When the ex-wife becomes the mistress

[jocelyngdl]

This is a long post. Sorry!

Here?s our brief history:
We?ve known each other since grade school dahil magkapitbahay kami, we became high school sweethearts for about 4 years before their family decided to migrate in the US while I stayed in Pinas to finish college, but our relationship remained strong. When I graduated from college, nag-migrate na din ako to Canada kasi dito based ang mom ko. Then when I visited him, we got married. I believe na naging more than okay naman yung marriage namin and I know the love was there but it started to fell apart when he decided to join the army without my knowledge, nalaman ko pa from his parents, I was hurt kasi asawa na niya ako pero hindi niya na-consider yung feelings ko about him joining the army. Also, I had a miscarriage. He went anyway so while he was in training, I decided to move back with my mom because she was terribly sick.

I was there when he came back from training, but from that point, everything was a blur? hindi ako maka-move back with him because my mom needs me and he decided to fully commit sa army. So I think nag-drift apart kami and we got divorced after 2 years of marriage. I admit, we were so mababaw and very immature sa move na yun.

Present:
After what happened, I decided to cut our communication and go on with my life but I admit, pumapasok pa rin siya sa isip ko. I eventually went out to meet other people and I did, akala ko mawawala na siya totally in my life but then after 6 years, this friend request on facebook happened. Nag-usap kami, we didn?t talk about what happened to us, but we just picked up where we left off. It felt familiar, I know there?s this connection between us. Although he told me na may nabuntis siya and they are living together but not married, for the sake of the kid. He said na he?s just waiting for the kid to turn 7 so he could take full custody. He?d say words like ?I miss you? ?Sana hindi tayo sumuko? ?You?re the one I love? and he said na he did that kasi akala niya makaka-move on siya from me but he never stopped loving me daw. I stopped talking to him because I know it?s wrong, we are both in a relationship? After a few months, my boyfriend and I broke up, umuwi ako sa Pinas to unwind and he (my ex-husband) found me there? to cut the story short, bumalik lahat ng feelings ko for him. It?s funny kasi we whenever we try to talk about what happened to us, we both don?t know what exactly went wrong. We continued talking kahit nung nakabalik na siya sa US, while me sa Canada... And then it hit me, I am now his mistress - we talk secretly, mostly kapag wala siya sa bahay, pumupunta siya dito every month? while the baby mommy and him still lives together, sleeps on the same bed, probably still doing ?it? (conclusion ko lang)... and he said all for the sake of the kid lang, he is 5 years old so I need to wait 2 more years bago niya totally hiwalayan yung girl. He kept saying na he doesn?t love her anymore but he?s just preparing her para kapag nag-hiwalay sila, she?ll be okay. Whenever I feel irritated about our situation, sinasabi niya ?kung mahal ko siya, edi dapat matagal ko na siyang pinakasalan, pero hindi. Ikaw lang yung papakasalan ko?

Right now I?m 5 months pregnant with twins, he?s aware that he?s the father and siya mismo nag-confess dun sa girl pero hindi pa rin nakipag-hiwalay. She sent me a message lang saying na hindi ko naman raw kasalanan pero sana wag kong agawin yung father ng anak niya, she sounded to calm! The whole point of the message is to inform me that they need him. Meanwhile, my ex-husband turned lover, nandito siya palagi whenever I have check-ups, and sabi niya he keeps assuring me that he?ll marry me again but I just need to wait for a little while? but I don?t know. Hindi ko alam kung hanggang kailan ako magho-hold on sa words niya, natatakot ako because I love him too much. I gave myself an ultimatum na kapag after 2 years ganito pa rin yung situation namin, I would cut him off again. Natatakot lang ako na lumaki yung mga anak ko ng walang tatay because I grew up not having one. I honestly don?t know if this is still worth fighting for, I?m confused but I?m so in love with him and I know sobrang katang*han na ito. Most of the time, I can?t help but overthink kung ano bang ending ng situation na to.

