Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional

[Paulo]

^
The absence of physical abuse is a big step na, Arlene. I mean, sure there's still abuse and I don't intend to disregard the pain you're suffering, but at least it's not as threatening anymore. What you are being exposed to now are his sentiments, his attitude, and time and time again you'll get a glimpse of how self-centered your husband is. But here's the thing, .... these are either Obstacles to hurdle or Big Large Yellow Signs that prompts you to head towards a different direction. They're not Warning Signs anymore ha. The Warning Signs came up miles and miles ago.

There are only two ways to fight and end the abuse. One of them is to Leave. The other One is to Fight for your Right to stay and KEEP your relationship too. But first things first, ... you've got to be Objective, Strong, Practical. Being "Verbally Dictated" into curling up in a corner is neither Objective, Strong nor Practical. You have to keep your mind set. You know yourself better. That's what counts. To a confident, calm and collected person,  all those baseless accusations won't hurt as much.

What's my point? Don't simply get Hurt. .... No, no, no. I'm not going to ask you to "Get Even" too. So, ... you can put down the golf club you are holding. We're not going to war. ... Ha-ha-ha-ha.

Seriously now. .... The abuse should fire you up for a Realization of what you can take. And more importantly, come to Realize too what your abuser truly is instead of the abuse defining what you are.

[chinita_charm]

recently i found out that my hubby had an affair in a chat room or messenger. i even read a girl text messages.

here's the text. "hey. this is joy your gf from chat. i know your mad at me. luv u. mis u.

pwede ko bang sampahan ng kaso si hubby under REP. Act 9262?

[scorpiowolf]

Hi! Just want to let everyone know that things are back to "normal" in my home. technically everything is in peace mode again husband has been in a "good" and considerate mood.

Thing is... Im going through this weird stage. I mean I know I love my husband a lot. I not only know I love him, but I still "feel" the emotions. However, I dunno if this is temporary but its like something in my has changed. My husband doesnt know this, but its like I keep currently obsessing about starting new businesses or looking for money making ideas. (im a housewife now). Anyway little does he know, im going through this quest for independence bec something deep down inside is nagging me to be PREPARED to leave him.

All I know is this kasi. I AM NOT WILLING to live the rest of my life as an abused wife. I know also now Im not capable of leaving my husband for the meantime. I am not financially and more importantly not emotionally prepared. All i know is if this cycle doesnt stop IM GOING TO GET OUT of this marriage sooner or later. I just have to prepare myself.

My question to those whove been in this situation is this: AM I just making excuses for not leaving my husband NOW? or am I really not just ready? Also its weird, but Ive also changed in a way that I no longer dream of doing things with my family ie house, travel, new baby. In short I no longer am making long term dreams involving my husband. I have even decided that I will not have another baby any more bec of our situation even if i really want another baby. In short, I dont daydream like I used to about growing old with my husband. Often times what I catch myself daydreaming about is being independent from my husband and travelling to diff places when my son is older. HAS THIS HAPPENED TO ANYONE? Is this part of my trying to emotionally detach myself? Or am I just fooling myself.



Anyway, Im seeing Rose Yenko tom. So, I keep praying that, that will go well. I really need help. I will try as much as possible to help myself. But I Leave it all up to God. I surrender my life to him. I just hope I read the signs right so that I may choose my path well.

[Paulo]

Chinita Charm,

First you have to prove that his alleged affair abuses you physically, or into "traumatizing" you to the point that it affects you psychologically, or even holds you hostage financially therefore affecting you economically. Rep Act 9262 is Anti Violence Against Women and Their Children which doesn't only revolve around actual physical abuse of course, but the Act clearly defines it's scope as an Act designed to protect women and children from Abusive, Violent Acts that threatens their welfare or growth, than it simply is a "fidelity issue". If you can't connect the crime with the act then you should ahmm .... find something else to charge him with.

But I suggest you hold the charges for now, and talk it over first.


