Author Topic: BREADWINNER  (Read 1083 times)

sonofabisssh

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BREADWINNER
« on: April 18, 2020, 12:39:50 am »
Hi everyone, I am the eldest of the fam, 4 kami lahat 18y.o yung sumunod then 7y.o and 5y.o. Working student po ako, im 20 and in 2nd yr. College.

 tama po ba na mafeel ko na mainis or malungkot, mafeel na unfair. Kasi 3 times na ata ako nasabihan ng mother ko na mag work nalang abroad, then wag na mag aral. Pero ako nagpapaaral sa sarili ko. Naiinis ako kasi lumalabas na ang aakuin ko yung responsibilidad nya na buhayin kaming magkakapatid. Which is i think unfair for me kasi ako marami akong mga pangarap, gusto ko nh makapagtapos and makakuha ng degree, get a stable job, have fun.

Wala naman saakin problema na bigyan or punan yung pangangailangan nila, pero kasi as of now na partimer/working student ako hindi ganun kalakihan ang sinasahod ko. Madalas pa pag alam ng mother ko na may pera ako feeling ko saakin na sya umaasa ng pangkain namin sa araw araw lalo na ngayon may ECQ, thats why nasabihan ko sya na sakin nanaman sila aasa. Nagalit sya, pero kasi hindi un [textspeak!] ibig kong sabihin. Gusto ko lang na maintindihan din niya yunh side ko :(
Btw my parents are separated, i have a stepdad, yung mom ko is housewife umaasa nalang kami sa PWD pension ng stepdad ko.


I dont have someone to talk to and i found out about this website.

Sana po may mag advice sakin. Thank you so much. I'm willing to elaborate the story po.


france321

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  • Posts: 8
Re: BREADWINNER
« Reply #1 on: May 04, 2020, 07:59:13 pm »
Hi!
Sorry to hear your situation.

I feel you, mabigat na responsibilidad ang bumuhay sa isang pamilya.
You can't freely do what you want to do, spend whatever things you like.
But I guess, ganito na din ako pinalaki ng parents ko. Hindi ako mahilig mamili o gumastos. I am the eldest too, and all responsibilities sakin na ata nakasablay. But I don;t take it negatively, you know what, I always think of the sacrifices and efforts of my parents para [textspeak!] makatapos ako ng pag-aaral and here I am now, paying them back (kahit d naman nila hiningi).

I was once a working student, I had to join a lot of groups in order for me to get extra credits para mabawasan tuition fee ko. That is until i graduated. It was fun but challenging. Pagod ka na sa work mag-aaral ka pa. But that helped me to be strong and independent.

Dis-agree [textspeak!] ako sa "wag ng mag aral at mag work abroad nlng. Trust me, mahirap makahanap ng work overseas pad hindi ka college graduate.
I would suggest finish your studies first then seek opportunities abroad kung wala talaga sa pinas.
Then you can help them fully.

Remember to help yourself first in order for you to be able t help others.

Big hug! If you need someone just chat ha!
 

Wifey112

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Re: BREADWINNER
« Reply #2 on: June 18, 2020, 09:22:14 pm »
Hello po. Bago po ako dito. Meron lang akong dinaramdam bilang asawa ng isang breadwinner at tingin ko dito ko lang to masasabi kasi ayokong magsabo sa ibang tao para ma maintain ang privacy naming mag asawa. Hihingi lang po sana ako nang advise regarding this matter.

