:-)

[SnowBall]

I need to delete, kasi baka mabasa ng friend kong girltalker din nga pala and baka makarating sa husband ko. But thank you so much mga sis for everything.  all your inputs helped me so much... may God bless all of you.. mwahmwah

[TomHansen]

Sis yung mga worries mo pwede mo namang itanong sa kanya yang mga yan imbes na mag what ifs ka, sisirain mo lang isip mo sa kakaisip ng scenarios na wala namang nakakaalam kung mangyayari or nangyari. Nagwoworry ka kung maging hobby niya ang pagtatable at mainlove sa prosti what if pagbawalan mo na lang kaya tutal karapatan mo naman yan dahil unang una asawa mo yan at pangalawa you both know cheating yung ginawa niya.

[otra_vez]

i'm inclined to believe your husband because like you said, wala namang history of infidelity or lying. plus, if it was worse, then he probably wouldn't have shared it with you in the first place.

i half-agree with the previous reply-- only your husband can truly answer your questions. but i think it's less about that particular woman and more of why he felt like having an emotional affair. maybe affair is pushing it since it's a one thing, so far, but that's what he did. he shared things with another person that he should only be sharing with you.

if i were in your position, as angry as it would have made me and i'd probably be as worried as you are, i would talk to my husband and try to be as objective as possible, hindi ko sya pagbabawalan though because i think that a) it's never effective to tell someone what they can and can not do. it's just some form of control that you wish to exert on someone but it doesn't solve any of the underlying issues; b) from experience, men are particularly sensitive when it comes to the issue of autonomy. even if they give in, they will always resent you for it.; last, c) if you have to demand that someone NOT cheat on you, you are in a relationship with someone who doesn't love you.

i would also ask myself what i might be doing wrong. is it possible that your husband doesn't feel like he can decide on his own? does he feel like he always has to do things your way? also, wag ka sana magalit but i think it was in poor form, what you decided to do with the cousin. i mean, i get it that you don't want to spend too much money and time on the cousin but he is family and it couldn't have hurt to at least meet your husband halfway on this. also, kung hindi mo sya close personally, then this would have been a good chance to know her/him better.

anyway, goodluck. hope you and your husband can communicate better.

[Bridgette*]

MGA SIS.. Kung kayo ako.. ANONG GAGAWIN NINYO?

Open communication. Ask your husband about it. But don't be mad, and don't let your feelings shroud your connection with him. Baka naman kailangan nya lang talaga ng inputs from a girl sa frustration nya that night, nagkataon lang na he's at the wrong place, wrong time. I don't want to judge the prosti, it's her job to sell her body for whatever reason it is just as me selling my skills to a company. She has her own story to tell. Hindi naman nya ikinama si prosti diba, and give him a credit na rin for being honest with you to tell na may tinable syang prosti. This is between you and your husband. Just be honest with him, all your thoughts, your feelings, yung mga di kumporme sayo na ginawa nya, and the root cause of it all, yung tungkol sa pinsan nya. Be there when he needs you, after all, you're a team right?

[TomHansen]

Never underestimate a man's ability to make you feel guilty for his mistakes....

[ficklemind]

^ true
ba't kasalanan lahat ni wifey?     tinulak ba papunta sa bar?
nagegets ko naman yung hugot ni husband pero  MAG BAR AT KUMAUSAP NG IBANG GIRL lang ang option?

Just be on your guard sis, sana hinde maulit.

I don't want to be nega pero kasi dami nauuwi sa cheating pag nagcoconfide ang lalaki sa ibang babae (sa maling babae) ng marital issues.  Siyempre alam na ni babae weakness ni wife, sungab na! meron thread dito dati sa Girltalk, yung nainlove si husband sa bar girl, hayys

[mysterioza_me]

Delikadong iwan si hubby ng galit at nagiisa napupunta sa cabaret. Pwede naman magpalamig ng ulo at matulog nalang muna kesa kumausap ng prosti. Wala ba siyang friend?!

True na true ang sinabi ni TomHansen.

[khaleesiCersei]

Sakin yung pagpunta sa bar at magtable ng babae, honestly papalampasin ko yun. Pero yung mag open siya dun sa prosti about us at super build up pa siya about it na kesyo pinayuhan sya ng magandang advice about marriage, maiirita ako as in hehe. Dun ako magagalit. I mean why?? Anong pakelam ng prosti na yun satin? Anong alam niya about marriage? Tsaka why tell me all those stuff? Dun ako mag iisip na somethings off. Parang pa kunwari ka pa if i know hindi naman talaga kayo nag usap at may kung anong milagro kang ginawa lol! Papabawas ka lang siguro ng guilt mo, hay naku style na bulok na yung ganyan.

