ko sa asawa nya so hiraman sila sa bata), saka lang nila ako tinatawagan para papuntahin. para daw makapaglaro yung 2. e nananakit yun at talagang iniiwasan ko na magsama yung 2 kasi hindi naman nila pinagsasabihan yung bata. hindi rin binabantayan. tapos kung minsan pinagtatawanan pa nila dahil bully daw. katawa tawa ba yun?!

there are also times na sa kagustuhan nilang paglaruin yung 2 e sumusugod na lang basta dito sa bahay namin para paglaruin yung 2 kahit na sinabi ko ng marami kaming trabaho ni hubby at hindi ko kayang mag-asikaso ng bisita. hindi naman daw sila kailangang asikasuhin. pero pagdating dito e may magsasalitan na "gutom na ko".

mahiyain sobra ang husband ko kaya hindi pupuwede dun na hindi asikasuhin kapag may bisita. at ang husband ko rin ang dahilan kaya madalas silang malibre kapag kasama sila kasi ayaw nun ng may maririnig sya. kahit pwede namang KKB gusto nya sagutin yun.

there is also this one time na pagpunta nila e nasa labas pa kami. pinauuwi kami sa bahay at hihintayin daw kami kasi namimiss na daw nung pamangkin ko ang anak ko. sa inis ko hindi talaga kami umuwi. madami pa kaming kailangang gawin sa mall dahil minsan lang kami lumabas kaya dapat magawa lahat. grocery, bili ng vitamins, etc.

after that incident nakausap ko ang mama ko. bakit daw may panahon ako na lumabas kapag soccer practice ng anak ko. pero hindi kami makapunta sa kanila. wow! soccer practice nya kasi that day and since lumabas na rin lang kami, syempre gagawin na namin lahat ng dapat gawin sa labas para di sayang sa oras at sa gas.

masaya daw kapag madami kapag umaalis. nasasanay na daw kami na kami lang kapag umaalis. sabi ko sa kanya kawawa naman pala kami kung ganun kasi hindi kami pwedeng umalis ng hindi sila kasama? e biglaan lang naman kung magkaroon kami ng time para umalis (because of work) so syempre grab lang kami ng chance na umalis di ba? bawal pala kami magrelax kung ganun.

nakakapagod sila kasama. nagkakampihan na silang lahat alam ko. katulad nyo ayaw rin nila akong pakinggan. pagod na ako sabihan sila dahil kahit anong sabi nila sa akin ng problem nila at kahit anong payo ko sa kanila hindi nila pinapakinggan. yung opposite ang ginagawa nila.

mas maganda na nga siguro ang ganito na hindi na namin sila masyadong kinikita kasi same din naman kahit kitain namin sila. may sasabihin pa rin sila kahit anong gawin namin. less hassle pa. 

[mommyjazz]

I just finished the book "Loving Your Mother Without Losing Your Mind" National Bookstore P195.00) as a reference for an article I am working on.
Eto mga natutunan ko"

-Memories are made up of recollections we select and choose to remember. It is not the entirety of our past. To get the real perspective of the past, we should include the positives and current concerns as well.
-We all have a condition called sin and God loves us in spite of it.
-There maybe some aspects you can not control or change but you CAN be of a good "influence".
-"Mom isn't and never was perfect - that's OK."
-Expect resistance. People resist change. Give your mother permission to resist.
-Reconciliation doesn't happen magically. Mostly, it takes many tries, it's worth the effort.
-Give your mother time to process what you are sharing.
-Understand that it's the best she can do with what she knew.
-You can't change past issues, you can not extract payment.
-Family issues are not a comfortable subject to bring out. People are reluctant to discuss this so you need to find time and plan to go over it.

