Kahihiyan sa pamilya.. Please help :(

[YanYanYanYanYan]

Good evening mga sisses. I don’t know if this is this is the right topic I should post into but I do hope you’ll spend time reading my situation. I’m really so depressed.

My family is a typical conservative Catholic family. I have two sisters and I am the middle child. All of us already graduated from college. My ate got pregnant 6 years ago when she was 19 (3rd year in college). She just got married last year with the father of her baby. but then she was able to finish her studies after my niece was born. It did affect our family so much, my mom was so disappointed and hurt because she thought that as the eldest, my ate would be the one to help her in other needs of the family. On the other hand, my father said na SOBRANG KAHIHIYAN yun sa family namin. When that happened, he started cheating on my mother with a younger woman, because that would somehow still boost his bruised ego which is more kahihiyan. But he just did it for about a year and then later on, he changed.

Now as they say history repeats itself, problem is, I found out I am 5weeks pregnant with my bf. I’m already 25 but lost my 3-year job last year, I'm jobless for 6 months now. My bf has a stable job but I know it isn’t enough. We don’t wanna get married yet because we are not yet ready, both emotionally and financially. Naisip ko lalo na ako mahihirapan maghanap ng job ngayon.

I don’t know how to tell my parents about this. My mom has a heart problem and just underwent a heart operation last March and I don’t want her to feel disappointed and hurt again dahil same thing happened to my ate 6 years ago. Umaasa sya na makakapag abroad ako this year pero lahat ng yun hindi matutupad. Sabi nya wag muna ko mag aasawa at hindi sya nagkulang ng pagpapaalala saken. Sa totoo lang, gulung gulo ako. Every night umiiyak ako, natutulala dahil di ko alam gagawin ko.  Minsan naisip ko, magsuicide na lang. Magpaabort na lang. Naisip ko din lalayo na lang ako, sa lugar na walang nakakakilala saken at babalik na lang ako after I gave birth.


I don’t want another KAHIHIYAN sa family namin. Ang hirap at sobrang sakit ng pinagdadaanan ko. PLEASE HELP MGA SISSES.. so so confused.

Having a baby in a wrong place and a wrong time will never be a kahihiyan to anyone. What you have is a blessing kundi man for them but for you and your BF. Para hindi ka maging kahihiyan, step up, be responsible for your actions, accept the consequences and LOVE your child. Palakihiin mo sya na iba ang pananaw sa buhay hindi tulad ng ibang tao na puro kahihiyan ang iniisip. My parents used to be like that pero nung I worked hard and learned to be responsible and never akong umasa sa ibang tao at saknila nag iba tingin nila sakin. Now, pinipilit nilang pagkapanganak ko e sa bahay ko ilagay si baby. I said may bahay naman kami ni BF, will just visit if we have time at ok sa work schedule ko.
I don't care what other people say as long as I know my mistake and never do it again because I already learned my lesson sapat na un para matuto ako. Hindi ko need ng opinion ng mga tao makitid pa sa eskinita ang isip... If I were you Sis, be strong initindihin mo [textspeak!] pagiging pregnant mo dahil HAPPY PREGNANCY LEADS TO A HAPPY BABY!

[Purple_Power]

^I like what you said about opinion ng mga tao makitid pa sa eskinita ang isip worst case yung iba asal at isip basura pa.

I just find it totally weird for those who practices religion sila pa yung walang moral values. If you observed it pera pera lang pinag-uusapan nila or luck for finances ang concern nila always.

[k_heart]

sis jemster kmusta ka na and your baby?

[bluedanube]

tsk tsk tsk, tayo kasing mga Filipino, masyadong affected sa sasabihin ng iba.  ang problema, we let this affect our better judgement.

[honey-ecclaire]

sis jemster kmusta ka na and your baby?

I think she's good and decide to keep her baby,she's working now and his bf din,wala pang balita if alam na sa kanila pero mukhang oo since if i'm not mistaken going five months or so na ang tyan na!

[jemster]

hi mga sis. sorry ngayon lang ako nakapag paramdam uli sa thread na to. I'm doing good now. I think 20-21 weeks na si baby, last check up ko was a month ago kaso hindi na uli ako bumalik dun sa OB kasi may pasok ako everyday at conflict sa sked ko. Hay nag aalala na naman ako kay baby. Tapos hindi ako umiinom ng vitamins.

Nga pala, hindi ko pa nasasabi sa family ko at sa family ni bf about my situation. Hay though last week sobrang kinukulit ako ng mom ko, sabi nya sabihin ko na daw yung totoo. Kase nga medyo lumalaki na tiyan ko kaya lang todo deny pa din ako. Hay natatakot kase ako sa magiging reaction nilang lahat. Sabi pa nya NAKAKAHIYA daw kung buntis ako, kase nasa tamang edad na ako nagkaganon pa. Dapat daw magpakasal AGAD. Hay wala sa plano namin ni bf pa yun, kase pinag iipunan pa namin yung panganganak ko. Hindi ko alam kung kaya ko pa sabihin s parents ko yung pregnancy ko.

