Divorce in the Philippines

[ebiko]

for me it should be legalized.  hindi dapat masira ang buhay ng mag asawa dahil sa hindi nila mahal ang isat isa.  they should be given a chance to find somebody else that would make they're lives more complete.  life should not end after a failed marriage.  lalo lang din mahihirapan ang mga anak nila kung makikita nila na laging nag aaway ang parents nila.

tru sis, mas traumatic sa mga anak ang lagi nilang nakikitang pag-aaway ng mga magulang nila. ang isipin din sana yung welfare ng mga bata ... dahil, kalimitan sa mga pinoy married couples, after bugbugin yung "ina", mga "anak" naman ang isinusunod ... of course, walang ina ang gustuhing makita na sinasaktan lagi ng ama ang kanyang mga anak ––

tanong ko lang, di ba kapag sinasaktan ng ama ang mga anak o asawa nagfi-file sila ng PPO, protection order) –– para hindi na pwedeng lapitan, ang pamilya, bottomline kahit hindi mo na siya gustuhing makita at makasama, naka-tali ka pa rin dun sa taong yun.

sana kapag nagkaroon ng mga wife and child battery cases, grounds na agad for divorce! siguro naman hindi mo na hihintaying mamatay ka dahil sa kalupitan ng asawa mo.

affected lang siguro ako, sa mga napapanood kong kina-kawawa ang mga nanay at anak ng mga asawa nila -- kasi i get to watch women's desk lagi sa QTv 11. 

[melanzana]

at kung sakali mang nasaktan ang isang tao ng asawa niya, hindi ko naman sinasabi na dapat agad din sisihin yung biktima. pero kung hinahayaan niyang ulit-ulitin ng abusado niyang asawa yung pambubugbog, would she not be partly at fault for not standing her ground despite him/her being assaulted?

I'm afraid not everyone is strong enough to stand up for themselves or stand up to an abusive spouse.  I mean, what do women or even men usually say when asked why they put up with abuse: "Because I love him/her" or "I'm hoping he'll/she'll change" and that's not resistance to abuse.

and i'm not saying na magtratuhan kayo na parang boyfriend-girlfriend na maghihiwalay at magbabalikan kung "na-fefeel" niyo pa na mahal niyo pa ang isa't isa. i mean, come on. there is a reason why before getting married, you must be of a certain age. expected na of you to be more responsible with your actions and decisions in life. kasi kung hindi, siguro dapat taasan na lang yung age requirement for marriage to 35 or something. kidding aside... i think that in the end, if you ever decide to give up your marriage, do so if it is proving to be a menace and an immediate danger to your life and your kids' life. do not easily sacrifice the sanctity of your marriage in exchange for the loss of your once rosy pre-conceived notion of married life.

You're right, every country has their own age requirement for marriage BUT age does not always determine a person's maturity, for marriage in this case.  If I'm not mistaken that's why in the US couples who marry young (even those in their early 20s) are more likely to get divorced.  So just because you're 16 or 18 and allowed by law to get married does not always mean you're ready for marriage or a family.  Absolutely, it is necessary that there is a law on what age one can marry but if you're 18 or 22 and you're immature and think marriage is all about the dress, the flowers, etc., I'm not sure how long your marriage will last.

Couples want their marriages to work for life and that is how it should be.  However for those who will do anything to save their marriage, what if the other person does not love his/her spouse anymore or the love has "fizzled out," is the marriage still worth saving?

[telekikay]

ok lang divorce as long as the alimony will be strongly enforced. ewan ko na lang kung may maghihiwalay pa hehe

[fides00]

tru sis, mas traumatic sa mga anak ang lagi nilang nakikitang pag-aaway ng mga magulang nila. ang isipin din sana yung welfare ng mga bata ... dahil, kalimitan sa mga pinoy married couples, after bugbugin yung "ina", mga "anak" naman ang isinusunod ... of course, walang ina ang gustuhing makita na sinasaktan lagi ng ama ang kanyang mga anak ––

tanong ko lang, di ba kapag sinasaktan ng ama ang mga anak o asawa nagfi-file sila ng PPO, protection order) –– para hindi na pwedeng lapitan, ang pamilya, bottomline kahit hindi mo na siya gustuhing makita at makasama, naka-tali ka pa rin dun sa taong yun.

sana kapag nagkaroon ng mga wife and child battery cases, grounds na agad for divorce! siguro naman hindi mo na hihintaying mamatay ka dahil sa kalupitan ng asawa mo.

domestic violence is already a ground for annulment. kahit wala pang divorce, kung binubugbog ka ng asawa mo, pwede mo naman siyang hiwalayan. hindi na kailangan na hintaying mo pa na ma-legalize pa yung divorce bago mo magawa yun.

I'm afraid not everyone is strong enough to stand up for themselves or stand up to an abusive spouse.  I mean, what do women or even men usually say when asked why they put up with abuse: "Because I love him/her" or "I'm hoping he'll/she'll change" and that's not resistance to abuse.

well that's up to the person na talaga if she will tolerate the abusive treatment that's given to him/her. kaya nga ang sabi ko dapat sa tao mismo nagsisimula yung pagbabago. dapat sila mismo hanapan nila ng paraan na ipagtanggol nila yung sarili nila. kasi the State or the authorities will not be always around to protect them. kung nahihirapan man sila na lumaban, they should at least strive to find strength within themselves.

