Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional

[late_bloomer]

^^ sis diwata... sorry ha, pero anong klase ba yan. it runs in the family?!!? how are the women in your family? submissive? not happy? wala lang, na curious tuloy ako. parang kahit sinong guy within your family e may tendency mangmanyak ng kamag anak?

better avoid them nanga.  your mom? ano sabi nya?


^ qt_chick17 - if confused, you may want to consult someone you trust na in authority to give you a sound advise. hindi friend ha. maybe an aunt or tita, if you cannot share it with your mom?

[diwata]

^ Iyon na nga rin iniisip ko eh. Kaya nga kapag nagkaanak ako ilalayo ko sa kanila as in. Ang saklap noh?

[emmaneyrich]

nakaka-relate ako sa story mo...as of now nararanasan ko ngayon yan...gusto kong umalis na sa relationship na ito, di ko lang alam kung pano...buti ka pa nakaalis ka na, I envy you...

[diwata]

^ I was able to get out of this kind of relationship. You can too! And better make it your top priority.

[ggb]

Is this Women Support Group an organization?

Maybe we could give you guys some demo about Krav Maga.

[scorpiowolf]

just wanted to say hi to everyone here and give everyone a quick update. Things are giid with me. Im friendsw with my husband now, as in good friends and plan to even travel this dec with our kid... but NO... im not living with him\. NOR do i want to.

Were friends but there are boundaries he cant cross. First of all he cant dictate, what I do, who i see or what i do with my time. Precisely bec he has to learn that he cant control me and I am not his property.

2nd... i will never go back to living in the same hse with him unless he gets proper therapy and commits to many months of treatment.

anyway I just want to say thanks to everyone who helped me through the darkest days. I mean things arent perfect now. Far from it actually... but i feel a lot stronger. Im actually working on being independent and focusing on career objectives.

ANyway, this setup with my husband is temporary. Eventually he will have to choose whether he wants to stay married or we totally separate. I know the setup is a bit too CONVENIENT for him. But for now i dont mind since he is absolutely smittened FOR NOW lang yan I know it. but the min he slips up and throws a temper tantrum or becomes complacent again... IM OUTTA there!!!! and he knows it. so for now he busy taking me out on dinner dates, planning trips etc etc etc

Im just enjoying it... but i know only too well its part of the cycle and will go back to the abusive pattern unless he gets help. Thats why NO way am I agreeing to move back home. And also i am not giving him the satisfaction of controlling my every move and action this time. He knows there are boundaries he cant cross.

Anyway thanks again to everyone!!!! please pm any one who might want to talk. Its the least i can do since there are ppl here who have really helped me.

[scorpiowolf]

Is this Women Support Group an organization?

Maybe we could give you guys some demo about Krav Maga.

im sorry i dont mean to sound too curt or anything. But no, this is an organization. Thats why this topic was started bec there is a lack of support group organizations out there. So women may come here and share in utmost anonymity and confidentiality.

AS for your offer to demo Krav Maga, be it free or otherwise... sorry if i may come accross as being rude... but honestly learning self defense or any martial art will hardly make a difference in empowering an abused woman. In fact it can ever make things more precarious for her.

Fine if its going to be a distraction or a new hobby for the woman of she wishes to take it... but otherwise I HOPE no one here will be encouraged, advised, or misguided that taking some form of self defense will protect you from your abuser. It may even be DANGEROUS to have a false sense of power through this means.

PLs the BEST thing is to seek professional guidance with an experienced therapist that handles similar cases. Its your best and only weapon next to your prayers. Your therapist will help you and guide you in taking concrete steps that will protect your total well-being:physically, emptionally, psychologically.

so ggb... be careful of what you are implying to the women here. anyway i see yourve been posting away in the other topics about your beloved krav maga and encouraging ppl to try it out for all these reasons u can conjure. anyway post your comments elsewhere... bec this thread is NOT the appropriate thread for such posts. Post it somewhere else.