[TomHansen]

natatakot ka na lumaking walang ama ang mga magiging anak mo pero katulad din naman yun ng worries ng live in partner ng ex husband mo.. bakit ka nagpabuntis sis? at sa kanya pa na manloloko? Then what, kapag magkasama na kayo sasabihin niya na naman sa ibang chicks na nagsstay lang siya with you dahil sa mga bata? continous lang ang cycle hanggang sa makarami na siyang anak sa ibat ibang babae.

I get it ang sarap mainlove e at kadalasan nagiging tang* talaga tayo kapag tinamaan, just be open sa mga signs sis at wag kang matakot na iwanan uli siya someday kapag nagkaroon na naman ng cracks sa relationship niyo. Mula ngayon ang priority mo na lang ay ang mga magiging anak mo, hindi nila kailangan ng ama lalo gungong din naman ex mo basta maayos pag-aalaga mo as a mother .

[glamorosa_09]

Meron talagang men with two families eh... And they have reasons why they can't leave the unofficial one. And of course, meron ding women who settle for this set-up, and they also have reasons why they can't let go.

But a woman who knows her worth and value knows what she deserves, and clearly this kind of set-up is not it. Hirap in some situations like yours, some women grew up without a father or male figure who made them feel worthy and special. So they have no standard of comparison of how to be treated or andun din yung thirst/hunger to be loved, kahit na scrapes of love. Or baka si madir ay di rin mapagmahal.

So anyway, may ultimatum ka naman, 2 years... Pero kung ako yan, it's now or never... Cannot be ang mga crumbs of love saken, I deserve the whole of it. Pampaasa yung mga crumbs of love eh, para maghope at magstay ka.

Good luck, sana makamit mo ang gusto mo!

[mysterioza_me]

1. Di kaya rebound mo lang si ex-hubby since kakabreak ninyo lang ng bf mo nung sumulpot si ex hubby?
2. Anong pagkakaiba kung now niya na iiwan ang live in partner niya vs sa pagdedelay ng paghihiwalay nila? Pini-prepare niya si girl saan? Na hindi masaktan? Kahit after 10yrs pa niya iwan si girl kung mahal siya nun masasaktan pa din yun - walang preparation sa ganyan.
3. Ang intindi ko sa US naka-base ang mag-ina and si guy, ganun ba dun, automatic sa tatay ang bata pagdating ng 7yrs old? Parang sure na sure kasi sa statement na pagdating ng 7yrs old ng bata sa tatay na agad custody kaya nagaantay siya na mag-7yrs old ang anak niya.
4. Isingit ko lang na kwento: ang bff ng tito ko may 4 kids sa live in partner niya. Tapos si guy may nakilala na girl sa bus. Niligawan niya, sinagot siya, pnagkarelasyon sila ng di alam syempre ng live in partner ni guy. Nashocked nalang si ateng live in partner na ikinasal na si guy sa ibang babae. Nalaman niya after 1yr ng kasal si guy at si new girl. Ang sinasabi ko lang pagggusto may paraan, pag ayaw madaming dahilan.

Pag-isipan mo sis. Sa totoo lang matagal ang 2yrs na ultimatum. Sayang emotional investment mo diyan.

[kvandenhaak]

Parang may thread na ganito dati?

Anyways, TOTAL BS yang he is just staying with the girl because of the kids. Yan ang mga linya ng mga manloloko. Fine, you were maried before but girl, he is now with another girl. You should have stopped right there. And yes, dakilang kabit ka na lang ngayon. He is not going to leave the girl because he still wants to be with her. Tira-tira na lang yung sa 'yo. Pero kung okay lang sa 'yo ang nilaglag na kanin sa ilalim ng mesa then do whatever suits you.

[xtine_orig]

I pray for your guidance sis. 

Everybody goes through the process of falling in love but sadly, not ALL love stories are perfect.  I know how it feels to fall in love at the wrong time (with the wrong person!) and I don't think people judging your decision to stick and fall in love is also helping you think clearly. 

Based on your story, your ex husband and the girl is just living in and not married.  But I think you need more explanation why he cannot leave the other girl, simply to wait for few years is not a good reason.  Your situation is very complicated but you need to ready yourself for anything as you only have the guy's word that he will leave her.

Whatever the outcome is, you still have your child who will be with you no matter what happens.  Good luck!