Marami pang situations don I'm sure many of you can relate so I highly recommend this book
http://www.amazon.com/Loving-Your-Mother-without-Losing-ebook/dp/B003QHZ04A

[babythug28]

^ looks like a great read. try kong mag DL nito sana may e-book.

ako i love her pero alam nyo yung feeling na hindi ko siya mamimiss kung umalis man siya, like magmigrate na somewhere far. i love her because she's my mom but we had issues na parang hindi ko pa din maresolve and makalimutan up to now. ako naman din mismo merong kasalanan before, lahat naman ng anak halos dumaan sa rebellious phase. pero hanggang ngayon binabad-mouth pa din nya kami ng asawa ko lalo na kapag iba kausap.

i love her but i never saw her as a "parent figure". i love her but the respect is not just there. parang may kulang. i don't hate her pero feeling ko yung mga ginagawa nya para sa min, may kasunod na sumbat. ang hirap lang din talaga minsan because i know i have no other choice kasi nga nanay ko siya

[Girltalker2]

Ako naman of course I love my mom. Pero there are times di ko maiiwasan na mainis.  I don't like how she treats my dad.

At old age, medyo makulit na kasi. So hinahabaan ko na ang pasensya ko.  She likes to venture din sa mga activities pero medyo di na nya kaya maglakad. Pero syempre ayaw mo rin masaktan sya at sabihan na huwag nalang kasi gusto nya.

She would want to travel here and there, kaya daw nila ng dad ko.  Pero pagdating nila dun, he would leave everything to my dad - in terms of looking for the place, how to commute or how to take the train, where to go. Parang lagi bahala na pagpunta dun tapos pag andun na sila, dad ko mamomoblema, sya uupo lang.

My dad is also old na, pero she is used to "being served" kasi by my dad.  Ang bait sobra ng dad ko for being loyal all these years and yet my mom is not a good home maker pero housewife sya.  Pag pumupunta ako sa house nila, naiinis ulit ako. Kasi she is so makalat, yet ayaw nya magmaid.  Sasabihin nya hindi nya kaya ayusin pero ayaw nya magmaid. So sino expect nya mag ayos.  Sometimes aayusin ko, next time pagbalik ko, magulo ulit. 
Tapos in fixing things around the house, ganun din. Ayaw maghire ng taga ayos, pero ipapa fix sa dad ko. Worry ko is like for changing the lights, mamya mahulog pa dad ko from the ladder, kaya ayoko. 

Once na hospitalize dad ko, masikip sa loob ko iwan (I am not based in Pinas kasi) kasi I see my mom not enough ang pag alaga sa dad ko. For example, naka dextrose dad ko, tapos she would just hand over to my dad sky flakes na hindi man lang buksan, eh bawal din mag exert ng effort dad ko.  Or minsan pag iinom, ano ba naman yun umupo ka sa tabi nya para painumin, tapos iiwan mo nalang sa harap ng bed yung baso with hot milo, hayaan ang dad ko magstir. Things like that.

I can rant on and on, masikip talaga sa dibdib ko kasi. Thinking about it, naiiyak ako minsan.  She is so stubborn pero wala nako magagawa kasi may edad na sya.  Pero how to deal with this kaya, medyo affected din ang dad ko kaya ayoko. Of course di mareklamo dad ko. Magsasabi lang minsan na makulit mom ko kaya naiinis sya minsan.
 
Alam ko my issues with her is not as critical sa issues ng iba. It is the everyday things eh.  Her attitude na always expecting to be served, gusto mang utos pero ayaw gumalaw.  Kaya ngayon ang worry ko din ang gulo gulo ng bahay nila, gusto ko magmove sila sa condo ko, ayaw naman nila. Gusto kasi nila may garden. Pero ang gulo!

[Girltalker2]

Sorry mods, mahaba na ang post ko sa itaas at ibang topic ito. Just let me know if you want me to merge this post from the unrelated preivous post. Thanks.

^Hindi kasi ganun ang mother ko. Ayaw nya ng seryosong usapan lalo na pag tungkol sa issues. I remember before i tried to say sorry for all i've done then sagot nya is "tigilan mo nga ko paganyan ganyan ka pa" After that never ko ng inulit.

Yun nga bakit minsan sila ganun. I remember when I was distressed with my hubby at that time kasi may babae.  Hindi ko ma approach mom ko.  But when I finally had the guts to tell her I want to separate at di ko na kaya - I told my mom na ayaw ko na magstay sa marriage kasi may babae ang asawa ko, sabi nya sakin - bakit daw anong ginawa ko. From that time, hindi ko na sya inapproach. Kasi imbis na ma console ako, lalo akong nakonsyensya na what's wrong with me (eh after so many years of soul searching wala talaga ako maisip na nagawa ko to deserve being cheated). Eh this was the time nga na ayoko na masira ang pagkatao ko because I was trying to rebuild myself, I committed suicide kasi a year or 2 before this incident at ayaw ko na maulit. 

