Author Topic: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional  (Read 179352 times)

trinity8

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Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
« Reply #80 on: July 08, 2008, 11:15:29 pm »
mga sis, i really need to release this frustration, fear, anger and depression that i'm feeling now.  i've posted some of my experiences sa kabilang topics but i think i would much rather relate them here in detail....i need help!

i met this man when i was on the brink of separating from my husband.  he was nice and was a friend saming mag-asawa.  eventually, when we separated, he thought that we were having an affair which was not true.  so as the months passed, we became closer and we kinda fell for each other na din kasi nga nagtutulungan kami parati with our mixed up lives (he's separated din kasi), a business that we put up and a lot of other things that we did together. everything was well but after a few months, he became really unreasonable, jealous of my friends and employees (even suggesting that i slept with one of them), started cursing me, demanding that i let go of my friends, criticizing what i wore, and a lot of other things.  i tried to explain to him that i was only running my business and nothing more.  he didn't want to listen to me.  since i did have feelings for him na, dumating na sa point na napapabayaan ko na mga anak ko just to look for him.  there was also one time when he agreed to meet me and he just watched me cry, beg, and grovel just for him to believe me.  it started at 8pm and ended 6am the next day.  sobrang maga ng mata ko and i was so drained from crying but ang tigas niya...sinisigawan pa din niya ako at pinalalabas niyang sinaktan ko daw siya.  we came to an agreement after that and things were okay for a short time.

there was a time that we came from an opening of a friend's bar so we got to meet up with some old friends of mine.  one of them asked for my number and even insinuated that we do some monkey business.  i actually was flabergasted because he was a friend so i told my partner about it.  he was a common friend of me and my ex.  during that time, in the process pa lang ako ng annulment ko. what my partner wanted to do was call the guy and tell him off.  i didn't want to give him my phone for fear na baka gumawa lalo ng gulo yung guy and tell my ex stories that may not even be true.  so for not giving the phone to him, he took my wallet and keys, locked the door sa car ko and left me sa tapat ng squatters area and went home.  i was so scared because walang tint ang car ko and anyone could easily see me inside.  i kept on calling him but he just kept on yelling at me for not following what he wanted.  i begged him to come back kasi may kumakatok na sa salamin ng car and i was really freaking out.  he came back after an hour.  at hinatid niya pa sarili niya sa place niya using my car with me in it.  i forgave him for that.

he even fought with me a day after i gave birth to our baby.  sa hospital sinigawan niya ako and even became physical with me knowing na mahina pa katawan ko at baka mabinat ako....pero he didn't care...galit siya e.

there are so many stories of how he made me feel so worthless and degraded.  the latest incident was...he uses my car everyday while i'm at work.  siya naman pa-gas nun at least.  naiinis ako sa kanya because when i get out of work, i expect him to be there na because i'm already pooped and i want to go home.  i would text him an hour or two before what time ako lalabas para at least di na siya naghihintay ng matagal. pero the past few weeks, he's made me wait for more than an hour sa office ko.  my reason sa kanya kaya ako pissed off na nale-late siya is because he has my car the whole day na nga and yung time na dapat makuha ko na, ako pa naghihintay.  tama ba naman ako may-ari ako pa di makagamit sa car ko? 

here's the last straw...last saturday, my kids and i were supposed to leave for a reunion with my friends at serendra.  he called just when i was about to leave telling me he was coming over.  i told him that i was going out and where so he told me to just pick him up somewhere.  i told him that my daughter and i was just gonna buy something...he said unahin daw muna siya at naghihintay siya.  we still went and bought the item.  we were in and out of the store in 5 mins.  i didn't tell him about it na kasi magagalit pa siya and i was thinking it didn't take much time.  pag dating namin dun, nagdadabog na siya, sinigawan yaya ng anak ko, and drove my car like he wanted to ram it sa pader.  when we got there sa serendra, he wanted the baby to stay with him so my daughter and i went to meet my friends.  we ended at 12am na din.  nung sumakay na kami, he was still driving like a madman and brought us back to makati where he parked in front of a restaurant, took the keys again, and left us there at almost 1 in the morning.  i looked for him and found him about 45 minutes later eating at another restaurant.  sarap ng buhay niya, yung yaya ng anak ko gutom na gutom kasi di niya pinakain while they were locked inside the car.  i told him we were going home kasi kawawa naman yung mga bata, it was late na....di pa din.  when i blocked the door ng car, he pushed me away and stepped on my foot kasi siya pa din drive ng car.  aba, at hinatid na naman niya sarili niya sa place niya.  i didn't want to fight with him in front of my daughter and the yaya. 