Scorpiowolf,

I have no first hand experience on physical/emotional abuse though a friend who helps abused women exposed me to a few cases of battered women and physically and emotionally abused children. Based solely on "typical human behavior" of an Abused/Battered Wife, I say Recovering from Abuse comes in several steps. Initially, you have to come to the realization that you aren't being treated fairly. Most women stay in an abusive relationship because of a number of reasons such as fear, dependence, low self esteem, and the ever famous Love. Once they snap out of the spell, they first establish a bit of hatred. Hatred coming from the realization that they never deserved what they've been getting.

The next thing that comes to mind would be a practical step to be free from their abusive partner. A step which they can only accomplish by being independent. Which brings forth the desire for financial independence. Money being a necessary element in attaining and more importantly "sustaining" freedom.

Then they start planning. Not really to end the marriage but more as a "Clear Cut Alternative Plan", fueled, ready, and waiting in the wings. That's where thoughts of time alone, independent and away from the family comes into the picture. Not because you are running away but rather because in most cases, we first have to internalize and picture the Plan before we can put it into Action.

Based on my theory and my theory alone, LOVE in this case isn't really Lost. It's just that now, you're considering your Right to what is Fair. Now, you begin to realize that there's such a thing as Loving yourself too.

Hope that helps.

[Babebee]

Scorpiowolf, AquaCharly thank you sa email.
Arlene i'll call you...thank you sa reply.

[scorpiowolf]

aquacharly: Hi I met Rose Yenko yesterday. I liked the vibe I got from her. I will definitely see her again. (I will save up for it hehe) I have to admit I still feel a bit lost after that meeting. But I feel that working with her will do me a lot of good. She did say many things to me that were eye openers for me.

I only spoke with her yesterday but since then, I feel very disconnected from my husband. Its like something inside me just feels like Im living with a stranger...my husband. Its like talking to Rose made me really feel like my husband is a "statistic." I dunno how successful Ill be at it but Im kinda feeling that im want to really begin separating myself emotionally from my husband. Then, next step is to broaden my world once more and lastlly is to have more financial independence.

Sis, did you go through this? Like after talking to Ms. Rose an others you begin to feel how serious your problem is and that it will never go away until... either you walk away, or husband gets help (which is a far cry for me unless i perhaps make its as a ultimatum, which is soooooo far from now since I cant walk away. I need to be able to really walk away for me to have bargaining leverage to get him to talk to someone).

Right now Im kinda depressed. i want to wake up one day and not have any bit of emotion for my husband. How did I ever end up with such a dysfunctional guy who came from such a dysfunctional freakn family. I want the power and freedom to walk away without any sadness, any longing, any pity, and hurt, moreso any tinge of love left for my husband. Far out, but sana. I still love the guy but I want to stop. Anyway its such a dysfunctional love bec I dont see my husband the same way any more...

 She recommended though that I see Anna Capunan also. She mentioned that you saw her too. However, I cant reach her. Ms. Yenko gave me Anna Capunans cell no. Would you  happen to have her landline? Thanks!!!! Thanks so much for giving me the inspiration to do "something" about my problems. This is a big step for me.

Paulo: thanks for responding to my earlier post. I really feel much better every time I read what you guys write in this thread. Everyone here is so supportive. Thanks again

[siomai]

hello. i havent read all the messages from this topic but i want to share my story.

my hubby (live-in partner, actually) used to have a very violent relationship. at first, it was him hurting me (i would end up just crying and helpless) until i learned to be violent myself when i decided i needed to defend myself.

i swear our fights could turn very ugly.. at some point my face got deformed sa sobrang pambubugbog and there were times i would get sick and high with fever at di makabangon sa sakit. on the other hand, hindi na rin mabilang ang times that i would bring out a knife and actually hurt him..

take note of the used to na part.. these days, we fight less and we only fight with our mouths..

i never thought this day would come that we would be this happy. frankly, hindi ko maremember na yung exact sequence of events kasi sa tagal na namin magkasama plus we would fall into a cycle kasi.. some of you would know na mawawala sya for some time and then andun na ulit.. sakitan ulit...

anyway, i think below are some of the reasons we turned our life around.

