Onlyfans/camgirls and LYING ruining my marriage

[j11azmin8]

I found out about a year ago that my husband was secretly using onlyfans and other sites like that to get custom porn videos and do live cams with girls. He had hidden it from me for years and I was devastated by the deception.

He has a particular fetish that I can't fulfill for him so there is part of me that felt like I should just accept it. I have tried and it is really difficult and painful for me. I told him that I couldn't handle it and he just went back to lying about it. It has probably happened 5-10 times now that I catch him, he swears he'll never do it again, and he does it again.

I carry around this anger and resentment toward him because of the lying. I don't look at him with love in my heart anymore. And I know now that he'll never change.

We have kids. Do I leave him over this? Or just learn to live with it? Please don't suggest couples counseling we don't have access to it.