Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional

[czariwich]

will anyone here suggest a counselor to whom I can seek help?  i am an ofw and i believe i am a victim of verbal, emotional and psychological abuse.  i badly need help now coz it feels too difficult to let others, my friends, to truly understand my situation. thanks so much

[bluberry322]

   hello scorpiowolf,
   how are you now? hope you are okay..
i do have a relationship like yours and its really, really hard. in my case that i cant turn to my parents, siblings nor friends. You see, they are very much against my husband in the first place. But i do love him!
   Things started when he met this girl who's used to clinging to married men. To think that this girl only worked for us for an event for 3 days. pero grabe ang dting nya sa husband ko. Gusto n nyang maghiwalay kami despite of our 3 children.
   We are still together though every now and then, naaalala ko yun and im praying na makalimutan ko na yun and di n nya ulitin.
   hoping to hear from you.

mel
jm_blumoon@yahoo.com

[irisheye]

Mga sis, sa tingin niyo ba may chance pang magbago yung lalaki na minsan na kayong nasaktan physically? I want to give chance kasi sa BF ko. I know this kind of persons need counselling or to go under some therapy () Does anyone knows here where he should go for counselling or what kind or therapy he needs? I want to help him and he is willing to seek help just to save our relationship. Thanks..

[makro0920]

Ms. Irish Eye

Hi sis, no they won't change, pls. mahalin mo sarili mo bago ka magsisi.  I know how much you love him. but please stop the relationship now. I am married for 11 years and tinitiis ko ito for eleven years, want to break free no guts.  Parang minsan gusto kong maglaho sa mundo with my kids to have a new life.  So please lang makaipaghiwalay ka na while its still early

[Styla]

This thread has been very helpful to me ... this is also the reason why I opened an account here.  I have learned a lot sa lahat ng nag-share, especially kay 'AquaCharly'. 
Ngayon ko lang na-realize na my dad has verbally and emotionally abused us (mom and bro) and si mom naman napaka-controlling kapag wala dad ko, he's abroad kasi before.
They are separated now, things are better pero I want mom to attend a support group.  Parang nabuhay kasi kami sa 'suppression' rather than accepting what happened. 
Saan or sino kaya ang pwede lapitan sa ganito?  TIA 

[haiku]

Mga sis, please check in wikipedia the topic "psychological manipulation" para maging aware sa mga "tactics" na ginagamit nila to be able to continue to control and abuse you.

[Ncolette]

Grabe. I was really crying while reading this..... parang I've found myself in the arms of my lola again tulad nung bata ako.

I didnt know I was being abused until I've read this. I am into a relationship right now and we have a baby girl.

I knew it all along inside of me na may mali sa amin pero hindi ko mapin-point. Basta lang I knew it was there, nararamdaman ko pero hindi ko makita. Ito pala yun. Grabe I had that feeling for like 4 years now. I have no idea I am being verbally and emotionally being abused. Wala talaga. Kaya pala kahit ilang beses nya na ako niyayang mag pakasal. Dumating na sa point na ayos na lahat pero umayaw ako kasi somehow I just felt in my heart na may mali somewhere. May mali at hindi ko lang mapangalanan.

Thank so much for ALL THE BRAVE WOMEN out there. Thanks for the Enlightenment. I'll have myself all together muna now that I know where to start. I found the last piece missing on the puzzle now.

[jcarla]

hi miss my alam ka retreats para sa mga victims ng psychological violence and emotional abuse thanks :

[jcarla]

my ex boyfriend.. nag file ako ng against him sa isang volunteer agency na my VAW 3 months [textspeak!] kmi pero magkakilala kami ng 6 mos ..he is my first boyfriend kaya sobra depression naranasan ko.ginamit nya [textspeak!] ako. DECEPTION lahat.. nakilala ko sya na di pala yun ang real name nya, di pala dun sya ngwowork at worst ay may anak na pala sya pero di cla married ng mother ng anak nya...nung una akala ko totoo lahat [textspeak!] super sweet nya na tlaga feel ko na gustong gusto nya ako... bigla na [textspeak!] sya nwala.. i keep on calling him sa phone.. pero pinagmumura nya lang ako.. tenxt nya ako ng sobra sasakit at bastos na salita na nakakawala ng respeto sa sarili. and then one day.. bigla na lang sya nagtext na ipapatay daw nya ko.. sinundan nya ko one time papasok sa work.. binabantaan nya ko,, [textspeak!] may takot sya na baka isumbong ko sya sa family nya.. pero wala naman ako ginagawa. pero ngyon tumigil na sya di na sya nagttxt.. girls tama ba ginagawa ko, tama lang ba maramdaman ko ang galit at gumanti para makulong sya...