1. I fought back and he also got a taste of the pain - (I would not always recommend this though because it might not work for you baka mas mapasama lang lalo).. you have to be really strategic. In my case kasi theoretically, kaya ko sumalag, sumuntok at sumipa kasi nagmartial arts ako noong bata pa ako. Pero masakit pa din sya ha kasi iba talaga pag lalake.. I also used to fight physically with my older brother when I was younger..

2. All our families - his and mine plus our friends know about the violence . Before I got pregnant and when we were still dating my father wanted to file case against my bf pero I advised against kasi sabi ko mawawalan sya ng nag-iisang anak. My dad cried kasi I was the youngest and only girl and I had never received any spanking nung lumalaki ako.. My brothers were also really mad at my bf then... I was defiant sa dad ko.. I still continued with the relationship until I got pregnant..  When I gave birth, I told my bf's parents about his ways and they understood me kasi nga may pagkamainitin ulo talaga sya.. Our families (both sides) embraced our weaknesses and loved us without question.. The kindness that my family constantly show him and the support of his family sa akin plus our children give us strength that we can do it and keep the relationship.

3. we recognized that this was wrong -- violence will get us nowhere.. recognizing together that this is wrong and agreeing that this was not what we want.. we constantly remind ourself na hindi namin gustong balikan ang nakaraan. it is a struggle i tell you.. from almost every day and then every week na may away.. now we celebrate when we dont fight.. the fights now also are less intense..

4. we forgave each other and ourselves -- and try hard to forget the past.. admittedly, the forgetting part, medyo mahina ako.. kasi when stressed and depressed and being attacked, i resort to "reminding" him of how evil he was.. it's really not helping kapag ganun..

5. try to resolve the insecurities and find your self  most often when men hit their partners, it is because of insecurity. in my case, i was already working at nag-aaral pa lang sya and still unsure about his future.. when he found what things can make him happy at kung saan sya may future.. he was preoccupied with other positive things.. sa case ko naman.. i removed all the insecurity and self-pity na ako may kasalanan.. i try hard to find myself and give myself more respect..

6. for the abused -- admit your mistakes and learn from it as well.. okay, im sure marami magagalit sa inyo sa akin kasi you think the abused should not blame him/herself.. what i mean is, admit that it takes two to tango. Im sure by now you already know what ticks him off or what does not. Avoid mo na lang yung mga alam mong makakainit ng ulo ng partner mo. At the same time, let him know also what things irk you. 

7. pray very hard -- everyday, i would offer a prayer for him and for me..

i may have made it very simple lang pero alam ko mahirap sya.. ours is not a perfect relationship pa rin and we still have fights but we are with so much hope na hindi na kami babalik sa pangit na past namin.

[scorpiowolf]

^^sis Im glad things worked out for you. may I ask how long it has been since the violence stopped? Thanks for sharing

[arlene1018]

babebee: can u pm me na lang ur number, nawala kc [textspeak!] number ko eh. il call u. tnx!

[scorpiowolf]

Medyo OT to ha...

But after going into some counselling exactly a week ago, as ive mentioned earlier.... wala talaga ako kagana-gana with my husband. Wala ako gana even maki-sama properly with my in-laws. PArang Im not my usual self. Im just quiet not really making an effort to be nice or small talk anyone. Im nice enough to my husband but every morning getting up from my bed is a struggle. Usually when he gets up I get up and prepare whatever he wants to eat. Now, Im never in the mood to do things for my husband which I know he reallllllyyyy hates bec he complained abt that so many times already in the past--- about my housewife skills.

My husband i think is noticing the difference. I know the smarter thing to do is pretend nothing is out of the ordinary. But Im not plastic and really... I think I have a lot of repressed anger going on inside me right now which isso hard to cover.