ngayon i heard nagsumbong siya sa mga friends niya and relatives niya how bad i was and that i lied to him.  nasaktan daw siya.  most of his friends tell me how they don't like him and why i'm with him kasi ever since daw talagang masama na ugali niya.  i chose to stay because i was hopinh for a miracle and that he'd change.  apparently i was wrong.  now we're not talking but i have a lot of stuff with him and nabaon ako sa utang because of him.  i'm ready to let go na di na niya babayaran utang niya kasi walang konsensya e.  but there are things that i need to get back from him para tapos na.

my question lang is, is it really this hard to let go?  what makes it even harder is that we have a child together and the kid loves him....i can tell.  pano na to?  i feel so bad and i don't know what to do anymore.  di ko na kaya pero inaalala ko yung anak naming dalawa.  i already have two kids with my ex who were abandoned by their father, ayokong daanan to ng baby ko or if ever she was to go through this, pano ko ie-explain sa kanya bakit ayoko makita daddy niya?  ayokong manira, dad pa din niya yun.

any suggestions?...please help me....again.

betrayed0403

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Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
« Reply #81 on: July 09, 2008, 03:01:36 pm »
^sis, i posted this quote in another thread. but you can get a cue from it.

“When life blows a crater in your road to happiness, stop digging deeper, climb out, wipe yourself down, laugh and then choose a different road.”
~Jackie Mulgrew~


ang hirap ng situation mo, sis. i don't want to sound preachy, but sana... you waited for your previous marriage to be annulled first. at least, you will still have time to think things over... isa pa, do you know the reasons why your partner got separated from his wife? there are things na inherent na sa isang tao... eh baka kaya siya hiniwalayan ng wife niya... dahil hindi siya mabait. ;) sana rin hindi ka muna nagka-baby sa kanya... you know, it's good to start anew when things are right...

ang dami kong sana... hehe sorry...

reading your post, i may say that you know what your problem is and you know very well, too, how to deal with it. you're just scared to do it. sa kwento mo, your partner is not worth your time. forgive me... hindi kaya kulang na ang brain cells ng taong 'yon??? hehe are you scared na lalo siyang magiging evil if you'll leave him? haaay... i don't know, sis... aren't you supposed to get scared all the more kung magsasama na talaga kayo sa iisang bahay later on?

sinabi ko na nga ba... when my husband fooled around and i was contemplating of looking for a new love... errr... to get even.. :D, my friend told me na how sure daw ba that i'll be getting a better man this time??? yeah, right... ilan na nga lang ba ang matitinong lalaki on earth? :D

i just told myself... if ever he leaves me, it's time to party! at kung sino man ang kawawang girl na samahan niya, padadalhan ko ng "thank you" card. hehe seriously, sis, bilib ako sa 'yo... hindi ko kasi kaya 'yang ganyan... but you now, put that strength in good use. save your strength and courage to do what is right--- even if it means you'll be unhappy for a while. for your sake and your children's, leave him. he's not your husband, after all. hanggang maaga pa...
If you're hurt, concentrate on what's left... not on what's lost.

aquacharly

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Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
« Reply #82 on: July 09, 2008, 04:34:57 pm »
Sis TRINITY -- what the f*ck!

Plain and simple emotional and physical abuser yang bf mo.
What did you not find in your ex-husband that you find in this man kaya you put up with all the cruelty and rudeness?