[corcor]

Under NO circumstances should ANY form of abuse be tolerated! You can go to these orgs for help:

Read up on the:
VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN & CHILDREN Republic Act No. 9262
otherwise known as the “Anti-Violence Against Women and their Children Act of 2004”

Agency : Ateneo Wellness Center
Address : Alingal Hall, Ateneo de Manila, Quezon City
Tel. # : 426-60-01 loc. 4022,4023
Services : Psychological testing, therapy & counseling for Kids (4yr- up)
and Adult by appointment
Schedule : Monday - Friday (8:00-5:00 PM)
Contact : Lerma Rasco, Secretary Dr. Ma. Emma Conception-Liwag Exec. Director
Terms : Depends on level; P400-800 per session

Agency : Center for Family Ministries (CEFAM)
Address : Loyola House of Studies, Ateneo, Quezon City
Tel. # : 426-42-89 to 98 fax : 426-4285 Service : face-to-face counseling by appointment
Schedule : Monday to Friday 8:00 - 6:00 PM Saturday 8:00 - 5:00 PM
Contact : Mrs. Socorro P. Mirabueno -Exec. Director
Terms : By donation

Agency : Women's Action Helpline
Tel. # : 430-4207 / 430-4205
Schedule : Monday - Friday ( 9:00- 5:00 PM)
Services : Women's issues

Agency : Crisis Line
Tel. # : 893-76-03
Schedule : (Monday-Friday 9:00am-4:00pm)
Services : General counseling /referrals

Agency : Cristo Rey c/o ATENEO
Contact : Fr. Ted Gonzales
Tel. No. : 426-42-86
Services : Support group for male sex addicts

Agency : Crusade Against Violence
Tel No. : 810-54-97 to 98 / 810-55-01 / 810-5842

Agency : Helpline
Tel # : 5255845
Service : Child Abuse, Violence Against Women Counseling

Agency : Incest Survivor's Support Group
Tel. # : 924-95-74

Agency : Kalakasan
Contact : Anna Leah Sarabia, Executive Director
Tel. # : 433-28-03 / 921-22-22
Schedule : Mondays - Fridays (8:00 - 6:00 PM)
Services : Medical & legal referral, shelter for battered women

Agency: University of the Philippines-Philippine General Hospital (UP-PGH) Women's Desk
Address: Emergency Room Complex, Taft Avenue, Manila 1000
Contact Person: Ms. Bernadette R. Albino
Medical Social Worker
Telephone Numbers: 524-2990 / 521-8450 local 3072
Services: Case Management of Survivors of violence, Medical Management, Supporting services and referrals, Training on gender sensitivity and violence against women, Development of institutional guidelines and protocol, Curriculum deveopment, Paralegal counseling, Psychosocal interventions: (1) Individual and group therapy, (2) Crisis counseling, (3) Stress management, (4) Advocacy, (5) Research, (6) Supervision.
E-Mail Address: womens_desk@yahoo.com
Agency : Women’s Action Helpline
Telephone : 430-4207
Schedule : Monday-Friday 9:00-5:00 PM
Services : Abuse of women in intimate relationship

Agency : Women’s Crisis Center
Address : 7th / f East Ave. Medical Center East Ave. Diliman Hills, Quezon City
Tel. # : 924-9315
Hotlines: 922-5235, 926-7744
Schedule : Mondays - Fridays 8:00 - 6:00 PM
Services: Face to face Counseling, Telephone Counseling
Temporary Shelter for victims, Medico Legal Assistance, Legal Assistance, Survivors support group
Type of Client: Women Only
Referral Requirement: Referral Letter
Case study with all necessary documents attached to it.