You're right, every country has their own age requirement for marriage BUT age does not always determine a person's maturity, for marriage in this case.  If I'm not mistaken that's why in the US couples who marry young (even those in their early 20s) are more likely to get divorced.  So just because you're 16 or 18 and allowed by law to get married does not always mean you're ready for marriage or a family.  Absolutely, it is necessary that there is a law on what age one can marry but if you're 18 or 22 and you're immature and think marriage is all about the dress, the flowers, etc., I'm not sure how long your marriage will last.

true. pero usually naman age comes with maturity. not for all, but at least for most. pag bata pa kasi kadalasan romanticized pa yung image nila sa marriage eh. kaya sana pag magpapakasal yung mga tao, siguraduhin nila na they're marrying the other person for all the right reasons. it also really helps that you've been in a long meaningful relationship before settling into marriage. para makita niyo kung talaga bang compatible kayo o kung meron bang tendencies na maging violent yung partner niyo.

Couples want their marriages to work for life and that is how it should be.  However for those who will do anything to save their marriage, what if the other person does not love his/her spouse anymore or the love has "fizzled out," is the marriage still worth saving?

marriage is a lifelong commitment. it's not an attempt to see how long a couple can stay together. just because things got bland for a couple, doesn't mean that they immediately have to spit their marriage out. true, some marriages eventually lose the excitement that it had in the beginning...but that's normal. couples really have to take it with a grain of salt. they should not fully surrender to the idea that their marriage has completely fizzled out. hanapan nila ng paraan na muling maging masaya yung pagsasama nila. hindi yung itatapon na lang ng ganun yung marriage nila dahil lang sawa na sila sa isa't isa. tsaka i don't believe that love goes away. that is, if we're talking about the true kind of love ah...not the emotional feeling that we often interchange with "love". love manifests itself in other ways other than the romantic love that people have always associated with it. caring for the other spouse and being of service to him/her and the family is considered love. my bottomline is, don't think that romantic love is the sole basis of marriage. kasi kung ganun ang gagawin, i would not be surprised if most marriages will fail. couples should not give in to delusions that marriage is a sweet, heart-skipping experience all day, everyday for the rest of their lives. as i have said, it's a commitment and they should treat it that way.

[melanzana]

domestic violence is already a ground for annulment. kahit wala pang divorce, kung binubugbog ka ng asawa mo, pwede mo naman siyang hiwalayan. hindi na kailangan na hintaying mo pa na ma-legalize pa yung divorce bago mo magawa yun.

I would like to think that in countries that allow divorce, domestic violence is also grounds for divorce.  You don't have to stay with your abusive spouse until the divorce is final, you can move out before that (unless you have nowhere else to go).  What's the point of staying with an abusive spouse in the same house when you're in the process of getting a divorce? that's the reason why you're leaving him/her in the first place.

marriage is a lifelong commitment. it's not an attempt to see how long a couple can stay together. just because things got bland for a couple, doesn't mean that they immediately have to spit their marriage out. true, some marriages eventually lose the excitement that it had in the beginning...but that's normal. couples really have to take it with a grain of salt. they should not fully surrender to the idea that their marriage has completely fizzled out. hanapan nila ng paraan na muling maging masaya yung pagsasama nila. hindi yung itatapon na lang ng ganun yung marriage nila dahil lang sawa na sila sa isa't isa. tsaka i don't believe that love goes away. that is, if we're talking about the true kind of love ah...not the emotional feeling that we often interchange with "love". love manifests itself in other ways other than the romantic love that people have always associated with it. caring for the other spouse and being of service to him/her and the family is considered love. my bottomline is, don't think that romantic love is the sole basis of marriage. kasi kung ganun ang gagawin, i would not be surprised if most marriages will fail. couples should not give in to delusions that marriage is a sweet, heart-skipping experience all day, everyday for the rest of their lives. as i have said, it's a commitment and they should treat it that way.

Everyone wants their marriages to work until they die but it takes two people to make it work especially through rough times.  The scenario that I'm trying to put before is what if only one person is committed to making the marriage work and the other does not love his/her spouse anymore or does not want to stay in the marriage?  What if only one person is committed to bringing back what made them happy before?  I guess what I'm trying to say is if this happens, what's your Plan B (or even C or D)?  It takes an extraordinary couple to make their marriage work through anything, as long as they're working on it together.  One can feel if their spouse does not love them or care for them anymore.  I think that there are marriages that just won't work and if only one person is trying to make it work and would do anything to make it work, it will be a one-sided relationship and who wants that kind of marriage?  It's painful to say this but you can't force anyone to be happy or to love you or to stay with you.

It's funny that you mentioned love (true love, etc.) as the basis for marriage because other cultures view the notion of love for marriage as the main reason why it does not last.  Some cultures view marriage as a union wherein they can work toward goals, but not necessarily be bound by love and this is why supposedly this kind of marriage lasts.