It is so hard to let go of a husband,  even if he is the meanest person on earth --
wives keep hoping and taking the abuse --  but eventually, some let do let go and walk away.  Eh ikaw -- you walked away from your husband -- that was surely a catharsis,  and took a lot of courage and self examination to do -- coz you had 2 kids with him.  Why can't you do it this time?  Dapat mas claro na to you, after your annulment, what kind of a relationship is a dead-end

If you thought it best for your 2 older children to walk out on their father -- bakit hindi mo magawa ngayon?  Do you think such behavior of your bf does not negatively affect the psyche of all your 3 children?  What will they think of you if you keep on with this?  The day will come they will tell you to your face to leave such a mean man. 

You say ayaw mo the 3rd child to go through what the 2 older children went through.  Eto lang opinion ko Sis -- you mean you will sacrifice the older 2 children for the 3rd kid's interest?  Sa tingin mo --  your 3rd child, pag laki ng konti eh will be able to see the father as 2 separate entities?  1 is the mean and cruel 1 he is to you and your older children,  and 1 the person she loves to see?   Sa tingin mo,  his cruelty and rudeness will not reach or will not be shown to that 3rd child?  Sis, wake up please.

Nalubog ka na sa utang?  Whatever it is you have to get from him pa -- do it fast or else,  just leave it all. 

Or, like a friend of mine -- please do not get angry with me --  she did not want to leave her 2nd abusive husband coz her mother (some mothers talaga!) said:   "If you separate from him, this 2nd husband of yours, people will say ikaw talaga may diperensya." 

Good grief, Sis TRINITY -- gusto ko boink my friend's head.  Sabi ko -- you care pa what people think of you?  What do you think your children think of you?  And your child will grow up thinking an abusive man is a normal person to live with? 

Hay naku, Sis --  get out before he does you irreversible harm.

PM you re Rose Yenko baka she can help you.  God bless! 

trinity8

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Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
« Reply #83 on: July 10, 2008, 01:07:19 pm »
sis betrayed0403

thanks for the reality check...and i don't think it was preachy.  i probably needed to hear that from somebody.  tigas kasi ng ulo ko e.  ang hirap lang kasi, i don't have anyone to talk to anymore.  i lost my friends and i can't tell my relatives naman.  tried to keep everything to myself but di ko na kaya e.  i totally blame myself for getting too attached to this person...maybe the saying "misery loves company" is true in my case. :P

sis aquacharly

i gave up on my marriage because my husband was not a good provider and he physically and verbally abused my eldest.  it was actually my eldest who asked me to ask him to leave.  all of our expenses and assets hanggang sa baon ng mga anak ko for school came from my parents.  he did have work pero he never gave his earnings to me.  siya may hawak ng pera naming mag-asawa...magastos daw kasi ako.  all i had was a php500 weekly allowance from him and the rest di ko na alam kung asan.  anyway, that's water under bridge and i have moved on... pang nobela nga buhay ko hehe.

napakamalas ko talaga pag dating sa matters of the heart.

i don't know why di ko maiwan itong taong to.  probably because naaawa ako sa kanya dahil ang dami na niyang pinagdaanan sa buhay and ayoko na siyang makita na nasasaktan.  pag nakikita ko din kasi na kasama niya anak namin, nakikita ko na love din naman niya yung bata.  i don't know.  ang gulo sobra ng utak ko ngayon.  galit ako pero at the same time andun yung awa.

got your pm...thank you so much!!! greatly appreciated.  will be getting in touch with rose yenko later after work.  will update you....thanks again!

reality

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Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
« Reply #84 on: July 10, 2008, 08:02:15 pm »
sis, as a daughter of someone who was also emotionally and physically abused, i can tell you it will definitely scar your kids too. the psychological abuse manifested itself among my siblings and i.

sis, escape before it's too late.
« Last Edit: July 10, 2008, 08:11:49 pm by reality »
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aquacharly

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Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
« Reply #85 on: July 11, 2008, 02:44:09 am »
^Sis TRINITY8

Actually Sis,  nakakatakot that he can just abandon you sa squatters area at an ungodly hour.

Sis, why don't you keep duplicates of your car keys?
Kahit multiple duplicates -- tago mo sa bag mo, under the car mat -- so that when he goes off with your car keys -- hindi ka helpless/in danger.
(1 day, drive off and leave him behind.  If he throws a tantrum in the parking lot --  that will be something for you  to laugh about.  Just kidding!)

