Kahihiyan sa pamilya.. Please help :(

[jemster]

Good evening mga sisses. I don’t know if this is this is the right topic I should post into but I do hope you’ll spend time reading my situation. I’m really so depressed.

My family is a typical conservative Catholic family. I have two sisters and I am the middle child. All of us already graduated from college. My ate got pregnant 6 years ago when she was 19 (3rd year in college). She just got married last year with the father of her baby. but then she was able to finish her studies after my niece was born. It did affect our family so much, my mom was so disappointed and hurt because she thought that as the eldest, my ate would be the one to help her in other needs of the family. On the other hand, my father said na SOBRANG KAHIHIYAN yun sa family namin. When that happened, he started cheating on my mother with a younger woman, because that would somehow still boost his bruised ego which is more kahihiyan. But he just did it for about a year and then later on, he changed.

Now as they say history repeats itself, problem is, I found out I am 5weeks pregnant with my bf. I’m already 25 but lost my 3-year job last year, I'm jobless for 6 months now. My bf has a stable job but I know it isn’t enough. We don’t wanna get married yet because we are not yet ready, both emotionally and financially. Naisip ko lalo na ako mahihirapan maghanap ng job ngayon.

I don’t know how to tell my parents about this. My mom has a heart problem and just underwent a heart operation last March and I don’t want her to feel disappointed and hurt again dahil same thing happened to my ate 6 years ago. Umaasa sya na makakapag abroad ako this year pero lahat ng yun hindi matutupad. Sabi nya wag muna ko mag aasawa at hindi sya nagkulang ng pagpapaalala saken. Sa totoo lang, gulung gulo ako. Every night umiiyak ako, natutulala dahil di ko alam gagawin ko.  Minsan naisip ko, magsuicide na lang. Magpaabort na lang. Naisip ko din lalayo na lang ako, sa lugar na walang nakakakilala saken at babalik na lang ako after I gave birth.


I don’t want another KAHIHIYAN sa family namin. Ang hirap at sobrang sakit ng pinagdadaanan ko. PLEASE HELP MGA SISSES.. so so confused.

[Princess_Chill]

sis!

1st is wag na wag mong isipin na ipatanggal yang baby na yan! it is a gift from GOD! at hindi maitatama ng isang pagkakamali ang isa pa!

you mentioned that you already graduated from college ang you're 25 na...so i think hindi naman talaga kahihiyan yun un nga lang out of wedlock lang...sis i'll be frank huh?the moment na you and your bf is making love you should know what would be the consequences na pwedeng mangyari diba? i don't want to make sermon or anything

since you are preggy na..be strong para sa bata...tell your mom about it..matatanggap niya din iyon eventually...it would disappoint her and your dad but tatanggapin ka din nila...ganyan din nangyari saakin im 26 got pregnant im not married but living together with the dad of my daugther..napakadami kong masasakit na salita na narinig pero hindi ko nalang pinansin iyon kasi makakasama sa bata...we are not ready emotionally and financially but pinanindigan namin mga actions namin...

Ready ba panindigan ng bf mo yan? sis tatagan mo loob mo para sa baby...

[jemster]

^ sis thank you sa advice mo..  ang naiisip ko lang kase it happened na to my older sister, tapos pati ba naman saken? Sobrang issue kasi un dito sa place namin kase nga it's a town na halos relatives lahat. Umaasa din ang mom ko na ako talaga ang tutulong sa kanila though wala na naman ako nag aaral na kapatid and I indeed helped them nung nag aaral pa younger sister ko sa college.

I understand what you meant sis. I just don't know when is the right time to tell them, lalo na hindi kami in good terms ng papa ko. Baka madurog ang puso ko kapag nakita ko ang mom ko na masaktan na naman kagaya ng dati kaya sobrang gulong gulo na ko.  Hay hanggang ngayon, halos hindi ako makatulog sa pag iisip kung ano ang gagawin ko.

When I told my bf about this, ready naman sya panindigan. Yun nga lang, ang dami pa naming plans at 3 years from now pa ang marriage sa isip namin at ayaw pa namin mag baby. Pero yun nga, we were so wrong.

[Princess_Chill]

sis since nangyari na sis mo iyon pwedeng it won't be that painful na sa mama mo..hopefully...we can't erase the fact na masasaktan siya pero maintindihan din naman nya iyon..if she's expecting na tutulungan mo siya tell her na kahit naman magka pamilya ka this won't hinder you from helping her.