[ashley_afiah]

  lahat din ng klase ng abuse eh nangyari na sakin physical,verbal,emotional..yung physical sanay na ako eh 2 araw lang ang sakit ng katawan niyan pag black-eye 2weeks ang paggaling hehe sounds funny pero totoo yun masakit kase ang emotional at verbal matagalan ang sakit nun lalo na kung parang hayop o daig pa sa hayop ang tintrato sayo diba mahirap yun..mhirap tlaga sana magkaroon na ako ng lakas ng loob to end this marriage.

[ggb]

im sorry i dont mean to sound too curt or anything. But no, this is an organization. Thats why this topic was started bec there is a lack of support group organizations out there. So women may come here and share in utmost anonymity and confidentiality.

AS for your offer to demo Krav Maga, be it free or otherwise... sorry if i may come accross as being rude... but honestly learning self defense or any martial art will hardly make a difference in empowering an abused woman. In fact it can ever make things more precarious for her.

Fine if its going to be a distraction or a new hobby for the woman of she wishes to take it... but otherwise I HOPE no one here will be encouraged, advised, or misguided that taking some form of self defense will protect you from your abuser. It may even be DANGEROUS to have a false sense of power through this means.

PLs the BEST thing is to seek professional guidance with an experienced therapist that handles similar cases. Its your best and only weapon next to your prayers. Your therapist will help you and guide you in taking concrete steps that will protect your total well-being:physically, emptionally, psychologically.

so ggb... be careful of what you are implying to the women here. anyway i see yourve been posting away in the other topics about your beloved krav maga and encouraging ppl to try it out for all these reasons u can conjure. anyway post your comments elsewhere... bec this thread is NOT the appropriate thread for such posts. Post it somewhere else.

I'm sorry if this offended anyone. Besides this is not a sport or martial arts. Its a combat system that was design, specifically for women, to protect against any abuse, harassment and violence against oneself. It was then used in military because the tactics used even before you harassed in any other way. This was featured in TV shows, like Unang Hirit and Umaga Kay Ganda, that was used effectly even against peeping tom.

I know I have been promoting this a lot in other threads but because of the design of this combat system which was used in the 1950s when Jewish communities were abused by Nazi at that time of war.

If you search further about this system you and see the videos you will understand that this is no sport, no rule because life depends on it.

As an example. The movie of J. Lo "Enough" and abuse wife where she went to train in Krav Maga to be trained both emotionally and physically against here abusive husband.

This is why the military force in Israel use this because of the physiological training to make soldiers use aggression against any situation.

This is why Krav Maga was not labeled as a marital arts but a combat system. Martial artist are aware and would not dare go against a Krav Maga practitioner because it takes no rules, no mercy when life depends on it.

[ggb]

I'm not saying that you don't seek professional help from experts. Sometimes you need to be prepared psychologically and physically.

Again I'm sorry to promoting Krav Maga in this thread or any other thread.

This is just new in the Philippines and the hope to save people from their aggressors. This is also for women, specifically abused women, so that they can save themselves to any situation they are in either its physical or emotional.

I guess I would have to stop posting about it. I hope you people take a look at this before you judge to see for yourself what it really is.

[Paulo]

^^^
Mas masakit naman talaga yung emotional abuse because it sticks to the victim. Para kasing the Abusers have this natural talent at coming up with words that makes their Victims question themselves. And as the abuse goes on, the victims themselves settle into believing they are indeed what their abusers accuse them of being.

So if a lady is a accused ... or rather, sentenced as no-good-wh*re, she can't help but feel guilty for being such be it that she really knows she isn't one.

Eventually it gets worse and worse and they become too dependent and too helpless to fight the abuse. Ika nga, a cruel way of brain washing that is fueled by trust.

Take a look at your case Ashley Afiah, you're choosing Physical Beatings over Verbal and Emotional Torture. Be it that one is worse than the other, you deserve none of them and you surely shouldn't settle to any one of them.

I do hope you find the strength to fight for what you deserve.