Agency : Women's Legal Bureau
Address : 11 Matimtiman St., Teacher’s Village, UP Diliman, Q.C.
Tel. # : 921-38-93 / 921-80-53
Fax # : 921-43-89
Contact : Atty. Evalyn Ursua ( Exec. Director)

Agency :Center for the Prevention & Treatment of Child Sexual Abuse ( CPTCSA)
Address: 122-C Matahimik St., UP Village Q.C.
Tel. #: 434-75-28 to 36 , 414-47-61
Schedule: Open from Monday to Friday 8:00 am to 5:00 pm
Services : Individual Therapy
Group Therapy on Child Sexual Abuse
Consultation fee: P130.00 (Case to case
basis)
Age of Client : 18 yr. old and below
(Male and Female)
Sessions are scheduled upon appointment

Agency : Bantay Bata Foundation, Inc.
Address: ABS CBN Compound, Mother Ignacia cor Sct. Albano. Q.C.
Hotline: Bantay Bata 163
Schedule: open 24 hrs a day
Services : Phone Counseling, Face to face Counseling, Child Abuse, Medical Assistance to any ailments, Temporary shelter (For rescued children only), Family Counseling, Group & Individual Therapy
Age of Client: 12 yr. Old and below (Male and Female)

Agency: AMANG RODRIGUEZ MEDICAL CENTER
Address: Sumulong Highway, Sto. Niño, Marikina City
Tel No: 941-3441, 942-0097
Servces: Medical Assistance, Counseling, Referral
Referral Requirements: Referral letter (in case of inter-agency case referral) to be addressed to the Medical Director thru the Medical Social Service Head)

Agency: AMRSP – WOMEN AND GENDER COMMISSION
Address: 1348 Quinto cor Ma.Clara Sts., Sampaloc, Manila
Tel No: 712-9084, 742-7826
Education (information and seminars), Campaigns on Status of women, Research (specifically abuses/violation Within the catholic church), Resource Center, Shelter for Survivors (a day or two or Prayers/reflections), Pastoral care

Agency: BUKAL, INC.
Address: 55 K-7th Street West Kamias, Quezon City
Tel No: 433-6235, 0919-4251841
E-mail Address: bukal_qc@yahoo.com

Agency: CRIBS PHILIPPINES, INC.
Address: 30 Major Dizon Street Industrial, Valley Complex, Marikina City
Tel No: 681-5921, 681-8087
Services: Treatment, Healing and recovery (psychosocial & adjunctive therapies) for both children and families, Education and legal assistance, medical, dental, Group home living program, Aftercare (post residential care) services
Requirements: Birth certificate, legal documents, general medical exam, psychiatric screening, referral letter and case study report

Agency: COMMISSION ON HUMAN RIGHTS (CHR)
Address: UP Complex Commonwealth, Avenue, Diliman, Q.C.
Tel No.: 928-6098
Services: Provides legal assistance to women victims of violence

Agency: D2KA- District 2 Kababaihan Laban sa Karahasan
Address: Blk. 13 Unit 9 Row House Pilot Area, Bgy. Commonwealth
Quezon City
Tel No: 430-9009, 953-7118
Services: Counseling, Referral, Temporary Shelter, Combat-VAW module, Stress management training, Care for caregivers training

Agency: Department of Interior and Local Government – NCR
Address: 265 LMP Building Ermin Garcia, Street Cubao, Quezon City
Tel No: 912 –8962, 912-8965, 912-8967
Services: Gender and development program where VAW is one of the concerns and issues for the whole region

Agency: Euphrasian Crisis Center
Address: Good Shepherd Convent 1043, Aurora Boulevard Cubao,
Quezon City
Tel No: 913-6433, 913-6437
Services: Temporary shelter Counseling center
Requirements: Case study and guardian

Agency: Family and Community Healing Center (FCHC)
Address: C.P. Garcia Avenue cor. C.V., Francisco St., Baranggay U.P.
Campus Diliman, Quezon City
Tel No.: 426-9779
Services: One-on-one counseling with follow-up home visit for women and men and children, Information distribution on VAW awareness

Agency: KANLUNGAN CENTER FOUNDATION
Address: 77-K 10th cor J-J Streets Kamias, Quezon City
Tel No: 928-2384,433-0953
E-mail Address: kcfi@philonline.com.ph
Services: Feminist Counseling, Education, Support Group, Temporary Shelter, Welfare Assistance, Legal Assistance
Requirements: Letter, Simple phone call and case study (if available)

