My father has a relationship with 16 years old girl

[aktib]

My father, 59yrs old had a relationship with 16yrs old girl after my mom passed away a year later. We didn't agree with his relationship because it's minor and of course that nakakahiyang feeling specially we have a high respect from him. We told him he can find another girlfriend yung medyo atleast may isip na at independent.

We did try to work things out for him, so he can forget our mom or the girl, or his sadness. My sister brought him to canada for few months. My brother settled at our house para may kasama sya, but then this relationship with the teenager still pursuing kaya nag move out na kuya ko kasi dinadala nya sa bahay. Then as for me, I loaned a brand new van for him para may pag kakitaan sya samen then he can look forward something daily and I told him to stop seeing the girl. He agrees and he's very happy with the van I loaned. He said he will stop the relationship with the girl. I told him na sana tulungan nya din ako sa pag bayad ng van since pwde naman nya iparent, and he's confident about this na talagang papatok yung van.

Months goes by and he haven't contributed to the payment of the van and I told him na that's okay maybe because wala namang renta, then I told him to just take care of it para meron na akong van after 5 years. In short magiging sakin yung van.

1 year had passed, nalaman ko sa sister ko na nabuntis nya yung bata and manganganak na. Since we didn't agreed in the first place nagalit kami, then ako I decided to take the van away from him kasi nawalan nko ng amor bayaran pa and besides hindi naman kumikita kapag nasa poder nya. My siblings didn't agree with my decision and said I'm too harsh and why would I even give it and take it back. And that I'm selfish and only looking out for myself.

Was my decision cruel? Was it too much? I am still willing to give something to my father although not this kabuhayan package because I don't feel inspired feeding his new family.
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You can ask me anything and make comments or feedback, I would really mean to me mga sis if you have something to say. I don't know kung kanino ako mag oopen since everyone doesn't feel like talking to me.

Thank you.

[simang]

Hi sis, medyo complicated ano, pero nasan ang parents ng minor? Involved ba sila sa relationship nila ng tatay mo? Do they know that the baby daddy is your father?

At this point since may baby ng involved, then I guess hindi na reasonable na paghiwalayin sila unless the parents of the girl want that. Pero kung sa side nyo, let your father be a father to the girl's baby. Meron ba syang financial capability to support his new baby? Or sa inyo rin sya hihingi ng tulong if ever?

[mimiku]

Your father is sailing in dangerous waters - kung matopak yung parents or yung girl mismo, pwede siyang idemanda ng statutory rape that could either lead on sa pagkakakulong niya or sa forever financial blackmail na pwedeng maisipan ng side ng babae. I am not saying na ganun yung girl, but I heard a lot of stories about these kind of relationships. It did not end well for the men involved.

But in case the girl decides to pursue the high road, I think it's better to let your father handle his affairs by himself. Ang tanda na niya at alam niyang maling mali yang ginawa niya. Let him lay on the bed he made for himself.

Wala na ba siyang ibang source of income? Hindi naman pwedeng ikaw ang umako ng pagpapagatas sa bata. I mean this is me ha? But whatever you decide to do, just follow na lang yung kung anong gusto mo talaga.

[lalee888]

Was my decision cruel? Was it too much? I am still willing to give something to my father although not this kabuhayan package because I don't feel inspired feeding his new family.

Hi Sis, there's a lot of possible opinions to your complicated situation/dilemma but I will focus on your question only. Here's my two cents:

The common practice and universal etiquette is that a gift is a gift. A gift should come from a good place, without stipulations. In as much as you don't approve your father's choices and what the future holds for him, that should not be in any way related to your gift to him. I think that regardless of relationship with a person, it's always a bad idea and frowned upon to take a gift back.

However, you did say that you had asked him to care for this van and that in five years you want to have the van. Was that an agreement between you and your dad from the beginning? Or did you give him the van before, then added terms later on? This has to be clear from the beginning. If it wasn't clear, then it's also unfair to receive a gift, then a year later may conditions palang kasama?

My answer was from being objective. Of course there are cases where it's more than okay to take back a gift, like when the giftee is using the gift to harm others (like murder, etc) or when the giftee is convicted of a capital crime (grey area).

As for your feelings regarding the new kid -- i think we all have a choice no matter how harsh it might seem to others. No one is obliged to give financial support to someone else, even your own parents or siblings. Your only obligation is to your own children. Your feelings about the baby might change because they are your half-sibling, regardless of the circumstance. Even then, 'helping' if they need it, is your choice, not your obligation. Hope this helps.

