Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional

[purrple]

Hi mga sisses, I'm new here...

May I ask if there are any female support group that we can get in touch to?  We have an officemate, battered housewife and pati yung children.  We want to help her in any way that we can.  She attempted suicide before, and we are scared that it might happen again.

Any probono lawyers handling cases like this?

I would really appreciate all the information.

Thanks mga sisses!

[kutingpie]

^sis, try Gabriela.

[betrayed0403]

sis chloe, i suggest that if you really want to get out of that abusive relationship, do it now.
i have been married for 16 years... my husband abused me physically, mentally, emotionally, financially. like you, i was so scared to get out-- having 3 kids and with no source of income then. my life revolved around my family-- i can't even spend time with my friends.
i was raised well-- was blessed with a comfortable life since birth. it was an everyday struggle to accept that i made a very wrong choice in life for choosing the man i married and had to live with that poor choice only God knows until when.
it's harder to get out when your kids are already at their "teens" -- when they can already express themselves well.. when they can already beg for a family that is complete. a mom would always give the last drop of her sweat, blood and tears for her children-- if you know what i mean. if they would ask for that, it's difficult to say no. even if it would mean putting your happiness aside.
God created you --- you are SPECIAL. always remember that. always remind yourself that you are better than what other people think about you.
sa totoo lang, panget asawa mo, di ba? hehe tingin ko, mga lalaking nananakit, panget saka bobo... takot silang tanggapin sa sarili nila 'yon kaya inaaway ang mga taong naka-aangat sa kanila!
smile ka na, sis

[chloefrancynn]

sis betrayed 0403, thanks. You know, that actually makes sense,right? Why should I wait till my daughter can actually do something if we separate? What if layasan nya pa ko if we separate when she's already in her teens...she might even do crazy things that crazy teens do. Haaayy...I'm so confused! He's just so controlling! He always says to me when I want something" Bakit,mabait ka ba?" like I've been such a bad wife! I'm gonna go crazy already! His reason for being verbally abusive is "hinihintay ko pa daw kasi sya mapuno and magalit". But I don't! That's the weird thing about it. I just shut up and keep quiet,para lang matapos na. He expects me to comfort him and make lambing...but how can I do that when he's throwing insults at me? I think he needs help,too. Reason din nya lagi is that I know naman daw na high blood sya,gagalitin ko pa sya. Hello?! Wala naman ako ginagawang masama then ang bilis bilis nya sobra magalit. Kung ma-traffic nga lang kami,magagalit na sakin kasi bakit daw dun kami dumaan,bakit ganun time kami nag-travel,everything is my fault!
Like the other day, I asked if it's ok if he fetches our daughter from the mall cause we were at Glorietta together and she wanted to go home already even though we just got there. I knew he'd be coming from work and was wondering if maybe he pass by and fetch her. He called me on the cellphone but I couldn't hear him that much. I spoke on the phone a little loudly so he could hear me,just in case. He accused me "Bakit ganyan ang tono mo sakin? Ikaw na nga nakikiusap! Bibigyan mo na nga ako ng responsibilidad! Bahala ka sa buhay mo dyan! Hindi ko sya susunduin!" Turns out,it was so traffic and he got so mad because I was asking him for a favor during rush hour. Kasalanan ko bang traffic? I explained to him that I was just talking louder baka kasi he couldn't hear me. He wouldn't listen. So he kept on saying more "crazy" stuff. So weird kasi I didn't even do anything and he was throwing insults at me!
Sis,are you still with your hubby now? Are you seeking professional help?

[betrayed0403]

^yes, sis. i'm still with him. things changed when i got a job-- and a "life". i insisted of having a social life being 'deprived' of it for 12 years! hehe
you know, if you're with friends... you will know who you were and who you are.
same here, akala ko no'n talagang wala akong kwenta eh. akala ko pangit and bobo ako. that's why it became quite hard for me to accept compliments. akala ko, bola lang ng iba... hehe
my kids are all teens. kaya sabi ko sa 'yo... harder to let go. happiness is an everyday decision. you shouldn't expect another person to make you happy. if you won't do it-- no one will do it for you.
have a life, sis! be happy want to talk? just PM me..

[Paulo]

^^
In as much as I commend you Chloefrancynn for being brave and determined, I have to agree with Betrayed0403. .... Nope. Not on that "Your husband is surely Ugly" part but on that bit where she said that if you plan to leave your husband, the earlier you do it the better for you.

Would you believe that kids are better off with separated parents than parents who are together and fight a lot? The first one may develop certain insecurities, or needs for a perfect solid family, but ones who children who grow up with battered moms or push-over dads, suffer from far worse psychological issues. I know someone who's 12 yr old daughter blames herself for her parents constant fighting. Apparently she over-hears the parents fight. Oftentimes the dad blames her mom for stuff she failed to do for the kids like secure the school-bus service that day, talked to the teachers, get this and that. The mother naman is so vocal in telling the dad that if it weren't for her and her younger brother, she would have left him years ago. Well, that's one good example of how simply sticking together for the sake of "sticking together" does more damage than good.

