Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional

[ellababy]

Good day sisses, i need an advice...
3 years na kaming kasal ni hubby ok naman kami nung umpisa, until nung 6 months pregnant ako nabarkada sya sa isang addict at naging ganun na din sya. 8 months preggy ako nung nawalan sya ng work dahil na din sa hindi sya pumapasok dahil gumagamit sya, dun na nag start yung pananakit nya sakin kasi kahit wala syang work tuloy pa din sa bisyo at ang ginagasta nya yung pera ko na nakalaan sa panganganak ko. kahit 1 week pa lang nung nanganak (cs) ako sinasaktan pa din nya ko pag inaaway ko sya dahil sa bisyo nya. nabaon ko din ako sa utang dahil sa kanya. pero nung lumipat kami ng house malapit sa parents nya nung 3 mos na baby namin nagbago naman sya pero wala pa din work sya nag aalaga sa baby namin. nitong march lang nag balik na naman yung bisyo nya dahil nagkaron ulet sya ng friend na adik pati yung pananakit nya sakin bumalik mas matindi ngayon dahil suntok sa ulo na yung ginawa sakin. gusto kong maghiwalay kami kaso ayaw nya, binabantaan nya ko na papatayin ako pag nagsumbong sa pulis at hindi ko daw mapapakinabangan ang 1 year old baby ko. natatakot ako mga sis, gusto ko sya ipakulong pero pano kung makalaya sya at patayin kami?? anak ko na lang mahalaga sakin.

[momentum]

^ I was also abused before and I was able to get away

Eto gawin mo sis. You have to plan your escape. You and your baby cannot live there anymore. So first things first, kausapin mo muna parents mo if you can stay with them for the time being muna and tell them this issue sa asawa mo. Plan it as a family how you will get out of that situation. Pasama ka na sa lalakeng family member mo, if you have an older brother or your father, to go to the barangay and report everything, ipa-blotter mo na asawa mo. Then when ready ka na to get out of the house, dumaan ka muna sa baranggay, get a protection order, then sasamahan ka nila to go home and get your kid and things, there and then ipapapirma na sa kanya ang protection order. Yung temporary protection order is good for 15 days... 15 days na hindi siya pwede makalapit sa inyo ng anak mo, hindi siya pwede magcontact or kausapin ka.. Dahil pag ginawa niya yun, instant kulong yun.. Papadampot siya. So do not be afraid. After those 15 days, puwedeng puwede mo iparenew ito into a Permanent Protection Order. Yan, pangmatagalan na yan na hindi niya kayo puwede gambalain ng anak mo. Walang bayad yan as far as I know. And please don't go back to him anymore.. HIndi na siya ever magbabago. Sisirain niya lang buhay ninyong mag-ina. I'm sure you wouldn't want that.

Even if wala kang kasamang family member na sasama sayo and ang baranggay people to get your kid and stuff, okay lang.. Coz anjan ang mga taga baranggay.. They are more than enough to keep you away from harm... Anyway bago ka naman makakapasok sa bahay ninyo eh papalabasin muna asawa mo at ihohold siya somewhere until you are done

Huwag ka matakot sis. Kayang kaya mo yan. Tiklop yang asawa mo once makakita ng baranggay officials . Huwag ka na mahiya ano sasabihin ng mga kapitbahay mo. The only thing important is to get your kid and your necessities and get away from him ASAP. Kaya mo ng gawin to within this month.

God is on your side. Pray for strength and courage. Take care sis and update us. Life will be so much better kapag naka alis ka na sa kanya

[ellababy]

^sis momentum, salamat po sa advice pero naisip ko pa lang yan naisip nya na din. ang sabi nya pag sinumbong nya ko sa pulis siguraduhin ko lang daw na hindi na sya makakalaya kasi pag pag nakalaya daw sya papatayin nya kami. nakatira po kami ngayon katabi lang house ng parents ko pero hindi ako makapag sumbong kasi idadamay sila.