Regarding naman na mga tsismis hayaan mo sila or pwede na pa civil muna kayo then bago ipamalita sa town niyo na preggy ka diba? para hindi nila sabihin na out of wed lock...

kaya mo yan sis! Pray ka lang din for safe pregnancy..lahat naman ng tao nagkakamali pero ang mas impt dun is papano siya babangon diba?

stay strong for your baby!

[jemster]

^ thanks you sis, knowing my mother this would be triply as painful before.. Sobrang taas ng expectations nya saken as her second child. Kapag nakikita ko sya, can't help but be guilty about what's my real condition. I really really want to go far away from them, maglayas in other words. Pero ayaw pumayag ng bf ko kase that means he can't take care of me din dahil nagwowork sya.

Sis ayaw pa talaga namen magpakasal. Madami pa kaming dreams na hindi na matutupad once nagpakasal kami. Hay I am so so confused. Gusto ko na lang talaga magpakamatay minsan o magpaabort habang maaga pa.

[RuChe]

Just pray for God's guidance. Believe that he won't give you problems more than you can bear. Be strong for your baby and be thankful na di ka naman pababayaan ng daddy ng baby mo.
Mas lalong masasaktan ang mommy mo kung lalayo ka at kung sasaktan mo ang sarili mo. So don't ever think about it sis. Take care of yourself and your baby. Everything will be alright soon. Be prepared na lang sa mga consequences. Better yet, wag mo nang pansinin yung mga maririnig mong negative comments. Just focus on building your own family.

[sum.mer]

Sis, for me hindi mo dapat isipin yung ibang tao na pag-uusapan yang nangyari sayo, it tells more about their character diba, than of yours. And you're already 25yo, i think hindi naman yun masama na at that age ay magka-baby ka, yun nga lang hindi pa kayo married but then it seems to me na you're really committed to each other naman and that is very good already. Siguro mafa-fast forward lang mga plans nyo.

Try not to get stressed too much din sa situation kasi makakasama sa baby. Take care and god bless!

[jemster]

thanks sis ruche and sis sum.mer. minsan pati si Lord kinekwestyon ko. Kase yung ibang mag asawa, gustong gusto magkababy sana sa kanila na lang binigay or nangyari to. What makes it harder is  nangyari na to sa ate ko and for sure mas masakit sa mom ko to dahil hindi pa ako natuto at naulit pasaken. Hay mga sis, it's getting harder each day. Sobrang depressed na ako sa kaiisip. Today, I even told my bf na ipaabort na namin to, and ako daw ang bahala. Gulong gulo na ko, parang hindi ko na talaga kaya hay.

[althea_ge]

Sis, I think di naman gano mahurt ang mommy mo pero sa simula mabibigla siguro. Come to think of it, you're already 25 yo, has finished college and worked for three years. Compared to your sister na napreggy ng hindi pa graduate kaya malaki ang effect sa parents nyo yon. Ikaw graduate ka na and kung nakawork ka na ibig sabihin nakatulong ka na sa family mo financially even in a short time. The issue that I can see here in your sistuation is your bf that seems not ready na panagutan ka. Kahit di pa siya ready dapat suportahan ka niya, samahan ka sa family mo na ipaalam na pregnant ka at alukin ka kahit civil wedding kasi ginawa nyo yan pareho eh so take the consequences. Pero sabi mo sa post mo dito ayaw pumayag ng bf mo na lumayo ka sa family mo kasi di niya kaya na alagaan ka.
Sabi nga ng sis natin dito pwede mo naman sabihin na kahit magkakababy ka na tutulong ka pa rin financially sa inyo and 25 yrs old is not a minor age, I think your family can understand you. Siguro kung 18 yo ka pa lang doon sure na sure magagalit ang parents mo.

[k_heart]

Sis, alam mo naman na hindi ka pa ready magpakasal, that pregnancy will bring shame again to your family. At alam mo naman na fault mo rin that you are now pregnant. Of course, unprotected sex will make you pregnant. So dapat sis, sa start pa lang nag ingat ka na kasi alam mo naman ang consequences ng ginagawa mo. As you have said, hindi ka na teen-ager, isa ka ng matured person. Kung teener ka, may excuse ka. Pero at your age, wala ka talag sis excuse.
Pero dahil nandyan na yan, be matured enough to face the consequences. Huwag mong questionin si Lord kasi alam mo naman na 2 people plus unprotected sex equals a baby. Hindi mo pwedeng sabihin na ganun pala yun. Pinasok mo yung relationship with open eyes, so be matured enough to face it.