In any case, fast forward.  Naka recover naman ako after my marriage, on my own, without any help from my parents.  When I was over na that stage of my life, I can just tell her about my ex' kalokohan.  Sabi nya sakin bakit ko daw pinatagal pa, again, questioning my actions in the past na never naman sya nandun for me at wala naman na magagagawa at nakaraan na yun. Why I did not tell her daw.  Sabi ko I tried telling her but her immediate reactions were not encouraging.  So sabi nya why nag antay pako ng 10 years (again). Sabi ko nalang - just stop it. Tapos na iyon, anong gusto mo gawin ko ngayon, magmukmuk for another 10 years kasi nasayang buhay ko for 10 years with that *sshole?  Ayun pagalit ang sagot ko kasi di ko maiwasan mainis.

 

[donya_dyosa]

Sa mga magrereply dito sa thread na ito, ewan ko lang ha, but just let the girls say na they hate their moms.... wala tayo sa sitwasyon nila.. binabasa ko yung mga dahilan nila at nakakaiyak at nakakaawa sila.. wag nyo na kontrahin... they suffered too much..... magemphatize na lang tayo sa kanila...

Its like marami talagang masasamang or unreasonable tao sa mundo, too bad yung iba doon naging nanay nila... ang nakikita kong good endings dito,.nang Humiwalay sila sa mom nila, nagsumikap, hindi sila nagtiis, or nagpakaunderdog sa nanay nila... nanaig yung hate feeling nila to move on... sometimes you have to use the hate to move forward eh.. so nung umayos ang buhay nila eventually siguro yung iba wapakels na sa mom or yung iba [textspeak!] u sa mom nila yung iba nagpakacivil nalang... basta ang importante pag nagkaanak sila never nila gagayahin ang mom nila... 

[ysa.belle]

ah...i used to be a regular of this thread. i always used the word "hate".

well, until now my relationship with my mom is far from perfect. pero if there is one thing na napatunayan ko is mahal naman niya ako. maybe hindi lang kapareho ng sa sister ko pero mahal din niya ako.

away bati parin kaming 2. may mga mali ako at di kami nagkakaintindihan parin pero hate is a strong word for me na.

[khaleesiCersei]

Some mothers are difficult to love. I grew up hating mine pero now, ok na kami and nakita ko naman ang pinagbago nya so all is well na sa amin. But in my younger years my mother was a total b*tch. She was physically abusive and emotionally detached sa amin na mga anak nya. It was always her needs first before ours. Madami sob stories ang hirap isa-isahin.. Kaya lahat kami mas love si dad. But now she's a changed person, she tries to make up for everything naman sa amin, especially to her grand children, she rarely ever scolds them and she spoils them a little pa nga, one thing that she never did to us back then. Nawala na un hatred and un pain. 😊

[wildorchid]

I can relate with the most of you, being the eldest and i assume, the most devoted daughter to my parents and unfortunately, the least appreciated. Weeks would pass na hindi ako kinukumusta. Puro seen lang sa facebook kahit magmessage ako everyday. Tagal sumagot sa cellphone. Pero minsan nasa mall kami, lagi hawak ang phone at text ng text sa kapatid ko. And when i need something, may sumbat pa. Pasaway naman siblings ko and mas lenient sya. Sakin strict sya simula noon pa. Nakaka-drain no? When i was younger, naisip ko magrebelde na rin kaya ako para less pressure sa studies tapos more attention pa from her.

But i didnt hate her. Emote na lang minsan pag may time. Ngayon i still continue to message her, call her, etc. Good if magreply sya, kung hindi, sanay na. I stopped comparing myself with my siblings na rin. Sabi nga, when you compare yourself to others you will find lesser or greater version of yourself. Parang im feeding pa my sadness kasi evident naman na favoritism exists. So ayon, nagpapakabusy na lang ako para di ko mapansin ang di ko makuhang love and attention from my mom. I miss her though.

[KrabbyPatty!]

Ako di naman sa hate. Minsan nagkakasamaan lang kami ng loob.