[prettynanay]

Hi! Im trying to sort things out with my marriage right now by separating from my husband. Although Im not closing any doors, I really dont know what will happen at this point. All I know is that I will not go back into that marriage if things dont CHANGE, and if he doesnt commit to making the changes.

First of all my husbad verbally abuses me. I dont want to go into the details of that abuse bec verbal abuse is something very difficult to understand unless you are a victim yourself. My best friend has known of the verbal abuse, but she had to witness my husband and me fighting one time for her to understand the kind of abusive hell i was telling her about! She cried for days in pity for me after she heard my husband rage on me, and for the first time she understood how abusive my husband was. She was crying to me and telling me to get out of the marriage for my own sake and my sons sake, bec I was being treated like an animal. (Sad reality is though that many people undermine verbal abuse bec its difficult to understand. One must experience/witness it to know it.)

2nd, physical abuse. I wouldnt say Im your typical battered wife, who has suffered many brusies and loosened teeth (Thank God!). But nevertheless, there have been times Id feel violated. Ive been dragged, pulled (while holding our baby), shoved, pinned down on different instances. I have been punched but only on one incident and he only punched me 2x that incident. I dunno, am I exaggerated about the physical abuse, or am i in denial about being abused? Point is the fights have escalated and Im worried now that hes officially "hit" me, its something that he will keep doing. I always thought doesnt matter how bad you get hurt, but a woman should never be physically hurt under any circumstance.

3rd, Infidelity. He has been infaithful repeatedly over the course of our short marriage. Once was even at a time when I had left him and he was begging me back and promising me the moon and stars. Little did i know, he was unfaithful that exact same time. He would beg me to go out with him, Id say no, then after I say no, hed go straight to the girls house.

I was no perfect wife by any means. U had many many shortcomings. But these are my reasons for wanting time apart, and considering if it should be a permanent separation. Its the most difficult thing in the world. But I need to stop the cycle. I deserve to be treated better, and my son deserves to grow up in a more peaceful environment.

Lastly, I decided to make this thread bec after i posted on another thread about the story of my most recent bout of abuse, someone emailed me asking for help and advice bec she was recently very battered and beat up by her husband. I tried to give her the best advice I could, but unfortunately she never replied and often I wonder how she is. I guess she just wanted to reach out, just like I myself feel the need to reach out when Im at my lowest of lows. Reaching out unloads a lot of my burden, and its very comforting sometimes when you hear of people who carries that same burden, even if the sharing and reaching out is all done in anonimity.

Lakasan mo ang loob mo at mahalin mo ang sarili mo, kasi pag yun na ang nawala sa yo you end up loosing everything.Take care basta isipin mo lang we all care for you...para sa ating mga babae, di dapat tayo manghina.for our love ones and for our children

[trinity8]

hi y'all. it's been a long time.  i just wanted everyone to know especially aquacharly, paulo and scorpiowolf that i've moved on.  i buried myself in my work so much and at the same time, did major soul searching.  i'm doing way better than before.  i got a dose of reality when something happened to my baby...because of fighting between me and her dad.  don't worry, she's ok.  that's where i got to see what life would be with this man...okay na ako na lang saktan niya but not our daughter.  he has been trying to woo us and show us that he's changed because he saw that he hurt his kid because of his temper.  he told me she's all that he's got...i don't know if i will believe him or not but at this point, i don't think i want this kind of person in our lives.  i've learned to live without him and i'm at peace now.  i have alot to sort out with my life but it's a start.  thanks again. 

 

[Paulo]

^
Sometimes life gives us that timely "shock" to get us back to our senses. Perhaps it was a way for you to realize that you deserve better treatment.

Doing the right thing is never easy. But if you happen to be at peace, despite all the other problems, then chances are you're on the right track.

Good luck to you and your kids.