Wag na wag kang magpapa-abort kasi unfair yun sa baby bukod pa sa talagang kasalanan. I'm sure kung makakapili ang baby, it will choose a family na or a couple na sobrang loves sya at walang complications ang relationship.

Yes, agree ako sa mga sisses here, na matatanggap din yan ng family mo. Wag mo ng pansinin ang mga chismis, mapapagod din yung mga yun. Ang mahalaga ngayon ay ikaw at ang baby mo.
Instead of seeing your baby as your liability, make him or her your inspiration, your strength, your sense of being. Dont see the baby as a hindrance.  Wag na wag mong ipapa-abort, sya ang inosente sa situation na ito.

Ano ba ang sabi ng bf mo? dapat may input din sya. At importante na kayong 2 ang magde
decision sa batang ito.

A baby is always a blessing. At kung  wala naman kayong balak magpakasal pa, wag rin kayo maglive-in kasi mas malamang masundan pa yan.

And as early as now,know your right as a single mother. May mga benefits na ngayong nakukuha yung mga single parent sa government. I think you can ask your barangay about this.

And another option for you, if di ka pa ready na magpalaki ng bata, you can also choose to have the baby adopted.

Pwede kang pumunta sa mga center for unwed moms to assists you. I think if im not mistaken, pwede dun magstay hanggang manganak ka na, then put the baby na for adoption after.
You can tell your family, na magta trabaho ka sa province, yan ay kung gusto mong itago ang pagbubuntis mo.

But as they say nga, The TRUTH will set you free.

Pasensya na sis and sorry kung mukhang  nagse sermon ako sa unahan ng post ko. Pasensya na kaya lang yun talaga ang nasa loob ko at ayaw ko naman isugarcoat yun.

I just want to tell it to you ng straight but without malice.

And yes, prayers will do wonders. Pray for guidance! Sundin mo ang puso at konsensya mo. I hope sis, that you will follow what is right. Smile sis, its not the end of the world. You have a gift, embrace that gift.

HUGS sis! : )

xoxo: Curious lang ako sis, kung ano ang stand ng bf mo regarding this. Kasi 2 kayo dito at hindi ikaw lang.   



 

[aquacharly]

Ang isa pang pagkakamali ay hindi sagot sa isa pang pagkakamali
So, abortion is not the answer nga to your inconvenient pregnancy. 
Neither is suicide.

Do not blame God for your situation now.
Accept that your dilemma is all your fault, that way -- giving credit where credit is due --  clears the way to productive thinking.

IMO, the pragmatic solution is to go away, hide in a home for unwed mothers... And work your way back to your  life plans from there. 

Believe me though, praying for Divine Guidance helps greatly.  Pray and hand over complete trust & control  over to God, make no deals with Him.  Just tell Him His Will be Done.  He always takes care of us. 

Locate a place where you can wait out your pregnancy. If there are requirements imposed thereat -- get back here, for sure there will be help for you.

Take care of yourself.   

[rae]

I won't tell my story na. Pero similar ang nangyari satin.

I didn't get married but we decided to live together. I told my parents I was pregnant and prepared myself to hear a lot of hurtful things from them, esp after I told them na nagdesisyon kami to live together. Based on how the conversation went, I decided not go home for a while (pero di naman na talaga ako nakatira samin since I went to college, I just go home on weekends, twice a month).

Inisip ko ang baby ko. Inisip ko ang buhay ko, and what's best for me & the baby at that point.

Di ako umuwi kasi hindi healthy for me & my baby na na-s-stress ako sa nagging and sa judging eyes and words ng mga hypocrite na tao na akala mo, hindi nagkakamali. Lumayo ako from everything and everyone who will stress me out.

Eventually, that decision turned out to be great. My parents had some time to think and to let go. Naisip ko nga, if you really want to live life honoring God, you will not act so righteous and all up-and-mighty.

Tingnan mo din yung nangyari sa tatay mo. He didnt handle the situation well tapos nambabae. Diba mas kahihiyan yun?!

Also. Madaming tumatanggap na employers na preggy women, kahit call centers.

Take charge of your life. Yan ang nakakatawa sa ilan sa mga religious na tao e. Puro na lang si God. Si God ang bahala, si God ang may kasalanan, si God ang mag-s-solve ng problema. Kaya tuloy a lot grow up who don't take responsibility for their actions. Take responsibility for your actions. Be accountable.