[fides00]

^ that's what i said sis. i said that people should not make romantic love the sole basis of the marriage. because i said that i wouldn't be surprised if the marriages will not work if you base it on that.

[melanzana]

^I think the article/documentary (I can't remember what it was I saw) meant love in general, whether it's romantic/true love/soulmate love which if it's the basis for marriage will not work.

[robieducks]

Yup, okay un

[SIBLA]

simple lang...
ang lahat ng contract ay may expiration date....
bakit ang marriage contract ay wala???.... 

kung mayroong expiration, di na kailangan ang annulment or divorce... mag-antay na lang ng expiration date....

[melanzana]

^ That's what .:jenny:. was talking about here, in Germany.

[nomad]

^ oo nga magandang idea din un tapos renew na lang hehe anyway parang ang nangyayari ngayon marriage is like business.. 

[earl223]

^Agree  .

Pero even if we do or do not want divorce to be legalized, i think it will never happen in the Philippines.

The Church is against divorce.  The Church influence voters.  The government loves voters.  So, no political party will allow any of it's members to even speak of divorce if they want to win the elections. :p

Tsaka just wanted to comment on some of the arguments:

when you go through something hard and traumatic, ang sakit nun and partly nakakainsulto din if it's treated as if it never happened, na parang it's all in your head or nag-iinarte ka lang.

Whatever happened, your family, friends, relatives will still know that you were married.  The thing about the marriage never happening is... lack of a marriage contract; and that's just a piece of paper.  If someone asks you if you are married, and you say "Yeah, i was married before,"  the government won't jump out of the bushes and say, "We neither to confirm nor deny that!"   Just because annulment says your marriage never happened, doesn't mean na you should believe that it never did happen.

[SIBLA]

i'm working here in china....
last year, one of my subordinate na chinese got married and after 3 months, they filed a divorce... after an hour lang sa parang city hall nila dito, ok na agad... divorced na sila agad... ganun ka simple... ganun kadali... at ang bayad, less than a month of their earnings lang...
i told to all of my supervisors, in one of our dinner meeting, na in the philippines, there is no divorce... annulment lang... and very expensive... and will take 5 to 10 years bago ma grant yung annulment....
nabigla silang lahat... they told me na "that is unfair!!!".... hindi lang mga lalaking chinese ang nag voice out, pati mga babaeng chinese....
they explained that bakit pipiliting magsama ang dalawang tao whein they don't want to be in each other na... no more love... unfair....
yeah... i agree with them... UNFAIR nga naman....

[carolskitot]

uy kakaiba jan sa china ha! ang bibilis ng mga pangyayari! Thanks sister sibla for the info.

i agree on this divorce should be legalize in the philippines!

[athena021]

it's not because i want to get divorced in the future but i am so in favor of this.

yes, we all want our marriage to last until death but i would rather get divorced than to have a polygamous husband. we must admit that some marraiges don't work out, really. kawawa nga naman ang kids kasi they will be affected kapag lagi na lang nagaaway parents nila.

oo na sacred na ang marriage pero still, kung alam mong wala na talagang pagasa and there's no more reason to hold on to that marriage eh di magpa-divorce. you might actually find another "someone" who will make you happier.

pero dapat hindi gawing solution sa lahat ng problema mag asawa ang divorce, if there's still LOVE then, things can still work out. 
(haha. labo ko noh.  )

[jowney]

there's annulment in the Philippines.

i dont know the difference between divorce and annulment. alam ko lang, mas madugong proseso ang annulment. and i guess, since malaking money din ang involved dito, mas pag iisipan ang pagpapakasal.

[jzle]

i'm working here in china....
last year, one of my subordinate na chinese got married and after 3 months, they filed a divorce... after an hour lang sa parang city hall nila dito, ok na agad... divorced na sila agad... ganun ka simple... ganun kadali... at ang bayad, less than a month of their earnings lang...
i told to all of my supervisors, in one of our dinner meeting, na in the philippines, there is no divorce... annulment lang... and very expensive... and will take 5 to 10 years bago ma grant yung annulment....
nabigla silang lahat... they told me na "that is unfair!!!".... hindi lang mga lalaking chinese ang nag voice out, pati mga babaeng chinese....
they explained that bakit pipiliting magsama ang dalawang tao whein they don't want to be in each other na... no more love... unfair....
yeah... i agree with them... UNFAIR nga naman....

talaga sis!! thanks sa info ha.. buti pa diyan.. samantalang dito sa Pilipinas hayyy...

[SIBLA]

^^^sorry... i'm not "sis"...
nakikisali lang ako sa mga usapan ninyong mga babae....

ano kaya ang pwede nating gawin ng sa ganoon ay maliwanagan ang kaisipan ng ating mga mambabatas???
kung maisasabatas ito, panigurado, unang una ako na mag aavail ng divorce...
pag nabasa ito ni misis, yari ako...
baka wala ng divorce divorce... hiwalay na kaagad...
hiwalay ang puti sa decolor....

[athena021]

hindi ba pwede magfile ng divorce sa ibang bansa ang mga filipino citizens?

[cheesygirl]

a big NO