Hay naku, Sis -- do not take it against yourself -- na hindi ka makapag isip ng claro.  It happens to women who are in abusive relationships.  No matter how intelligent you are, how well educated, how exposed to the world, bleh bleh bleh -- basta ganyan ang nature of your problem -- it is hard to think, what more to think straight.

That is why it is important you are able to access competent, objective help.
Hindi puedeng you vent on just anyone,  at baka maging "the blind leading the blind", even if the intentions are good.

Give Rose a try.  She was a businesswoman, NGO leader, a woman of several advocacies, accomplished.   She has retired from all that, and is now focusing on what is closest to her heart:  empowering women, regardless of where they are coming from.  You can unburden yourself,  tell her everything and anything -- she is
non-judgmental.  You do not even have to give her a name except for Trinity8. 

What can I tell you?  Keep your distance, keep your cool.
Try to avoid the violence, the rages.
Most of all , shield your children from all his nonsense.

BUT as the astute Paolo says over and over again to all of us women here -- take that 1 small step.  That 1 small step may start a chain of changes in your life;  or may just give you more strength to bear it all -- whatever, your soul wants some action. 
1 small step will be enough, in the meantime. 

Take care of yourself, always, Sis.

Please go see Rose. 
 
God bless you.




trinity8

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Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
« Reply #86 on: July 12, 2008, 12:56:26 am »
to reality

i think it already started with my children and i hope that it 's not too late for me to reverse it.  i really want them to have a "normal" life pa din and not full of anger and disappointment.  trying to reverse what happened to us is very difficult but at least we are trying to take a few steps forward together....thanks for the concern.

sis aquacharly

di lang squatters area pinag-iwanan niya sakin.  you wouldn't believe the places that i've seen that would really freak you out.  he would actually come back for me after an hour or so, pag-uwi ko pa may pabaon pa akong pasa, black eye, at kung anuano pa.  na-ospital na nga ako dati kasi inaway niya ako tapos sa sobrang pagpaiyak niya sakin, i actually collapsed inside the car...feeling ko talaga puputok na puso at mga ugat ko sa sentido sa sobrang hirap na huminga sa kakaiyak, begging and explaining.   ngayon lang talaga ako nakakilala ng taong sobrang tigas ng puso...kahit mamamatay ka na sa harap niya, wala pa din siyang gagawin unless makita niyan mawalan ka na nga malay sa sobrang pagod.  kasi talagang di ako tinitigilan nun.  hanggat galit siya, paiiyakin talaga niya ako.  pag tumahimik ako,hihiritan pa din ako ng away. hay nako, kung ikukwento ko pa baka lalo lang kumulo dugo niyo.

i actually thought of bringing extra keys na nga e pero he checks everything in and out of the car and even my stuff.  he regularly screens my phone book for any new entries and if he doesn't like what he sees, he deletes them.  pero siya di ko mahawakan cellphone niya.  he destroyed my laptop worth 100,000 and he also did damage to my desktop pc worth 50,000.  i mean those amounts are irrelevant to me but what really ticked me off at that time was those things are used sa work ko and ang mahal pa naman magpa-ayos nun.   sabi niya that time, sisirain daw niya yun kasi masyado daw akong materialistic and di ko man lang iniisip yung nararamdaman niyang galit and he wanted my job to suffer...wala siyang pakialam talaga.

don't worry sis, i contacted rose this morning.  she replied that she had a long day today but will be texting me tomorrow.  i hope i can see her soon.

reality

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Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
« Reply #87 on: July 12, 2008, 03:01:38 pm »
to reality

i think it already started with my children and i hope that it 's not too late for me to reverse it.  i really want them to have a "normal" life pa din and not full of anger and disappointment.  trying to reverse what happened to us is very difficult but at least we are trying to take a few steps forward together....thanks for the concern.


be strong. gain wisdom. have yourself a great life. good luck.
« Last Edit: July 21, 2008, 09:10:12 pm by reality »
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betrayed0403

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Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
« Reply #88 on: July 13, 2008, 10:55:52 pm »
sis trinity, just one brave step to get out and you will. sa story mo, wala ka naman nakukuha sa kanya eh... so, why would you waste your time on him?

you will get hurt only if you'll allow it. kaya mo siyang iwanan, sis. problem lang, how would he react kaya? parang nakakatakot siya eh... :(
If you're hurt, concentrate on what's left... not on what's lost.