[quennna]

sis,
find the courage to admit...
pati si bebe naistress yan..
find time too na magpacheck up.. and take your vitamins too..

[jemster]

sis quenna, it's easier than done. Lalo na my mom has a heart problem. Though there are times na gusto ko na iadmit, pinipigilan ako ng takot ko.

[quennna]

sis..diskarte mo yan sis..
basta find time na mapacheck up baby mo...

[sum.mer]

sis jemster good to know na medyo mas ok na situation mo now kahit papano. stay healthy ok? and yung sa mom mo naman... nako kung ako kasi nasa position mo deadma muna eh. madalas kasi people say things letting their emotions overwhelm them...kumbaga..kahit siguro alam nya na those are not nice things to say,pero [textspeak!] emotions nya pinapa-overpower nya. and it's up to you na huwag masyado sensitive and paapekto.

take care sis jemster and maybe excited ka na sa baby mo

[muy003]

Long read so i skipped most of it, pero here's my two cents.

Your family will support you. They are your family, wag ka matakot sa kanila. Hindi kasalanan ng ate mo na nagloko tatay mo. Choice yun ng tatay mo, not anybody else'. Tell your sister about this, maybe she can help. Nagkamali ka na, it's high time that you move on from the mistake. Happy pregnancy, happy mommy, happy baby. Wag mo kunsumihin yung baby mo, alagaan mo sya ng mabuti kasi mas malaking problem if hindi sya healthy.

Question, you dont want to get married dahil may dreams pa kayo ng bf mo na gusto nyo maabot? Sis, while I disagree wioth anything forced, i just want to know, bf mo pa din sya db? But do you see yourelf spending forever with this man as a husband? Answering no to my question, for me, is the only reason na maaccept ko if this happens to me and i dont want to get married. Right timing is essential pero because of the baby, things change.. Civil marriage only takes five thousand pesos, even less. Money is not an excuse to not get married. There must be a deeper reason other than those you've stated...

Ang hirap maglihim sa pamilya mo. tee hee!?? The sooner you tell them the truth, the sooner things will go smooth.

Sis, love your baby. Ikaw ang pinaka kakampi nya..

Trust that your family will love and accept you in spite and despite of anything.

My biggest fear, aside from death of loved ones eh yung hindi ako manganak.

Be happy with the baby, please..

[Purple_Power]

. Sabi pa nya NAKAKAHIYA daw kung buntis ako, kase nasa tamang edad na ako nagkaganon pa. Dapat daw magpakasal AGAD. Hay wala sa plano namin ni bf pa yun, kase pinag iipunan pa namin yung panganganak ko. Hindi ko alam kung kaya ko pa sabihin s parents ko yung pregnancy ko.

Sheesh!!!! honestly taas kilay ko sa nakakahiya dahil nasa tamang edad ka na?  Nakakahilo lang which is I can't get the logic. Meaning to say kung teenager ka okay kung mabuntis ka nun? Sa totoo lang ako nahihiya sa mentality na meron sila.

Alam mo sis recommend ko sana sayo, kasi napanood ko lang ito sa news eh! May institution or charity house para sa mga preggy na unprepared. I think that is Haven which is located in Alabang. Sinabi sa news na temporarily dun ka muna manirahan then there is counselling. Andun ka para matulungan kang maging handa na harapin ang totoong mundo.

I am sure this is effective with the help of those institution. In my case kasi though not preggy issue ha!  Nung nagkaproblem ako here sa house then I don't want to go home during that time dahil sa super yanig galit at depress ako. Naisipan kong magpunta sa temporary shelter somewhere in Paco Manila. Nuns were so sincere to help you with situation. I was interviewed regarding the problem then in the end I felt that justice served. I realized and learned something pa kaya it is effective of going there. Though alam ko they are accepting unprepared preggies too kasi nung may pinasulat sa akin na evaluation kasama sa option yun eh. Meron pa nga sa kasama ko 3 anak eh!

Ngayon sa kaso mo kung hindi ka handa dahil sa BS so called kahihiyan WHICH IS NOT TRUE!  then I really strongly suggest yung Haven or other institution na sinasabi ko for you to seek help, ask advise on what to do and how to fight it. Alam mo kapag sinabi mo pa nga yan sa kanila they would be surprise and asking bakit parang judgmental ng family mo. Dapat pa nga they are supporting you eh!

[maiandra]

Naiintindihan kita sis jemster. I wish I could say naging matapang ako nung nabuntis ako unexpectedly pero yung ineexpect ko na tumulong sakin hindi naman tumulong. Nasaktan siguro ng sobra paremts ko sakin.

Pero don't "hide" your pregnancy kasi THE BABY WILL FEEL THAT. Pag laki nya he will have feelings of insecurity and unwantedness.

And don't get married just because they told you to. But make the decision with your bf if its for your best interests and pag panatag na loob nyo, kung walang alinlangan, then go!

Granted, wala kang magagawa about the past, or sa mga taong nakapalibot sayo. But that's when you should realize how much power and control you have over you and your baby's life. Use it, sis.