[aquacharly]

hi y'all. it's been a long time.  i just wanted everyone to know especially aquacharly, paulo and scorpiowolf that i've moved on.  i buried myself in my work so much and at the same time, did major soul searching.  i'm doing way better than before.  i got a dose of reality when something happened to my baby...because of fighting between me and her dad.  don't worry, she's ok.  that's where i got to see what life would be with this man...okay na ako na lang saktan niya but not our daughter.  he has been trying to woo us and show us that he's changed because he saw that he hurt his kid because of his temper.  he told me she's all that he's got...i don't know if i will believe him or not but at this point, i don't think i want this kind of person in our lives.  i've learned to live without him and i'm at peace now.  i have alot to sort out with my life but it's a start.  thanks again. 

 

Fortuitous, though unfortunate for your kid,  that that 1 disaster gave you courage to take hold of your life.  Be vigilant, and just keep on working at it.  Eventually, you and your kids will feel safe and secure again.   I am so happy for you, TRINITY8, that you are now on your way to a better (for sure) life.  See, anything is possible ---  just give it time and thought.  You are an inspiration to the others here now.  Nothing is impossible, really.

To all the wonderful people here,  sorry for not responding or being "out" these past 2 months.  My husband had a medical crisis early September.  (We thought we were gonna lose him/get him back "broken".)   I couldn't concentrate much so decided to stay away lest I post inappropriate/unrealistic advice.   It is only now that I more or less am confident that he is on the way to recovery. (I thank God, at least 2x/day.). 

SCORPIOWOLF --  Thank you for keeping everyone posted on the progress of your relationship with your estranged husband.  It clearly shows that a woman always has options, and realistically, will sometimes  think of going back (well, we women just deeply love).  At the same time, in the face of temptation and our great hope and optimism,  a woman can still step back and stick to what is in her best interest.  Congratulations!

I agree with you,  your husband has to go into significant counseling and behavior modification (for his own good, more than anything), before he should hope to see you regularly.    Take care of yourself, do not let your guard down.  Abusers are creative and manipulative.

I also agree with you -- things will not be as simple as J Lo had it; and it is dangerous to be leading women into a false sense of strength -- that a few blows will solve it all.  No, if you do not kill him in the process -- rest assured he will beat you to it -- he will surely kill you.  Self-defense,  yes.  But to goad him and then to expect to come out of it triumphant -- beware, be very very very very careful.  Best to not pursue the "matirang buhay ang matibay sa atin" scenario -- may just lead to tacky tabloid headlines.

ASHLEY and DIWATA, please make time to see Rose Yenko.  PM you details. 

God bless!

[scorpiowolf]

OH GOD! I dont know what to do! I thought I was ok. I thought I couldt get possibly more hurt than all that I have ever been through.

but my narcissistic (Clinically diagnosed) es husband couldnt just let me be!!!!


Heres the story/ Broke it off about 3 weeks ago bec he wasnt changing. He was still controlling. Calls me today 2 days after my birthday... to tell me that he has STD. and HES BLAMING ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My GOD, when does the abuse stop?! Me of all people... he has to look to me and blame ME, his wife. When hes been screwing around with dirt!!

To make it worse... He says he likes someone. And that he stopped calling her bec its unfair to her daw what hes going thorugh with me. MY GOD. AS IF he is shielding her from his complicated life with me. When I was the one who said, enough and go away. It isnt going to work. AND AKKKKOOOOO pa now.

MY GOD!! and then right before I go back into my house. He hugs me and tells me "please pray. I always pray to this day we get back together. PLease pray we get back together."

WTF?!?!?!?!?!!? First u accuse me of giving u STD then you tell me u found someone u really like already, and now u want me to pray we get back?!?!?!?!!? ALSO, he kept saying over and over again that hes still so attracted to me. And he was crying and saying all he wanted was for me to be happy.

OH MY GOD I will go out of my mind. IT HURTS SOOOOOOO MUCH! For the person I GAVE MY LIFE TO, to accuse me?!!? When I will swear on my own kid's life that I had never been with any one since the day he ecame my bf. SUPER sakit. sobra na talaga. Mamamtay ako. Mamatay ako physically sa sakit na makukuha ko sa kanya.

