will you give him back?

[angese10]

sisters...if you could remember, i was the one who posted about getting back with my husband. we were able to fix our marriage and dealt with my insecurities. lahat ng questions ko dati about his intentions, naayos na and i would say we are a happy family now. but i have a question...
 
backwards muna.. my husband impregnated someone and they separated and the kid was left in the care of my husband. syempre pag balikan namin tinanggap ko na din yung bata because nasa poder niya na yung bata from the start. call me t**** pero mas t**** naman if i ask him to leave the kid somewhere para siya lang yung bumalik sa amin. anyway, we are happy now with the kid.

problem is yung mom ng bata gusto kunin yung anak niya. i just wonder why with so many chances na bisitahin niya yung bata, bakit hindi nya pinuntahan? gusto niya kasi custody ng bata but she filed a case na dati against my husband and the court decides na sa poder ng tatay yung bata kasi mas maayos yung income, yung living condition, etc. pero hindi pa siya sole custody.

ngayon nag message siya sakin, as a mom, i could feel her pain. pero somehow, naiisip ko din na bakit ba, e mahal naman ng tatay yung bata and hindi naman nadedeprive ng care, attention, and love, even from me and sa mga kapatid.

what should i do? i could honestly say my husband loves the kid so much. noong hindi pa kami nagkaayos, my husband solely take care of the kid, as in walang yaya. they were living together alone lang so everything talaga, yung tatay ang nagaasikaso.

[khaleesiCersei]

If the mom wants her child back, i guess its her right. Let her

[angese10]

thanks sis.

additional info din:

inalis sa kanyang poder yung bata kasi iniwan niya lang sa relatives niya when nasa kanya ito

there were so many times na nagreklamo siya: police, nbi, dswd, etc. pero lahat yung mga yun, sa husband ko binigay yung bata.

[mysterioza_me]

May desisyon na pala ang korte bakit di nalang ifollow? Kung hihiramin lang ang bata para makasama niya ok lang pero if kukunin permanently pag-usapan ninyo paano ang magiging hatian sa expenses sa bata at sino mag-aalaga. Dami kasi nanay ngayon ipipilit na sa poder nila ang bata tapos ayaw magtrabaho kasi wala daw mag-aalaga sa anak, buhay sustentado lang ang gusto.

[kvandenhaak]

The court already decided kung kanino dapat mapunta ang anak nila so just keep it that way. At least wala silang masasabi na meron kang influence sa hindi pagbibigay ng anak nila sa biological mother. Schedule a visit and that should be the end of it.

[lalee888]

Hello @angese10 - i don't think i've seen your previous thread here but based on this new post, i wanted to commend your noble efforts in fully considering the whole situation and for making your marriage work.

Everyone is capable of making mistakes and everyone is also deserving of forgiveness, if there is remorse. I also think you have a great head on your shoulders with your compassionate feelings toward the mother of your step son.

You are obviously thinking this through and it sounds like you want what's in the best interest of the child, but at the same time (and rightly so) you want what your husband wants (what makes him happy).

Your husband will obviously want his son with him for the most part - most parents will want that.
The birth mom, may not have been in a good place before, but her situation could have changed and if she made a mistake (of abandoning her son) before, does not mean she is not capable of remorse, repentance and a second chance, just as your husband deserved a second chance to work his marriage out with you. We don't really know why she's in that situation or why she did what she did -- we can't really know/judge someone until we walk in their shoes, right?

That being said, emotions are involved - your emotions, the son's, your husband's, the mom's. It's not easy to be rational when emotions are involved. I think your goal is what's in the best interest of the child and from your post (which will be subjective of course), it sounds like he's better off in your home (stable home) since we don't know anything about the mom's situation.

In the interest of fairness, you could perhaps offer a middle ground and ultimately let the courts decide... perhaps offer supervised time between the mom and the son? increase that supervised time a little over time, and perhaps advise the mom that while you understand her plight, she is welcome to spend reasonable time with her son, but that the courts are best to decide what is in the best interest of the child. Then she can take that on --- if she is able to demonstrate to the courts she is a fit mom and can provide a fit environment for her child, then she should be given the chance to be a parent to her child. This way, both sides have an equal opportunity to demonstrate their parental commitment to the child, to the courts.

I think if you refuse her outright or restrict her, she will feel more frustrated, perhaps angry, desperate and what not - who knows what that could lead her to do, and how that might impact the son. Repression is not a good feeling. I really think the first and healthy course of action is to share the child, for now, as long as she's not causing harm to the child.

I hope you find answers and peace with this situation soon... it takes a noble and beautiful spirit to forgive the woman who was involved with your husband. But honestly there is serenity in knowing you did yourself and everyone around you good. Anger, revenge, are not good things to carry in your heart so i think you're in the right direction.

