Can we have enough of the "you don't really hate your mom" posts? If that's the emotion we feel towards our moms, then that's the emotion we feel. Why are you trying to invalidate it, or think it's not real? I understand that there is some kind of taboo surrounding the maternal relationship, as if it's a magical connection that cannot be broken or corrupted. In the end, mothers are just humans, too, and they make mistakes. If her mistake is truly unforgivable, why should she be given a pass just because she's a mom, even more so if she was the hurtful, neglectful, toxic, and emotionally absent kind of mother? You cannot force love on anyone, not even your own mother. These kind of comments also seem to come mostly from those who have wonderful mothers, so you are really in no position to judge us who do not have as perfect mothers as yours.
That said, my mom has her major flaws, and I tolerated them all when I was still living under her roof. Now that I'm not, I still have to tolerate them. Nakakasama na talaga ng loob. She never asks how I am (I'm always the only one texting/calling.) She only contacts me about things related to money. I'm the child who's doing well in life, but all of my decisions -- my house, my car, my choice to live in the province -- lahat may pintas, and do not live up to her expectations. Her expectations, by the way, are up to her level, which is a rich, living-on-retirement senior citizen level, and not a young family just starting in life. So my house will never be big enough, my car will never be new enough, in her eyes, the province will never be good enough, as if Manila is the only place in the world to live.
Back when I was still trying to get pregnant, she badgered me endlessly for a grandchild. When I finally was pregnant, I brought her to a restaurant, and broke the good news. The first thing out of her mouth was, "O, ano gusto mo, reaction ko parang sa movies?." Total 180. When I flew my baby to Manila so they could at least meet (which she was so excited about previously -- she even bought a new car just for her apo,) she hardly held my baby, saying that her body aches and pains hinder her from doing so. Fine, I get it. But then she also told me, "Sino ba may sabi na dalhin mo anak mo dito?" and "Bakit? Obligasyon ko ba alagaan anak mo?." This was after badgering me 24/7 for a grandchild. We also had a yaya that time. Now, once in a while, she would ask for pictures of her apo, but after what she said, I doubt her sincerity behind those messages. I don't get her sudden about-faces.
She's become an even more selfish woman in her older years, and she's using her aches and pains as reasons for her selfishness. If you don't do what she tells you or if you inconvenience her, she will cut you out of her life. So, say, she wants you to drive her somewhere, but you have earlier obligations that'll make you late, she'll be angry, brand you as unreliable, and go hire a driver. So now, all the people around her are only the paid ones. The rest of us, her husband, and her children -- we are not to be depended on, because we are not able to wait on her hand and foot.
She asked me to travel with her recently, and she basically told me that I shouldn't say anything bad to her. Of course -- that's because she neeevvveeeer does anything na kapuna-puna. So nothing really happened, but then I heard her over the phone telling her kumare that our trip was going well because she told me to keep my mouth shut. Well, that was a real downer. She thought the trip was going okay because she had me controlled, and not because, you know, we were actually getting along.
Now that I have my own child to take care of, I thought I could turn to my mom for motherly advice. But instead, I found out that my mom didn't really care for us as babies and children. It was always the yaya. So she doesn't know how to change a diaper, how to soothe a teething child, what age babies start to walk and talk -- nothing. Now that I look back, my mother was never present in my childhood or even my teen years. She wasn't a hurtful mom, but she just wasn't there.