[jemster]

thanks po sa lahat ng mga sisses na sumagot..

Just wan to give you an update. Me and my bf told my mom na about our situation. Medyo hindi na siya nagulat kase nafifeel na daw nya na ganun, ayaw ko lang iadmit everytime she asks me. Though umiyak pa din sya and I was really guilty about it. She told me and my bf to get marrried, asap. Though ofcourse wala pa kami plans ni bf because of money issue. Gusto nya na din makausap ang parents ng bf ko para daw maikasal na kami. Haaay. That day, sinabi din ni bf sa mom nya ang situation ko and kahit pabiro, she told my bf na painumin daw ako ng pampalaglag. I know that ever since, she never liked me for her son pero telling that was just way below the belt. I really tried my best para pakisamahan sya kahit deadmahin nya ako always. Now, lalo ako nacoconfuse if magpapakasal pa kami ni bf. Ayoko din tumira sa kanila right after I gave birth. Hay di ko na alam ang gagawin ko.

[quennna]

hi, jemster.. sorry ako ulet unang makakapag comment..
first, congratulations at least, naadmit mo na sa parents mo..
kaso, nakakadurog naman ng puso yang comment ng mom ng bf mo..
anyway, nasa right age ka na..
getting married will definitely not an answer to your worries..
kayong dalawa lang ni bf na pwedeng makapagdecided.. wala ng iba.. 
kayanin nyo dalawa.. in time, masu-survive nyo rin yang challenges nyo..

nakapag pacheck up ka na ba? ingatan mo baby mo ha.. keep us posted..

[jemster]

hi, jemster.. sorry ako ulet unang makakapag comment..
first, congratulations at least, naadmit mo na sa parents mo..
kaso, nakakadurog naman ng puso yang comment ng mom ng bf mo..
anyway, nasa right age ka na..
getting married will definitely not an answer to your worries..
kayong dalawa lang ni bf na pwedeng makapagdecided.. wala ng iba.. 
kayanin nyo dalawa.. in time, masu-survive nyo rin yang challenges nyo..

nakapag pacheck up ka na ba? ingatan mo baby mo ha.. keep us posted..

-thanks sis quenna. from the start sinubaybayan mo na ang pregnancy ko hehe.. thank you sa mga advices. Oo nga e, kaso nakikiusap ang parents ko na magpakasal na kami. Naisip ko wala naman kami bahay pa ni bf, hindi enougfh yung ipon namin for that. Hay ginawa daw namen to so panindigan namin. Ok sana sa bahay nina bf dahil 3 lang sila don, pero kung andun ang mom nya naku baka kawawa kami ng baby ko.

Hmm sis tomorrow pa ko makakapagpa check up. Hangang ngayon kase hindi ko alam san ako manganganak. Baka sa province na lang. I'm at 22 weeks na yata pero 2 check ups pa lang nagagawa ko. Gusto ko kase pag nagpacheck up ako tomorrow, yun na talaga yung magpapaanak saken. Hirap kase dito sa manila e.

[latte]

Hi sis jemster ngayon ko lang nabasa ang thread na ito. First CONGRATULATIONS! Alam mo para sa mga babaeng tulad ko na walang anak and nasa late 30's na ko, naiinggit ako sa mga may anak o mga preggy. kahit pa out of wedlock ang baby mo, kapag nakita mo sya sigurado ako magiging napakasaya mo. A child is truly a gift from God. Mahirap ipaliwanag ang buhay pero just have faith na everything's gonna be all right. Napaka swerte mo kasi magkaka baby ka na. Ang daming mga babaeng tulad ko ang gusto ng baby pero hindi dumating. Kaya treasure that gift God has given to you. Yung usapan ng mga tao sa umpisa lang yan, bukas makalawa may iba na [textspeak!] issue na darating at mawawala na ang usapan tungkol sayo.

Don't get married just because gusto nila. I had a broken marriage and I realize kapag may doubt ka talaga into getting married hindi talaga dapat magpakasal.

Take care. Godbless.

[bucketsale]

Hi sis jemster ngayon ko lang nabasa ang thread na ito. First CONGRATULATIONS! Alam mo para sa mga babaeng tulad ko na walang anak and nasa late 30's na ko, naiinggit ako sa mga may anak o mga preggy. kahit pa out of wedlock ang baby mo, kapag nakita mo sya sigurado ako magiging napakasaya mo. A child is truly a gift from God. Mahirap ipaliwanag ang buhay pero just have faith na everything's gonna be all right. Napaka swerte mo kasi magkaka baby ka na. Ang daming mga babaeng tulad ko ang gusto ng baby pero hindi dumating. Kaya treasure that gift God has given to you. Yung usapan ng mga tao sa umpisa lang yan, bukas makalawa may iba na [textspeak!] issue na darating at mawawala na ang usapan tungkol sayo.

Don't get married just because gusto nila. I had a broken marriage and I realize kapag may doubt ka talaga into getting married hindi talaga dapat magpakasal.

Take care. Godbless.
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This is truly inspiring!