Paulo

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Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
« Reply #89 on: July 14, 2008, 12:29:37 am »
^
I was thinking about the same thing too. It's not going to be easy to leave that guy, ... and that's not because of his irresistible personality ha. :) He has a child with you. Like most hard-to-lose abusive husbands, he's bound to use your child to get to you. Most likely claim custody, if only to rattle you.

Then there's his violent, sadistic and torture-happy personality of his. Your stories of how he'd take your keys and leave you in strange, seemingly dangerous places is an act of domination. Holding onto your keys translates to being your only "hope" out of there. ... And tight spot he himself put you in. Which makes the act more sickening. What happens to a person whose savior is also his/her tormentor? And he does that supposedly to "punish" you for something he believes you did wrong. The problem there is he believes he is actually "teaching you a lesson". Sort of a firm, emotionless stand to help straighten you out. But in reality, it's just a sadistic response to his very own insecurities.

That "take your keys" incidents says a lot Trinity8. I don't think your real problem in not bringing a spare key with you, or in hiding one somewhere in your car is because he checks it. I could name places and stuff where a spare car key can easily be concealed in, but that won't help. I think you are afraid that if you use a spare key and manage to get away, you'll have to suffer his wrath. To him naman it's a test of how far into his control you happen to be. It doesn't take a genius to anticipate that since he has the habit of taking your car keys and leaving you in strange places, any time soon you'd be smart enough to come up with a counter plan. But everytime he comes back for you, and he finds you sitting there, crying, and relying on his good graces to save you, he knows he has you exactly where he wants you.

This guy, will not be easy to lose. At least that's the way I see it. I know guys with similar anger/sadistic issues, and the best way to get them to leave you alone is to fight back and gain control. You may want to prepare for that.

Meantime, I think it's high time to tell your relatives about it. Bring reinforcements back into your life, little by little, one relative/friend at a time. That can go hand-in-hand with Aquacharly's advise on professionals to help you see things clearly. Eventually, you may also need the support of someone in your BF's side of the family to control him. Preferably someone he listens to or is scared of. You'll need the support of all the people you can rely on to counter this one.

Gee, this post of mine should frighten you more than enlighten you ;). I'm sorry. I just call it the way I see it.

I wish you luck!
Expecting the World to treat you fairly just because you are a good person is a lot like expecting a Bull not to Charge just because you're vegetarian.

aquacharly

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Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
« Reply #90 on: July 14, 2008, 08:25:55 pm »
^ Sis TRINITY8 -- after reading the additional info you gave on this bf of yours, plus the added dimension from Paolo --  you are in 1 extremely scary situation.

Parang may sayad, ano Sis?  What a real terror he is.  For your sake, I hope he doesn't go over the border soon --  he is the type to bring everybody down with him.

Yes, given that he gets a lot of  benefits from you, and you are constantly frightened and under his thumb --he will not let go of you just like that.   

I just cannot see how things can get better, before getting even worse for you and the children.  The only easy way out I can see is if you and his child can go abroad, out of his reach -- for at least a year.  Coz once he senses you are starting to stand up to him and to abandon ship  -- he will use the child to continue his control over you.  I do not mean to scare you, but  we have read in the papers stories of  husbands/bfs  spiriting the child away and keeping the child out of the mother's reach.  Now, that will be real anguish.

Consult a lawyer, Sis Trinity.  Start quietly building a case so that you will never be deprived of your child.  Likewise,  start building the legal basis for later on le gally keeping him away from you and your child.   