[gab54]

My comment will be harsh, but this is what I will do if Im in your shoes
I will take the van and sell it. The reason why I got it para magka income at mahulugan, mukhang hindi naman nangyayari. At if the reason is para maging abala sya at tigilan nya si minor, hindi rin nag work. He also lied when he made promises. He may be my family, but I expect if we had a deal, he will honor it.
Like my 16yo, I bought her a macbookpro worth 120k, our deal is she will maintain her high grades, and no boyfriend until shes 18. She honored our deal, she broke up with her bf (2 yrs older than her) and maintains 97% average grade. In case I will find out that her grades fell or she continued her relationship, I will not hesitate to get back the laptop and if she needs to use computer makikihiram lang sya sa laptop ko.
Ifever u get the van, there will be consequences, baka magalit sayo family mo. U have to be prepared for it. On the other hand, if u dont want magalit sila, u have to accept the present situation, and if gamitin nya ang van para isakay ang girl and baby, wala kang magagawa.

[airish_2]

Kaloka! Asan yung parents nung minor? And what if nga bigla na lang siya idemanda? Yung iba yata even the parents nakikipagsabwatan para mahuthutan ang lalake sa ganitong situation.

[Girltalker2]

Are they planning to get married eventually?
Is the girl still studying? Or capable of earning as well?

Didn?t you guys attempt to talk to the girl before she got pregnant?
Seems their relationship had been going on for quite a while. When u say 16yo, dati ba yun？ and now she must be 17yo-18yo na?

[aktib]

pero nasan ang parents ng minor? Involved ba sila sa relationship nila ng tatay mo? Do they know that the baby daddy is your father?

Meron ba syang financial capability to support his new baby? Or sa inyo rin sya hihingi ng tulong if ever?

Hi Sis, alam ng parents ng minor yung relationship from the start, I guess they're ok with it kasi nakikita nila may bahay at sasakyan ang tatay ko. They respect my father as well. Walang stable na trabaho tatay namen, kami ang nag susuport ng everyday needs, medicine, insurance etc.
We didn't have the intention na pag hiwalayin sila, we are okay na sa kanila na yung bahay namen at di na kami makiki-alam, they can have they're own family at hindi na kami makikihati sa tatay namen since malalaki na kami.

[aktib]

However, you did say that you had asked him to care for this van and that in five years you want to have the van. Was that an agreement between you and your dad from the beginning? Or did you give him the van before, then added terms later on? This has to be clear from the beginning. If it wasn't clear, then it's also unfair to receive a gift, then a year later may conditions palang kasama?

This was the agreement before hand, pag kakitaan then tigilan si minor. He knows niloan ko lang yung van and we need to both work hard on it para bayaran. Kung sana nabili ko sya cash at wala akong utang I can whole heartedly give it to them kahit gamitin pa ng family ng bata. My fault is siguro I didn't say it 10 times para maintindihan nia, sinabi ko to siguro 4 times lang sa kanya. When I brought up na kukunin ko yung van, he did concluded na "you already gave this to me, why are you taking it back?"

[aktib]

Are they planning to get married eventually?
Is the girl still studying? Or capable of earning as well?

Didn?t you guys attempt to talk to the girl before she got pregnant?
Seems their relationship had been going on for quite a while. When u say 16yo, dati ba yun？ and now she must be 17yo-18yo na?

My father says he won't marry the girl. Girl is still in highschool and yes she's studying. My father tried to hide this relationship from us, wala kaming kaalam alam at all. The only time na nalaman namen is first time nahuli, then sinabi samen na wala na daw yun, putol na. Then second time is buntis na. I think kaka 18 nia lang last feb.

[aktib]

UPDATE : Me and my partner decided to finish the loaned van, meaning tutulungan nlng ako ng partner ko bayaran yung balance,  kasi 1. Hindi ko maibenta ng assume balance kasi wala akong kakilala na sasalo. 2. Mahirap ibenta ng cash kasi kulang pa pambayad ng balance sa banko. 3. Naghinayang naman ako ipahatak sa bank nasa 600k na yung nahulog ko.

The catch is mapupunta sya sa bahay ng partner ko para mas maalagaan yung van at hindi magiging utility car dun sa bahay namen. Since we are almost settling down we can deemed this as our property together.

Ofcourse my dad is furious about it, I understand. It seems he doesn't want to talk to me anymore. Its just upsetting na he didn't even apologize for what he did, or address kung okay lang ba kami na may iba na syang family. Wala na nga kaming nanay, nawalan pa kami ng tatay.

Also, na nganak na yung girl, ang bilis ng pangyayari, I guess wala talaga syang planong sabihin. He doesn't talk to us.

The baby is so cute though. Kamukang kamuka namen nung baby din kami. I can't help na hindi maging concern sa kapatid namen.

[Girltalker2]

Ofcourse my dad is furious about it, I understand. It seems he doesn't want to talk to me anymore. Its just upsetting na he didn't even apologize for what he did, or address kung okay lang ba kami na may iba na syang family. Wala na nga kaming nanay, nawalan pa kami ng tatay.

Tell him that. Nawalan nanga kayo ng nanay and ngayon sya naman nawala.