And my gosh, when will the abuse stop. I was moving on and doing ok. I was ignoring his calls for 1 week after I called everyting off. Then have een silent and at peace for the past 3 weeks. HE always knows where to stab me where it hurts. WOW di ko na kaya to

[aquacharly]

Keep your cool, he is just more imbalanced and mean. 
Probably triggered by your determination to lead an even-keeled life, which he senses.
Do not let him upset your world; or even if you are upset -- do not show him he can still affect you so much.

Gather your strength.  Take care. God bless

[Paulo]

^^
Keep in mind that the reason why you are in this rot in the first place is because you married a crazy in-an-abusive-way guy, who is inconsiderate, and basically has issues. .... Among other things like being lucky with the opposite sex . But let's not get into that since he didn't seem so lucky the last time he fooled around anyway.

All of the above mentioned things, and probably more, is basically the reason why you two are apart. And until you totally heal, and are strong enough to gain back the independent-you, you will only risk losing all that you've worked for if you keep communicating with him.

Looking back at your Post dated Oct 15th, it seems it was too early for you to expose yourself to the very person who dealt you the very blow you were currently recovering from.

You want to know when the abuse will end?

When you stop caring about what he does and start caring more about yourself and your recovery. Again, you will only be in a position to help him, save your family and maybe even save your marriage, ... once you've recovered from your very own issues. Issue brought forward by the abuse you've suffered.

I could be wrong. But I think in this scenario, you can only save one person at a time. I suggest you start with yourself.

[budweiser]

seek a counselor sis..
i suggest kailangan niyo ng family therapy,,
it includes na din iyong marriage counselling..

eto kasi iyong nangyayari sa early marriage eh, sometimes
ang long courtship napupunta sa shorter engagements..
and in the end,, sasabihin mong di ko pala siya ganun kakilala..

all these,, with the help na din sa marriage counselor
ma ga guide kayo, at mabibigyan kayo ng tamang desisyon
tungkol dito..

regarding naman dun sa abusive mong husband..
eto iyong batas ...

 REPUBLIC ACT NO. 9262

AN ACT DEFINING VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN AND THEIR CHILDREN, PROVIDING FOR PROTECTIVE MEASURES FOR VICTIMS, PRESCRIBING PENALTIES THEREFORE, AND FOR OTHER PURPOSES

 As used in this Act,  "Violence against women and their children" refers to any act or a series of acts committed by any person against a woman who is his wife, former wife, or against a woman with whom the person has or had a sexual or dating relationship, or with whom he has a common child, or against her child whether legitimate or illegitimate, within or without the family abode, which result in or is likely to result in physical, sexual, psychological harm or suffering, or economic abuse including threats of such acts, battery, assault, coercion, harrasment or arbitrary deprivation of liberty. It includes, but is not limited to, the following acts:

physical violence
economic violence

ill post na lang others sis..
if you want to know more just pm me..

[trinity8]

hay nako sis.  we used to be in the same boat.  being blamed for something that is their fault and then trying to woo me back with "flowery" words that he knows would just melt your heart.  at first, it really hurt.  of course, your defense mechanism for such statements will automatically go on because you know you've done nothing wrong and then you hear these things.  our abusive partners always blame others for whatever wrong things or mistakes they have made, in this case, tayo yun.  kaya kahit tumahimik tayo, meron at merong masasabi yan because they know kaya nila tayong paikutin.  i don't mean to sound bitter about these people but they really do these things.

sabi ko dati kaya ko yan, i can take it pero minsan sobrang sakit na talaga e.  it reached a point where i did try to kill myself just for him to believe me...didn't work, he didn't care.  i just learned to let go.  when he was in "that mood" i would just keep quiet and tell myself not to let it get to me.  alam ko namang di totoo sinasabi niya.  besides, kahit ikwento niya pa sa ibang tao kung gano ako kasama, the fact that we were still together just made him look like a**.  reklamo ng reklamo pero ako pa din kasama niya parati.  i just convinced myself how kawawa this person is for doing such things.

try to look past the nasty statements and start concentrating on yourself more.  you don't deserve to be treated this way.  try to start a hobby or something, it may help you.