Take care, and God bless.



trinity8

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Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
« Reply #91 on: July 16, 2008, 02:24:04 am »
to paulo

i believe that you really hit the nail on the head when i read your opinion on this.  i am actually scared to death that he will do something to me when I finally come to my senses and leave him.  i tried doing it once and he really made things really hard for me.    he would go to the extreme of making up stories to the people around me just to show them that he is right and i am wrong.  even if i know i did nothing wrong and these are supposedly the people on my side, ako pa din ang lalabas na masama.  i could act as if i did not care but it comes to the point that it affects not only me but my kids na din.

if i did have spare keys and go home, di niya ako titigilan.  he would call the landline, celphone, and use any form of communication even if it means badgering me until the next day, or the next, and so on and so forth.  he's done it before.

the last time i fought back, i got a black eye and a rib cage muscle injury.  i want to leave the country with my kids but i don't have the financial capability to do so and i can't leave my parents...which is another story.

sis aquacharly

i sometimes think that i am in the situation because i chose to be in it therefore, i have to take it.  yes, it is a scary situation and i am so afraid, angry, depressed, and confused.

para ngang may sayad.

i know he will not take steps legally to take the child away...this i am definitely sure of.  another long story.

saw rose today...i'm going back to have my issues resolved.  i felt so relieved to talk to someone.  apparently, we have a lot of issues to fix.  i need a major overhaul.  hehe...i thank you so much!!!!

aquacharly

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Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
« Reply #92 on: July 16, 2008, 10:43:28 am »
Dear, dear, dear Sis TRINITY8 --  so glad you felt some relief.  There is always light at the end of the tunnel.  And,  it is never too late to have a beautiful life.

Take care of yourself, always Sis.  Some of us here are praying for you and the rest.

God bless.   :)
« Last Edit: July 24, 2008, 04:51:09 pm by aquacharly »

superpam

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Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
« Reply #93 on: July 20, 2008, 02:31:17 pm »
after reading the stories here, i keep wondering is it that hard to leave an abusive relationship? i myself have not been in this kind of situation first hand but i've seen my mom at her worst when she was still with my dad, and the things my dad did to her? unbelievable, as a result my mom became a very bitter woman, her temper is like a ticking bomb waiting to explode, she became a different person as a result of what she went thru with my dad... to all the women out there think about your children, think about the person you're becoming, think about the relationship being lost, is it worth it?

at this day and age we should be able to live without a man, we should be able to provide for ourselves, we should be able to raise our children on our own, and if you think your children will be at a loss for not having a father growing up, i say its far more better than having a father that beats their mother... like what sis aquacharly said the kids will think, an abusive realtionship is ok, which is not.

and if this ever happens to me, i hope i have the courage to leave and say no to an abusive relationship, and i'll sue his ass in court! ;D
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fastlove

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Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
« Reply #94 on: July 21, 2008, 02:34:00 am »
I'm sure  alam mo na gagawin mo ..  apply mo nalang. agad.. pero for  example ,  meron mangyari sa mga  anak mo at kagagawan  lalaki mo.  kelan gagawa ng action...
malas na tao.. yan..

trinity8

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Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
« Reply #95 on: July 24, 2008, 10:36:16 am »
apparently, the relief that i felt last week was shortlived.  i have been avoiding my partner and not communicating with him but he constantly badgers me with phone calls and messages.  i had my line cut already but he still gets through one way or another.  i am scared that one of these days i'll see him outside or near my place and just beat the crap out of me for doing those things.  last night, he told me to call him up but since i was working, there was no time.  i've been working two jobs and i was very tired.  to top it all off, i haven't eaten a decent meal in two days kaya hilong hilo na ako.  he knows my schedule but he still thinks that i'm just doing this to "sleep" with somebody else para di na kami magkita.  i'm working like a horse and i still get this from him.  binabaan ko ng phone and didn't answer his messages but the things he said hurt so much.  i just cried it out but i'm still so depressed and majorly stressed. 

i tried asking help from his relative before but nothing happened.  pinalabas pa ng relative na ako ang may kasalanan kaya ako nabugbog.  kahit lumapit pako sa ibang relatives niya, wala ding mangyayari kasi wala naman siyang kinakatakutan sa mga yun e.  para ngang he owns the world.

my family will not help me either.  long story.....

i can't sleep anymore, i can't eat, my work's getting affected na....can't think straight.  ayoko na ata.

Paulo

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Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
« Reply #96 on: July 24, 2008, 01:26:55 pm »
Let me get this straight, ... His relatives Tolerate his abusive nature? Or is it just that they don't believe he can be that abusive?