I havent been feeling well too. I dunno if Im really down with something... although I did have a cold... or if its psychosomatic. Dunno if Im just getting depressed. I dont feel like anting much, I feel like throwing up. If I didnt know any better Id think I was having morning sickness.

What angers me so much about myself is my character flaws are overpowering me again. Instead of me working on the things that will empower me and go into "racket" mode,  Im just sulking around feeling sick. Im just acting like such a LAZY loser I hate it.

Whats worse in the end... husband ko pa magagalit sa akin bec Im being so lazy and being a walking zombie. In other words sya pa ang mag-threaten to leave me kasi di sya happy. Eh ako dito nga ang contemplating how to get out. I must be smarter at handling this.

Someone please talk some sense into me. Thanks

[late_bloomer]

hi sis, why don't you try to schedule something for the day?  Say some activity with your child? Para may something to look forward to ka.  Bonding nyo pa. 

have you seen a doctor?  baka kelangan mo ng medication? 

[Paulo]

^^
Hello Scorpiowolf.

"Whats worse in the end... husband ko pa magagalit sa akin bec Im being so lazy and being a walking zombie. In other words sya pa ang mag-threaten to leave me kasi di sya happy... "

Err ..... Mission Accomplished!?

He-he-he-he.

Hey. If it were me, a win is a win and I'll take it.

Seriously now, have you drawn your plan of action? I mean Empowering yourself doesn't happen overnight. So have you figured out how you will go about in attaining it? The reason I asked is if by chance you haven't drawn it yet then the recent Counselling may have given you the "idea" of what to do but unfortunately it can't specifically draw the path for you. Knowing what to do but not knowing how to do it pulls one into twice as much frustrations. Which is probably why you haven't been your usual self. Hatred, (un)fortunately drives us to work twice as much, but Frustrations, seeps into our being and zaps us of whatever energy we have left. The counselling could have shown you what you deserve, but perhaps it hasn't shown you yet how to move forward in escaping it. So you're currently in this state where you know you shouldn't be settling for what you have (which is frustrating), yet stuck because you don't know what to do (which makes it doubly frustrating).

I don't know Scorpiowolf. There are various explanations as to why you do what you are doing, and feel what you are feeling. But I think since you've already started sessions with a professional, my advise is you follow it up and follow it through.

[sonncza]

Medyo OT to ha...

But after going into some counselling exactly a week ago, as ive mentioned earlier.... wala talaga ako kagana-gana with my husband. Wala ako gana even maki-sama properly with my in-laws. PArang Im not my usual self. Im just quiet not really making an effort to be nice or small talk anyone. Im nice enough to my husband but every morning getting up from my bed is a struggle. Usually when he gets up I get up and prepare whatever he wants to eat. Now, Im never in the mood to do things for my husband which I know he reallllllyyyy hates bec he complained abt that so many times already in the past--- about my housewife skills.

My husband i think is noticing the difference. I know the smarter thing to do is pretend nothing is out of the ordinary. But Im not plastic and really... I think I have a lot of repressed anger going on inside me right now which isso hard to cover.

I havent been feeling well too. I dunno if Im really down with something... although I did have a cold... or if its psychosomatic. Dunno if Im just getting depressed. I dont feel like anting much, I feel like throwing up. If I didnt know any better Id think I was having morning sickness.

What angers me so much about myself is my character flaws are overpowering me again. Instead of me working on the things that will empower me and go into "racket" mode,  Im just sulking around feeling sick. Im just acting like such a LAZY loser I hate it.

Whats worse in the end... husband ko pa magagalit sa akin bec Im being so lazy and being a walking zombie. In other words sya pa ang mag-threaten to leave me kasi di sya happy. Eh ako dito nga ang contemplating how to get out. I must be smarter at handling this.