[quencher]

Ang kawawa talaga sa situation na ito ay ang mga bata.  Agree ako kay TomHasen, ayaw mo na lumaking walang ama ang mga anak mo, pero hindi mo ba naisip sis na ganun din ang mangyayari sa anak ng ex-husband mo? May mawawala at mawawala din sakanya. 

[plumpolka]

minsan napapaisip na lang talaga ako kung totoo bang para sa anak kaya di maiwan o ginagamit na lang na rason ang mga anak kasi sila ang may di kaya na wala ang lalaki...


madami ako kilala na mabuting tao naman maski lumaki na walang tatay and hindi naman kawalan sa kanila kung hindi present ang tatay nila habang lumalaki sila. meron din naman na sobrang problematic ng buhay maski buo ang pamilya nya. nasa pagpapalaki naman kasi yan sa mga anak e. regardless if complete o hindi. if ipaparamdam mo sa mga anak mo na kulang sila as family (kasi ikaw mismo sa sarili mo, gusto mo parin yung tatay nila), o papalakihin mo na parang walang kulang kaya naman maski walang tatay (kasi kaya mo naman din talaga).


*parang nabasa ko na nga din to dati, ganito din. regardless kung ex-wife ka, nanggugulo ka parin ng pamilya ng may pamilya. you should know better dahil kinasal ka na. alam mo ang feeling na inaagaw ang asawa. ano pa kaya yung LIP nya na may anak sila. tapos nakisawsaw ka pa porket ba ex-wife ka. hiniwalayan ka nga e, tapos ngayon gusto mo na naman. hay... ex-wife turned kabit, kabit parin. sad for the LIP... (actually, d ko na masyado binasa history mo, the fact is ex-wife ka na at may bagong partner na ex mo, dapat pinakawalan mo na. tapos bumuo ka pa ng anak sa kanya. kawawa all the kids involved in this situation. imbis na sana matahimik yung pamilya, ginugulo pa.

[Shadow Angel]

TS pareho kayo ng ex mo di natuto sa pagkakamali nyo noon na di pinag iisipan ang bagay bagay. Parang kasing basta kayo nagdecide na mag divorce ng di pinag isipan or parang di nyo muna inaayos. Ngayon naman dahil sa konti kilig o kung anuman tawag nyo dyan nag go lang kayo kahit may affected na ibang tao tapos dinamay mo pa magiging anak nyo. Tutal magkakaanak ka na bakit di mo gawin ok ang lahat or sitwasyon nyo para man lang sa magiging baby mo. Kung talaga ayaw mo mawalan ng ama anak mo sana bago ka nagpabuntis pinagisipan mo na o kaya naman nagcontrol kayo. Nababawan ako sa mga taong nagpapabuntis na hindi naman pala ready or complicated ang sitwasyon. Dami naman way para di mabuntis sorry pero parang ang T*nga lang.

[plumpolka]

^ agree sis, di mo naman pwedeng sabihin na aksidente lang. the fact na alam mong commited pa yung isa, maski pa nauna syang naging sayo, respeto na lang sa bago nya ngayon. pamilyado pa sya maski hindi pa nya asawa... pero wala na e, nangyari na. 2 bata ngayon ang mag aagawan sa tatay nila at magkahati pa sila sa oras. 
goodluck sis! sana ang gawin mong desisyon e para sa anak mo at anak ng ex-asawa mo. hindi na yung para sa kung ano lang magpapaligaya sayo.

[ishopnowfeelguiltylater]

i love it na in-acknowledge mo na "sobrang katang*han" nga yung situation ninyo. at least you called it for what it really is.

maybe you're just enjoying the attention he's giving you, or the feeling na you were able to get something you've lost back, etc. the situation should make you feel good for you to forget about the hurt you felt when you grew up not having a father, which led you to decide that you do not want your children to experience the same thing.

a lot could happen in 2 years. pero one thing is for sure, your children are going to need you - a lot. please try to focus on them first as you await on a decision that ultimately does not depend on neither you and your kids but kung ano lang talaga ang bet maisipan ng ex-husband mo.

[TattaNech]

Oh my Gosh)))  interesting twist))