Nakakatawa lang na limited beliefs about God and religion causes people to do stuff that are more un-Godly. If you believe in God enough para sisihin sya. Believe in him enough to have faith that everything will turn out fine.

One last thing, watch The Pursuit of Happyness

[jemster]

salamat po mga sis sa lahat ng advices nyo. Though talagang hangang ngayon, sobrang confused pa din ako. I told my bf kanina about the plan na pupunta muna ko sa adoption centers at mag antay ng panganganak ko. But parang ayaw nya kasi nga mas ok daw na sasabihin na lang namin kase in the long run, yun pa din ang tama. Kaya lang alam naman niya situation ko sa family. Hay. Ako mismo ang ayaw na sabihin sa parents ko.

 Grabe sobrang stress na stress na ako. Not to mention, I am experiencing so much from this pregnancy, from severe throbbing headache, sleepless nights, all day sickness. Grabe I don't know what would make me feel better.

[Princess_Chill]

sis having a baby is gift from God...kaw na nga nagsabi na ang daming couples nag aask magka anak pero ikaw ang binayaan..

tama si bf na mas tama parin na sabihin ninyo sa parents mo un..samahan ka niya diba?

sis adoption? i doubt it once na nakita mo ang bata at mahawakan mo iyan mahirapan ka bitiwan yan at ipamigay mo lang sa iba...

sis ang chismis lilipas lang yan...wag mo sila initindihin gaano...

Do what you think would make you happy but be ready with the consequences kung ano man magiging decision mo...

all of us here can tell you not to abort your child but its still up to you....Pray ang He will guide you...

Hugs to u...

[enilec]

Hi sis. I hope you don't consider abortion. You said so yourself na catholic ka, but regardless of your faith or religion, we're talking about a life here. Secondly, sobrang laking karma ng balik sayo nyan. Kaya maraming nababaliw na babae after undergoing abortion is not only because of emotional stress, but because yung droga na gamit pampalaglag has a side effect that affects the brain. With regards to your relatives naman, nandyan na yan eh. No matter what you do, people  will think what they want. Now it's your choice if you let their thoughts define you as a person. I believe you know yourself the most, more than anyone else.. your capabilities and what kind of person you really are. So I hope you don't let mere opinions of others run your life. Just Pray and Be strong! I know it's hard, but what else is there to do, right?

[airwaterfire]

hello sis!

I hope maging okey ka na soon kasi kawawa ang baby mo. Ako din dati, all day sickness. Na miss ko na nga yon. Di na kailangang mag papayat kasi papayat ka talaga. he he

Well, back sa problem mo, share ko lang about my sis. my younger sis got pregnant out of wedlock. walang bf kasi iniwanan din. Noong nalaman ko, unang tenext ko is huwag ipalaglag kasi may plan pala. At nakita ko talaga doon sa bag niya ang supposed to be iinumin niya. Alam ko rin iniyakan niya yon. Noong nalaman ng parents namin, ang sinabi ng papa ko, sakaling maulit ang nangyari, 4 girls kasi kami magpapakamatay siya. But, when the baby was born, excited kami lahat. Mag 4 years old na ngayon and my sis works as a nurse sa DOH. Nangyari din na nabuntis ako at 28 ng di pa kasal, natakot ako that time baka totohanin ni papa. I told my then bf, at ayon, nagpapa civil kami.

Abortion is never an option. Bear that in your mind. Pagsisisihan mo rin yan bandang huli. Baka nga, yon pa ang magiging cause ng mas malaking kahihiyan pag malaman ng family mo na nag pa abort ka at mas lalo pa silang magalit sa iyo.

TAke care and always Pray.

[ecnarfoj]

I think mas kahihiyan yung hindi mo panagutan yung nangyari sa buhay mo. Don't think of the easy way out, think of the right way to pursue things.

Things happen even if we are not ready pero that doesn't mean na kapag may pinasok tayo na hindi tayo ready ay magiging magulo ang buhay natin.

Unplanned din kasi yung pregnancy ko and I was only 23 then. bread-winner pa ako ng lagay na yan.
May sister had an abortion 3 years prior because din of unplanned pregnancy. Pero I never took that as an excuse or anything that would define the life that I am about to face.