Magalit ka sis kung yun ang nararamdaman mo. Dapat niyang malaman na hindi ka ok sa ginawa niya at hindi ka t@ng@

Agree ako sa ibang sis na hindi dapat pinagbabawalan ang partner or asawa sa mga bagay bagay kasi matanda na mga yan, alam na nila kung anong tama at mali. Hindi ako controlling at selosa. Pero i let my hubby know kapag hindi ako ok sa isang bagay at sinasabi ko na may consequence yun if ever. Para klaro sa kanya

[otra_vez]

I need to delete, kasi baka mabasa ng friend kong girltalker din nga pala and baka makarating sa husband ko. But thank you so much mga sis for everything.  all your inputs helped me so much... may God bless all of you.. mwahmwah

i was able to read your deleted post. as a parting message, i just want to say that, don't beat yourself up over this. you are not perfect, we are not perfect.  i think the fact that you've been together for 16 years is pretty amazing. we all can learn from you!  marriage can be hard. there's resentment sometimes and you don't really know how to handle things until you're past them.  masasabi ko lang is every mistake, every choice, our behavior in a marriage-- it doesn't exist in a vacuum. the way i see it, you can dump all of the blame on your husband or yourself and make it a winner takes all, in which case, does anyone really win? Or you can deal with your problems as a team, be honest with each other. acknowledge that both of you have shortcomings and figure out together how you can be better partners.

[SnowBall]

^sis @OTRA_VEZ,

alam mo sis para kang angel. Marami kang pina realized sa akin. Tinamaan talaga ako ng mga sinabi mo, and I want to say thank you. Hindi man kita kilala personally, but I want you to know na meron ka na namang natulungan, and ako yun, you helped me have peace. Maraming salamat talaga sis Otra.. mwahmwah. - sis J

================


Hello mga sis, goodam.

Update ko lang kayo since I think I owe all of you an update dahil natulungan ninyo ako mag muni muni and kinausap ninyo ako kahit hindi tayo magkakakilala.. kasi wala talaga akong mapagsabihan.

Last night, nag usap kami ulit ni husband, and sabi ko napakasakit sa akin na malaman yung ganun na ilang araw na akong nag aalala.. then he hugged me and apologized and hindi na daw niya uulitin and hindi na daw niya ako sasaktan ng ganun ulit.

Hindi naman daw niya ako kaya talagang lokohin, dahil nakaya nga daw niya for 16 years na maging faithful, eh ngayon pa daw ba nagkaka edad na kami.

Kaya totally pinatawad ko na siya kagabi as in ni let go ko na lahat ng galit at takot.

And... ayun naka 3 rounds kami ng make up sex kagabi. Hahahahaha. Parang honeymoon ulit. Lol.

Dahil sa sinabi ni sis @Otra_Vez na palagi na lang daw ako ang nasusunod sa marriage namin which is actually true... (ako talaga ang dominante kasi )

Napag usapan namin ni husband na from now on kapag may mga hindi kami mapagkasunduan na mga decisions sa mga plano and all, para hindi na kami mag away kung sino ang dapat masunod eh...

MAG TO- TOSS COIN KAMI.

Kung sino manalo, yung gusto niya masusunod. At least that way, we wont resent each other.. we will just resent the coin. Lol.

Napatunayan ko talaga na staying in marriage is an everyday work. It is an everyday choice.

Kailangan araw araw mo piliin na mahalin ang asawa mo, na patawarin siya, at araw araw din na tignan mo kung ano ang mali din sayo...

Maraming salamat talaga mga sis.. God bless our families. Mwahmwah

[glamorosa_09]

MAG TO- TOSS COIN KAMI.

Okay naman yan, kung mga one-time occasional events. Pero kung several events or a decision that will affect the couple's life or relationship quality, mahirap din i-asa sa coin.

One alternative is to negotiate or dialogue. Both of you will first identify your non-negotiables (what really matters to you) and negotiables (areas you can be flexible). For instance non-nego nya is to spend quality time with the cousin, that's what matters to him. Malay mo may history pala sila. It can add to your knowledge din about your husband's past.

As for you naman, if it's about money concern, then you probably don't want to spend much sa activities. Or if it's your personality na you're not comfortable spending a long time with someone you're not close with, then you can just be your husband's chaperone and he shouldn't expect you to act chummy chummy and will just be courteous lang.

And then after you identify and learn each other's non-nego, then you can negotiate yung mga areas of flexibility. Saang resto kayo kakain, anong pasyalan pupuntahan niyo. Something like that.

This will work if both of you are willing to listen, have empathy for each other, and you can see each others' side. You acknowledge that the cousin is important to him, and he acknowledges na you have concerns too (money, personality, etc).