Don't get me wrong, I still admire you for your courage. Very few women are as strong. And even fewer men are as determined. Fighting for your right to keep your family intact shows how selfless you are. But if you really want a "Family", then you've got to do more than just roll with the punches. You can't allow your husband to bully you into losing yourself, your place as the Mother of the family, and your self esteem.


Good luck!

[scorpiowolf]

^^ sis Chloe... haven't been able to log in. I only got a chance to update myself now about your plight. All I can say is..."OMG long lost twin ata ng asawa ko yung asawa mo!" As in... very similar. I remember before my son and I were at a bookstore. My son who was a toddler threw a MAJOR tantrum after a few min of us arriving. So I was very upset and frantic, I called my husband and was asking him to come and pick us up already. Of course my tone was very stern, bec I was dealing with my son who was sprawled on the floor and freaking out at that very same time. OMG pag sundo sa akin, galit na galit. T*r*ntado daw ako at wag na wag na mauulit ang paggamit ko ng tono na ganun sa kanya. Di daw sya driver or utusan ko. O di ba??? sobrang similar yung kwento natin?!

hayyyyyy well let us put it this way. I am not going to sugar coat anything here. Ill admit several personal truths about leaving my abusive husband:

1. It was so difficult, to the point I thought I could die with the the pain. It was like quitting cold turkey from a drug that you know is bad for you and will kill you eventually, but you dont know why you just feel so freaking lost and unsafe without the crazy drug.

2. Expect it to be one of the toughest things you will have to face. Expect your life to be shattered. I was a plain housewife with a 2 year old boy in tow. Expect to feel lost, depressed, all of the pain. EXPECT THE WORST BUT KNOW THAT ALL PASSES IN DUE TIME. Tomorrow is always another day. So take everything one day at a time.

3. I do miss having a "family" till this very day. I do still miss him. I do still get jealous. Do I still love him? I know I do... but not blindly in the same way. Does he love me? Only he can tell, but surely he cant seem to quit wanting to get back with me but always falls short of his promises. BOTTOM LINE: Do not ever use the excuse "EH kasi mahal kom kaya di ko maiwanan" or "mahal niya lang ako kaya ako nasasaktan" In the end...LOVE DOES NOT MATTER IN THIS SITUATION. LOVE WILL NOT PROTECT YOU FROM HIS HARM.

BUT... on the brighter side of things

1. I have realized that I may be separated and come from a broken family but I am more "whole" as a person. It took time but I now feel like my old self again.

2. I feel so much stronger. In a strange way I feel proud of what I have overcome. I am not proud that I was abused and I do not say this to people. But deep down I am proud that I survived the worst part; and thankful that I got out.

3. PEACEFUL daily living! I do not live like I am "walking on eggshells." How good my day will turn out no longer depends on what the mood of my husband is. No more worrying that every single move, change in my tone, etc. etc. can send my husband into a rage. whew!

4. LAstly, I am rediscovering all the things I loved and missed about being single. More than anything I love that I only have to worry about myself and my son. I do what I want to, when I want to. Life is full of 2nd chances. Ill just have to wait and see what beautiful things life has in store for me =)

so there sis... it is going to be tough. And there is a long and winding road to recovery. I know I have a very long way to go. I have so many issues I need to deal with. For instance I have to stop giving my husband a chance! hehe but seriously,I would go through every bit of pain all over again.

Good luck!!!! Pray, pray that He will guide you to the path He wants for you. =)

[Stellar27]

pa-backread muna...

[chloefrancynn]

Sis Scorpiowolf, thanks so much for that. I especially loved the part "PEACEFUL daily living! I do not live like I am "walking on eggshells." How good my day will turn out no longer depends on what the mood of my husband is. No more worrying that every single move, change in my tone, etc. etc. can send my husband into a rage." I'm still hoping he'd somehow change But I think and I know he'll never change...I just don't know until when I can keep up with him.

[scorpiowolf]

^ Sis Ill pray for you =) Hang in there!!! Do what you feel is right for you and your family, whether that means staying in the marriage or not. Each person is unique and each situation too. I hope the best for you. I hope your story ends well... Till now I envy sis Aquacharly whos husband made a complete turnaround. Miracles do happen sis! Hope it happens for you

. I still hope also for a miracle. Some days I want to believe my husband will really change thats why I do find myself trying to give him a chance... Some days though, I think the miracle maybe God gave me, is that I got out. Im still trying to figure that part out. In the meantime, Im just trying to live my life doing what I feel is right. And for me, right now that means really remaining separated.

In the end kasi only you will know what is right for you =) But your family and friends will be there to back you up regardless of what you decide.

Goodluck!

[scorpiowolf]

Someone pm-ed me about Rose Yenko's contact details! Sorry to post it here but I just can't send a pm now. I dunno... maybe I have been inactive for a long time kasi. So here goes

LRI Plaza on N.Garcia St. (formerly Reposo)
       across Alliance Francaise

       0917 b512 3763
       898  3826

She's a clinical psychologist. I only visited her once, but it was a turning point in my life! I do plan on visiting her again soon.