Someone please talk some sense into me. Thanks

sis ako din ganya sa bf ko, lagi nalang akong galit konting bagay lang, at pinapamukha kong lahat kasalanan nya, kahit minsan ako may kasalanan, to make me feel good lang about myself  and para i wont feel na im such a loser,, same here, when you say "flaws are overpowering me" ganun din feeling ko.. now im trying to be happy by going to the gym and having an OUTLET nalang, ewan ko if it'll work. sana i can improve in no time..
yesterday i went out with friends, which i dont normally do now, kasi nagtitipid ako, and by going out meaning eating out sa expensive resto. spluge lang muna, then a while ago i got a mani pedi at straithen hair ko, later ill go to the mall to buy clothes, sana this can also help to make me feel good about myself..NEW ME ang drama ko, coz ive decided to change na and take control of my life, i wont let my emotions/ frustraions get the best of me

[scorpiowolf]

here's the latest drama of my life. My husband recently went by all my old phone bills dated during the months we were separated last year. To make a long story short, I had made phone calls to to different friends. both guys and girls. Hes darn pissed about me making all these calls especially calls made to guy friends bec bawal ako to maintain guy friends since we got togeher... especially to my old guy best friend. Anyway I had made several cal to my old guy best friend. Hes particularly mad at one call I made at 1130pm and 1 at 2 am. I know he thinks I had an affair or something bec. I know calls made at that time really look suspicious. However, the truth was my best friend was helping my find out info about the girl I had caught my husband with at that time. My best guy friend's girlfriend was the ofc mate of that girl my husband was hitting on.

Anyway, I didnt bother justifying it bec its just so useless. I just basically withdrew to another room in our house and I just stay out of his way as much as possible. I also try to sleep as many nights as I can in my parents house. I mean I know Im guilty in the sense that I lied to him about talking to guy friends. But, honeslty I didnt do anything. My GOD, I keep thinking howdare he have the nerve to torture me over this, when it was he I really caught during that time.

anyway it doesnt matter. At the present im not interested in explaining myself. All ill say is that my conscience is clear. I just want to keep staying away bec frankly im scared of what abuse he might do to me again. And honestly.... m sooooooooooo tired.

I even told my MIL and SIL everything!! Including the abuse, the calls I made, and the way my husband thinks im a cheater and a liar. They both told me one thing. That I shouldnt say sorry if i didnt do anything wrong, and that should nver allow him to ever hurt him again.

Also, today I saw a psychiatrist. I saw her bec I wanted the opinion of a medical doctor. Honestly Rose Yenko who is a psychologist was able to "move me" and inspire me more. But Im glad is saw the psychiatrist bec I was able to describe to her how the stress of my marriage PHYSICALLY affects me. My stress, the anxiety, and sometimes depression. And bec shes a doctor she was able to give me the anti-anxiety meds I had requested. I hope these meds will help me be calmer about things; and thus, be able to think things through more. She also suggested that I go for a trial separation at least in the meantime. One thing is these appointments dont run cheap and its tough to shell out the money. But Im squeezing my savings bec I feel I need this right now.

Lastly, I have been reading this book which I found in a used bookstore. its called "The Battered Woman" by Leonore E. Walker. Its an old bookbut its very informative. It opened my eyes to a lot of things. Its making me understand completely the cycles of abusive relationships. I will post exerpts soon. Hopefully it will help others the way it is helping me now.

God bless us all! And thanks again aquacharly for giving me Rose's number.

[late_bloomer]

scorpiowolf, it's good that you are under medication muna.  for what you've been through, you are really a tough cookie I'd say.

As for your SIL and MIL, hindi ba nila pagsasabihan ang hubby mo?  May [textspeak!] ka pa ba?  Ano daw bang topak ang sumayad sa utak nya bakit sya ganun. 

As for the phone calls, naku sis, am really beginning to think that your hubby is crazy. sorry for that term. pero who in the right mind would have the time to dig up all those past bills, ang dami ata nyang oras?  wala ba syang trabaho or ibang ginagawa?  anyway, that's a rhetorical question, in any case, tama yan, hayaan mo nalang sya and get out of his way if at all possible, for now.