[momentum]

^sis ganyan naman sila, tatakutin ka nila para wala ka ng gagawin. But hanggang salita lang yan sila, kapag may officials/taga baranggay na tiklop yan. Ilang years na ba ganyan set-up? Believe me kapag ginawa mo yang inadvice ko, magugulat yan kasi hindi niya alam na kaya mo pala

If fear lang papairalin mo, walang mangyayari sayo. You will be stuck with him forever. Gusto mo ba na umabot pa sa level na pati anak ninyo eh sasaktan narin niya? Im sure not. So tama na and don't let it reach that level

Yung pag laya mo sa kanya naka depende lahat yan sa simpleng disisyon mo to make it happen. Hindi niya kakayaning saktan pamilya mo lalo nat kung may tulong ng baranggay. Maging matapang ka na! Buhay mo at anak mo ang nakasalalay dito. Kung di ka pa gumawa ng paraan now pagsisisihan mo yan. Ikaw lang ang iblablame dahil wala kang ginawa.

Hindi siya Diyos na kelangan katakutan. And like what I said, after the temporary protection order is the permanent protection order. Since nagdrudrugs narin siya you should report and file a case narin

Oh and you should get a medico legal when he beats you up., agad agad. Coz that is evidence. Take pics too. Tell your parents now! Stop covering his true ugali sa parents mo. Please lang. If you dont want to do this for yourself, do it for your kid.

P.S -- pls dont get yourself pregnant again! Dont add more complication. Make sure you use contraceptives. Actually you should not have sex with him anymore imo

[glamorosa_09]

Sis ellababy,

Ang hirap ng sitwasyon mo sis. May influence kasi ng drugs ang asawa mo, hindi mo malaman kung anong mga tumatakbo sa isip niya.

Sabi mo naman pag hindi sya nag-aadik, maayos naman syang tao. Pero nung bumalik ulit sya sa paggamit, bumalik ulit yung pananakit nya at pananakot sayo.

Hindi kasi ito yung typical na abusive mentality dahil may involved na drugs. And kung high sya, hindi malayong mag wild sya. Baka it's rehab that he needs?

Alam ba ng mga magulang nya yung nangyayari sa inyo?

[ellababy]

Ang hirap mga sis, kasi hindi naman ako natatakot para sa sarili ko kundi para sa anak ko na baka madamay. pero naisip ko nga din na baka nga nananakot lang.

nag tetext ako sa nanay at ate nya pero ang text lang sakin "ano bang magandang gawin dyan?". sabi ko sabihan nyo, kausapin nyo baka makinig sa kanila pero hindi naman ginawa ni hindi na nagreply sakin. kaya binura ko na mga numbers nila dahil wala namang silbi. nag save na ko ng numbers ng police and barangay kung sakaling saktan ako ulit. one month ago yung huling pananakit nya 

[ellababy]

Share ko lang.... sa wakas nagawa ko ding magsabi sa family ko, tinulungan nila akong magpa blotter sa women's desk, nakakuha na din kami ni baby ng protection order. Ang nagpaalis sa asawa ko yung women's desk officer mismo, una ayaw pang tanggapin gusto daw akong makausap pero matigas talaga yung officer. Sa ngayon safe kami ni baby, nasa house kami ng sister ko dahil baka bumalik dun sa house namin yung asawa ko. Thank you sis momentum sa advice. Ask ko lang sana kung after ng barangay protection order anong next step mo sis?

[momentum]

^im so happy for you sis napakalaking step yan na ginawa mo and believe me makikita mo yung difference ng buhay mo ng wala siya

Sis yung next step is either file a permanent protection order once nag expire na yung temporary protection order. While naka temporary kayo sis, pag-isipan mo na, and ask narin advice sa family mo, kung ano na talaga gusto mo maging status ninyong mag-asawa? Do you want to separate for good na ba? Actually sis hindi na magbabago asawa mo so I think it is really best na maghiwalay kayo, kasi magbibisyo pa siya eh so doble na dapat mag-iingat ka.

You can also ask advice sa women's desk, kung ano steps para kasuhan asawa mo or file an annulment pero mahal ito. Sabi ko sayo sis eh hindi makakapalag yang asawa mo once may officials.. Tinatakot ka lang talaga ng g@g0 na yun para di ka magka lakas loob magsumbong sa baranggay at family mo. Kita mo, tiklop siya diba?