[xthine]

^Sis, I was the one who PMed you. I'm sorry but what was that 6512? Thank you so much for the info, I will be getting in touch with her soon.

[scorpiowolf]

^ sis sorry!! I just cut and paste that from what Aquacharly pm-ed my last year pa. Call the landline sis Im sure tama yan.

Nawala ko na kasi in my phone directory yung numbers nya+

[scorpiowolf]

^ I got na the cel number of Dr. Rose Yenko

here 0917-512-3763. I called her office earlier. I made an appointment. I havent seen her in exactly 1 year =) And so much has happened already. But I wanna talk to her re some of my issues post separation. Im looking forward to it.

[xthine]

Thank you sis I called her yesterday and I'm meeting her tomorrow to discuss my family member's case.

[virgogirl98]

mga sis kanino ba ako pwede humingi ng tulong about sa husband ko na bigla na lang nag-disappear! i mean wala na kami natatanggap na financial support from him since Feb. 09 ni text o tawag wala! iniwan din nya ako mag-isa na harapin lahat ng pagkakautang namin, sa bahay sa credit cards at bank loans. di rin ako matulungan ng agency nya dahil ang magagawa lang daw nila is iparating sa seaman ang concern ko na gusto ko syang makausap pero kung ayaw daw talaga ng seaman wala na sila magagawa. di ko alam bat sya nagkaganun, although ginawa na rin nya sa akin to last year, 5 months sya di nagpadala tas umuwi ng walang perang dala! punung-puno na ako sa kanya, sabi ko sa kanya bago sya umalis last oct. na wag na nya ulitin ang ginawa nya dahil ako ang hirap na hirap. pero eto na naman. gusto ko magkaharap-harap kami na may kasamang abogado or something na mangangako sya na susuportahan nya kami ng anak nya financially. yun bang mao-obliga syang magpadala sa amin. kasi sa totoo lang ang natatanggap ko lang alottment galing sa kanya, pinakamalaki na ang 1k. eh ano naman mangyayari dun? tipping kasi sya kaya sa kanya lahat napupunta ang sweldo nya.

hope someone could help me, nahihirapan na kasi ako.

[azumiii]

how about pag case naman po ng violent na woman affecting innocent women? may advocates po ba tayo sa ganitong situations?

[ishko]

sis virgogirl, pwede ka magfile for support sa husband mo.. court na ang magsasabi kung magkano at tuwing kelan ipapadala ng husband mo ang sustento.

[dyan_sk8]

during my college day.. i was new in the school and i have a boyfriend by next 2 months there..
i was expect he so nice.. but i failed
1st day talagang lasing na lasing ako sabi niya ihahatid niya ako sa bahay, i dont know where we go nasa taxi kasi kami.. then by the morning sa ibang bahay na ako.. nawala pa 2 phones ko at ni hindi ko alam saan sumpalok kami.. fast foward ang story..
i was a member of the organization nun tapos he also join that because of me not by the group he is so very seloso.. he try to threw my books in school while im studying, talagang tinawag pa kami ng isang teacher nun.
tapos may time din na talagang tinabi niya ako sa isang corner malapit sa school at sinisigawan at pinapa hiya sa maraming tao. malapit pa nga akong suntokin. tapos the time na ayaw ko na sa kanya as in ayaw ko na talagang hinanap niya ako at ang kaibigan ko naman talagang traidor yun at tinoro kung nasaan ako.. yun sa isang bar talagang sinasabunotan niya ako! (maraming tao) pauwi na kami at talagang sinakay niya ako sa taxi, ang driver naman kakainis kasi pera ang gusto nasisigawan na ako sa taxi.. dinala niya ako sa isang cheap na motel yata yun.. tinatago niya mga cellphone ko, sinasampal, kaya yun talagang sinisigaw ko "tulongan niyo ako" "tumawag kayo ng pulis" at saka parang may bell malapit sa door parang room boy ang tumatok.. tapos yun sumigaw ulit ng "tumawag kayo ng pulis"

for god sake dumating ang pulis mabuti nalang walang media pero na blaster siya at talangang pinakulong ko..

kaya mga sis always be alert

[allura]

mga sissies na hindi pa nagaasawa, para malaman ninyo kung ano ang ikakalabas ng iyong bf balang araw bilang asawa ay tingnan niyo magulang niya.

Role model natin kasi ang ating magulang.  halimbawa: kapag ang pamamaraan ng pagayos ng problema nila ay marahas tulad ng pambubugbog, pagmumura, nambabato ng gamit, nagsisira ng gamit etc asahan ninyo paglaki niya gagayahin nila yon dahil yan ang nakitang nilang pamamaraan sa paglutas ng problema. Kung nagtatampuhan lang at may konting itinataas ang boses asahan mo na yan din ang gagawin nila at kung pagrarason at pinaguusapan ang pamamaraan then yan din makikita mong igagamit nila sa iyo kung paano inaayos ang problema. 

In short, nasa upbringing nila. importante yan na tinatanung ninyo sa mga bf ninyo habang maaga pa para may idea ka kung ano ang ikinalalabasan nila.