 Minsan kasi grabe na siya magsalita. Sinasabi niya di daw siya nagpapasalamat na nagkaron siya ng anak na babae... Ako na nga lang anak nyang babae eh.

Tapos di rin siya supportive sakin. Kahit lagi ko sinasabi na pagod na ako magcommute ng 2 hrs papasok at 2 hrs pauwi galing UST, di man lang ako ipagdorm. Pag sinasabi ko gusto ko na magdorm sasabihin niya kay papa ako magpatulong. Siyempre sa kanya ako lalapit kasi kami na nga lang babae dito eh. Haaay.

[TysLolakins]

How I wished I didn't have that feeling growing up.
Ngayon I'm full of regret that I didn't make more effort to understand her.
I lost her just 3 months ago.  Ngayon, I'm consumed with guilt, affecting me more than I'd want to admit.  Puro how i wish i did this and that na lang...

[eilegna]

Just wanted to share this  mga sisses... Have read this 4 years ago..


Mean Mom

I had the meanest mother in the whole world.
While other kids ate candy for breakfast, I had to have cereal, eggs or toast. When others had cokes and candy for lunch, I had to eat a sandwich. As you can guess, my supper was different than the other kids' also.

But at least, I wasn't alone in my sufferings. My sister and two
brothers had the same mean mother as I did.

My mother insisted upon knowing where we were at all times. You'd think we were on a chain gang. She had to know who our friends were and where we were going. She insisted if we said we'd be gone an hour, that we be gone one hour or less--not one hour and one minute. I am nearly ashamed to admit it, but she actually struck us. Not once, but each time we had a mind of our own and did as we pleased. That poor belt was used more on our seats than it was to hold up Daddy's pants. Can you imagine someone actually hitting a child just because he disobeyed? Now you can begin to see how mean she really was.

We had to wear clean clothes and take a bath. The other kids always wore their clothes for days. We reached the height of insults because she made our clothes herself, just to save money. Why, oh why, did we have to have a mother who made us feel different from our friends?

The worst is yet to come.
We had to be in bed by nine each night and up at eight the next morning. We couldn't sleep till noon like our friends. So while they slept-my mother actually had the nerve to break the child-labor law. She made us work. We had to wash dishes, make beds, learn to cook and all sorts of cruel things. I believe she laid awake at night thinking up mean things to do to us.

She always insisted upon us telling the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, even if it killed us- and it nearly did.

By the time we were teen-agers, she was much wiser, and our life became even more unbearable. None of this tooting the horn of a car for us to come running. She embarrassed us to no end by making our dates and friends come to the door to get us. If I spent the night with a girlfriend, can you imagine she checked on me to see if I were really there. I never had the chance to elope to Mexico. That is if I'd had a boyfriend to elope with. I forgot to mention, while my friends were dating at the mature age of 12 and 13, my old fashioned mother refused to let me date until the age of 15 and 16. Fifteen, that is, if you dated only to go to a school function. And that was maybe twice a year.

Through the years, things didn't improve a bit.
We could not lie in bed, "sick" like our friends did, and miss school. If our friends had a toe ache, a hang nail or serious ailment, they could stay home from school. Our marks in school had to be up to par. Our friends' report cards had beautiful colors on them, black for passing, red for failing. My mother being as different as she was, would settle for nothing less than ugly black marks.

As the years rolled by, first one and then the other of us was put to shame. We were graduated from high school. With our mother behind us, talking, hitting and demanding respect, none of us was allowed the pleasure of being a drop-out.

My mother was a complete failure as a mother.
Out of four children, a couple of us attained some higher education. None of us have ever been arrested, divorced or beaten his mate. Each of my brothers served his time in the service of this country. And whom do we have to blame for the terrible way we turned out? You're right, our mean mother. Look at the things we missed. We never got to march in a protest parade, nor to take part in a riot, burn draft cards, and a million and one other things that our friends did.

She forced us to grow up into God-fearing, educated, honest adults. Using this as a background, I am trying to raise my three children.

I stand a little taller and I am filled with pride when my children call me mean.

Because, you see, I thank God,
He gave me the meanest mother in the whole world.