Sis ipa blotter mo narin asawa mo sa baranggay ninyo. Sayang at hindi ka nakapag medico legal last time sinaktan ka niya para may evidence ka to use once decided ka na magpa annul. But that's okay. Once mag report ka na ng pang aabuso niya sayo that can be evidence parin that can last long.. Sabi nga eh kahit the abuse happened years ago pero now ka lang nagreport eh valid parin yun.. Pero syempre mas ok parin kapag recent at may medico legal. Sis dont forget ipa-xerox yung blotter report na gagawin ng baranggay for you. Evidence mo yan. Make copies.

Use this time to think about what you want to happen sis and work on it. Para sakin huli mo na siguro isipin ang annulment. What's important now is to keep yourself and your child safe and away from him. So work on first the blotter, the permanent protection order, maybe scout a different job narin since baka alam ni husband san ka nagwowork and you'll never know what he can do so eliminate that added risk. I hope he doesn't know rin where you live now. Tapos report mo narin siya sa pulis about his substance use at abuse. Pwde nila siya kasuhan at padalhan mg warrant of arrest. If you don't have the money for a lawyer pwde ka iassign nila ng PAO, yung libreng lawyer. Filing a case will take time. Alam mo naman dito sa pinas matagal bago ka makakuha ng justice lalo kapag wala kang pera.. You have to make sure too sis na determined ka to do it till the end kasi baka mamaya sumuko ka sa bandang gitna.

Hope you are feeling so much better now sis. Im so happy for you, really. Take care sis and update us lagi. God bless

[ellababy]

Ibang iba talaga pakiramdam ngayon lalo na at nasasabi ko na lahat ng nasasaloob ko sis. Pero medyo nalilito pa din nga ako kasi mabait talaga sya nuon, kundi lang dahil sa drugs. Yung huling pag uusap namin nung humingi sya ng tawad ang sabi ko lang magpa rehab sya, magtrabaho sya,ayusin nya buhay nya baka sakaling mapatawad ko sya. Pero sa ngayon hindi matindi pa ang takot at galit ko sa kanya. Alam kong masakit mawalay sa anak pero pagdusahan nya ginawa nya.

Pano po ba mag apply ng permanent protection order? Nag apply ka ba nito sis?
Naisip ko kasi baka dumating yung time na magbagong buhay sya at gustong sumuporta sa anak tapos may ppo na kami?

[momentum]

Sis paki tanong nalang yung sa women's desk paano yung process sa permanent protection order. Ang alam ko is pede naman i-lift ito kapag ayaw mo na.. Alam ko rin is pede mo rin irenew yung temporary kung ayaw mo muna ng permanent

Sis, you should only go back to him kapag nagbago na siya.. Meaning kung may stable job na, hindi na nagdrudrugs etc. im telling you sis it will take time.. And it will be hard kung andun ka sa kanya kasi mag yoyoyo pa yan - one day ok, one day hindi.. Mapapagod ka lang. So better be at a safe distance nalang while inaayos niya sarili niya. Plus sis, you dont really know if he wants to change after all, after all of this. So this is a good time rin for him to assess himself ano ba talaga gusto niya gawin sa buhay niya.. If he wants na bumalik kayo ng anak mo sa buhay niya then he knows that he has to work on himself first kundi hindi mangyayari na babalik ka mg hindi siya magbabago at gagawin ka nanaman niyang punching bag.

Work on yourself din sis during this time. Im sure nawala yung self confidence at esteem mo kasi yan ang typical na nasisira kapag in an abused relationship.. Learn to love yourself again and be stronger this time and build this strenghth na from now on you won't allow anyone to treat you like sh!t again.. You wont allow that to happen to you again

Huwag mo na muna iisipin yang scenario na kapag nagbago siya ano gagawin mo coz believe me sis it will take a long time especially kung may drugs involved. Tignan mo ako, wala pang one year kami magkasama pero nilayasan ko dahil sa abuse and it has been 5yrs na since that happened and wala parin ako nakitang drastic changes..kaya hindi ako bumalik.