[scorpiowolf]

^^ hi sis! actually pinagsasabihan naman ata siya ng MIL ko but never yung directly or confrontational. My MIL texted me today that shes going to be there for me and that she spoke na daw to my husband. I dont know what she told him or what they talked about. But the last time I spoke with my MIL she said lang that he needs help.

actually my husband is employed and is making quite a comfortable living for us. And I dont want to be dischonest here, so Ill admit that I too have checked his phone bills many times in the past. That's how nahuli ko yung mga tinatawagan niya before. Anyway, quite frankly he's investigating me the way I investigated him before. Except that I spoke with the girl directly and talagang she told me nakikipagkilala yung husband ko sa kanya. Mine on the other hand, Is an old friend.

Actually it really doesnt matter right now. Bec the relationship is sooooo screwed up. His issue with me is that Im a lying cheater. My issue with him is that he's abusive. He has absolutely no idea why Im keeping away. He probably even thinks its bec Im guilty. but in reality I just dont want to deal with him right now. Im too tired! Im too emotinally drained. Im just going through my days one day at a time.

Thing is that no matter what he thinks Ive done or what I am; I am no longer happy. im sure siya rin di sya masaya. so maybe this is really going to be it for our marriage. I cant explain what I feel. bec in the past Id get anxiety and panic attacks and call him to say sorry and fix it para matapos na. Now, I think the meds are working to calm me down and so I have resisted making any contact with him at all! But i do still get anxious and depressed a little, but nothing like before.

Thing is Im going back home on monday. bec my son has school. hayyyyyyy I dunno what will happen na! In a way Im scared bec baka all his repressed anger will unleash on me. But in a way Im feel safer nakausap siya ng mom niya na wag ako saktan. At the same time baka lumamig na yung ulo.

Thanks for listening everyone!!!

[aquacharly]

Mga Sis!  Am on the run, very hectic since I got back.  Am leaving again.

Somebody asked for LORNA KAPUNAN?  She is the high profile lawyer who is an ace with regards to Family Code concerns.

Atty Kapunan will tell you that even if natutulog ka lang sa bahay mo -- you are entitled to 50% of all conjugal properties -- kahit your husband was the only 1 who worked for these.  That is the law per the Family Code in place now.  (Eh naku mga Sis, kahit na SAHM eh works pa din in the house, ano bang natutulog lang?! 

I was a victim of emotional abuse noon (na papunta nang physical abuse -- but now we are very okay  -- more of a miracle from God than anything he or I did.  He is really a different man now.)  --naku walang maniniwala coz I come across in my daily business and personal lives as confident,  aggressive, focused, highly educated, etc. etc.  (Things are never always what they seem.)

Well, Atty Kapunan said to me --  "Who is (hubby's name)?  Who is he?" in a manner that -- Click!   nawala ang takot ko 
Click!  I gained the right perspective.  click!  Nauntog ako out of my emotional
abuse perspective (kasi hindi ba the abuser makes you feel 1inch tall).

Hahaha   when I confronted hubby I said:  And who are you? Do I know you?

Tuwa nya sa akin si Atty Lorna K  kasi I had a complete listing of properties (even the original and  xeros TCTs/CCTs with real estate ORs);  as well as a listing of all fund placements and other investments (original passbooks/documents in my safekeeping too).   Maabilidad daw ako na abused (LOL).   Coz info is the crucial factor when you have to get something from your husband, pag gusto mo na syang hiwalayan.  Dapat alam mo where the money & investments are, at least for the sake of your children and in the interest of getting child support.

She told me to read the Family Code.  That was our 1st and last consultation coz after that --  tumapang na ako and  nauntog out of my depression and emotional abuse.

Atty Lorna Kapunan's     office nos. are    631 6192   and    631 6171

ANNA Kapunan may be a daughter or sister -- ask for her nos. at the above office
nos. of Atty Lorna.   The office is somewhere in the Ortigas Center.

IF you can afford the services of Atty Lorna Kapunan or her law office ---  you are in very good hands.   (She did not charge me for that 1st consultation.)  Nevertheless,  ask pa din after your 1st consultation with her about her rates or if they can take you on pro bono.  Usually prestigious law offices accepthave pro bono/free cases.