And for the van, just tell them (including your siblings) na you sold it na sa family ng partner mo para mabayaran yung loan.
And if possible, let your partner pay for the balance, maintenance and everything na coz you paid half of it narin naman.

I usually do this dati sa side ng ex ko kasi his family mahilig mag take advantage ng car/property from my side. So I would tell them Wife ng bro ko or my aunt bought it na or gonna do something with it para wala na sila say at mahiya naman sila kahit konti.

[gab54]

Since dmo mabenta, I agree na kuhanin mo na yun van. Nakaka bwisit lang na parang oportunista lang si 16yo at family nya, porket may sasakyan at bahay ang tatay mo. Time will tell, if tumagal sila then maybe nagmamahalan naman sila ng tunay, pero if iwanan sya ni 16yo dahil wala na mapala, then alam mo na.

[desolate_cat]

Since sinabi mo na hindi ka na kinakausap ng tatay mo useless na rin magpaliwanag pa sa kanya kasi hindi naman yan makikinig.

Tama yung mga sabi dito na magpaliwanag ka sa mga kapatid mo, pero mas maganda magdala ka rin ng papers as evidence like yung magkano ang hulog ng kotse monthly, magkano ba dapat ang hulog mo at ng tatay mo etc. Present the finances objectively para wala din silang makitang lusot since numbers and money don't lie. Kung galit pa rin sila sa iyo despite this, tell them they can buy your dad a new car at hindi ka na makikialam doon.

[aktib]

Tell him that. Nawalan nanga kayo ng nanay and ngayon sya naman nawala.

Hi sis, yes I'll really told him na nasaktan kami na parang nawala sya. I guess tumatanda na tatay ko and explicitly told na na bakit kami masasaktan. He doesn't understand.

And for the van, just tell them (including your siblings) na you sold it na sa family ng partner mo para mabayaran yung loan.
And if possible, let your partner pay for the balance, maintenance and everything na coz you paid half of it narin naman.

I guess this was my fault, I didn't present my reasons or myself clearly and reasonably. I tell everything to them kasi, every detail what I felt, or my decisions and options. I'm very open to them kahit ano ultimo sahod, promotions increase, health issues, shinishare ko sa kanila. Although they're not taking advantage and I don't think they will ever be, they're just sensitive.

Thanks for your reply sis, appreciate it.

[aktib]

Since dmo mabenta, I agree na kuhanin mo na yun van. Nakaka bwisit lang na parang oportunista lang si 16yo at family nya, porket may sasakyan at bahay ang tatay mo. Time will tell, if tumagal sila then maybe nagmamahalan naman sila ng tunay, pero if iwanan sya ni 16yo dahil wala na mapala, then alam mo na.

Alam mo sis, nakuha na namen yung van, although I'm sad sa nangyari at decision ko, nabunutan ako ng tinik. Nakatulog nko nang maayos. I guess time will come na magiging okay din kami ng tatay ko. He might not be as proud of me anymore, unlike sa mga kapatid ko, I guess I'll just think of our happy memories. And yes, this will just test the minor kung talagang mahal nya tatay ko, which was their reasoning kaya itinuloy nila yung relationship in the first place.

Thank you sis.

[aktib]

Kung galit pa rin sila sa iyo despite this, tell them they can buy your dad a new car at hindi ka na makikialam doon.

Exactly. I really wanted to tell this the next time they will still question or they would passive aggressive to me na kailangan bigyan ng kabuhayan yung father namen. If they want to help, just help, don't drag someone who will give it a miss.

Thank you sis for taking time reading.

[argento]

The baby is so cute though. Kamukang kamuka namen nung baby din kami. I can't help na hindi maging concern sa kapatid namen.

expect more babies.

[Bridgette*]

Nakaka inis yung tatay mo!

Tama lang yung decision mo sa van.

Gusto ko man sabihin na wag ka ma-cute-an dun sa baby eh parang ang sama naman nun kasi in the first place walang kasalanan yung bata : ( Pero dun sa oportunistang nanay at pamilya, meron!

I just find it disgusting, kung kelan tumanda na psh. Kainis yang tatay mo. Di nya kayo inisip, di nya inisip feelings nyo!

[stylus]

My mom passed away 5 yrs ago. And sinabi ko talaga sa dad ko na hindi na sya pwede mag asawa ulit. Magagalit ako at seryoso ako dun. Sinasabi naman nya na hindi na sya mag aasawa kasi happy na sya mag alaga sa baby ko (apo nya).

Kaya sa case mo, naiintindihan ko yung inis at yung sakit na bakit sya may ibang mahal na iba bukod sa nanay natin. Mas nakakabwisit kasi 16 yrs old na baka di pa marunong maglaba at magluto pano nya aalagaan dad mo.. kung ako nasa situation mo, kukunin ko talaga yung van. Ano yun may instant service talaga yung girl? Tapos ikaw nagbabayad? Hehe. Saka parang yung van pa naging way para palagi sila magkita, nabuntis pa tuloy.