First off, ... on his accusations that you are "sleeping around": That is a serious thing because he could use that very idea as a reason to hurt you. Avoiding an abusive partner is one thing, but avoiding him because you're cheating is yet another thing. Be it that it is acceptable or not, a lot of spousal abuse cases fires off from cases of jealousy, and accusations of infidelity.... and I heard, a handful of the complainants are even men. :)

Kidding aside, have you considered filing a case against him? More of a preventive measure. Say that he threatened you, and use past physical assaults to boost your claim. If you are really determined to cut all ties with the guy then you might as well make sure he keeps a safe distance away.

There is no such thing as a guy who owns the world. :) Really. Your fear of him is simply an illusion he himself made you see. Not that you don't have any reason at all to fear for your safety. But don't let that fear ruin your life.

Go to the women's desk of the nearest police station. Talk to a lawyer. Talk to your priest.

More importantly .... Eat, get enough Rest, and Collect yourself. You can't win a fight if you're going to start destroying yourself from within.

Hope that helps.
« Last Edit: July 24, 2008, 01:40:13 pm by Paulo »
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trinity8

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Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
« Reply #97 on: July 24, 2008, 02:52:52 pm »
i really don't know why ako pa ang lumabas na masama when i told that relative what happened before.  he thinks that i deserved it because ang tigas daw ng ulo ko kasi dapat daw di ako lumalaban.  the relatives know na dating sakit ng ulo siya ng mom niya and that he was really a pain but now kasi, he's trying to show them that he's changed.  magaling kasi siya magsalita and very convincing. 

the cheating part, di ko na lang pinapansin because it's simply not true although most of the time, this is what makes him really flare up.  it's a figment of his imagination.  he even called my officemate, whose wife just gave birth...all because he said mas malaki daw opportunity for me and the guy to do "something" kasi kapapanganak lang daw ng wife niya....how sick can that be?   and he did this kasi nagtext lang yung guy to ask about what was happening in the office during his absence.

i do want to file a case against him but i'm also scared because he's kinda influential and baka mas lalo lang lumala ang situation. 

reality

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Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
« Reply #98 on: July 24, 2008, 04:43:19 pm »
first, do take care of yourself. it's your self-destructive tendencies that you need to learn to control. so far it has controlled you.

second, is this guy above the law? then arm yourself with the law. don't go down without a fight.

go to the police. get a fierce lady lawyer. get as much support as you can.

maybe it's time to reconcile with your family. a normal, loving family is a bastion of strength and can protect you in ways you cannot imagine. blood is thicker than water.

don't make yourself an easy victim. surround yourself with people who can protect you. do you have a brother?

who are the people closest to you?

i hope you have not isolated yourself. you'll make it easy for other people to believe negative things said about you. socialize, speak up, be heard. that's the only way you can dispell all those attacks against your reputation. reputation is golden, you need to protect it for yourself & for your children.
« Last Edit: July 24, 2008, 04:51:27 pm by reality »
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aquacharly

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Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
« Reply #99 on: July 24, 2008, 05:08:16 pm »
Sis TRINITY8 -- get a hold of yourself.  Go back to Rose, and get her to refer you to a dependable lawyer (one who is not scared going up against prominent people).  Also,  sit down longer with Rose so you can plan out with her a workable action plan to get you out of that grip of fear that is wearing you out.

Sis,  hindi ka ba talaga maka overseas for awhile? 

In the meantime,  do not hand over your child to that man.  Baka matulad ka kay Plinky Recto. 

If you can't go overseas,  and you feel your safety is compromised -- why don't you move your family to a condo unit with good security?

Sis, you are burning yourself on both ends -- tension for your safety on 1 end; and overwork on the other.  You cannot possibly go on for long without breaking down -- which you must avoid at all cost.

Give yourself a break.  Go where you will feel safe.  Give yourself some real relief (ngek, kakamadali ko with a previous post I typed in relieve -- if I were dead, I would have turned in my grave.  OC nga. :D  Just want to make you smile, Trinity8).

Kidding aside, please please please go back to Rose and formulate an action plan for you to do in the short term.  Take care, Sis.  God bless.   

God bless!


 


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