She will never sell you out;  she will not give you false hopes.
Importante -- hindi takot kahit sino ang husband mo; hindi nya aatrasan yan.
That is what  my friends and relatives who have sought her help say of her. 
(Course, hindi ko say nagpunta ako for consultation. Kayo lang may alam nyan ha  ) 

For those who could not get hold of Rose Yenko -- please try again. 
She is back from Japan.  Text and leave her a number where she can get back to you.  Just tell her you are AquaCharly's new friend (so she charges me for your 1st session -- kahit ilang oras kelangan nyo for your 1st session, basta go kayo Sis -- ako bahala.)   PM me about your appointment so I can call her too.

You all take care.  God bless!  Oo, pati si Paolo, God bless Paolo.

[scorpiowolf]

hello to all my friends on this thread.

Ive been away for some time bec of all the chaos thats been going on in my life, plus bec the internet at home got messed up.

Anwat for the last 2 weeks I had been going home to our house where my husband stays bec my son has school and its easier to get him to school from there. On the weekends Ive been staying over at my parents' house. When I back home, I stay in a separate room and my husband and I avoid and absoutely IGNORE each other. No talking no nothing. Anyway last week I decided to leave our house bec I felt like a doormat coming home without anyone to talk to and my husband basically gone all day till the wee hours of the morning doing god knows what.

Anyway... IM SOOOOOO SAD now. For the first time My husband and I spoke over the phone. And I asked him  if it was really over and he said yes. I mustered all my strength to sound nonchalant in that conversation. I really feel this is the end of my marriage bec for the first time we NEVER even discussed any problem or werent emotional at all. Not even a "you hurt me so much bec..." Our conversation was all business.

Anyway Ive been trying to prepare myself for this. I knew I wasnt in a good relationship. BUT OH MY GOD...I AM HURTING SOOOOOO MUCH. I feel like my life is over. I do miss my husband. I dont miss the fighting and the abusive behavior... but darn when our relationship was GOOD and he wasnt in one of his moods, our relationship was really GOOD! I know its a typical pattern of abusive men... but grabe i keep thinking about the good times and how my life is forever changed. That I will never be together with the love of my life... even if that love of my life turned out to be a disappointment.

I keep denying it to family and friends but here I can confess to everyone that I still am hoping. (arghhhh IM SO STUPID) but the "love" I still feel for him is making me hope that he will come back begging and WILLING to go to therapy and work it out. 

I love my husband so much it hurts. But i KNOW 100% this time I will not be the one to FIX things again. I want him to realize that he can and will really lose me. And that If ever he has love left for me, then he has to start shaping up. THAT at least is what I am hoping. Sadly right now seems like reality is not leading up to those hopes of mine. Looks like my husband doesnt care at all, and seems happy living a bachelor's life.  It is breaking my heart. I am so hurt that I look at the mirror and cant beleive this is happening to me!!!!!

aquacharly: your messages here have been truly inspiring. I hope u dont mind if we email each other. There are some questions i want to ask you sana on how you were able to turn your situation around. can u please pm me your email address? I would mean a lot to me! Thanks!!

[betrayed0403]

^sis, that's so sad... but all along, i thought you were praying for an abusive relationship to end? 

in a realtionship like that, you really have to choose whether to stay or leave, to be happy or be miserable...

allow yourself to be happy, sis. it's been a while. it is not a sin to love yourself first...

[Paulo]

Ako naman, I think in a way it's healthy to HOPE that a relationship-gone-bad can still be saved. Healthy, most especially for the wives. So as long as you are firm on your stand not to give in nor take any further abuse, I believe hanging onto that fleeting bit of hope is more like a Prelude to Acceptance. Think of it this way .... That HOPE your holding onto, is actually going to make breaking free much easier to bare. If you keep your sensibility intact, and your emotions in check, that tiny bit of Hope might just cushion your fall.