[ellababy]

Yun nga sis, willing akong patawarin sya and pwede na din nya ma visit yung anak namin kung talagang nagbago na talaga sya. Pero yung balikan sya? parang ayoko na, babalik pa ba ko kung nakalaya na ko? para sa bata na lang siguro.

Sa ngayon, hindi na sya tumatawag or nagtetext pero kinakabahan pa din akong baka bigla na lang sumulpot dito sa house or sa office. Ask ko lang sis, si hubby mo ba after nung umalis kayo kinulit ka pa or hindi na? nag apply ka din ba ng permanent?

[momentum]

^sumunod siya sa temporary protection order na bawal makipagusap at makipagkita .. Pero after nagexpire yun, nagstart na uli siya magparamdam.. Pero hindi parin siya nagbago..
Even if dito ako nakatira sa mama ko, nagawa parin niya manggulo, saktan ako at abangan ako sa labas. Basta on and off ganun siya kaya never na talaga ako bumalik o pumayag to live with him again. Actually dapat magfifile narin ako ng permanent protection order pero usually naman after niyang manggulo and we end up in the baranggay, hindi na siya nagpaparamdam pa..
Actually ang yabang niya sa harap ng mga pulis na saying na hindi na siya magkokontak at sa isang point pa nga eh sinira niya pa sim nya sa harap naminh lahat.. As if naman na hahabulin ko siya or kukulitin sa text. Siya naman lagi ang nagmamake ng way na makausap ako para makipag balikan or whatever

Yah sis sa bata nalang. Im telling you sis wag mo na pahabain pa kalbaryo mo..na on off kayo kagaya ng ngyari sakin kasi wala eh, hirap magbago yung mga ganung tao..

[unagurl]

Please help.

We are together for 6 years now. Not married but with 3 kids. Wala pa kaming anak lagi siya lumalayas. Gano kaliit ang problema he cannot handle it, lalayas (hindi [textspeak!] may dalang damit, yung literal na kumakaripas ng takbo kahit wala siyang brief o tsinelas), mananakit, magwawala, verbally abusive. Afterwards, very remorseful na. Malambing. Babawi ng panandalian.

May instances bigla nya ako tatakbuhan in public. Or pag nasa bahay. I developed traumas. I am always worried laging takot. Di nya kaya maghandle ng problems, may ba na walang problema? At kung magkaproblema man dapat [textspeak!] problema "gusto" nya or else, wala kagulo na naman.

Nabuntis ako at sa 3x na pagbubuntis, every pregnancy lumalayas siya. Nagkakasakitan kami. Verbally and emotional abusive. Ganun rin pagkaanak. Apektado health ng kids ko dahil sobrang depressed ako while pregnant.

Little did i know i developed severe depression and post traumatic stress disorder.

6 years paulit ulit. Di ako makalaban kasi he has a special way of making you look as the villain. Sa huli nacoconvince ako na ako may kasalanan. Na galit siya, nangiiwan, nananakit dahil ako may fault. When he is okay he encourages me to excel and soar pero pano if his actions is baliktad?

Everytime na magaaway kami parati akong takot, imbes na mafeel ko kaya namin harapin ang problema, hindi. Matatakot ako na baka lumayas siya o sakalin niya ako. Lagi nya sinasabi napipilitan nalang siya at naaawa. Ayaw na niya. Magdemandahan na. Pero pag okay na siya, binabawi nya lahat. Unti unti na nya ako naprogram na pag may nagawa siyang mali at kasalanan, patawarin ko nalang. Magmove on. Wag na isipin. Di ako pede magalit, malungkot. Bawal ang trauma. Manakit man o lumayas o magsalita ng masasakit o manakot, dapat mapagpatawad ako at ako magaadjust.