Agency: LINGAP Foundation
Address: 105 P. Aquino Avenue Barangay Longos, Malabon City
Tel No: 288-5120, 285-6494
E-mail Address: lfi97@info.com.ph
Services: Psychosocial intervention, Counseling, Referral, Information education and training
Requirements: Case Study and Referral Letter

Agency: PNP – Women’s Crisis and Child Protection Center
Address: PNP-WCCPC Camp Crame, Quezon City
Tel No: 723-0401 loc 3697, 415-4908 loc 3699
E-mail Address: wccpc_2001@yahoo.com
Services: Conducts appropriate police investigation of all cases involving violence against women and children, Provides highest standards of medico-legal, psychological/psychiatric counseling services to victims of VAWC, Maintains strengthens coordination and other agencies concerned and protection of women and children, Files VAWC cases with the clouts and does tracking and follow-ups

Agency: Quezon City – Social Services Development (QC-SSDD)
Address: Quezon City Hall Molave, Compound, Diliman Quezon City
Tel No: 927-1588, 924-1412, 924-1440
Services: Counseling, Temporary shelter, Referral, After care/Monitoring
Referral Requirements: Case Summary

Agency: Red Cross Welcome Center for Women
Address: Philippine National Red Cross, Bonifacio Drive, Port Area Manila
Tel No: 5278384 loc 126
Services: Temporary Shelter, Home life management, Medical services, Guidance and Counseling, Livelihood skills training, Referral
Referral Requirements: Case study report, referral letter, laboratory, examination results on urinalysis, CBC Hepatitis B and Ultrasound

Agency: SALIGAN
Address: GroundFloor Hoffner Building, Ateneo de Manila University
Quezon City
Tel No: 426-6124
E-mail Address: saligan@saligan.org
Services: Direct legal service, Litigation assistance, consultations, preparations of pleadings, court appearances, Publication – VAW manual and other publications, Education-paralegal training on VAW, Police advocacy
Referral Requirements: Partners referral – referral endorsement primarily VAW related cases

Agency: The HAVEN – National Center for Women
Address: Northgate Avenue, Filinvest, Corporate City, Alabang
Munitinlupa City
Tel No: 807-1586
Services: Residential care, Medical services, Maternal and child care, Self-enhancement and skills development, Livelihood skills development, Legal services, Counseling, Case work/group work, Others: transportation, non-formal education
Referral Requirements: Social case study, Report, Medical abstract records and referral letter

Agency : In Touch Foundation
Address : 48 A McKinley Road, Forbes Park, Makati City
Tel. # : 893-18-93 or 893-76-06
Services : Face-to-face counseling by appointment
Schedule : Monday - Friday ( 9:00 - 5:00 PM)
Terms : P1,500.00 per session/hour

Agency : Natasha Goulbourn Foundation
Address : Suite 209, LRI Design Plaza, 210 nicanor Garcia Street, Makati
Tel. # : 897-2217
Services : free seminar on depression
Schedule : Monday to Friday ( 8:00 - 5:00 PM)
Contact : Ms. Frances Lim

[evilwoman]

mga sis question po, kapag ba bago pa lang kayong kasal at ang feeling mo din is walking on eggshells ka (kapag kasi either nabagalan sya sa kilos mo, or di mo agad nasagot tanong nya, or pagod sya, or may ikinagalit sya sa opisina, or nainis sa traffic, or masakit ang ulo more likely masisinghalan ka). is that considered as verbal/emotional abuse or adjustment phase lang ng marriage?
as in cautious ka parati sa actions mo dahil iwas ka na maginit ang ulo nya but still, may bagong incident na dadating na ikakagalit nya so back to square one ka.
di ko kasi madistinguish kasi madami ako nababasa dito na aso't pusa noong bagong kasal pa lang at ganito din generally sa kinalakihan ko so i don't know kung normal ba sa mag-asawa ito or what.
lately kasi ang bigat-bigat na sa kalooban kapag napapagsalitaan nya ko and something inside me tells me na i don't deserve this kind of treatment.. 