Show grace and redeem yourself if you think kahihiyan yung dinulot mo. Pero I would advise you not to look at it that way kasi ikaw lang din naman ang magpapahirap sa buhay mo if you look at it negatively.
Talk to your BF at pag-usapan ninyo how you would answer your parent's question.
Di rin ako ready nun sa buhay pamilya pero I was ready to stand for the decisions in life. Kung magpapakasal ako, I would do my best to make it work. Kung hindi ako ayain magpakasal ng BF ko then, bubuhayin ko yung anak ko on my own.

It's not the challenges that define us, it how we overcome them.

[jonielle]

Unang una tulad ng sinabi ng nakararami hindi solusyon sa problema ang isa pang problema. Marahil naiisip mo TS na madali naming nasasabi ang mga bagay bagay na ganito kasi hindi namin nararamdaman ang iyong nararamdaman sa ngayon. Pero believe me madami pang tao jan tulad ko na may mas malaki pang problema kesa sayo pero hindi naiisipang bumitiw sa laban ng buhay. Kung ang iniisip mo lang ay kahihiyan o sasabihin ng iyong mga kapitbahay napaka babaw niyan. Una mong isipin kung paano mo mapapaliwanag sa iyong nanay ang iyong situation, saka dasal dasal ka lang Maam TS. Saka lagi lang ilagay sa isipan " Everything Happen for a reason " even for now di natin alam ang dahilan kung bakit.

[quennna]

TS, sorry ha.. pero walang ibang dapat sisihin sa kalagayan mo now kungdi sa sarili mo.. Alam mo na nangyari na sa ate mo, nakita mo na reaction ng parents mo.. Yet, nagpabaya ka pa sa sarili. Sana kinausap mo ang sarili mo na.. ende mangyayari sa iyo ha.. until maabsorb ng subconscious mind mo..

Now, may ginawa kayong ka enjoy enjoy ng bf mo yet.. di mo pa naisip kung ano pwedeng mangyari sa iyo.. wala kang ‘what if moment’ ngayong nagkaresulta.. pati Dyos idadamay mo sa kahinaan mo. Sana advance ka mag isip… total conscious ka naman sa sasabihin ng ibang tao.. sana ginawa mo syang driving force na wag maulit yung nangyari sa ate mo.

Pero too late na.. kasi may bunga na eh.. wag mo lang sanang idadamay ang baby mo sa kahinaan mo. Now ang challenge sa iyo is to have guts to tell your parents but still prepare to plan for youself, for your baby.. what if kung di ka suportahan ng bf mo.. anong gagawin mo? May back up plan ka na ba for that? Yan kahihiyaan eh wala ka nang magagawa dyan kasi part of your consequence eh.. sorry na lang, kasi di ka nadala sa experience ng ate mo..

Now, its time to tighten your faith.. Ask for God’s guidance and strength and I will pray that you will have the courage to tell your parents. Keep us posted here. Sorry for my harsh sentences.. need mo makarining nang ganyan para sana… matauhan ka..  Be well and healthy

[Priceless]

^Swak na swak yang reply mo sis quennna.

I know it won't help dahil huli na ang lahat para sa sisi at galit, pero, sis naman, alam mo na sa simula't simula kung ano ang nangyari sa sister mo, at kung ano ang possibleng outcome kapag nag-s3x ang isang babae at lalake, may gana ka pang questionin si God??!?!?! Kung ako ang kapatid/bestfriend/nanay mo, aba talagang magagalit ako sa iyo kasi lumalabas yung pagiging irresponsable/immature mo. At idadamay mo pa yung bata na wala namang ka-muang-muang sa pagiging duwag mo. Hay.

Kung ako sayo, grow up and fast. It's about time that you faced up to the reality and responsibilities of life. Malakas ang loob mo to sleep with your boyfriend, pwes, lakasan mo din ang loob mo to own up to the consequences of that. At ano naman ang magagawa kung magtatago ka sa ibang lugar hanggang manganak ka? Anong gagawin mo sa bata - pamigay parang tuta? Para lang hindi malaman ng mga magulang mo na nabuntis ka? At pano mo naman gagawin yon - magsisinungaling ka - kesyo long holiday, sabbatical, etc etc. Katawa-tawa. Kung ako ang nasa kalagayan mo, mas I will earn the respect of my parents (after they get over the initial shock and galit) na pinangatawanan ko ang mga desisyon at aksyon ko. Hindi yung magtatago ako at uurong pag andyan na gyera.

Balang araw you will have a son/daughter and pray hard that you have the moral authority that he/she can look up to.