Sinosolo ko lahat. Wala nakakaalam nito kundi kami. Sasabog na ako. Gusto ko na magpa mental hospital. Gusto ko magtago sa shelter. Gusto ko na pakamatay. Im so confused. Lagi ko sinasabi sakanya, pagpahingahin naman [textspeak!] isip ko. Dko na kaya pero ayan na naman away na naman. Siya [textspeak!] magwawala. While i am left in the corner absorbing everything and fighting my emotions.

Nakakailang psychiatrists na rin kami. Pati mga kids apektado na. Takot na rin na baka lumayas siya lagi kabado. Nakikita kami nagkakasakitan at nagaaway. Nagiging normal na sa paningin nila.

Narealize ko sobrang lugi ko, bat pa ako magtitiis eh siya okay lang sakanya maghiwalay kami o magka gulo twing galit siya? Ano laban ko sa taong di pinaninindigan pamilya niya? I have no job and ive lost my friends and family dahil sa anim na taon na chaos na ito. Wala na ako malapitan. Natatakot ako mabaliw ng tuluyan at may magawang masama. Ambaba ng self esteem ko. Walang kumpyansa at lakas. Gusto ko na makatakas sa ganto ng walang eskandalo. :-(

[momentum]

^ go to the women's desk in the baranggay sis..they can help you..just like how they helped me and the other sis dito. basahin mo mga stories dito makikita mo na nakawala sila..you can do it too. please do it for your children's sake pati narin sa katinuan mo. unti unti kang bumangon..reach out for help sa family mo..and once nakaalis ka na sa kanya, find a job na para kaya mo ng buhayin mag-isa kids ninyo..pero mag-heal ka muna..wala ng mas damaging pa kesa sa emotional at verbal abuse..alam ko yan, kahit ngayon I still feel traumatized.

basta do the first step sis gaya ng inadvice ko sa isang sis dito at sa ginawa ko rin nuon. find a way para makatakas ka sa bahay at go to the baranggay and ask for help. while you are there, contact your family na and ask kung puwedeng magstay muna kayo duon sa kanila kasama kids mo..they will surely understand and take you in..family is family..

this is the first step that you really have to do..you need to get your kids and yourself away from him. file for temporary protection order. para hindi kayo malapitan for 15 days. pwede irenew after that. this is the time also where you can think clearly..and plan the next chapter of your life na wala na siya sa buhay ninyo

God luck sis and update us..take care..huwag mo na patagalin pa....

[maiandra]

sis wag ka manghinayang sa 6 yrs na pnagsamahan nyo. Panghinayangan mo yung mawawala sayo pag nagstay ka: Yung sanity mo, value, better opportunities, maybe a partner who will treat you better at papakasalan ka. Walang ppuntahan ang relationship niyo kundi cycle of abuse at depression. huwag mo na hintayin na pati kids mo ay saktan niya.

[prettydefined]

hi po mga sis.. bago lang po ako dito.. need ko po ng advice nyo.. nagka-bf po ako for 2yrs, nghiwalay kami nung nalaman ko na may live in partner sya.. mahigit 6months na po kaming break pero until now po inaaway pa ko nung live in partner nya.. dumating na sa point na gumawa po sya ng account sa facebook, inadd [textspeak!] ibang kakilala ko, at sinisiraan ako sa mga posts nya.. ano po pwede kong gawin na action?

Paranoid sya sis. Stalker mo na sya ngayon. Block mo lang ng i-block sis mananawa din yan. Nangyari na yan sakin. Hindi ko pinapatulan dahil alam naman ng mga kaibigan ko, ng pamilya ko ang totoo. Sa ginagawa nya, nagmumukha sya katawa-tawa.

Pwede mo rin sis kausapin sya sa facebook na lang no need na harapin pa. Ask ano ba talaga gusto nya at tigilan ka na nya. after nya ma -seen block. Block lang ng block sis.