Written by Bobbie Pingaro (1967)

[raechubs]

Even though we hate our moms.. they always seek the best for us. Agree?
minsan yung inis natin lagi lang kasi natin nkikita yung mga pangit sa kanila pero di natin naiisip yung
mga sacrifices natin diba? recently kang nag away kame ng mama ko puro kasi utang di na nakaahon asar diba? ayun pinagsabihan ko sakin pa nagalit ... ba yan! life nga naman,

[duchessxspeaks]

I use to say this a lot growing up. 

Now,  when my mom does or says something that really annoys me, I just say "she's funny". Yea, I'm older na and understand things better now, but my mom's also mellowed na and that's helped a lot.

[eilegna]

Sana... whatever issues you have with your mom...
You would be able to settle and resolve it bago pa mahuli ang lahat..
Understand her, care for her and show her your love..

di madaling maging magulang, ang maging ina.
don't be too selfish and be mature enough.

sobrang nakakalungkot lang ng thread na 'to.. 

[molybdenumstudios]

My case is different. Well, I hate my maternal grandmother, even though she's dead. She was abusive to mother... or maybe because when someone is mean towards someone I love, regardless of how strong they are, I would be a cold reptile towards them.

[freelancer_babe]

Sarap matulog gabi-gabi na walang katunggaling kapamilya.

Kahit pa nasa tama pa ang anak, masakit pa rin sa loob na gabi-gabi kaaway mo ang nanay mo. I know, kasi naranasan ko ito at nasa iisang bubong lang kami nakatira pero di nagpapansinan.

Ngayon ok na kami. Sarap ng feeling.

----------

May anak akong babae. Sana hindi aiya umabot sa point na hate na nya ako. Masakit yun.

----------

Pero oo, di talaga lahat ng nanay mabuti. May mga masasaman ina na hindi katanggap tanggap ang asal at ginagawa nila.

[zarazan]

Sobrang same scenarios lang halos lahat ah when it comes to mothers. Super madalas masama ang mothers kasi sila yung naghahandle ng buong household.

What I find wrong though, is oo, she is strict, oo may rules to wake up early, go home early, clean the house, clean your room and endnless talak. What is wrong though is in the end, walang emotional attachment sa mga anak.

Ako inaamin ko, I hated my mom growing up. Siya yung mom na dapat gising ng 8am para tulungan siya sa bahay. Feeling niya super kawawa niya. Nung tumanda ako, narealize ko she's doing it for us naman. So I forgave her. I forced myself to get closer to her. Sinasamahan ko siya mag shopping, mamili, help her decide if bagay mga outfits niya.  Binigyan ko siya ng chance.

And then what? Isang argument lang tas mananampal siya? Sasampalin ka ng suklay sa bibig?  Isusumbat sayo na kaya ka sumasama sa kanya kasi gusto mo lang magpabili? WTF!!! Oo minsan I try, pero she never did. Never ako yung namimilit. Pag ayaw, edi wag.

Thats when I realized why my older siblings never got close to my mom too. Oo maayos siya sa bahay. Naturuan niya kami ng tama. Pero nakaka-usap ba namin siya pag may problema kami?  She never bothered getting close to my brother kasi lalaki daw. Plus puro negative comments sa asawa ng kuya ko. To think asawa na. So si Kuya, civil relationship lang din. Pero they never talked as a mother-son usap. Puro sermon, puro ganito dapat ganyan.

Worst is my sister. My sister stole once from my mother nunG GRADESCHOOL siya. Pero lumaki siya thinking na magnanakaw anak niya. Eh to think never na ulit nangyari yun.  Sinasaktan din niya ate ko, sinasampal ng sinelas. Natutukan na ng kutsilyo and many more.  Oo fine, bata pa kasi, and I also somehow believe in discipline.

Pero pag yung umabot sa age na college at ganyan parin trato mo sa anak mo, edi dont expect them to understand what you used to do for them.

Mga moms kasi kulang sa emotional attachment sa kaka-perfect ng household. In the end, mas nagreresort yung mga anak MAKA-ALIS agad agad and thank you for everything nalang ang peg.   What moms need to do is be close their kids as well. Wag puro sermon. Learn to listen. Learn to understand their generation.  And learn to say sorry for your mistakes too. Pag lumaki sinasaktan anak mo pero never ka nagsorry, don't expect them to magically forgive you. Iba iba rin ang tako ng utak ng tao.

