Am I wrong?

[angese10]

i need to get your opinion about my situation.

i recently went back to my husband after years of separation. eventually, we were able to make our relationship work. i conquered all my insecurities and doubts, and he changed his way. i dont have any complain and im a hundred percent sure that my decision was right. the kids are happy, most of all.

the thing is, ever since we went back together, lots of financial problems crept in. we were financially independent before we decided to patch up pero now, it seems like we are starting from 0. he lost his clients and cant seem to get back on his feet. the same is happening with me. though i still have my income , which we use to support the family, pero hindi na gaya ng dati. we have lots of financial obligation and natatabunan na kami lately. some of them, we need to give up.

cant help but think, is this karma? my husband has a child when we separated. right now, my custody battle yung dalawa (husband and the girl) but the kid is with my husband because it was legally given to him by proper authorities (dont want to stress a lot about this pero we have papers and orders to prove this) i accepted the kid as my own. but last time, the mother talked to me and sinumpa sumpa nya ako kasi daw tinanggap ko yung bata when i could have given the child to her. i must admit sometimes when people ask me if anak ko yung bata, i would say "no" though most of the times, I would say "yes". ayoko lang magexplain sa iba because not all will understand my situation and to protect the kid na din from chismosa. sabi ng nanay sana patawarin daw ako ng Diyos dahil sa pagkagusto ko na mabuo yung family namin, pati mali ginawa ko. she would say kasi na kinuha sa kanya yung bata.

tell me, mali ba ang ginawa ko na pagtanggap sa asawa ko pati sa anak sa labas nya?

[janachen]

Huwag mong isipin na karma, sadyang dumadating lang talaga ang pagsubok. Hindi naman lahat nasa taas ka.

Yung pagtanggap sa bata, maganda yan at least tianggap mo ng maluwag sa kalooban 'yong inosenteng bata. Hayaan mo na 'yong nanay kung [textspeak!] ano ang sinasabi basta ang mahalaga tinuring mo na anak 'yong bata.

[angese10]

i have to admit that may mga times when naiinis ako sa bata. though iniisip ko, its normal for me na mainis din sa mga anak ko when may ginagawang mali, so same din siguro dito sa anak ng husband ko. may mga actions kasi siya na siguro nakuha sa nanay, and i would get mad and contradict. like the kid would shout when may gusto sya or namamalo basta basta na lang. may pagka greedy din sa foods and sa attention, some things na gusto ko maalis and madisiplina. right now, ako lahat gumagastos sa needs ng bata and wala naman ako reklamo. yun lang na behaviors nya talaga. i dont know if has something to do with genes because the nanay would go for different males to satisfy her financial needs. and i dont like the child to grow up like a brat na nakukuha lang gusto nya sa iyak. or that he would eat everything kahit na busog na sya basta hindi lang sya makashare sa mga kapatid nya. i dont know if these observations are valid pero kasi sa mga anak ko, hindi naman ganito. so i want to discipline na kid din sana like the way i did sa mga kapatid nya.

[janachen]

iba iba kasi behavior ng bata sa totoo lang sis. Yung dalawa kong anak, yung bunso madamot at hindi talaga namimigay to think na  isang taon lang sya at madalas sinasapak 'yong ate. Pero ok naman sya, normal na magkapatid may selosan kahit bata pa lang.

'Yong comparison talaga hindi mo naman maiaalis like  si ate nya ganito, yung kapatid nya mas ok ang ugali pero huwag mo nalang ipamukha sa bata sis. Habaan mo nalang ang pasensya mo.

may mga actions kasi siya na siguro nakuha sa nanay, and i would get mad and contradict.

For this sis, hindi batayan na kung kanino man sya galing or sino ang nanay nya kasi wala pang muwang yan. Wala pang alam kung ano ang ugali ng nanay.

Baka may something lang sa kanya? Sis  normal ba sya? Baka pwede mo ring itry ipaassess sa doctor kung normal ba yong behavior nya, meron din kasi akong kaibigan. Noong bata akala nila normal lang 'yong behavior nya, pero nung pinasok na sa school, attention seeker sya, mabilis mafrustrate pag hindi nakukuha ang gusto. Ngayon nagthetherapy sya.

[angese10]

^yes sis, i was also thinking na ipatingin sya because when i got the child, hindi sya nakakapagsalita despite the age. as in nag murmur sya pero wala ka maintindihan. siguro yun din why mahilig sya umiyak or manakit kasi hindi sya naiintindihan. ngayon medyo ok na sya nakakapagsalita na though hindi pa complete sentence pero may sense na. yes, it was wrong for me to think about her mom as the basis of the child's ugali. kaso minsan cant help na siguro yung actions nya is nakita sa nanay. iniisip ko na lang for as long as andito sya sakin, i will treat the kid as my own and will try to instill values na sa tingin ko tama.

[janachen]

Autistic ba tawag dun? he looks normal naman sa totoo lang, pero pagdating sa social behavior nag iiba. At pagka may trip ipakita walang katapusang pagdadaldal inabot nga rin ako ng oras makipag usap hehe nakakapagod at kailangan kong magcheer pa para matuwa.

[kolinetongue]

Nope. Hindi ka mali. You just did what is right.

[minabey]

You have the papers naman pala to prove that the kid has to be with the father. I understand the woman's anger towards you because you already have the husband and now even her child.

As what other people have mentioned, maybe the kid also has issues that was a result of the woman's care that may be mental or emotional and the kid is acting out because of it.

Before the stress gets too much and mapuno ka na, I hope you and your husband could get some alone time to talk and regroup, to address these issues in a non-accusatory and calm manner. Ask him how he prefers to deal with discipline concerning his kid, if it's okay with him that you discipline his kid the way you would your kids or leave it to him? Stuff like that.

I hope your family's situation gets better.