Ang hubby ko po ang breadwinner sa family nya. He has 3 siblings, isang elder sister na married na with 3 kids while the other 2 are much younger than us (8 and 9 years younger). 10 years napo kami together ni hubby at bago kami nagpalasal 2 years ago napag usapan na namin ang aming financial plans at kasama na dun ang pagsupport sa family nya. Housewife po pala ako, I was working until last year October. I resigned to come back here sa philippines so that my husband can finish his work contract until late this year and we?ll go back to US afterwards. Magkaiba ang family culture namin ni hubby. He grew up in a family where money is enjoyed and not saved. Ako naman, I grew up valuing money in a way na dapat practical in spending. Now, his younger brother who is 20years old ay hindi pa rin nakagraduate ng highschool dahil 4 times nang huminto sa pag aaral. And if I remember it correctly, hindi man lang sya nakatanggap nang anumang consequence. Ngayon occasionally sya nagmemessage sa husband ko asking for spending money, konti lang naman 150 minsan 200 minsan 300 pangsnacks daw or load kasi sira yung ohone hindi maka wifi. I told hubby na before nya bigyan ng pera, dapat may ipagawa muna syang chore or whatever para naman hindi ganun ka easy for my BIL to ask for money. Kasi para sa akin, binibigyan ang Estudyante ng Pera kung nag aaral sya in return. In this case since hindi naman sya oumapasok ng school why should we give him money everytime he asks for it? So naiirita ako dun pero konikimkim ko lang kasi katwiran naman ni hubby konting bagay lang daw yun wa ko na daw ika stress. Ngayon enrollment na at dagil sa covid online nalang ang enrollment. So sabi ko sa hubby ko, wag mo yang bigyan ng pangload king hindi pa yan maka enroll. He has to give us something in return dahil ang pera hindi biro anihin. So ngayon nanghingi na naman ng pera kasi pangload daw. Sinabihan ni hubby na hindi kami magbibigay kung di sya mag eenroll. Sabi ni BiL next week daw enroll na sya tapos nangungulit na manghihingi na daw kay MIL ng money (hindi kasi kami magkasama ng bahay nila so via messenger lang to). Hindi pa nakareply ang asawa ko nagmessage ulit si BIL at sabi kuya e text mo si mama dahil hindi sya naniniwala na nag yes ka (eh hindi naman nag yes si husband) tapos after a few minutes nag thank you na. So meaning binugyan sya ng MIL ko ng pera because she was probably thinking pumayag na si hubby. I am not blaming my BIL kasi bata pa, immature pa. Naiirita ako sa hubby ko dahil hindi man lang nya tinama na ?uy anong thank you eh hindi naman ako nag Oo?. So nakota ko yung nessages, nag ask ako kay hubby tapos sabi ko magrereply ako sasabihan ko na hindi ka nag OO tapos pinigilan ako ni hubby kasi hayaan ko na daw. Dun na ako sumabog. Sa halagang 300. Haha naiinis ako kay hubby dahil hindi nya nagegets na wala sa amount yun, it can be 5 pesos, 100 o 300 but ang lesson ang ini instill ko na hindi ganyan kadali dapat kami magbigay. King enabler kami, forever na syang magiging ganyan at baka yan pa pag awayan in the future. At hindi na ako ma susurprise kung tirigil ukit yun sa pag aaral. Partially, irresponsible/lazy yung BIL ko but we are to be blamed as well kasi kami dapat ang nagtuturo sa kanya eh but we just let him get away with things. Kaya ngayon hindi ko muna kinakausap ang hubby ko at baka may masabi pa akong mahirap na bawiin. I jist don?t want to fight about money lalo na if it involves our families pero at the same time ayokong bigay nalang kami ng bigay na Parang kami ay ATM.

I don?t know if I?m just being masungit/kuripot kaya I feel bad din. Ano po sa tingin ninyo?

kaythrielle

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  • Posts: 542
Re: BREADWINNER
« Reply #3 on: June 20, 2020, 07:14:36 am »
There is nothing wrong with how you feel about the situation. And i can totally relate.

The sad and most frustrating thing about this is there is nothing we can do about it.
The only person who can change the situation is the enabler.

In your case, your husband...and in my case, my mom (who is a senior na ha! to my eldest sibling who has adult kids na din...ugh!!!)

It is what it is. Nakakainis talaga pero wala tayong magagawa.
Hanggat okay sa nagbibigay ng pera, kahit anong explain gawin natin, magbibigay pa rin talaga sila, at alam ng humihingi yun kaya nagte-take advantage sila.

Learn to accept na lang para hindi ka masyado ma-stress. Sorry wala akong matinong mabibigay na advice kundi yun.


The worst part is, yung nagte-take advantage hindi marunong mag-appreciate. Kasi namihasa. When it was my mom who needed help, hindi man lang maasahan tumulong yung eldest sibling ko. Sorry i got carried away.

Anyway, i?m not saying this happens to all...
But people dont really appreciate things they get easily eh.... buti bata pa BIL mo, hopefully he?ll mature.


Good luck sis!



 


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