May nabasa ako. "Never raise your kids the way your parents raised you. They are living on a differen time than yours".


Dunno if nasabi ko point ko. Medyo nagrelease lang din frustrations

[cheepee]

I hate my mom too!

These are the only words I can say now. Mukhang pera and she left us for another man only to return back to us nung iniwan sha after 19 years! Ngayon, she's only staying with us kasi ginagawa niya kaming milking cow. Inuubos ang pera sa kapricho at sugal when ni hindi nga ako marunong mag casino, siya pa ang nanunumbat ha! tsk...

I thank God na lang kasi di man siya naging mabuting ina sa amin, inalagaan pa din kami ng family ng dad namin. Bakit kaya may mga malas na anak?

[sugar n spice]

over 20 years ago, ok naman sana kung masama ang loob ko sa mommy ko dahil hindi  nya'ko pinayagan sa gimik, sa inuman, sa lakwatsa. pero, actually, ok lang lahat yon sa kanya. masama ang loob ko kasi wala syang pakialam kung pumasok akong gutom sa eskwela, kung pumasok akong gusot ang uniform, o kung ayoko talagang pumasok at all.

masama ang loob ko kasi ang layo nya kay lolo't lola (dad side). wala na kasi ang dad ko. namatay sya nung 4yrs old ako. hindi kami kayang buhayin magkakapatid na mommy kaya tumira kami kay lolo at lola. pero iniwan nya rin kami  don kasi hindi nya kayang pakisamahan ang in-laws nya. so nung elemetary ako minsan lang namin sya makita. sabik na sabik ako sa kanya. hindi naman nagkulang si lolo't lola samin. paggising namin sa umaga nakahanda ang almusal, mainit na ang tubig na pampaligo, kukunin na lang ang plantsadong uniform sa cabinet. lahat nakayos. lahat ng pangangailangan namin pilit nila kinakaya. habang ang mommy ko nagbubuhay dalaga.

for some reason, napunta ako sa mommy ko nung highschool. akala ko magiging masaya kasi miss na miss ko sya. hindi ko akalain na magiging miserable pala ako. narasan kong masaktan, maglaba habang nanonood sya ng tv. nagkakasugat sugat ang kamay ko, nasusunog sa sabonang balat ko habang sya naka-manicure. mas pipiliin nyang bumili ng facial toner kesa gumastos sa pojects ko. naranasan ko rin magplantsa gamit ang plantsang de uling kasi tinanggalan kami ng kuryente ng meralco kasi nahuli kaming naka-jumper. lagi ko pang nakikitang nagbubugbugan ng kapatid nyang addict.

nakita ng lola ko ang kamay ko. sunug na sunog sa sabon panlaba, sugat sugat. nagsabi akong gusto ko bumalik, hindi sila nagdalawang isip na kunin ako. umiyak ang mommy ko pero hindi ko sya pinakinggan. pagod na pagod nakong maging anak nya.

fast forward, 35 na'ko, wala na si lolo't lola. pero sinigurado nilang may maganda akong kinabukasan. pinagtapos ako sa kolehiyo. walang wala sa kalingkingan nila ang mommy ko. unfair ba na i-compare ko si mommy sa kanila? hindi ko maiwasan e.

pagkatapos na lahat, okay na rin kami ng mommy ko. pero hindi na mabilang sa daliri ang dami ng away namin ng mommy ko, hanggang ngayon mayron pa rin at hindi ko maiwasan na manumbat at i-compare sya kay lolo' lola. pero nagpapasalamat pa rin. naiintindihan ko na kung bakit sya ang binigay sakin na nanay ng Diyos, kasi alam Nya ang kakayahan ko mag-isip, ang kakayahan ko magpatawad at kakayahan kong magmahal.

dalawa na ang anak ko ngayon. lahat ng naranasan ko nung bata ako, ipinangako ko na hindi mararanasan ng anak ko. somehow, ang karanasan ko ang naging gabay ko.

kahit ilang away pa ang dumating samin ng mommy, hindi pa rin mabubura ang katotohanan na nanay ko sya. at kailangan ko syang mahalin kahit ano pa.