Good luck sis sana you can update us. *flowers*

[angese10]

thanks mga sis. i must admit that i felt guilty because as a mom, masakit yung idea na wala sa poder mo yung kid. i became a single mom din when we separated before but everything became bearable kasi andito sakin yung mga bata.

i would honestly give back the kid if yun ang iuutos ng court though masasaktan na din ako because close na sa akin yung bata. in fact, habang nagtytype ako, andito siya sa tabi ko. i dont think may memory siya ng mother but anyway, if meron man, i wont take it away. i sincerely would want the kid to know the mother, and siguro just take me as the second mom.

hindi din madali for me. mahirap din when people would question me kung bakit pa bumalik pa ako and even accepted the kid. but all i know is that we are happy now, my kids are happy with their dad at our place once again.

i guess i just want an assurance na tama ito. the mom threatened me. she told me na sana mapatawad ako ng Diyos sa ginawa ko na pagtanggap sa bata para lang sa kagustohan ko na mabuo ang family namin. but honestly, even before i entered the scene, nasa tatay na talaga yung bata. i just want to do the right thing, legally and as a mom.

i want to open up sa husband ko to give the mother the chance na bisitahin yung baby. pero i think this is not possible kasi magulo pa masyado ngayon. the mother is freaking out not just because of the kid, but because of the fact na nagkabalikan na kami. she would tell my husband na maghihintay siya, etc. but anyway, it is not my concern. the mother could be a freak at times. and ayaw din kausapin na ng husband ko. he wants to settle the issue legally.

[mysterioza_me]

i guess i just want an assurance na tama ito. the mom threatened me. she told me na sana mapatawad ako ng Diyos sa ginawa ko na pagtanggap sa bata para lang sa kagustohan ko na mabuo ang family namin. but honestly, even before i entered the scene, nasa tatay na talaga yung bata. i just want to do the right thing, legally and as a mom.

I dont see anything wrong sa pagtanggap mo sa bata lalo na kung tulad sa tunay na anak ang trato mo. Kakarmahin ka kung sinasalbahe mo. Saka sis di lang naman ikaw ang babae na gumawa niyan. Yung hipag ng lola ko nagawa na yan ang difference lang di na nanggulo ang kabit since maayos naman trato sa anak niya. Sorry sa pagiisip ng di maganda pero parang lumalabas gusto lang kunin ang bata para gamitin ni girl sa pagganti kasi masaya na kayo at di niya matanggap yun. Di pa nakaka-move on si ate.

[lalee888]

I agree, I don't see anything wrong in welcoming the child to your family. Parang blessing pa yung actions mo for this kid.

Your example is a good one demonstrating that no matter what other people say, at the end of the day, it's your happiness that matters. If you had listened to those who advised you not to take this in (and your husband), you may not have this happiness and peace you feel now... glad you followed your heart and considered everything.

Sis, you can only give advice to your husband... mutual decision niyo rin yan. If he doesn't want the mom involved at all, you can only give him advice and give him a different perspective. But I do agree a legal course of action is best and fair....

[naizlabonita]

dalhin nyo uli kamo sa korte para dumaan sa legal na paraan.. at nang manahimik na si anty.. baka nagpapapansin lang yan sa asawa mo.. o kaya bored na naman siya sa buhay nya hehe..

[angese10]

thanks mga sis. it feels good na somehow i am convinced na tama ito. i dont want to decide for our own kasi, as much as possible i want to consider the mom din. nagmessage na naman siya kanina saying na ibalik na namin sa kanya yung bata. i just wonder why ayaw niya bisitahin man lang. kahit special occasions like noong christmas and birthday. 

[kvandenhaak]

Ang importante kasi dito is the welfare of the child, first and foremost. Ano ba ang nararamdaman nya? Gusto ba nyang mag-stay sa mommy nya? Sure ba kayo that his mom will take care of the child properly? Does she have a concrete plan kung ano gagawin nya to give the child some sort of stability. It's already hard for the child to have parents that are not together so adding to the difficulty na pagpapasa-pasahan. Yes, she's the mom but the child needs stability. So, my take is since the court already decided the dad has sole custody then keep it as it it. Pwede naman mag-schedule ng visit ang mother. May history na pala na kung saan-saan lang iniiwan eh baka ganon na naman mangyari. You can probably give her more time together once she proved that she can take care of the child. Child first before whoever.

[fifi_girl]

How old is the child ba? If the child is capable of making his/her own decision, then let him/her. Pero wag naman biglaaan. The mother should first try to build a relationship with her child. I understand where you are coming from, kase napamahal na sa iyo yung bata. But then, every mother has the right to be in her child's life. She may have failed before, but her situation might have changed now. For all you know, it might help the child pa 

Your husband should consider talking to her personally, as in seryosong usap kung ano bang plans niya sa anak niya. Oo, sa iyo lumaki yung bata, but i think you need to take a step back on this one and let your husband decide. Tama din sabi ng isang Sis natin dito about stability. The only solution to all of this is really for your husband to talk to the mother.

[donya_dyosa]

kung utos ng korte yes. but if not, no. baka makonsensya ka lang kung mapano ang bata in case may mangyaring masama. at si mo sure kung she will take good care of him at iwanan lang ulit kung kanikanino.

i think gagawin nyang hostage ang bata para mapalapit sa husband mo ulit at masira ulit kayo.

block her. dont communicate. hayaan mo sha pumunta sainyo.