[gentai_chan]

hi sisses i'm subscribing to this thread. I was relieved somehow that there are a lot of women suffering from these men who do not have the balls to become a man. I left my husband (not married yet pala) alongg with my youngest child and my sister who's a teen. Anyway same story din I've been a victim of verbal/emotional and physical abuse. Minumura niya ko palagi pag nag aaway, sinasabihan ng t*nga, b*bo, pangit, pok p*k, walang kwentang ina. Hindi sy nagpapatalo and mataas tingin nya sa sarili nya which is ironic since ako yung may regular income samin and he has his own business na hindi nman ganun kalakas and may nakukuha sya sa pensyon ng mga magulang nya. He also threatens me pag nag aaway kami na papatayin nya ko at sobrang baba na ng tingin ko sa sarili ko. Just like most of the mothers, as much as possible I would stay for the sake of my kids dahil lumaki ako withou my parents on my side pero as I researched and read the stories similar with mine, I finally decided that this has to stop and that it's time for me
to regain my self respect and worth. Ayoko ding lumaki ang mga anak ko na may nakikitang demonyo. We're in the process of moving and I know this wouldn't be easy at first but I know God is with us, always.

[momentum]

^ sad na may nadagdagan nanaman dito sa thread but happy that you have decided to leave him. Stay strong sis for the kids. If you need someone to talk to you can pm me as I went through the same. God bless and take care of yourself. Life will get better once you leave him

[Purple_Power]

^^Advantage rin na hindi kayo kasal kaya magiging madali lang rin for you na balang araw may tamang lalake at mabuting tao na magmamahal sayo. Just have strong faith lang. Your decision is right to leave with abusive man. With the threat of papatayin ka niya, please take it seriously kasi may iba na napanood ko sa news ginawa talagang katotohanan. If you can inquire the police regarding this matter then do so dahil iniwan mo na siya, pwede mo na siyang pa blotter. It is not really healthy to live with someone that is totally abusive kahit pa nga verbally eh!

Now I am hoping na you should leave him completely at never nang makikipagkita sa  inyo. Dapat lang na yung kid is with you

[gm_icon7885]

I never dreamed I'd be posting in this thread but it happened.

I've been married for a little over 2 years and have known my husband for five. He's a nice guy, no vices, magalang, maalaga, matalino, kaya nga nahulog loob ko sa kanya. However, about a year into our relationship as boyfriend and girlfriend, he and his family found out his dad had been unfaithful to his mom and has a child outside of the family. It devastated him and ever since then, I noticed his temper began to go out of control.

Still, mahal ko siya, I stood by him and married him. All in all, our marriage is a happy one, except for the big fights. We rarely have major fights but when we do, he becomes emotionally and psychologically abusive. He doesn't threaten me, but he would threaten to kill himself or harm himself and would often hurt himself in front of me. He would curse, though not directly at me, and would shout.

Then one time, he grabbed my wrists and squeezed so hard, it bruised. One time, I was being hysterical, I admit, and he slapped me. All those, I forgave, and he promised he wouldn't do it again. But only last night, we had one of our biggest fights. He grabbed my shoulders and when I tried to get away, he pinned me down and shook me, screaming at me. I tried to tell him na masakit na yung pagkahawak niya, pero he wouldn't stop. I managed to get away but he pulled me back and threw me on the bed, and if I hadn't grabbed hold, my head would've hit the wall. He still continued screaming obscenities after that and he only stopped when I screamed and cried na pinagbuhatan niya ako ng kamay.

I know this is probably not as grave as those experienced by others, but I just never really thought my sweet, loving husband would be capable of this. Right now, I've never seen him so sorry in my life. He tried to cook for me kanina, cleaned the house for me, even wrote me a love letter but I just screamed at him na he's not even trying. Why? Because this is what he does every time to make up for things. The same damn thing but what happened last night was just too much for me.

I myself have psychological issues. I have depression brought from abuse I experienced in my childhood. I am psychologically frail, and he knows that. So now, I don't know what to do. I want to forgive him pero takot na ako na maulit uli. Parang every encounter is escalating and I'm afraid he would turn out like his dad, who has recently begun to get physically abusive with his wife during fights about his extramarital affair.

Girls, i don't know what to do. I love my husband so much. He wasn't like this until he found out about his dad's affair. Girls, I need advice. Ending the marriage is out of the question. I've told him to seek help for his temper, and he always said he would especially after a fight, pero wala pa ring nangyayari. What do I do? Am I making too much out of this? Please help!