[luckypal]

I felt so sad reading all the posts on this thread. I can't believe that so many women are suffering in silence out there!

My question is, once you get out of the abusive relationship, how can you make sure that the next person you end us with isn't like your ex? Sometimes it's hard to tell a person's character kasi eh. You just might end up in the same situation again but with another person

[corcor]

Let go of old baggage, heal emotional wounds, focus first on self-improvement & empowerment, if not you will continue to face experiences of re-living the very things you fear about love. Yes these wounds are painful, but there is no need to keep re-living the same abandonment, abuse, and disappointments. Whatever is unresolved from the past will continue to present itself until you have transcended and healed it. Take note of the issues and patterns that you've encountered in your relationships.

Work on making yourself whole first and don't look for ‘that perfect someone’ to "complete" you, if you are not complete you won’t attract and maintain a relationship that fills in our insecurities. In fact you will attract a relationship that forces you you to face your fears & insecurities. Relationships act as mirrors that reveal things about yourself in order for you to work on your issues.

The only way we can maintain a healthy relationship is to know and hold our self-worth, self-love and self-respect and not need that void filled by another person. Learn to be happy even when you're single. Stand up to your partner and tell them what you will not take, you will only be abused if you allow it to happen.

Love and work on yourself first then you will attract the right partner that treats you with love, respect and honor. Do what makes YOU happy.   We all make mistakes, learn from them, let go of the past and move on to living life to the fullest

[fegloria1954]

I felt so sad reading all the posts on this thread. I can't believe that so many women are suffering in silence out there!

My question is, once you get out of the abusive relationship, how can you make sure that the next person you end us with isn't like your ex? Sometimes it's hard to tell a person's character kasi eh. You just might end up in the same situation again but with another person

luckypal, more often than not it usually is like jumping out of the frying pan into the burning fire...................

[luckypal]

^ yeah, I think it's hard to shake off some bad habits. I think we should work on using our BETTER judgment and learn how to discern the good men from the bad boys.

[boogieston]

yung past labandera namin, binubog siya ng asawa niya pag hindi siya nakakapagbigay ng money na pang-inom nung husband niya (walang trabaho yung husband). We finally convinced her to leave her husband, and na-report na sa barangay yung husband niya. She's happier than ever today.

[messe.besse]

to our sisses--

my mom just came home from abroad, and told us that our sister there has been mentally, emotionally, and maybe physically abused by her husband.

when they were in another state living separately from our aunts, my mom would visit them to take care of her newborn daughter..they were okay then but i think the guy has another woman (hence the pleasing mentality of my sister?).

they had a nice opportunity to own a partnership in a company so they moved to another state and eventually moved back to their original state because the guy just don't want the job (now he's jobless with my sister being the breadwinner; she also got the highest paid ever since and was able to land a green card for them).


mom witnessed these scenarios:

1) whenever my sister would not give him the immediate attention, the guy would count 5.4.3...and she would be in panic mode to give him the attention he wants

again when she was bedridden with her 2ndth (slipped on her 7th month), the guy would call her to come and should be there at his side in 21...20...(counting)

2) one time, wee hours in the morning, the guy would grab a guitar, play it and sing

3) my mom finally asked the guy if he's really like that, and the guy answered back that what you see is what u get.

my sister then fought with my mom after that on not to meddle with their affairs, because she's happy.


anyways, my question po, hope its alright....na, how do you help someone who doesn't recognize there is a problem? 
she could be pleasing the guy because he is probably seeing another woman (and that he would not leave her); or staying because she doesn't want to break her family and have her 2 children grow up without a father?  tia.

[gnrn_026]

to our sisses--

my mom just came home from abroad, and told us that our sister there has been mentally, emotionally, and maybe physically abused by her husband.

when they were in another state living separately from our aunts, my mom would visit them to take care of her newborn daughter..they were okay then but i think the guy has another woman (hence the pleasing mentality of my sister?).

they had a nice opportunity to own a partnership in a company so they moved to another state and eventually moved back to their original state because the guy just don't want the job (now he's jobless with my sister being the breadwinner; she also got the highest paid ever since and was able to land a green card for them).


mom witnessed these scenarios:

1) whenever my sister would not give him the immediate attention, the guy would count 5.4.3...and she would be in panic mode to give him the attention he wants

again when she was bedridden with her 2ndth (slipped on her 7th month), the guy would call her to come and should be there at his side in 21...20...(counting)

2) one time, wee hours in the morning, the guy would grab a guitar, play it and sing

3) my mom finally asked the guy if he's really like that, and the guy answered back that what you see is what u get.

my sister then fought with my mom after that on not to meddle with their affairs, because she's happy.


anyways, my question po, hope its alright....na, how do you help someone who doesn't recognize there is a problem? 
she could be pleasing the guy because he is probably seeing another woman (and that he would not leave her); or staying because she doesn't want to break her family and have her 2 children grow up without a father?  tia.

grabe yan.. d kaya my mental disorder yung guy? ang bait ng aunt mo at natitiis nya.. mahal nya tlaga siguro un guy.. dadating din [siguro yun araw na marerealize ng aunt mo na ayaw na nya and pagod na sha.. as of now, baka nagbubulagbulagan pa sha..
and kaya siguro sha nagsstay eh, both reasons she's pleasing the guy bec he's seeing another woman and she dont want to break her family.. db.. for me ha, mhrap nman tulungan ang taong ayaw magpatulong..

[scorpiowolf]

Hi! Grabe super tagal na since I posted here. So weird though, I started this thread 2 yrs ago. And now when I backread at all my previous posts, gosh it seems like another person was talking back then!!

All I can say is that... WOW, Ive come a long way from that time. Now, I am happy and adjusted to my new life. I feel like i am a totally different person when i backread. I suppose time does do miracles and wonders in healing us.

Hang in there to people going through a tough time. I do not regret ever leaving my husband, and I am reminded of that when I visit this thread.

Thank God, I have so many blessings that have come my way the past 2 years. My child is growing up well. I had already filed for my annulment. Made many friends in the past year. Also, me being the typical housewife back then is slowly learning and working on being financially independent. I am so lucky I have the support of my family and God has seemed to give me many opportunities to save up even if my ex has stopped supporting mu child. Most importantly, I dont take crap now from anyone, even other people i date hehe.

I still believe that families belong together and that marriage is utterly sacred. However, if you come to a point that you a losing yourself already and you feel like you are going to "die" from all the unhappiness and pain... then maybe you should re-think the situation. Hwever, get proper advice. It came to a point, for me that even a priest told me in a confession that God does not intend for me to be unhappy and that If my ex wont change, then I should consider getting a church annulment lest my child suffer more.

Good luck to everyone!!!! I wish everyone all the peace, happiness, and success

[scorpiowolf]

   hello scorpiowolf,
   how are you now? hope you are okay..
i do have a relationship like yours and its really, really hard. in my case that i cant turn to my parents, siblings nor friends. You see, they are very much against my husband in the first place. But i do love him!
   Things started when he met this girl who's used to clinging to married men. To think that this girl only worked for us for an event for 3 days. pero grabe ang dting nya sa husband ko. Gusto n nyang maghiwalay kami despite of our 3 children.
   We are still together though every now and then, naaalala ko yun and im praying na makalimutan ko na yun and di n nya ulitin.
   hoping to hear from you.

mel
jm_blumoon@yahoo.com

\

So sorry I just read your message!! I hardly log in any more. i feel bad for what you are going through. I truly hope that the womanizing of your husband was an isolated case.

On my end kasi, I could have easily forgiven any indiscretion on ex's part. He really did try to straighten up. In fact, he never had a girl the last yr of the marriage (except when were separated, then he goes on a spree). However, i simply could not take his character/temperament and I know you simply cannot change a person's character. You can always change the lifestyle but your personality is your personality.

There are many retreats you can attend and counseling services that might help. My ex and I attended several. You can check in Ateneo CEFAM (its the most affordable one althoug I personally did not like their style) Or you can ask spiritual communities that give marriage encounters for troubled marriages such as a Marriage Encounter/Family Encounter. I heard Retrouvaille does wonders. I dont have the contact no. but you can google it. Also try the other counselors that have been recommended here. More than anything, better to EXHAUST all possibilities of working it out by getting good, unbiased guidance and advice. If it doesn't work out in the end, at least you know you did everything possible to save your marriage.